The MMA 5 & 1 07.04.12: The Return of the Junk Punch Edition
Posted by Stewart Lange on 07.04.2012
Patrycja Mikula is your &1 Model of the Week, Tito Ortiz takes on Matt Hughes in Versus, a discussion about what happens to fighters who miss weight, the Junk Punch makes its triumphant return and more!
Hey gang and welcome to the first full, complete, uncensored and unedited MMA 5 & 1 in a month. That's right folks, since Sir Larry of Csonka is away, I've decided to play and bring you the most irrelevant, news lacking, downright ridiculous edition of the 5 & 1 you're ever likely to read.
Is that okay with everyone? Good. Because, below, we have an awful lot for you to enjoy. We have not only some awesome new artwork thanks to Remo at TEK Designs, the long awaited return of The Junk Punch and a downright awesome & 1 Model that you can thank me for in the comments section.
Anyway, due to a cock up with our Blog Talk Radio account, there was no edition of the new look 411 UK Submission Radio Show this week. We will, however, be recording come hell or high water on Friday so check back on 411 then for the link. Perhaps we'll get to the bottom of why Jon Butterfield tried to Skype me at 1am on Sunday morning this past week.......
So, with nothing left to plug, except for the fact you HAVE TO VOTE FOR ME ON THIS WEEKS FACT OR FICTION, I can only really say one thing.
BANNER!
I return fire on last week's comments!
A couple of comments from the regulars last week, so let's hit them up.
After Hioki lost and after Zombie's performance against Dustin Poirier, you should have him fight Aldo. That is an easy sell for the UFC and could make some money for the featherweight division.
Posted By: Jeffrey (Registered) on June 27, 2012 at 10:17 AM
My thoughts exactly. But I'll get to this in a moment.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! Your column is far and away the greatest column ever to grace the hallowed pages of 411!
A few thoughts. I think that Gracie would make easy work of Rampage. While I respect the opinions of your other readers, and their votes. They are WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! Royce Gracie dominated and choked out better strikers, and more powerful wrestlers than Rampage. Ken Shamrock, Kimo, and Dan Severn come to mind without the benefit of research.
I didn't shell out the $45 for UFC 147, and from the sound of all of the reviews it was a wise choice. I have no intention of paying for 149 either. As fans, we have to be strong and force the UFC to give us more reasons to spend our hard earned money.
UFC 148 on the other hand looks like the best show of the year so far. I really hope that a motivated Spider follows through on his threats to destroy the mouth known as Sonnen. I give Rothwell a little credit for trying to talk his way into a title match, because he has not shown anything to make me believe he will be able to fight his way into one.
Thanks again for a great column, and I lokk forward to the return of The Junk Punch in the near future!
Posted By: Shawn (Guest) on June 27, 2012 at 12:03 PM
Dude, where the hell is the junk punch?
Posted By: Toddo (Guest) on June 27, 2012 at 10:38 AM
Gentlemen, you'll be please to see that the junk punch returns below. Including Evan Rachel Wood.
Yeah, we all missed Evan. Welcome back.
So, last week Rampage got past Royce Gracie to set up another chance to beat Dan Henderson. We'll see that fight in a few weeks, but in the mean time, let's set up another Superfight.
This week, to mark his impending retirement, Tito Ortiz takes on his soon-to-be fellow Hall of Famer, Matt Hughes. Now, forgetting the weight difference, which of these guys would come out on top?
The Junk Punch Rant Zone!
The MMA Dick-Tionary
Dick-tionary (adj)- An irrelevant look at MMA terms that annoy our hero for no real reason.
This week:
"Hall of Fame"
This weekend, we'll see Tito Ortiz rightfully inducted into the UFC Hall of Fame. Last weekend, we saw two "future" Hall of Fame fighters go five rounds. This past Monday, Dana hinted at Pat Miletich being inducted into the Hall of Fame.
But not Frank Shamrock.
Do you see the pattern here? If you have a good, standing relationship with Dana White, chances are you'll be inducted into the UFC Hall of Fame. There are set to be too many glaring omissions from a HOF that belongs to a sport that is probably too young to have one in the first place.
Do you have a nominee for the MMA Dick-Tionary? Be sure to share it in the comments!
Douche Of The Week
Tyron Woodley!
So, Tyron Woodley has all but killed any anticipation of his upcoming bout against Nate Marquardt, by all but admitting his "smother-hump" game plan and actually being pretty damned proud of it. Sure, it's mixed martial arts and his opponent, whoever that may be, has to train to be able to get up from under him, BUT, come on. This guys is just going to suck the life out of his "title" fight on July 14th.
We can only hope it's a cunning ruse, which he will use in order to shock Nate "The Mediocre" Marquardt with his new found stand up skills.........
But I doubt it.
Dana Versus!
The 5 & 1 Readers!
The majority have spoken! That's right, folks, you, the MMA 5 & 1 readers, have decided that Dana MUST give the 145lb title shot to the Korean Zombie! Last week, I got you all to vote on your favourite for the title shot and the majority of you picked Jung for it.
It's pretty clear that the big money fight in that division would be Aldo/Zombie, but I also think if he needs to defeat Eric Koch, then so be it. It'd keep both guys active and leave no unanswered questions at the top of the division.
Otherwise, just BOMBARD Dana with Tweets until he explodes with rage.
Finally, it's UFC 148!
Oh, yes.
The month of June was a fairly underwhelming one for us fight fans, as is apparent when you have Martin Kampmann winning the 411 Fighter of the Month award despite being smashed for 5 minutes. Anyway, we've been able to put all that to one side because of the promise of one event- UFC 148. An awesome fight card and one that no MMA fan is likely to miss. Last week, I looked at the explosive conference call between Anderson Silva and Chael Sonnen. It's an epic one, make no mistake. If watching the Press Conference yesterday didn't add to the excitement, then you're probably clinically dead.
Also, we have the polarizing Tito Ortiz in his retirement fight. Nobody who watches MMA has "no opinion" on Ortiz. Love him or hate him, he's one of the true legends of MMA and it will be horrible to see him retire on a loss. Sorry, Forrest, I have Tito in this one on sentimentality alone.
Patrick Cote and Demian Maia will also find themselves with the blessing of my support, especially Cote. I totally don't think Cung Le belongs in the Octagon and hopefully, Patrick sends him packing, back to his shit movie career.
Anyway, this is one stacked card and well worth the money you saved by not buying UFC 147. All you have to do is order it, buy some beer, sit back and enjoy history being made.
The 5 & 1 Soundtrack
As well you should all know, I literally cannot wait for the new Bloc Party album. If you feel that way too, enjoy Kele's solo work, including this epic driving number, Tenderoni.
Chick Fights!
She'll see red against Kaufman
The upcoming Strikeforce card, Rousey Vs Kaufman on August 18th will feature two Women's bouts, since now Miesha Tate has been added to the card to take on Julie Kedzie. While that should be an easy one for Tate, Sarah Kaufman faces a much harder test against Champion Rousey.
In the battle of attainable versus desirable as one anonymous blogger put it, Kaufman is refusing to be dragged down into a slanging match with Rousey, probably because she'll end up with her arm in a sling.
Anyway, Kaufman expects to stand and trade with rowdy Ronda, which could be a fairly smart strategy but we all know, it'll be over once it hits the ground. The first part of which, to be fair though, sounded like trash talk when Kaufman said it. She thinks Rousey has no stand up and thinks it's unsurprising she doesn't like getting hit.
I wonder how Kaufman likes having her arm reattached to her body.
The 411 MMA Podcast
Another week, another great show from Mark and the guys.
At UFC on FX 4, Ramsey Nijem quietly, but efficiently put away his opponent, C.J. Keith in the first round. Before the fight, Keith had failed to weigh in, coming in only one pound over the limit. In a beautiful moment, Nijem apparently tried to return the forfeited purse back to Keith, since he had to get some money due to the fact CJ missed weight.
When it's the sake of 1 pound, do you guys think should happen?
Like Facebook? Like MMA? Like the 5 & 1? Click Like on the box below to add the 5 & 1 to your Facebook timeline and get all the upcoming gossip and so on!
Nicknames!
"Killer" Cub?
So, Cub Swanson came out the other day and told us how he had almost got Bruce Buffer to announce him as "Killer" Cub Swanson before his recent bout with Ross Pearson. This got me to thinking, what other fighters need nicknames? Let's take a look:
Frank Mir
Cain Velasquez
Jim Miller
Forrest Griffin
Nick & Nate Diaz
Jon Fitch
Thiago Silva
To name but a few. The challenge for you guys is how many can you come up with and leave in the comments section? Hell, you could even just change someone's existing nickname, so long as it is both a)better and b) funnier.
I know. I'm cheating. I've already discussed UFC 148 in #1, but it's been a slow news week and I didn't want to cover the ESPY nominations like everyone else on the site. So, instead, I'll take up some space with more of my patented shitty predictions.
1- Demian Maia will win Knockout of the night.
2- Melvin Guillard will look like shit against Fabricio Camoes.
3- There will be a controversy surrounding the main event.
4- Forrest Griffin will make everyone wish it was him, not Tito, retiring.
5- Cung Le will be finished while attempting something totally stupid.
6- A prelim fight will steal the show.
I promised a good one, so here she is. Former IHC ring girl, I give to you......
Patrycja Mikula!
The 5 & 1 End Zone!
That's it for another week here in the 5 & 1, so I hope you enjoyed the column! Please, leave a comment below and be sure to check some of the other amazing work here on the 411.
I know I've been running the domestic abuse hotline for a few weeks now, but I'm changing my good cause. Friend of the column and 411er Steve Gustafson has recently set up a website to aid those affected by suicide and having been affected personally, I'll be linking to it for you here from now on. Please, if you need to, visit the site and remember, don't suffer alone.
Anyway, that's all for another week here on the MMA 5 & 1 for the aftermath of Silva/Sonnen 2 and maybe even some bold predictions to make a Strikeforce card a little more interesting. Sound good? Cool. Then I guess I'll.......
