Punch Drunk Hangover 09.01.08: Labor Pains

Posted by Bren Oliver on 09.01.2008

Read ahead for Bren Oliver's thoughts on all the jaw-dropping Randy Couture rumors, "Rampage" Jackson's new training camp, Tito Ortiz on "Inside MMA", the WEC/UFC merger, Brett Rogers' immediate future, and why KJ Noons has a reason to be upset with his employers. Those things and more, plus this week's "Monday Morning Moment of Zen" featuring Josh Koscheck and a very-humbled jackass, are all just a click away!




Good morning, afternoon, evening, or whatever in-between time your eyes have found their way to the Punch Drunk Hangover! As is the case most Mondays, I'm here with another one-stop shop for catching up on Mixed Martial Arts news, hoping as always to help you escape from the doldroms of an average Monday like a good pinch to the nipples, waking you up and making your day that much more exciting! Have no fear...the technique is Georges St. Pierre approved!!!





Is it September already? Apparently so, as Labor Day has arrived and with it come the spoils of a holiday-induced closure of workplaces from sea to shining sea. Thanks for taking a break from grilling and chilling to peruse these pages. Before I get into the core of the column, I wanted to mention you should keep your eyes peeled for an interview I recently did with Kazuo Misaki. It's in the midst of being translated, as my Japanese isn't what it used to be, but I asked him a number of questions regarding his career, his thoughts on fellow Middleweights like Anderson Silva, Yoshishiro Akiyama, Nate Marquardt, and Rich Franklin, and even inquired as to whether or not he's ever read a Playboy Magazine (since he'll be fighting at the Playboy Mansion against Joe Riggs on September 20th) - my birthday)! Also, this week was a bit light in news, but heavy in classic quotations, so expect a heavy "Jibber-Jabber" section.

Moving on to this week's lead-in subject - a topic I felt stood out among others - I'm a bit stunned to be writing the following line, but KJ Noons defeated Randy Couture and is getting top play. The Couture news from last week was definitely huge, but it's essentially rumor at this point, whereas Noons' nasty public dispute with EliteXC took a turn this week when the young Hawaiin finally released a statement regarding his reasons for declining to fight Nick Diaz on CBS, as well as why he's generally dispelased with the EliteXC as a whole. Without further adieu, here are a few nuggets from the mind/mouth/fingers of a very disgruntled Lightweight Champion...


"Elite XC never promoted or took care of me as their champion. Examples:

In the Elite XC's DVD where Diaz and I fought there are two baseball cards of Diaz and Kimbo. Hello! I won the fight and Elite XC's promoting Diaz after I beat him? Or how about the day Elite XC flew Diaz in to do a signing on the DVD where he lost. Wow, that must have been uncomfortable Nick? Signing a DVD, and it is a fight that you lost. Why wasn't I flown in for the signing?

Elite XC has never promoted me on either of their websites, EliteXC or Pro-Elite.

Elite XC offered me a fight on the first CBS show, but only if I signed a new long-term contract. Instead of promoting their best fighters on CBS, you have to be on a long term contract for them to promote you. That was not our deal.

Consider when Elite XC gives a couple thousand tickets away at their CBS show in Stockton.

Elite XC gives me a hard time about comping me one extra ticket for my cousin that helped me train for my fight. I only get four tickets per show. I am the main event in Honolulu, my home town! I did not ask for any tickets for my family and friends and they gave me a hard time about one extra ticket!

Or how about when Elite XC brought Diaz into the ring after my last victory in Hawaii to disrespect me and my family?"


I'll go point-by-point. For starters, I think Noons' comment about the baseball cards is easy to misinterpret. At first it appears he's saying the only two cards in the DVD were Diaz's and Kimbo's. Many people will be quick to point out there was a baseball card of KJ in the DVD case, thereby attempting to discredit his claims. However, if you examine his words a bit more carefully, it appears he's only saying he was upset that Diaz was still being promoted equally after losing the EliteXC Lightweight title-fight the two had at the event. Noons never claims he was excluded from being part of the additional promotional materials that come with the DVD.

I am clueless in regards to the signing he's referring to or why he wouldn't have been invited. It probably was a bit uncomfortable for Diaz to sign a DVD he'd lost on, but only as far as the official record goes, as I'm certain Diaz still feels the fight should not have been stopped when it was. I heard Nate Marquardt say something in regards to his recent loss to Thales Leites about how much easier it is to stomach a defeat due to a technicality as opposed to being finished off in a sound fashion.

Does anybody actually visit ProElite or EliteXC's website? I don't. However, I did for the sake of this article, and it took me about ten seconds to find KJ Noons profile (which is pretty damn snazzy as a matter of fact). On EliteXC's site though, I was a bit disappointed to see he wasn't even listed as a "Featured Fighter", while every other EliteXC champion was represented in the series. That's poor promotion as far as I'm concerned.

Regarding tickets being comped, Noons needs to be intelligent about it and see the clear difference between the poorly-attended Stockton show and an event in Honolulu. The Neil S. Blaisdell Arena, where "EliteXC: Return of the King" was held, only holds 7,000-8,000 people. The Stockton Arena seats over 11,000. It's simple math.

In terms of Diaz disrespecting Noons' family after KJ defeated Yves Edward, he has a point, and I'll discuss my dislike for staged WWE-style face-offs as a means to promote fights. However, Noons' family (and camp) also disrespected themselves by not only fanning the flames inside the cage, but going as far as to physically assault Nick and Nate Diaz. There is clear footage of Karl Noons Sr. locking Diaz in a Thai Plumb and one of his son's training partners punching him in the ribs. Both parties are to blame, and certainly EliteXC has quite a bit of responsibility in the shameful behavior of each group as well.


"Chuck Champion (President Elite XC) threatens me, my family and my manager with lawsuits and how he's going to sue me. HAHA. Pretty hard to sue a guy who does not make jack with your company. I'm glad $kala disclosed how much I make, which breached the confidentiality clause of the contract. I will break down the real numbers for you. I am the defending world champ, I have been the main event for Elite XC three out of four times on Showtime. In almost two years I have made approximately $83,000?

After paying my trainers and managers fee, I have $50,000 thousand. After taxes, probably 30 grand. Divide that by two years for $15,000 thousand a year. Divide by 52 weeks that amounts to approximately $300 a week. I do not know anybody that can survive on that amount of money. My buddies make more money than that in a couple days being a bus boy or bar back. And yes, you can argue I should fight more. EliteXC doesn't give me fights or promote me, they ice me. Gary Shaw Productions only gave me one of the agreed upon four fights per the boxing contract.

And I do not want to ramble on about all the little small stuff that I can keep going on about. But the straw that broke the camel's back is they want me to fight Diaz for the second time. Diaz is not the number one contender and they are paying Diaz three times more money than me. Diaz complained after the Stockton fight, he was not paid enough. How do you think that made me feel? Yes you can argue that Diaz gets more for the draw, therefore I do not deserve as much compensation. If that is the case, it is a result of Elite XC terrible job promoting me. Instead of promoting me as their champ and upcoming athlete, Elite XC has resented me for ruining their plans to make Diaz their champ. That is just total disrespect. So it comes down to money and what is fair. I am tired of being bent over by Elite XC with no Vaseline."


Noons loses me somewhat when he gets into money. Sure, he deserves a bigger slice of the pie, and he could absolutely be a very big star with the right marketing behind him. EliteXC does not have PPV revenue to offer percentages of, nor do they have much extra cash in general when it comes to issuing bonuses. They are struggling to sustain themselves as a company. What they do offer, however, is exposure on both Showtime and CBS. A smart fighter with a good manager can use those opportunities as a promotional goldmine. Noons may only be making approximately twenty thousand dollars per fight, but he should be bringing in sponsorship money like there's no tomorrow. I have a hard time believing Noons actually lived on $15,000 for the last year. And guess what, KJ - you only have nine professional fights to your name! Unless you're coming into MMA with a ton of mainstream attention a la Lesnar or Kimbo then you've got to work your way up through the ranks no matter who you beat or what titles you hold. Go tell Keith Jardine you've got a bad deal so he can show you a $10,000 salary and wins over Forrest Griffin and Chuck Liddell.

Nick Diaz is not worth three times KJ's salary due to any difference in promotion. It has to do with accomplishments, and while Noons had Diaz's number when the two fought, the controversial, sometimes offensive, Gracie Fighter made a name for himself before Noons had ever picked up a five-ounce glove. Diaz is able to negotiate from the standpoint of not only a guy who has been in some UFC-based wars, but also earned a reputation as a polarizing figure who, love him or hate him, people like to see fight.


"I am going to focus on my boxing career. I can make more money doing 6 and 8 rounders every other month and make more than I did being the EliteXC defending world champ. At least I will be able to sleep at night and be able to look myself in the mirror everyday. That right there is worth more than $300 bucks a week or fighting a guy I cannot stand for less money than him the second time around.

Will the Diaz fight happen? Yes. Will the fight happen on EliteXC on October 4, 2008, probably not. The way things are being run by Chuck Champion, a guy whose history is newspapers, not fighting, and $kala, someone who talks a lot of game, but has never put on a pair of gloves, never stepped in a ring or cage. $kala has had everything handed to him with a silver spoon from daddy. Does anyone else but me think $kala just wants to be famous and stir up all this dirty laundry? I guess any publicity is good publicity. When I think about it, it has been good promotion for their October card since nobody is talking about it until you bring up the Noons vs. Diaz match up."


If Noons wants to be a boxer, then so be it. He's young enough to be able to wait for a year while talented enough to earn a living in a different sport. Money is important, but principles are far more valuable. It's good Noons recognizes the draw of his rematch with Diaz. It shows he's a fairly intelligent person even if he's perhaps getting some bad advice from people around him. I find it hard not to take his side when considering two fellows named "Chuck Champion" and "$kala" (aka Jared Shaw) are running the show. I personally cannot stand Jared Shaw and typing a dollar sign instead of an "S" makes me want to hurl. He is detestable mix of Kevin Federline and wanna-be Dana White. KJ is spot-on when he mentions Shaw's desire to be as big an EliteXC star as the fighter under his command. Shaw has openly discussed his friendship with Kimbo Slice and can often be found at public events in tow with Slice's crew.

I don't know that I'm now on "Team Noons" in this debate, but I certainly find myself being a bit more compassionate to his cause after getting his side of the story. One thing for certain is that it's a sad situation with a great deal of mismanagement involved, both on the part of Mark Dion (Noons' representation) and the keystone cops running EliteXC.

There's my three cents - now time to give my spin on a handful of other subjects gracing the headlines this past week. I'd love to hear your thoughts on things, so feel free to shoot me an email or leave a comment at the bottom of the page.


The following medley of items were reported between August 25th, 2008 and August 31st, 2008:


Dave Meltzer of the Wrestling Observer is reporting that a source close to the situation confirmed that Randy Couture is currently in negotiations with UFC for a new three-fight deal. If the deal comes to life, this would end the nine-month legal battle between Couture and the UFC.

If the deal is concluded in the next week, Randy Couture would face Brock Lesnar on November 15th, which will most likely take place in Portland, Oregon. There had been rumors of Couture agreeing to a one-fight deal to end the legal battle between he and the UFC, but these new talks involve a contract where both sides would expect Couture to retire as a UFC fighter.


Obviously this is epic news on multiple levels! As both a fan of Randy Couture and MMA in general, it's been difficult to watch the stalemate between "The Natural" and the UFC. He is an icon of the sport - perhaps moreso than any other fighter - based not only on his success inside the Octagon, but his charisma, accomplishments outside of MMA (such as a hugely successful chain of training centers), and a general set of characteristics you can't learn including heart, hard-work, kindness, and a gift for breaking down fights. I'm certain others reading these words will also find a sense of satisfaction, almost relief, if the UFC Hall of Fame Heavyweight finishes his career under a Zuffa contract. If Couture signs a three-fight extension it would increase his number of contracted fights up to a total of five remaining bouts. Personally, I don't see Randy fighting five more times, though it's impossible to count him completely out after everything he's done in his career. After all, who knows how he'll feel at 47 when many people felt he was finished after Chuck Liddell left him knocked out for the second time two-and-a-half years ago? Were my name Joe Silva, and Dana White granted me full power to finish out Couture's career as I deemed fit, it might look something like this based on the current landscape of the Heavyweight division and a rumor or two:

- UFC 91 (November 15th, 2008) - Randy Couture vs. Brock Lesnar
- UFC 93 (January 31st 2009) - Randy Couture vs. Fedor Emelianenko
- UFC 96 (April 2009) - Randy Couture vs. "Minotauro" Nogueira
- UFC 100 (July 4th, 2009) - Randy Couture vs. Fedor Emelianenko II...yes, it's a Saturday, and who wouldn't want to see them fight twice assuming their first bout lives up to the hype?
- Retirement


MMARated.com is reporting that Brett Rogers camp has confirmed that he will face the winner of the upcoming Kimbo Slice/Ken Shamrock fight that will go down on EliteXC's next CBS special on October 4. Rogers has even been invited to sit ringside for the Shamrock/Slice fight and is expected to challenge the winner in the ring when the fight concludes.


I've never shyed away from acknowledging the entertainment component to MMA is as important to the sport's success as any athletic endeavor going on inside a ring. That being said, I dislike when organizations stage confrontations between future opponents directly after one of the men has finished competing. It's disrespectful to the fighter who has just put his health on the line. I find it to be a very cheap promotional tool that does very little positive in terms of mustering up additional interest in a fight. The only attention it tends to bring on any particular fight is of the negative variety. It's trailer-park advertising not too far removed from the techniques Jerry Springer used to build an empire. After all, will it create more interest in a bout if two men stand in front of a live audience, smile, shake hands, and kiss each others' hind-quarters for 2-3 minutes? I highly doubt it. I can't help but think back Nick Diaz entering the cage after KJ Noons' championship defense against Yves Edwards and the ensuing aftermath. Is that something EliteXC and CBS wants to risk, especially when there was already a minor physical confrontation between Slice and Rogers during a "Saturday Night Fights" press conference? Apparently so.

As far as the actual scenario, Brett Rogers being announced as being in line to face the winner of Slice/Shamrock, in what I assume will be a title-fight barring a change in Antonio Silva's status, is no surprise. Rogers is undefeated, as a marketable look, and is a powerful, intimidating presence (though I have questions about his conditioning based purely on physique). On top of that, the "Team Bison" member has been exchanging words with Kimbo's camp since Slice eeked out a win over James Thompson, so there's already an angle in place to build a fight between the bald, bearded one and Rogers. Of course, I have no doubt the bout will be on EliteXC's first PPV event (which they're hoping to feature Carano vs. Cyborg on as well), which means I probably won't be watching it live without some incredible matchmaking on the rest of the card.

Oh, and sorry to ruin it for everyone, but - SPOILER WARNING - here's a glimpse into the future courtesy of a complete showing of the Kimbo Slice vs. Ken Shamrock fight...





Law enforcement sources tell TMZ UFC former champ Quinton "Rampage" Jackson has been charged with six crimes in connection with the epic car chase in the O.C. The Orange County District Attorney has charged Rampage with one felony count of evading while driving recklessly, one felony count of evading a peace officer, three misdemeanor counts of hit and run, and one misdemeanor reckless driving. You'll recall Rampage was driving a monster truck with a huge image of himself plastered on the side (always a bad move when you're evading police) when he allegedly struck two cars on a freeway, hit another car on a surface street and sent pedestrians scurrying for their lives. If convicted he'll face three years in prison.

He was NOT charged with DUI. And, a few days after the incident, a pregnant woman in the car he hit on the freeway lost her baby, but Rampage was not charged for that after an investigation revealed that the miscarriage was unrelated to the accident.


Well, as Jackson wasn't "Driving Under the Influence", it makes sense he wouldn't be charged with DUI, wouldn't it? Then again, TMZ is the source, so I should expect a bit of sensationalism along with my pop culture offering. While it unfortunately offers no solace to the woman who miscarried, I'm glad to see Quinton was not at fault for her loss moreso as a spiritual man - a loving father - than because of what it means to his MMA career. In terms of the actual crimes he's been accused of, I have a strong feeling he'll walk away with little more than probation or court-ordered counseling. Zuffa has an excellent legal staff and Dana White has appeared strong in his support of "Rampage" since day one. If Jackson was in fact delirious from a combination of sleep deprivation and energy drinks, and can be viewed as "temporarily insane", it will likely be difficult for the State to prove his guilt, let alone throw the book at him and put him behind bars for a significant period of time.


There is currently a plan in place to merge the Middleweight and Light Heavyweight fighters from the WEC into the UFC by the end of the year. WEC would continue to have Bantamweight, Featherweight, Lightweight, and Welterweight divisions.


Pardon my lack of enthusiasm about this announcement. It isn't that I'm sad to see either division go. In fact, I love the notion of Paulo Filho fighting in the Octagon, and I'm jazzed about the additional exposure the smaller guys will now get. My ho-hum attitude about this piece of news relates to how little it actually means from a talent-transfer standpoint. There are perhaps 3-5 good-to-great Middleweights/Light Heavyweights currently fighting in the WEC. There is no Urijah Faber, Miguel Torres, or Carlos Condit. There's not even a Brock Larson, Jamie Varner, Rob McCullough, Jens Pulver, or Yoshishrio Maeda. Filho has always been too good for the WEC, and is the exception to the rule, but I have a hard time buying Chael Sonnen, Steve Cantwell, or Brian Stann as legitimate contenders in "the show". In your mind, compare WEC 205-pound champion Cantwell to a few of the second-tier of UFC Light Heavyweights - Rashad Evans, Keith Jardine, Thiago Silva, Houston Alexander, and Matt Hamill. Do you see him getting by a single one of those guys? My point exactly.


Xtreme Couture BJJ coach Robert Drysdale has announced to Tatame.com that he has signed a contract with an MMA company and will make his debut in October. It is not known which MMA company he has signed with however. Drysdale will appear on the upcoming season of "The Ultimate Fighter" as a coach on Frank Mir's team.


I've always heard Robert Drysdale described as perhaps the best American jiujitsu instructor in the sport. He was born in Utah, but moved to Brazil as a child and eventually fell into submission-grappling. To give some perspective, Drysdale was the 2007 Abu Dhabi "Absolute Divison" champion, and is a multi-time BJJ world champion. The UFC would seem like a natural fit based on his relationship with a number of their top fighters and his involvement on the Ultimate Fighter Season 8. However, as he's stated his debut is set for October, I wouldn't be too surprised to see him in action at "Affliction: Day of Reckoning".


Quinton Jackson has joined Wolf's Lair fighting team based in Liverpool, England. He will do a lot of his training with the team that also consists of Michael Bisping and Paul Kelly.


I like this move. Wolf's Lair is certainly not the first training center you think of when it comes to an elite facility, playing seventh-fiddle to more popular spots like American Top Team, Greg Jackson Submission Fighting, Xtreme Couture, Chute Boxe, Team Quest, and American Kickboxing Academy. However, it makes perfect sense when it comes to a place most beneficial for "Rampage" at this stage in his life/career. Though I'm certain Jackson will maintain his homebase in the United States, training in England will allow him to get away from a lot of the trappings of American society. There is less media attention. There is no Vegas Strip. "Rampage" will now have the ability to function in relative seclusion which can only be good for his training regimen. Another positive of Jackson training at the Wolf's Lair is his friendship with Michael Bisping. The two have grown close since originally meeting, so Quinton will have a natural support blanket in England, as well as a local who can make sure he eats healthy and trains right. Finally, "Rampage" will have the freedom to fight every Light Heavyweight contender the UFC puts in front of him without every worrying about stepping into the cage against a training partner. Bisping, the Wolf Lair's single superstar, is a Middleweight, and its unlikely Jackson will be fighting any inferior competition for the remainder of his career. Were he to have linked up with one of the other centers I previously mentioned, he likely would have encountered a situation where he was training alongside a soon-to-be opponent (Xtreme Couture / Forrest Griffin and Wanderlei Silva, ATT / Thiago Silva, Jackson Submission Fighting / Rashad Evans and Keith Jardine, etc.). Oh yeah...and don't wolves howl at the moon? Remind you of any former UFC Light Heavyweight Champions you may recall? I rest my case.

I understand some people are upset by the perception "Rampage" Jackson is taking a step down in training based on the Lair's lack of starpower. I get that standpoint. I firmly believe stepping into the Gym with great fighters to your left and right, whether for reasons related to sparring, grappling, and/or pure motivation, makes an individual a better fighter himself/herself. However, I don't know enough about the Wolf's Lair to say the work put in there is anything less than what would be found at "sexier" training center. Paul Kelly and Michael Bisping certainly seem to be doing pretty well.


MMAJunkie.com is reporting that a potential Randy Couture vs. Fedor Emelianenko fight is currently being discussed for January or February of 2009. The UFC is currently negotiating with both Couture and Emelianenko. The fight is still a long shot. However, it seems UFC officials are willing to get this fight together now more than ever. It is still rumored that Couture will face Brock Lesnar in Portland, Oregon on November 15 at UFC 91 and the Emelianenko fight may go down depending on how that fight turns out. Xtreme Couture is currently making travel arrangements with larger Heavyweights as sparring partners for Couture which has many people assuming that Couture is preparing himself for a fight with Lesnar. The UFC is expected to make an announcement on a new contract sometime next week.


The reason I'm certain these Randy Couture rumors are true is because "The Natural" himself hasn't come out and addressed them. Otherwise, wouldn't Randy be quick to let the public know he still has no interest in fighting for the UFC ever again? He hasn't strayed away from such venom in the past. He's also one of the most media-present athletes in the sport, meaning there are few microphones or cameras he'll avoid when he wants the world to know his side of the story.

I've already covered the Lesnar angle, so I'll instead focus on the news the UFC is now attempting to put together Couture vs. Emelianenko for January/February. "There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee...that says, fool me once, shame on...shame on you. Fool me...you can't get fooled again." Bushisms aside, been there and done that. I truly hope the UFC is negotiating with Fedor Emelianenko's people and finding level ground with them. All involved parties are looking for money and there are plenty of greenbacks to be made by putting together perhaps the most anticipated fight in MMA history. And, given Dana White's love of the F-Bomb, inking Couture vs. Emelianenko would certainly be a nice "f*ck you" to Affliction. The thought alone of taking away the upstart promotion's biggest potential draw might allow MMA's Julius Caesar to keep his ego in check where certain concessions to Fedor's camp are concerned.

I don't think the outcome of a potential Lesnar vs. Couture fight has any affect on the public's interest in seeing Randy lock horns with Emelianenko. It's really a win-win situation assuming "The Natural" does indeed sign an extension with the UFC. A win for Couture would establish him again as the hero and champion people love to root for. Lesnar's career wouldn't take much of a hit, as losing to an icon of industry in your fourth career bout is nothing to be ashamed of. And, if Brock were to defeat Couture, it would erase any lingering doubt about his place among the sport's top Heavyweights. It isn't as if it would wash away interest in seeing Randy Couture in a ring against Fedor Emelianenko, so much as likely create buzz about Lesnar eventually mixing it up against the stoic Russian (who in fact mentioned his interest in fighting Lesnar in the last few weeks). The smudge on Couture's record from a single loss to a worthy competitor would be too little, especially after the layoff he's endured, to make MMA fans forget about the accomplishments of Couture/Emelianenko, as well as the "Captain America" vs. "The Big Bad Red Russian" storyline.

Oh, and keep in mind this rumor puts their collision on the same "Super Bowl Weekend" UFC card as the rematch between UFC Welterweight Champion Georges St. Pierre vs. UFC Lightweight Champion BJ Penn. If that does take place, then all I can say is...record books (and "the bank), prepare to be broken.


Jibber-Jabber:

The following soundbyte was delivered over the past week...


"Rampage" Jackson, in "Fighters Only Magazine", talks about losing respect for the man who took his UFC Light Heavyweight Championship...

"After the fight, I said ‘I've got to give you a lot of respect, because you hurt my leg and you had a good game plan'. But now, I don't respect him as a man. Because if it was me, I would have said, ‘I have to give him a rematch right away, to remove all doubt"


Nice to see "Rampage" humble in the wake of delirium, criminal charges, splitting from his management, and losing the UFC Light Heavyweight Championship. It's not as if I expect him to toe the line, losing his trademark charm, but those all should have been life altering experiences on some level, and trash-talking someone in a magazine without doing much to re-establish the public's belief in you as a "good person" is not necessarily the best way to go. Should "Rampage" receive an immediate rematch against Griffin instead of fighting "Shogun" Rua in November (as is rumored)? If you look only at his title-loss to Forrest, then my answer would be "yes" - or "fact" depending on which day you're reading my work. The judges' scoring was suspect and it was a highly competitive, very close match between two great Light Heavyweights. However, taking into account the legal situation Jackson is dealing with, as well as how he responded as a professional UFC fighter in regards to dropping the gold in July, then he absolutely needs to prove himself again before earning the privilege to compete for a UFC Championship. His questionable behavior would have been amplified times-ten had "Rampage" still been wearing the LHW title.


EliteXC Brett Rogers' camp issues a statement on Ken Shamrock and Kimbo Slice...

"As for Oct 4th; that was our spot. Shamrock with his name and giant ego butted in line to get a slice of Kevin. At 103 years of age Ken usurped our rightful place against the YouTube champ. Our sincerest hope is that Ken whips Kimbo and then we can finally euthanize the "World's Most Dangerous Man" and relegate him to some MMA dinosaur exhibit. Maybe taxidermy him and (Dan) Severn and place them on a rotating pedestal where they can endless circle each other.

If Ken proves to be more sham [than] rock and Fergi beats him, then the Slice hype grows even greater. Dude is already more myth [than] Sasquatch, Chupacabra and a f*cking unicorn combined. Kevin is the black Yeti."


I don't even know where to begin with this one! I would love to have been a fly on the wall during the statement's conception. I imagine there was a lot of laughter involved. Using the word "usurped" in the same paragraph with the visualization of a bizarre Severn/Shamrock museum exhibit is absolutely brilliant! However, the authors lose points for the "sham"/"rock" insult, as it's fairly lame. I would know. I wrote something similar as a column title back in March when Shamrock got buzzed by Berry. Fortunately, they make up for it with the simple phrase "black Yeti". For one thing, they refer to Kimbo's skill being mythological, citing cryptozoological creatures as support. They even mention "Sasquath". Um...isn't a Yeti essentially a Sasquatch, though one rumored to live in the Himalayas as opposed to Pacific Northwest or Canada? The error in itself is smile-inducing. Still, I'm willing to forgive the mistake, as the term "black Yeti" has left me picturing a seven-foot, iced-out, apelike creature rocking some Aviator glasses, listening to Lil' Wayne, and possibly smoking a cigarillo.

All in all, the bit o' trash-talk gets a 8/10 in my book. Keep up the good work Team Bison!


Tito Ortiz, on "Inside MMA", regarding his current status in terms of free agency...

"EliteXC -- possibility. Affliction -- possibility. UFC -- a small chance of that happening. The things between me and Dana White, I'm shoving it off and moving on with my life. I've been doing this for 11 years now, and I still have five or six years ahead of me to compete. I want to make sure it's going to be a company that backs me, supports me, and uses me [in] the best [way] that I've been working this far to get."


Tito Ortiz's appearance on last Friday's "Inside MMA" was absolutely brutal! He had all the charm of a beanbag. Truly, it was so retchid, Emmitt Smith would have felt bad for him (and anyone who remembers Smith's stint as an ESPN analyst knows exactly what I mean). Tito had two pages of notes with him - the only panelist who'd brought them - and was constantly fumbling his words and viewpoints. The last sentence in this tidbit offers up only a small fragment of Ortiz's ramblings. I suggest you check out the "Inside MMA" website later next week when the show is available for streaming to enjoy the verbal mess.

My feeling on Tito's free agency is that he'll probably re-sign with the UFC. He went out on the market expecting EliteXC or Affliction to throw a ton of dough at him, but he wasn't counting on either company's need to be a bit more frugal with their spending, as well as what they felt were reasonable offers for his services being so far off from what he'd hoped to be paid. In the end, business is business, and Ortiz and Dana White have a sick relationship of sorts that somehow works for both parties. Ortiz gets to promote himself, and remain in the organization he helped build, while White gets to belittle someone he dislikes while making money off the fights the former UFC Light Heavyweight Champion sells. "The Huntington Beach Bad Boy" will probably make the same, or a little less, than what EliteXC or Affliction were willing to offer, but neither company can provide the stability or spotlight he's looking for. The only other possibility I see would be for a Japanese promotion to step in and try to lure him away to the Far East. I'm certain Ortiz would be very big in Japan, if he's not already, as his outlandish personality, status as an American star, and relationship with Jenna James would fuel the culture's obsession with pop culture. I'm not certain what kind of money a place like DREAM or World Victory Road can afford to offer, but the opportunity could be worth it due to the new streams of advertising dollars it could open up for Tito Ortiz and Punishment Athletics.


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That's about all she wrote for this week's Hangover. Till next time Punch Drunk buckaroos, here's your "Monday Morning Moment of Zen" - Josh Koscheck beating the hell out of some clown off the street who challenged him to a fight at AKA.

Wait...Koscheck can be likeable?!?

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