411's MMA SOUP: 06.14.10: Apex of Awesome

Posted by Todd Bergman on 06.14.2010

In the SOUP this week, it’s a logical 5 Best UFC fighters of all time, Chandella Powell battles Natasha Wicks in Tap That, Yves Lavigne is the Douche of the week along with Strikeforce, Chael Sonnen, Jon Fitch, Tito and Gary Shaw being mentioned along the way. Click inside for more details.

In a world of ‘roided-out douche bags who wear tin foil t-shirts and have awful tattoos, I, Todd Bergman, have stepped forward to point out the comedy and un-funny moments of the week. The name of the column is horribly unoriginal and the attempts at humor will be ill-advised and often not funny. So don't take too much serious here and just sit back and enjoy the week that was MMA here on 411mania.com.

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Monday

-Monday stated out with a little hype for the upcoming Strikeforce show. No mention of Werdum or the dude that is fighting Cyborg Santos either. People have bitched about this but they aren't mentioned because they don't stand a chance. Also, if for some reason an upset does happen, then it's huge for the promotion. Strikeforce still doesn't understand that the casual MMA fan doesn't watch MMA events on Showtime. I'm thinking that once again the marketing department of Strikeforce needs to be fired and they should hire Lambert & myself. While Lambert & myself have faces for the internet, we know what the hell we are doing and understand the demographic. Before I go, suck it Scott Coker.



-Gary Shaw oozed out of the sewer that he lives in and had something to say about Kimbo Slice.

"I think the UFC made a huge mistake. Once again Dana's ego has gotten in the way. I think Kimbo Slice could be a draw wherever he goes around the world. I think they matched him up wrong. I would have put him in against just stand-up fighters. I would have built to a pay-per-view with James Toney. My way of doing business is obviously different than Dana's and the UFC. I don't knock them -- they got a great product and make a ton of money so God bless them, but I sure wouldn't have promoted Kimbo Slice like they did and I hope Kimbo comes around and gets in a boxing ring with me."

I'm fondly remembered of the time that I was on Fox Sports Radio here in Indianapolis and was asked about Gary Shaw. In a fit of rage, I said something about him looking like The Penguin from Batman and that he was a fat piece of shit. I was easily censored and given a stern talking too. It made for great radio but I couldn't hold back when it comes to this guy. Listen Gary, you're a worthless businessman and I use that term loosely to say the least. If Dana White listened to your business advice, he would be out of business. Shut your hole you fat piece of crap and ooze yourself back into the septic tank that you call a home. Also, take your douche bag son and his stupid nickname with you.

-The 12th (man this crap is still airing) season of The Ultimate Fighter began taping on Monday. If you have been living in a hole or something, GSP & Josh Koscheck are the coaches. We posted some comments from the media event and MMAJunkie got angry about it or at least angry about sites posting the comments that both guys said. Do people even go to that site anymore?

-The UFC announced that it will counter program the upcoming Strikeforce card on June 26th with the replay of UFC 113 that took place nearly a month ago. Weeks ago, I was asked why I don't order UFC PPV's anymore. Well, I don't like to spend a lot of money on the shows only to have them turn up for free weeks later. I understand if everyone is ok with this decision but this is why I don't buy them anymore. I'm sure that someone will bitch about this and will ultimately try to tell me that I'm wrong for thinking about this but it's my opinion. I wouldn't run my company this way but I'm a fat dude from Indy and not making any money writing this article. I'm not a great businessman.



Monday 411 Links

Lambert didn't know that Brock Lesnar didn't have surgery. HOW DARE HE NOT KNOW THAT! The fickle MMA crowd strikes again.

MMA SOUP pissed on Sherdog last week. I did what I always do and that's take no prisoners and only get comments because I have hot chicks in the column. I know my demographic, so don't judge me monkey.

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Tuesday

-Jon Fitch returned to Fort Wayne, Indiana and posted a nice little video about it. Fitch also claimed that he and Thiago Alves will have a "war for the ages."



I'm not sure about the war of the ages that Fitch is talking about given his general idea of just playing it safe and boring the hell out of everyone. However, a war of ages in my book would be seeing Katy Perry battling Anna Kendrick in a topless oil wrestling match. Fitch is delusional and needs to be knocked out in this upcoming fight. Also, I might add that no one in Indy gives a crap about Fitch.

-Hyping his upcoming UFC 115 battle with Mirko Cro Cop, Pat Barry stated that he had a Cro Cop poster on his wall growing up. Personally, I had Scottie Pippen and he's way cooler then Cro Cop. I also had the walls filled with WWF Divas as well. You know the regulars: Sunny, Marlena, Sable, Lita, Trish Stratus. My wife recently made me take down the Lindsay Lohan poster because she's a crack-head.


INDEED!!

-The Moosin: God of Martial Arts salaries were released and shockingly Mariusz Pudzianowski made the most which was around $110,000. His opponent Tim Sylvia only made around $50,000. First and foremost, how in the hell did this promotion come up with this amount of money and secondly, and bare with me here, Butterbean is a fat dude. Here's some fat dude on fat dude crime for those of you that like that kind of stuff, well at least the entrances of the fat guys.





Tuesday 411 Links

411 Pound 4 Pound rankings went live and it was a great effort from everyone involved. GSP topped the list even though Anderson Silva is clearly the best fighter on the planet. GSP has two defeats in the UFC and Silva does not. GSP does the same thing that Silva does but GSP is just better at making it look like he's trying harder.

"Lord" Csonka did his best to redeem himself after the utter ass kicking that I laid on him weeks ago in Fact or Fiction. I'm actually proud of Csonka for calling out Pardon The Interruption. It's not often that MMA writers will call out the mass media, given that most MMA writers are mindless ass kissers who are more worried about public perception rather then actually doing their jobs. I tip my beer to you "Lord' Csonka, may your tapping hand remain strong.

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Wednesday

-Josh Koscheck went pretty heavy on the GSP steroid talking, including calling for Olympic style drug testing for their upcoming fight. Kos and company supposedly claimed that BJ Penn let them in on the GSP steroid secret. Penn on the other hand said that he didn't tell Kos anything. Here's the video of Penn because after all BJ can talk for himself.

Find more videos like this on BJPENN.COM

-The finale of this season's The Ultimate Fighter was set with Court McGee taking on Kris McCray. In other words, who gives a crap. This has been by far one of the worst seasons of TUF ever. I truly don't think that anyone from this show will do much of anything in the UFC and really goes to show you that the season and concept is basically tapped out.

-Scott Coker stated that the winner of the upcoming Robbie Lawler/Babalu Sobral Catch-weight fight will be in line for a title shot in the future. I'm curious as to when Strikeforce added a 195lbs division? Dana White commented on the situation by saying the following: "It's obvious that the talent pool in Strikeforce is pretty thin when a catch-weight fight can produce the next title contender." White must've forgotten that he tried to give Vitor Belfort a title shot after beating Rich Franklin in a catch-weight fight. When asked for a comment on that statement by myself, White had the following to say: "All of your bases belong to us." Well played Mr. White.

-JDS vs. Roy Nelson was made official for UFC 117 in Oakland. In my humble opinion, JDS is going into this much like the San Diego Chargers because he's going to kill anything in front of him in Oakland. I'm also positive that Al Davis will sign Nelson to play QB for the Raiders given Nelson's physical frame and how it resembles that of former Raiders QB Jamarcus Russell.

-David Loiseau had the following to say about his most recent troubles getting licensed to compete in the UFC again.

"You know they say 'A God makes no mistakes,' so I just rolled with it and accepted what happened. At first, I was a little upset but you have to accept it and move forward. I'm very motivated, very grateful the UFC took me back and I'm looking forward to putting on a great performance. I will be much more effective. What you think about, you bring about. I'm focusing on the good times ahead and the great times coming up."


"The Crow" can talk all about God's and whatever he wants just as long as he worked on his cardio and takedown defense for his upcoming fight. If not, it's back to the minors for David.


Wednesday 411 Links

Fact or Fiction featured Larry Csonka versus Samer Kadi this week. Both guys failed when it came to calling Jens Pulver a future UFC HOF'er. He isn't and shouldn't be thought of that way. He was a good fighter and a title holder but just being a title holder doesn't mean that he should be inducted. Dave Menne is a former UFC Champ but that doesn't mean that he's Hall of Fame worthy.

King Solomon mentioned the words Iceman and cometh in the same sentence. I giggle when I hear or read the word cometh. I'm still a big kid at heart.

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Thursday

-Team Lesnar apparently still isn't a fan of Steve "The Mustache" as the camp protested his selection for referring Brock's upcoming title fight with Shane Carwin at UFC 116. I'm really against fighters hand selecting their possible refs in fights. It's not their job to worry about who's calling or judging the fight. However, given Brock's background in pro wrestling, he's probably just saying himself from hearing Dana White say the following in a post fight press conference: "Brock screwed Brock."


Csonka's New Baby

-Jaime Yager was announced for the undercard of the TUF Finale event on 19th. "The Suntanned Sideshow Bob" was the whiny douche, who wasn't near as tough as he thought on this season of TUF. Once again, I highly doubt that anyone from this season does a whole lot in the UFC, so don't let the door hit you on the way out.


-Dan Lauzon was fired from the UFC after going 0-2 in his second stint in the UFC. There simply is no space in the UFC for a guy who doesn't want to take his profession seriously. Sadly, Mike Goldberg still has a job in the UFC.

-Rampage Jackson said something about not wanting dudes to take pictures with him and hating weird A-Team fans. I say to Rampage that it beats the hell out of Los Angeles Police Officers chasing you down in your monster truck.

-Tito Ortiz stated the following about facing Chuck Liddell and returning to the Octagon.

"I think we should still fight, just because of the s--- he's been saying. Saying that I'm afraid of him and I'm a p----, this and that. Go f--- yourself man. Are you kidding me? Has he ever defended his world title longer than me? No. Has any light-heavyweight ever defended the world title longer than me? No. I'm only 35 years old. I'll be back in the cage again, and I'll be dominating."


Apparently the scratch and sniff vagina that Jenna Jameson possess has made Tito Ortiz bat-shit crazy. At least when Chuck was champion, he actually faced someone with a name instead of the local janitor. I'm actually a huge Tito Ortiz mark but he's lost his mind lately.



Thursday 411 Links

"The Professor" Samer Kadi related MMA to soccer. Yes, guys who get punched in the face to guys who flop around and act injured all the time. I'm looking at you Josh Koscheck.

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Friday

-The legend of Chael Sonnen continued to grow as this time he took his act on the road to the UFC 115 Q&A session. Here's the video if you haven't already seen it. Remember Sonnen & Toney in 2012.



-"King" Mo sent word out that James Toney tapped him during a sparring session. Apparently the submission was a standing guillotine and I'm completely shocked to say the least. This says a lot about the lack of ability that Mousasi showed in that fight with Mo and also shows you that Toney is taking these things seriously. Ok, all sarcastic bullshit aside, I don't buy a single thing said in that statement. This statement did what it was suppose to and that's getting people talking. Toney also hasn't actually signed on to fight Couture at UFC 118. Wouldn't tapping out King Mo mean that Toney is ready for the big time?

-Ken Shamrock also stated that he took steroids throughout his MMA career. SHOCKED, okay I'm seriously kidding here. I'm certain that nearly 98% of pro wrestlers use steroids and I'm really not sure why given that it's fake fighting and such. Anyway, Shamrock has found a way to get back in the news and maybe get people to buy into his sob story. Kudos to HDNet for stating the obvious here. Next up, Josh Barnett will admit to steroid use.

-Pat Curran won a controversial decision over Toby Imada in the Season 2 Lightweight tournament. Pat Curran, you're the next contestant on the: Eddie Alvarez beats your ass sweep steaks. May God have mercy on your soul.

Friday 411 Links

411‘s "Living Legend" Dustin James spawned another Top 10 list. This time the list revolved around Chuck Liddell fights. I've never been a huge Liddell fan so I didn't care to criticize this list.

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The Weekend

-Following another disappointing loss at UFC 115, David Loiseau will be cut from the UFC for the 4th time. Yes, you read that right, the 4th time folks. I've always been a huge fan of Loiseau including doing an interview with him before the Ed Herman fight and I think that David needs a change of pace when it comes to training. His body type is most certainly not the same as it use to be and I'm just not sure of his hunger for MMA anymore. Personally, the best thing that David can do is distance himself from GSP and his training team. David needs his own identity and once that happens, maybe improvement can happen.

-Dana White guaranteed that Chuck Liddell's UFC fighting career is all but over. Can't say that I disagree with White in saying this. It's just very ironic that Liddell's chin went before anything else. It's also amazing that while injury prone, Tito Ortiz has essentially outlasted his rival Liddell. That last statement becomes more credible when Ortiz returns from injury.



-For those of you like myself that didn't order the event and didn't want to stream the event illegally, here's the Liddell KO. Not the strongest of punches but it got the job done.

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Douche of the week

Here's to you Yves Lavigne on your awful stoppage of the Mac Danzig/Matt Wiman fight. I understand the situation and what you were trying to do but you did nothing to make sure of the call before making the ultimate stop. I'm not going to be as hard on Lavigne as others have been because I can understand the awful situation that Danzig was in and how he could see these things. However, these refs are supposedly the best of the best and these things shouldn't happen without justification. Maybe the commission should look into getting more people trained to call these events so that new blood can be introduced and these mistakes can be taken care of. Until then, do your stupid salute Yves and look at the positive here. At least you didn't trip this time.

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Tap That

LaTasha Marzolla put the beat down on Kim Couture last week. This week, it's the second to last qualifying showdown. It's current UFC Octagon Girl Chandella Powell vs. former UFC Octagon Girl Natasha Wicks.

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Last week, my Logical 5 fighters that need to be in the UFC was liked by some and hated by others. That's just the way that things go, I suppose. Here's my Logical 5 best UFC fighters of all time. Again, there really isn't an order here as much as just including the guys on the list. Obviously someone like Dustin James can compile a better list but here's just a look at who I thought should be on this list.

Matt Hughes
Tito Ortiz
Chuck Liddell
Royce Gracie
Randy Couture

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Thanks for checking out the article everyone. In an attempt to gain more readers, I'm allowing all of you to ask me random questions or legit questions about MMA that you may have. Post those below if you would like to. I'm still waiting for the challenge on Xbox Live, so incase you forgot the handle is tberg420. Remember to support your local MMA and keep your tapping hand strong.