Blood On The Mat 07.09.09: The Hundie Awards

Posted by  on 07.09.2009

As we get closer and closer to UFC 100, 411mania’s Adam Tool takes a look back at the history of the Ultimate Fighting Championship and picks out the winners of some very special awards. The Hundies recognize winners of the Most Satisfying Knockout, the Worst Flying Knee Attempt, Best Entrance, Weirdest Pre-Fight Ritual, and more!

Hello again my friends, and welcome to Blood On The Mat. Today is a special edition of this column as we'll be recognizing some unique achievements in the history of the sport. I'm your host Adam Tool and I had a witty monologue all prepared, but unfortunately our ceremony is already running long and it had to be cut.

Speaking of running long, I had intended to address some of the comments and questions from last week's column. However I never anticipated getting so many comments from you guys, and if I were to respond to all of them it would be an entire column in and of itself. Instead I'll simply say a big fat thank you for reading and responding with your (mostly) positive feedback, and since I'm short on time this week anyways I think it would be best if we just move on.



This weekend the UFC will be presenting their 133rd 100th event and there has been no shortage of articles floating around the net, all designed to look back at the history of the company and the fighters that have made their names there. Obviously we here at 411mania have gotten into the spirit as well, but I wanted to try and do something a little different. Today I'll be presenting The Hundie Awards, designed to look back at some achievements that may not get recognized all that often. If you can think of any awards I left out, feel free to share them in the comment box below. Or keep them to yourself. It's your call.

AND THE WINNER IS…

Most Ironic Finish: Gabriel Gonzaga



When Gabriel Gonzaga was scheduled to face Mirko Cro Cop in the main event at UFC 70, plenty of people assumed that the fight would be ended by a head kick knockout. What nobody could've predicted though, was that it would be Cro Cop on the receiving end.

Easiest Victory Ever: Mark Coleman

UFC 11 featured another eight-man tournament, as was the custom back in the early days of the company. Mark Coleman had made a successful MMA debut at the previous show by unveiling the art of ground and pound to win UFC 10. It looked like he would repeat here as he quickly advanced to the tournament's finals, setting up a bout with Scott Ferrozzo (who had come in as an alternate). Ferrozzo, however, was too fatigued from his semi-final win over "Tank" Abbott, and there were no alternates left to replace him. This meant that Coleman won the tournament by forfeit, after having spent only 3:04 to win in his previous two fights.

Outstanding Achievement In Nut Punching: Keith Hackney

Way back in the dark ages, before rules and judges and all that nonsense, you could get away with pretty much anything to try and win your fight. Witness the tremendous punishment inflicted upon Joe Son's bathing suit area in his quarterfinal fight with Keith Hackney.



Worst Impersonation Of A Professional Fighter: Kalib Starnes



UFC 83 was a massive success for many reasons, but there is a black cloud hanging over the event. Personally I'm still shocked and appalled that UFC officials would allow Starnes to compete at the event, as the man clearly was not a professional fighter. Sure, he may have had the gloves and trunks and everything, but I'd think that if he was a professional fighter he would know how to…y'know…fight.

Wackiest Celebrity (Near) Sighting: Michael Jackson



While plenty of celebrities have attended UFC events, there was one that flew under the radar. Mostly because nobody knew he was there. The late Michael Jackson was in attendance for UFC 84, although he was never shown during the broadcast. This was likely due to the fact that he was dressed like a Muslim woman, as the King of Pop was known for rarely showing his face in public during his later years (most likely because it was falling apart).

Screwing Up The Easiest Part Of Your Job Award: Dan Miragliotta

In the annuls of bad referees, Dan Miragliotta has a special place right alongside Steve Mazzagatti. While both referees have made plenty of questionable calls in the past, there's one part of the job that's pretty tough to mess up. When a fight goes to a decision the referee simply needs to raise the arm of the fighter that is announced as the winner. At UFC 85 when Paul Taylor faced Jess Liaudin, even this simple task was too much for Miragliotta.




Outstanding Achievement In Amateur Surgery: Vitor Belfort

In the history of the UFC, there have been lots of nasty injuries. Bones have broken, skin has been cut, and blood has been shed. One man is responsible for two of the nastiest injuries in the history of the company, and that's "The Phenom" Vitor Belfort.

Belfort faced off with Marvin Eastman at UFC 43. Early on Belfort grabbed his opponent in the Thai clinch and delivered a brutal knee to the head. The result? UFC fans got to see exactly what was underneath Eastman's big bald head.



However, one sickening wound apparently wasn't enough for Belfort. At UFC 46 Belfort faced off with the UFC Light Heavyweight Champion Randy Couture. The fight didn't even last one minute, as a punch from Belfort sliced Couture's eyelid open. I wasn't able to find a picture of the injury, and you can all thank me for that.

Worst Flying Knee Attempt: Brock Lesnar



Obviously Brock's still gunshy of leaving the ground after he nearly broke his neck at Wrestlemania XIX.

Best Impersonation Of A Dead Body: Steve Nelmark

In December of 1996, the UFC held their second "Ultimate Ultimate" event. The show featured a tournament comprised of previous winners and runners-up. Nelmark won an alternate bout, and took the place of Ken Shamrock in the quarter-finals. His opponent was Tank Abbott, and this was the result:



Not surprisingly, Nelmark never fought again. I suspect that it was a decision made sometime during his ambulance ride.

Most Flagrant Rule Violation: Wes Sims

When Frank Mir stepped into the cage at UFC 43, I'm sure he never expected to win the fight by receiving one of the most brutal assaults ever seen in the octagon. That's exactly what happened though, as Sims apparently decided that playing by the rules was not the way he wanted to do things. Not only did Sims unleash a barrage of stomps to the face, he went so far as to grab the cage for better leverage. That's not exactly the sort of thing you can claim as an accident.



Mir would get the last laugh though, as he knocked Sims out in their rematch at UFC 46. At this very moment Mir is preparing to main event the biggest UFC show of all time, while Sims is merely hoping to get another chance in the octagon as a contestant on the next season of "The Ultimate Fighter."

Weirdest Pre-Fight Ritual: The Nipple Tweak (Georges St. Pierre, Keith Jardine, Rashad Evans)



Greg Jackson is one of the finest trainers working in the sport today. He coaches some of the greatest fighters in the world. Fighters who like to tweak their nipples right before a fight. Thankfully this bizarre tradition has not spread to fighters outside of Jackson's camp, so here's hoping the art of the nipple tweak goes back to where it rightfully belongs: porno.

Greatest Pre-Fight Ritual: The Buffer 180



Born out of an accident, Bruce Buffer's now infamous move is easily one of the highlights of any main event introduction. Word on the street is that the longtime UFC announcer may just bust out a Buffer 360 this Saturday.



Best Pimp Slap: Shonie Carter



Matt Serra didn't have Shonie's money. You see what had to happen.

Best Entrance: Akihiro Gono

During the heyday of PRIDE, Gono developed an alternate personality that become a huge hit with fans all over the world. When Gono came to the UFC, he brought DJ Gozma along with him. Unfortunately the sheer awesomeness was too much for UFC PPVs and Gono was related to the pre-lims during his entire run in the octagon.



Most Satisfying Knockout: Rob Emerson



I'm pretty much a pacifist, and I don't always take pleasure in seeing guys get hurt. UFC 87 was a different story though, as Rob Emerson became a hero to UFC fans everywhere when he quickly put away semi-professional douchebag Manny Gamburyan.

I know, the column's a bit short this week. What can I say? I'm burnt out after contributing to 411mania's five-part special leading up to UFC 100, as well as this week's Fact or Fiction and the UFC 100 Roundtable (which should be up in the next day or two). Enjoy the fights this weekend, and I'll see you back here in seven.

Feedback is welcome at the e-mail address below, or feel free to use the comment box provided. If you can't wait until next week for me of me, you can always follow me on Twitter.