Grabbing the Cage 3.08.08

Posted by Andrew Mellick on 03.08.2008

Hey, I found Cro Cop. Oh wait, now where did Fedor go? These heavyweights are so slippery. Oh well, I still got news of Liddell, Shogun, Lesnar, Fitch, and Ray Lewis. This was quite a week, don't believe me? Read on to find out.

What? Wipe that condescending look off your face! I know I missed last week but I was busy. I had…things. Well what the hell do you care, you didn't write, you didn't call, nothing. How do you think that made me feel?

Ok, this column got off on the wrong foot. Hello, welcome to another mind melting edition of Grabbing the Cage. We've got lots to get to this week so settle in, grab that week old Pop Tart off the top of your computer and enjoy the show.

The week that was

Along came the spider

It was supposed to be a match for the ages, it was supposed to be the ultimate test, it was supposed to be the clash of the middleweight titans. While it was a hell of a fight, it proved only one thing, there is only one titan in the middleweight class and that is Anderson Silva. I'm sure you've heard it all week so there is no need to hammer on this but it should be said, Anderson Silva owns the crown now of best pound for pound fighter, and its his until somebody takes it away.

The Texas Crazy horse beat the ridiculously cut Frenchman. Proving once again that you don't mess with Texas, especially if you're France that's a double whammy. So now the question is what's next for Herring? A fight with Tim Sylvia could be good or incredibly dull. That's what's great about the heavyweight class they can occasionally entertain you but mostly bore you. You know, like the Oscars.

Evan Tanner proved something to me on Saturday; if they ever make a biopic on his life the only person who could play Tanner is Will Ferrell. Think about it, a top fighter goes hippie and drunks like a fish. He tries to come back but gets his ass beat. It's like Tanner is writing for Ferrell! Come on Dana make it happen. Don't tell me this is crazy you whored yourself out to Xyience!

Fedor on the lam!

In what surprised the hell out of me, the great Fedor is in the process of "divorcing" M-1 Global. This news came from ESPN who broke through their own sobs over Brett Favre's retirement to report it. So much for two years and six fights, but hey at least he stuck around long enough for that MMA dream match with Hong-Man Choi.

What's next for the Last Emperor? Well, that's anybody's guess; and guess we shall! Could he be headed to Pride 2.0 (aka DREAM)? Doubtful, M-1 Global and DREAM have already touted their close working relationship. If Fedor wanted to fight somebody in either organization I don't think he'd have a problem making it happen.

So that leaves the messages boards aflutter with renewed talks of the possibility of Fedor gracing the octagon. Could it be? Might we actually see Fedor vs. Couture in a UFC sanctioned cage? Well, let's ask the man himself. Dana, would you still be interested in signing Fedor? "Absolutely, 100 percent, in a heartbeat," Hey, that's great Dana. What do you think of Fedor isn't he the best? "People think he's the best; I don't, not even close. But if it's somehow possible, I would make it happen." Hey, thanks Dana, always classy.

So will it happen, my money says no, but my heart says yes, oh please God, yes! The funny thing is I don't even know if it would be that great of a fight anymore. Plus, would Couture even be able to get to him? I mean, wouldn't he have to unify the belts by having a match with Big Nog first? That's a hill I'm not sure he can climb. Oh well, it most likely won't happen but its fun to dream.

"Mark"ed man

So, you were just inducted into the UFC hall of fame, an elite class to be sure. So how do you celebrate? How about by getting your ass summarily beaten? Not the way I'd go but that is the choice of Mr. Mark "The Hammer" Coleman, who has chosen to face Brock Lesnar in the frozen wasteland of Minnesota. If you're a UFC fighter don't big warning lights go off in your head if Dana asks you to fight a guy in his home city, state, or country? You're just setting yourself up to be the home town hero's next big bleeding piñata.

But don't worry Mark assures us that he is going to beat Brock's "butt". Mark promised his mom he wouldn't swear, this guy is all class. Hey Mark, how about not swearing in front of your young impressionable daughters at all? Or better yet, how about not fighting the most dangerous man in the world, getting your face swollen up to the size of a Macy's day float and the pulling said daughters into the ring to meet the man who just gave daddy "drain bamage"?

On a side note: doesn't butt sound much more perverted? I wouldn't even think twice if he'd have said "I'm gonna pound Brock's ass into submission" yet if he put "butt" in there the sentence takes a disturbingly uncomfortable turn.

Shogun we hardly knew thee

Poor Shogun has re-injured his knee and will be forced to go under the knife to repair it yet again. He re-ruptured his ACL which sounds about as fun as getting re-castrated (ok that may be a stretch). I hope he kept his receipt from the last surgery; maybe he can get hospital credit for this one.

Seriously though, I'm not a doctor (surprise) but to get the exact same injury in less than a year can't be good. It would truly be a tragedy to see such a great fighter's career cut short by something like this. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens.

So who will fill the (insert Brazilian shoe company here) shoes of Rua? Why, the undefeated and oft mouthy Rashad Evans of course. I have to say, I'm pretty proud of that as I was telling everyone it was going to be Evans. Sure it wasn't that hard to put together, but I have a fragile ego so I'll take any boost I can get.

Now I know what you're thinking (I have that ability). And yes your right, Rashad is the perfect mold for what Liddell had been knocking silly while he was champ. But Rashad is undefeated and while he may not like the MMA world on fire, he does deserve a shot at this. Besides if Rashad wants a crack at the top he's got to go through a big name sometime, it didn't work with Tito but maybe he can make it work here (but I doubt it).

Son of a Fitch

With Jon Fitch's unanimous victory over a surprisingly competitive Chris Wilson, he has more than earned himself a shot at the gold. He is on an 8 fight win streak in the UFC and a 15 fight win streak overall, tying the legendary Royce Gracie. Now, Dana has stated that Fitch will get his shot at the winner of Serra vs GSP (so he'll get GSP).

Good for Fitch, he definitely deserves it. I know fighters aren't supposed to look ahead but I can (I'm above the law). So can Fitch beat GSP? (If you think Serra is winning again you're kidding yourself) Fitch is tough as hell that's for sure, but I really don't think it'll happen, GSP is on another level. I think Fitch could go the distance, but GSP's size and striking will rule the day. Sorry Fitch, but hey, you definitely have earned your spot in the top of the division.

Sengoku: It's like Sudoku only much more violent

World Victory Road's first ever show took place Wednesday in Tokyo, Japan. The big names on the card, Takanori Gomi, Josh Barnett, and Kazuo Misaki were all victorious in their respective bouts. I was unable to stay up until 3am to catch the show but from what I have heard it was absolutely respectable.

Maybe it's just me but if you're the Fertittas boys shouldn't you be a bit concerned at how all these so called "farm league" organizations are popping up and putting on shows with some pretty big names in the sport? In a round about way, Japan pretty much has all their heavyweights back, except Big Nog. Now, Couture is out, Arlovski is shopping, and Sylvia is unhappy. It's a dead horse I continue to drag out and beat, but it just blows me away that the UFC took their golden opportunity and pissed it away. Imagine where the UFC would be if they had a businessman running this thing?

A Raven in the Octagon

Rumors have been swirling that the UFC and Ray Lewis are close to signing a deal that would see the all pro line backer grace the octagonal circle one to two times a year. Lewis would also have the luxury of picking his own opponents for each of his bouts.

Ok, so far this is still in the rumor stage so hopefully it will turn out to be a hoax. If not, it is the dumbest idea the UFC has ever concocted. I thought this wasn't supposed to be the WWE? To take a big name like that and feed him tomato cans is not going to win you anything. The fans aren't as dumb as Dana thinks and they will summarily boo the hell out of this whole idea.

If Lewis legitimately wanted to make a run at MMA stardom then fine, let him try. I don't think he could do it but why not train, get some fights under your belt in a small org and then bring him up to the UFC if it's worth it. But to put on freak shows like this just makes UFC look like a joke. Why not sign Chuck Norris and Steven Segal to fight each other that would be more entertaining.

Closed circuit to Mr. Lewis: Sorry Ray I had to write that. I know you can do it. Who needs training, you've got all the training you need being a bad ass 24/7. Just show up wearing Under Armor from head to toe and scowl a lot, you'll have your opponent crapping himself in no time. Speaking of opponents, since you can pick yours why not start with Mike Goldberg, he'd be no problem for you, plus he can give commentary right from the ring! I can hear it now.
Goldberg informs, "Partner, he's got me in a bizarre submission hold; I've never seen it before"
"That's a rear naked choke Mike", sighs Joe wearily.
But do me a favor; after you win whenever Joe Rogan asks you a question just keep answering, "we must protect this house!" over and over. Oh and Ray, no knives in the octagon (too soon?).

Violence around the world

What's this, another new section? That's right! Here at Grabbing the Cage we are always (rarely) looking to make this column the very best (barely passable). So this new section will update you on all the info on who is fighting and when, well whomever I deem noteworthy anyway.

Who: Mirko Cro Cop vs. Yoshihiro Nakao
Where: March 15th
With: DREAM's first promotion, which will also be hosting the first round of their ridiculously stacked Lightweight Grand Prix.
What to know: As much as I love the man (did I just say that?) Cro Cop needs this win to get back on the straight and narrow. He has said he is refocused and reenergized. Plus it's his first fight back in a ring in front of his long time Japanese fans. I will be looking for this one to end in violent fashion. WILDBOYS!

So yeah…I swear this section will get longer.

Quote of the Week

This week's quote comes from none other than the Hammer, Mark Coleman.

"If I had my choice between being a Super Bowl Champion, a World Series Champion, an NBA titlist or a UFC Champion, my personal choice would be UFC Champion," said Coleman. "To me, that's the pinnacle of everything in the greatest sport there is."

I really wanted to make fun of him for calling it an "NBA titlist" until I realized that I don't know if it's a word or not either. With that being said what is up with these fighters who don't see the writing on the wall? Mark has had an illustrious career. He's got plenty of cash. Why not hang it up and be a commentator somewhere? I don't understand, but I guess when its in you can't get it out (like herpes)!

What we've Learned

Spiders always win, even Shoguns get owies, Mark Coleman likes pain, Fedor loves to sleep around, Cro Cop is living the DREAM, Ray Lewis needs a new house to protect, 8 wins equals a title shot, and Dana is still and ass!

End Scene

You heard it here first, Fedor will sign with Elite XC for a crack at the all-powerful Kimbo Slice! Come on, who doesn't want to see that?

Ok, I'm going back to bed.