The MMA 5 & 1 02.08.12: The Scared Homie Edition
Posted by Stewart Lange on 02.08.2012
Brittney Skye is your "& 1" Model of the Week, Jon Jones takes on Forrest Griffin in Vs, plus thoughts on the results on UFC 143, Chael Sonnen taking on Anderson Silva, Tito Ortiz taking on one last fight and more!
It's another week, so it's time again for your installment of the MMA 5 & 1! It's been a fun week, but also a massively busy one for me. The only real downtime I had was Sunday but that was spent a)playing with my new iPad and b)resting up so I could stay up late on Sunday night to watch some heavily armored men chasing an egg. In all seriousness, the Super Bowl was a good one this year and while part of me was rooting for the Patriots, I have no real allegiances in the NFL so I'm just really tagging along for the occasion, It was really nice to see that the players could bring their family members along to participate too, as one of the players Grandmother was allowed to sing at half time! Well. Just lovely.
I also want to with Larry and Christi Csonka many congratulations with their new baby. I'm terrible with children and even worse at congratulating new parents, but all the best from Scotland, guys!
I return fire on last week's comments!
Great work. That picture of Brock with the gun is outstanding.
Posted By: Jeffrey (Registered) on February 01, 2012 at 11:21 PM
Thanks Jeff, always like the kind words. You should get a twitter account and I might even return them. The Brock picture in question is CLASS, without a doubt. Hence why he replaces Evan Rachel Wood until further notice.
"Isn't it amazing that two fighters who are scheduled to weigh in at the same size have similar attributes? I know, I know, some fighters, such as Jon Jones or Stefan Struve hold crazy advantages in the height or reach departments, but let's be honest, it's not a total anomaly that two 170lb guys are going to be "virtually identical" in their stats. So then, why does Mike Goldberg insist on using this term so much? Because he's an idiot and enjoys annoying people? Perhaps. "
No, there's no "perhaps", it's a fact. An idiot and Goldberg are virtually identical.
And no, I also never understood how it is possible that (especially in the lower weight classes) in a sport with fixed weight classes you can have two guys who are 28-32 years old, weigh 170-171, have 70-72" reach and are about 5'9"-5'10". OMG that's so uncanny!
Posted By: Reality (Guest) on February 01, 2012 at 01:49 AM
Yeah, that's pretty much what pisses me off about it.
"Virtually identical" is one of Goldberg's trademarks. If he didn't say it all the time, how else would you know you're listening to him and not some other commentator, like Jon Anik (aside from the fact that Goldberg doesn't sound like a 13 year-old girl)?
Posted By: Alan (Guest) on February 01, 2012 at 10:05 AM
I would know because a) like you said yourself their voices are different b) because Anik only worked one show so far and c) Goldberg works PPVs
And the "virtually identical" is not his trademark, it's just him having little imagination (and it's hardly your trademark if it makes people laugh at you). Big John's "let's get it on" is a trademark, if anything, Goldie could maybe claim the "and it's all over," but that's it.
Posted By: dang (Guest) on February 02, 2012 at 03:06 PM
I think it's unofficially one of his trademarks. You know, the sort of trademark that is reserved for an idiot.
GSP whooped Chuck Liddell last week in one of the biggest votes I've ever had, so thanks to everyone that took the 10 seconds to click and vote! Do it again this time as Forrest Griffin takes on Jon Jones!
The MMA Dick-tionary
Dick-tionary (adj)- An irrelevant look at MMA terms that annoy our hero for no real reason.
This week:
"Game Plan"
Yeah, so aside from being a really, really "awesome" Dwayne Johnson movie, a Game Plan is also the main thing that fighters should take into the cage with them, aside from a gum shield. It also seems to have become the go-to buzzword for fighters explaining diplomatically how they performed in a fight.
"So, Carlos. How do you think you beat Diaz?"
"I implemented a better game plan"
"So, Jason Miller. What happened against Bisping?"
"On the night, he had the stronger game plan.
"Cain, what can you say about how you performed against JDS?"
"My game plan was not to be punched so hard in the face."
*Not all actual quotes whatsoever.
Anyway, I much prefer fighters to be honest. Only Greg Jackson fighters should implement a game plan and since they're all boring and nobody cares about any of them (sic), we should the "game plans" in the NFL play-books.
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Decisions, Decisions
One was scared....
UFC 143 is in the books, with a decision heavy main card, which was started off with the only submission finish of the pay-per-view portion as Ed Herman shook off a bit of a first-round battering to defeat Clifford Starks. I'm not going to lie, Starks looked like a monster in the first round, damn, the guy looked a weight class bigger than "Short Fuse," but Herman is tough and always looking to finish and that served him well in the second round when he was able to choke out Starks. Renan Barao and Scott Jorgenson fought to a decision, as did Josh Koscheck and Mike Pierce.
The Kos/Pierce fight was the real controversy of the evening in my book, as Mike Pierce clearly won the fight, taking all three rounds in my eyes. Koscheck seemed to be fairly sure he'd done enough after the fight, even going so far as to still claiming he rightfully won. Ah, the joys of delusion. Fabricio Werdum enjoyed the most entertaining win of his career as he went "Pride" on Roy Nelson's fat ass. I continue to not be amused by "Big Country," as I don't find his shtick entertaining; nor see him as much of a fighter- he's just a big guy with a good chin. If he doesn't use his "fantastic BJJ" now and again, he's a moron, because it could win him fights, since standing and trading punches doesn't work too well for him.
The main event ended in controversy too, but for me it was easily the correct decision. The only big shock for me at the end was that the judges scored the fight the way they did, as they could easily have given this one to either man. Long story short, I'm glad Condit won the fight and if Diaz sticks to his word and does bitch out, then good riddance to bad rubbish. With any luck Nate will be demolished in his next bout too and they can both go back to smoking pot in Stockton.
Finish Of The Week
Hardly a fantastic finish, but hey- seeing Kimbo get KTFO is always fun.
Relying on Jones
His night was RUINED
Jon Jones has been confirmed to be facing Rashad Evans in Atlanta at UFC 145, which is scheduled for late April. While this fight has been happening for a long, long time it seems- to the point where I stated just last week I don't really care about it whatsoever, it simply HAS to happen this time. Why so much importance, I hear you ask? Well, take a look at the rest of the card:
Michael McDonald vs. Miguel Torres
Maximo Blanco vs. Marcus Brimage
Mark Hominick vs. Eddie Yagin
Rory MacDonald vs. Che Mills
Ben Rothwell vs. Brendan Schaub
Mark Bocek vs. Matt Wiman
Travis Browne vs. Chad Griggs
John Makdessi vs. Anthony Njokuani
Mac Danzig vs. Efrain Escudero
Chris Clements vs. Keith Wisniewski
Yes, I have to say that if this fight doesn't go down on April 21st, this could officially become the worst looking UFC card ever as far as big names go. What exactly would headline this event if not Jones/Evans? Hell, what is going to co-main event this card NOW? Griggs Vs Browne? Now, don't get me wrong, I like a few of the fighters on this card, but I think if this was on free TV a lot of people would probably just set the DVR and wait to hear if it's worth a watch. Colour me Uninspired.
Tito Ortiz has come out and all but hinted at his retirement, with him looking to hang up his mitts, step away from the cage and enjoy his family. All well and good, but he has also stated that he wants to get the deciding fight in the Forrest Griffin trilogy out of the way first. Now, I actually like this match up for both guys, as Forrest is in a difficult place now as he has losses against a lot of the upper tier of 205lb fighters and a win against Ortiz will not only give him a much needed victory, he also seems like the only man other than Chuck Liddell who should rightfully be the last fight in Ortiz's MMA career.
The only big problem here is that I'm sure Dana White has other plans for both men. Griffin has just had a child with his wife and has taken some time off to be a dad, while he also seems pretty low on Ortiz fighting again, having used him as an example as to when fighters are "done."
Will we see these two square off one last time? I certainly hope Joe Silva books the fight. I can't fathom anyone not wanting to see Tito Ortiz off on pay-per-view, win or lose. I virtually guarantee that he's had a part to play in pretty much all of us getting into MMA to the level we have, so I for one will be sad to see the end of one of the remaining legends of the Octagon.
Douche Of The Week
Cheerio.....
Nick Diaz wins this week's douche award, because JUST as I was growing to quite like and respect him, he became a whiny bitch and spat the dummy out of the pram. That's all I'm saying. Cheerio, Diaz.
Brandon Vera: UFC Employee
Sitting down on the job
Once touted as the future "king of all MMA" by, well, somebody in the UFC marketing department, Brandon "The Truth" Vera has been on a well publicized slide for a few years now, only now keeping his job by default having had his firing relinquished. Well, he now gets to remain a Zuffa employee for a little while longer as he is no longer facing Thiago Silva in May, where he likely would have faced an embarrassing loss.
So, to summarize, Brandon Vera is a UFC fighter by default, can't convincingly win fights and benefits from excellent healthcare. That's super. At least he doesn't go home to a nice looking woman every day........
Oh wait, he does. Not a bad way to collect a wage.
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It is ON!
He isn't scared, homie.....
Despite what you may read on Twitter, Chael Sonnen has now been scheduled to take on Anderson Silva in Brazil. Sonnen has been spouting on the social network that despite his number one contendership and the fact that the fight has been signed, he will in fact NOT end up facing Anderson at all. I have to admit, Chael is becoming a bit much for me and he narrowly avoided being Douche of the Week because of all this. Thankfully, the guy can cut a pretty good promo. Here was his last:
At least, it was something along those lines. It definitely was less relevant to MMA.
Now, she isn't an MMA fighter, or even really an MMA personality- but she is supported by Tapout clothing and is a HUGE MMA fan, not to mention friend of the 5 & 1- this week, I give to you......
Brittney Skye!
The 5 & 1 End Zone!
That's it for another week here in the 5 & 1, so I hope you enjoyed the column! Please, leave a comment below and be sure to check some of the other amazing work here on the 411.
There we have it for another week in the 5 & 1. Later this week you may see me again with an MMA Top Ten, but there is a great new writer taking over that mantle soon. It'll be one of us, that's for sure. I'd also like to thank Kyra Cross and Larry Csonka for saving this weeks 5 & 1 from disaster. They know what they've done. Appreciated guys! Anyway, in the meantime have a great week, vote on the Versus match up and leave any feedback you have in the comments below! Peace!
Think I need a new image here? Email me suggestions, or if you have a closing banner yourself! I'll publish and credit the best ones!
Dead wrong on "game plan", my friend. That's how Randy Couture won a lot of fights he shouldn't have - by coming in with a smart strategy and making the proper adjustments throughout the fight to continue using that strategy.
Your & 1 Model this week looks frighteningly disease-ridden.
Don't lose the closing picture.
Posted By: Wyatt Beougher 2 (Registered) on February 08, 2012 at 12:18 AM
Awesome, the model this week is an adult actress/director who stalked Jim Furyk at the US Open! I can't decide if the thumbs are up or down but it's just kind of awesome all around.
On game planning, I think it's something that separates GSP from the Melvin Guillards of the UFC. Don't get me wrong, I love watching Guillard fight and think he has a ton of ridiculous talent. But a lot of his fights look very similar (in his approach). If things don't go his normal way, he has no backup plan as to how to change his game to correct for it. GSP didn't jab the heck out of Koscheck's face by accident, and you probably won't see him try that against a better striker like Nick Diaz - because the man has a plan and excels at the art of human chess.
Posted By: PK (Guest) on February 08, 2012 at 05:56 AM
Obviously, this was written before the Diaz/Condit rematch was announced.
Also, Wyatt, I don't disagree with having a game plan, I just dislike the fact it's become a buzzword.
Posted By: Stewart Lange (Registered) on February 08, 2012 at 06:14 AM
I agree completely, Diaz can go off in a forest somewhere and fuck a stump.
Posted By: Todd Vote (Guest) on February 08, 2012 at 10:41 AM
Stewart...Not sure what fight you were watching Diaz was robbed. Condit spent 25 minutes running and avoiding any exchanges. Once on the ground he looked like scared little boy! Only thing Diaz did wrong in that fight was not going harder, earlier to get the fight on the ground! As for Your & 1 Model this week, I feel like I need to hit the clinic just by looking at the lil skank!? Please do use a favor, do your best Diaz impression and retire! You're pumping out garbage bro.!
Posted By: ROBOHO2010 (Guest) on February 08, 2012 at 12:03 PM
Douche of the Week should be shared between Diaz and all his supporters who keep spouting that Condit didn't win because he was running away the whole time. The MMA community can be unbelievable sometimes.
Posted By: Alan (Guest) on February 08, 2012 at 12:52 PM
Great work this week Stewart. And you were an honorable opponent in FoF.
Posted By: Jeffrey (Registered) on February 08, 2012 at 01:29 PM
Dunno who that skunk is, but she looks like a $5 something that would give you cockrot unless you're already well preserved by long years of administering alcohol internally.
@Robohomo, you're either delusional or smoked more than your hero. Do the 150+ strikes Condit landed on Nicky mean he was "avoiding exchanges"? Or Nicky becoming the guy who received the record number of leg kicks in the UFC? Or being unable to take Condit down before the last minute, then unable to get any sub and being reversed and saved by the bell from being GnPed? Check your transistors, there seems to be some malfunctioning there.
Posted By: Tony S. (Guest) on February 08, 2012 at 05:11 PM
Kind Sir,
Please, please find a reason to return Evan Rachel wood to your column immediately! The junk punch was the highlight of my Wednesday morning reading. And as coll as the Brock pic is, I have to believe in this wonderful world, that there is room for both. Please good sir, do the right thing!
Posted By: Shawn (Guest) on February 08, 2012 at 05:12 PM
According to the recent rumors it appears that Nicky the Genius has also been busted for weed after the drug testing. Great going, Nick!
Posted By: what a dumbass (Guest) on February 09, 2012 at 03:12 PM
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