Grabbing the Cage 02.23.08

Posted by Andrew Mellick on 02.23.2008

This week we've got highlights from Kimbo's latest thrashing, plus news on Crocop, what Wanderlei Silva is up to, and another round of musical chairs in the UFC heavyweight division.
Can I squeeze a reference to Dana's man love for Chuck Liddell in too? Read on to find out!

Welcome back! You made it through another week and another Friday night! As you stumble to the computer and look for your pants, allow me to fill you in on what's going on in your MMA world.

The week that was

I've never seen a tank do that before

If you'll remember last week, I said that despite Mr. Tank Abbott's apparent ability to hold his breathe for ungodly amounts of time that Kimbo would own the day. Well, own he did as he made the 42-year-old Abbott look every day of his age. Let us relive the fight in all its glory!

Tank Abbott lumbers to the ring looking like a rhino coming off of sedatives. Honestly, he looks like he just got done have a heart attack. Yes, the Tank has seen better days as he seems to be relying solely on his admirably goatee for strength.

Enter home town hero and internet superstar Kevin "Kimbo Slice" Ferguson. The crowd yells unintelligible things in his favor. His beard is majestic as ever, flowing and glistening. I don't know if a beard can twinkle but his is doing just that!

The bell rings and Tank looks at his watch. The two men come out swinging (surprise). Kimbo's shots are crisp and on target while Tank, looking for the KO, throws looping bombs. Kimbo connects and Tank drops quicker than Xyience stock. (Oh no he Di'int!)
Kimbo promptly pops him in the back of the head, which is of course a no no.

The ref pushes Kimbo away and sternly scolds him as Kimbo's beard begins to glow red. As the fight is about to begin, a fan obviously beard crazy, throws something in the ring. A visibly annoyed Kimbo grabs it and throws the foreign object out of the ring, which probably wasn't bright because that's how a person loses an eye.

The beard is searing white hot now as the round resumes and Kimbo finishes Tank off with a very stiff shot to the jaw. Tank drops and the ref calls it as confetti rains down from the heavens and Kimbo's beard lays back to rest on his massive chest.

Like an abusive boyfriend

Mirko Crocop is going back to the UFC. Well, not yet, but he swears it will happen. According to the Croatian he would have stayed with the Fertittas boys but they couldn't get him a fight until May and he is ready to roll now. So here is the plan, rack up three wins in Japan's upstart DREAM organization and head back to the UFC on the winning side of things. Only snafu in this theory is the very likely fight he would have with Fedor somewhere in those three bouts.

But hey why should I speak for the guy? I'll let him tell you himself. Go ahead Mirko, "I have already mentioned that I will take part in three fights for DREAM and that then I will return to the UFC," Go on "And to all Internet know-it-alls, I say to put gloves on and to enter the ring or the cage themselves before insulting (any) fighter. I repeat, I am not avoiding the UFC, and will come back by the end of the year."

Wow, strong words from a strong man. So it would seem Crocop has got his head back in the game and off these silly ideas of serving his country in their parliament. But he didn't stop there, "For the last two years I've been in some kind of mental blockade," he sobbed "I was empty before fights, depressed, I hated myself. I'm sorry to have disappointed my English fans who welcomed me like a king. That's why I want to come out in front of them again. I can't turn back time, but my time will come again."

Hey no need to apologize big guy, you just getting back in there is apology enough! I'll admit it; I'm a big Crocop slut. So I'm all on board with this plan. Rack up three wins, take down the immortal Fedor, and come back to the UFC to claim gold. There's the checklist all you heavyweights out there, you've been warned.

Disclaimer: The interview came from javno.com I just like to pretend that Crocop talks directly to me. And no he didn't cry…ever.

Now I can carry a lighter axe!

Pride sensation Wanderlei Silva recently teased in his blog at the possibility of a drop to middle weight. So what is drawing Silva to the far less competitive middleweight class? Why, it's another shot at Dan Henderson of course. I'll let The Axe Murderer expound himself, "There will be a fight of Anderson Silva against Dan Henderson that will be a great fight, and if Dan Henderson wins it, I don't think twice about lowering my weight to fight him," He went on to say "But if Anderson wins, I'm staying put, no way am I messing with that slinky legged freak!" (Ok that last part was implied)

Interesting, I wonder why he wants a shot at Henderson again. Maybe he feels he just can't compete with Liddell's reach. Don't get me wrong I love Wanderlei but in his last fight with the Chuck it just seemed like he couldn't reach. I think that would be a problem he'd face a lot in the Light heavy weight class. Of course, he beat Rampage who's bigger than Chuck so what the hell do I know?

Perhaps I'm missing the bigger story here; Wanderlei Silva has a blog. What must that be like, "I saw Shogun today, he smiled but it isn't the same. There is no light in his eyes for me. No spark. I'm going to go listen to Dashboard Confessional and light candles." (Yeah, that's how I imagine it going.)

This is the most disorganized murderer I've ever seen

Well, now according to the Xtreme Couture blog, Wanderlei Silva is back in Vegas and training hard. The speculation is he will fight the Dean of Mean Keith Jardine. So I guess no middleweight drop then? Mr. Silva I don't know how they do things in Brazil, but here in the good ole' US of A, we don't report information until we've confirmed its truth! Unless you're a tabloid magazine…or a blog…or an overzealous newspaper, or Fox news, ya know what just forget what I said.

Well this would be interesting wouldn't it? I mean Jardine beat Liddell so it would stand to reason he'd beat Wanderlei, but for some reason I just don't buy it. I see a lot of running away on Keith's part as Wanderlei beats the crap out of him. I mean look at Houston Alexander's ass whooping on the Dean of Mean. I have to give this one to Silva. But stranger things have happened.

One has to assume that a loss would send Silva looking for Middle weight gold and a win would position him for a rematch with Liddell. Either way it's good for the UFC.

A three hour tour

Despite being over a month away, UFC and Spike TV's Fight Night 13 is already piquing the interest of many an MMA fan. The show features some of the biggest names in the UFC and with a full three hours to fill, the world is in for quite a treat come April 2nd.

I think it's fantastic that the UFC continues to put on these free shows to keep drawing in new fans. With a card like this, to precede the world premiere of what will be the greatest season of The Ultimate Fighter ever (thanks to Forrest Griffin and Quinton Jackson), Spike is set to lock into that male 18 to 34 demographic for a solid four hours. I expect many commercials for a brand new show that night. Lets see they already failed with Blade and the networks already got Terminator and Knight Rider so what is left? Two words: Mr. Belvedere. Make it happen, Spike.

Oh the card…
· Kenny Florian vs. Joe Lauzon
· Thiago Alves vs. Karo Parisyan
· Tim Boetsch vs. Matt Hamill
· Houston Alexander vs. James Irvin
· Frank Edgar vs. Gray Maynard
· Jeff Cox vs. Manny Gamburyan
· Nate Diaz vs. Kurt Pellegrino
· Marcus Aurelio vs. Spencer Fisher
· Josh Neer vs. Din Thomas
· Clay Guida vs. Samy Schiavo
· Roman Mitichyan vs. George Sotiropoulos
· Anthony Johnson vs. Tommy Speer

I'm fighting who now?

Well, silly me, I thought it was a lock for Fabricio Werdum to get a crack at that heavyweight strap once he beat Gabriel Gonzaga. Why did I think this; because Dana White said it. Well, turns out he has to go through somebody else first. Yes, he must take on "The Truth". For whatever reason he will take on Brandon Vera at UFC 85. This has not been made official so plans could change but honestly do they really ever?

Its not that I hate this fight, I actually like it, it's just annoying how Dana loves to hint fights and pull the rug out. I guess I'm just bitter after what happened with Andrei Arlovski. One boring fight and Dana hates him, meanwhile the "Maine"iac can push people for five rounds and he gets a title shot.

So for the record Vera who lost to the "Maine"iac will take on the guy who is supposed to have a title shot. That's right instead of Werdum taking on the champ; he is fighting the guy who lost to the guy who lost to the champ. It's enough to make you vomit in confusion. Well, get used to that feeling because with the way the heavyweight division is shaking out we are going to be seeing many vomit inducing combos for a long time.

A cold day in journalism

Chuck Liddell's book aptly titled "My mohawk, myself" has hit the New York Times best sellers list for the second straight week! Surprising many a political pundit who believed not only that MMA fighters couldn't write but that MMA fans didn't know how to read.

The book has received many positive reviews for not only being an honest portrayal of one of the biggest names in the game, but also providing the history of Ultimate Fighting Championship. I personally have not read the book; I'm waiting for it to come out on tape. Here's hoping Tito Ortiz is narrating!

The good folks here at Grabbing the Cage HQ were able to get their hands on an excerpt from a chapter of the book entitled "Dana White: going too far". It reads "Dana has been managing me for six months now. It's been ok but I have to say, having him train with me, eat with me, crash on my couch, and watch me from the shadows as I get dressed has been creepy. Well today he crossed the line when he said ‘well bud, good workout lets hit the showers, I'll wash your back if you'll wash mine'. I politely said no ‘thank you'. What followed was a barrage of F bombs that culminated in Dana's head turning bright red before he passed out. When he came to, I knew he was hallucinating because he kept muttering Fedor isn't a top five heavyweight."

It looks like a real page turner!


Don't drop the soap(box)

Kevin "Kimbo Slice" Ferguson will become UFC heavyweight champion! Did that get your attention? Good, I'm not saying it will happen but it's always good to get the readers attention. Is there a place in legitimate MMA anymore for the brawler type fighter? Since the explosion of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu the theory has been that strict punchers would forever be relegated to back alley brawls.

While there are still variations of the striker out there, the style itself has been tweaked to compete with this new breed of opponent. Chuck Liddell for example is probably the best counter puncher in the game. Even with that Liddell has suffered a decline in success as it becomes more and more evident that a ground game is essential to success in this sport.

Enter Kimbo, a street brawler with about as much grace as a Mac truck yet despite his lack of refine he has become a fan favorite, riding his internet renown into a legitimate MMA contract with Elite XC. One could argue his level of competition hasn't exactly been the cream of the crop. While that's a very valid point, he has done all that he can do to continue his rise and that is to win.

Now with the willingness of any MMA organization not named UFC to share talent, it's more than probable the man will face a wide array of fighters from talented heavyweights to freak shows. But if Kimbo can keep up this winning streak, one has to wonder if we couldn't see a showdown between the brawler and the ‘Last Emperor' Fedor!

Rumor has it that Kimbo's next opponent will be UFC veteran Ken Shamrock. Shamrock may be another aging opponent but he is definitely a step up in talent for Kimbo. With each fight more and more questions will be answered on whether we are in the midst of a fad or the early stages of greatness.

Deep thoughts with: Tim Boetsch

This week we hear from overnight sensation Tim Boetsch. If you'll remember Tim threw his opponent David Heath to the ground like an unruly teen and pounded him into oblivion earning the TKO. So what is his secret to success?

"In my opinion, Jeet Kune Do is the essence of MMA in that you have to be good at everything and if you're relying on one style too much, you're gonna get in trouble. You have to be proficient at everything, and when people see that, it should put a big question mark in their head – what is this guy gonna do? Obviously Heath thought he was gonna go in there and outstrike me, and I proved otherwise there. It's a great philosophy towards fighting, that wherever the fight may go, you've got to be prepared, and you go wherever the fight leads you."

For those ignorant fans (which included me until I went to wikipedia) Jeet Kune Do is the fighting style that was developed by high pitched yelper, Bruce Lee. It certainly has worked for Boetsch so far, although I have to admit when I first saw the guy I didn't think "Now there's a fellow with a healthy appreciation for Bruce Lee". I wonder if the great Lee ever thought his fighting style would be used in an attempt to beat up a deaf person.


What have we learned this week?

Kimbo Slice is the first thing I've watched on the internet that I wouldn't feel awkward watching with my friends, Crocop is coming for EVERYBODY, the Axe Murderer doesn't know who to murder, I know on April 2nd I better cancel all my dates (reschedule hamster cage cleaning), we have musical matches in the UFC heavyweight division, and Chuck Liddell has two career options after the UFC; author and mohawk consultant.

End scene

Another week in the bag, tune in next week for what will probably be the one millionth preview of UFC 82: Pride of a champion (that's right we can use the word pride now because the Japanese organization is out of business!) It's a long title but it works.