The Verbal Submission 12.09.08: Double UFC Preview, BooYaa Bye-Bye, and Never Surrender?

Posted by Chris Robinson on 12.09.2008

Welcome back to the one column at 411Mania that never fails to something, something. In this week's Verbal Submission I give my thoughts on the upcoming Fight for the Troops and The Ultimate Finale. Will the winning coach have gatorade or urine dumped on him? Also, I found a trailer for the movie, Never Surrender. I can't begin fathom who greenlit this trainwreck. All this, and I find the time to take a verbal poke at Clay Guida.

To start off today's column I want to apologize for only listing 3 wishes in last week's column, when the section's heading said it was a top 5 list. I suffered a severe case of brain fart, which ultimately led to the last two wishes being omitted. I've taken a healthy dose of Mental Beano, so hopefully today's column will be gas free. In this lovely edition of The Verbal Submission, the bulk of the column will be previews and reviews, some rumors surfacing in non-UFC promotions, and my thoughts on the UFC banning more potential sponsors. I also wanted to make a quick mention about Kimbo Slice's debut as a commentator over the weekend for K-1. According to most sources, Kimbo kept quiet for the majority of the show, but took the time to point out that he loved the "city" of Japan. This reminded me instantly of Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin's belief that Africa was a country. So remember kids, Kimbo Slice has enough intelligence to one day be a governor, if EliteXC lets him out of his contract. So close! Let's news it up!

Wink if you love the knees of a Brazilian man.


FIGHT FOR THE TROOPS: A KOSCHECK SWAN SONG?
This Wednesday night live on SpikeTV, the UFC presents the Fight for the Troops, which is an event being held to raise money for the Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund. Usually I would let my sarcasm do the walking here, but this is serious business. It's an outstanding gesture for the UFC to follow in the footsteps of other major sporting organizations by raising money and awareness for a charity like this one. Make sure you visit http://fallenheroesfund.ufc.com for more information on how to help raise funds for the National Intrepid Center for Excellence. Now let's talk about this fight card!

TIM CREDEUR VS. NATE LOUGHRAN

The first fight on the televised portion of the card pits TUF vet Tim Credeur against Nate Loughran, who is also walking into the cage for the second time. Loughran boasts a perfect 9-0 record with eight of those wins coming via submission. This guy comes into the cage to put people to sleep, or break arms. I like Nate Loughran. TUF fans remember Tim "Mr. Second Chance" Credeur for his durability, toughness, and overall drive to succeed during the Team Griffin vs. Team Rampage season. Credeur made the most of his official UFC debut by decimating Cale Yarbrough in the first round. With a talent thin UFC middleweight division, both of these guys will be looking to make a statement. Look for Loughran to take this fight to the ground (big surprise!) and look for Credeur to try and KO him before he does. With a judo, wrestling, and BJJ background, I'm going to give the edge in this fight to Loughran as he appears to be the more well rounded fighter. Look for a first round submission victory for Nate.

For anyone interested in Nate Loughran's pre-UFC days. There's about six minutes of entrances before the fight begins. What is this EliteXC?


STEVE CANTWELL VS. RAZAK AL-HASSAN

Look everybody it's former WEC light heavyweight champion Steve Cantwell and he's fighting Bria.......Razak Al-Hassan? Who? Oh well, it's for the troops! Old Razak makes his UFC debut here with an unblemished 6-0 record. Cantwell is coming off his August title victory in the WEC, but with the abolishment of the light heavyweight division there, Cantwell is now in the big leagues. While many fans were looking forward to the rubber match between Cantwell and Stann, instead we get a fighter WITH THE MOST FOREIGN NAME EVER fighting on a US MILITARY BASE. Gee, do you think Hassan might get booed a little purely based off of his name? Just a guess. And if anyone, ANYONE, thinks that I'm being ridiculous with that statement, go to eBay.com and try to find a cheap reality check. As for the fight, I'm going to go with Cantwell since I've seen all four of his WEC fights and know his capabilities. He was a completely different fighter from the first Stann fight compared to the second. His UFC strengths are listed as "I'm very well rounded" and that holds very true. I'll give Al-Hassan the benefit of the doubt as his pro record lists 4 of his 6 fights ending by submission. Cantwell will probably try to keep the fight standing up and unload some bombs like he did on Stann. I believe Cantwell also has the advantage because he's had more experience on bigger fight cards in front of more people. The nerves can go a little crazy the first time you walk out onto the big stage. Look for Cantwell to take this one by second round TKO.

Seriously Brian, just take a nap on my fist. I don't mind.


MIKE "NO LONGER QUICK AT ALL" SWICK VS. JONATHAN "UNFORTUNATELY NOT ROBERT" GOULET

In another classic American vs. Foreigner match-up, we have the evil Canadian trying to take over the world, one fight at a time. Damn you Canada and your floppy heads! Seriously though, I was once a big Mike Swick fan until he dropped down to 170 and lost the ability to finish a fight. What happened? Granted he hasn't had any easy fights, but after his abysmal performance against Josh Burkman he needed to bounce back in a big way and I don't believe he did that against Marcus Davis. The fight was good, but not the normal explosive style he portrayed at 185. For Goulet, he's coming off back to back wins and would love to make it three in a row against someone of Swick's caliber. The welterweight division is not a division where you can suffer more than a handful of losses and have a prayer of staying on the UFC roster. Both these guys like to stand and trade so I doubt this fight will see any significant ground time. I'm going to pick this fight as the semi-upset of the night and go with Jonathan Goulet by decision. I think his overall skill set has improved and he's going to give Swick all he can handle.

There can be only one.


JOSH "KOS I DON'T WANT TO SIGN THAT" KOSCHECK VS. YOSHIYUKI "ZENKO" YOSHIDA

Why are all these fights an American vs. a foreign fighter? You can't honestly sit there and tell me that the UFC doesn't borrow elements of professional wrestling. You can't!!! Did Brock Lesnar help Joe Silva book this card? (Kidding) So I hope all the Josh Koscheck fans out there are prepared for a possible farewell performance from the Blonde um...Koscheck. With rumors swirling that Koscheck still refuses to sign the lifetime video game contract for the UFC, it will be interesting to see how Koscheck performs here. It's also intriguing considering Koscheck lost to Thiago Alves about a month ago. I have to give Kos credit for not getting finished in that fight because Alves is a beast, but that loss pretty much knocked him out the welterweight title picture for the forseeable future. A win over Yoshida would pick him back up, but I think Koscheck leaving the UFC might not be a bad thing. He's never been a fan favorite. He already has a loss to current champ Georges St. Pierre. A fight against former champs Matt Serra or Matt Hughes might get some attention, but wouldn't be a big draw. What's left for him at 170 except for a role as gatekeeper? If EliteXC is suddenly able to pick up the pieces (rumor has it they might be), a Koscheck vs. Shields match-up wouldn't be too shabby.

As for Yoshida, his UFC debut impressed me. I'm not always a fan of judo fighters, but Yoshida's quickness and ground control are no joke. Yoshida is riding a nine fight win streak, with his first UFC win coming over....sigh...War Machine. How has Marvel not stepped in and sued that moron yet? I'm pulling for Yoshida in this fight because he seems like an exciting fighter that can utilize his judo to stop some of the top guys at 170 (I'm looking at you Karo!). Koscheck might have the strength advantage in this one if it goes to the ground, but I think Yoshida has the mental edge in this one. If Koscheck really is on his way out, he might become too aggressive to get a big finish, and make a big mistake. I'm going with Yoshida by second round submission.

Come on jackass! Call Iron Man to save you! Aww, anaconda choke. Night night.


IF YOU CAN'T WEAR BOOYAA FIGHTWEAR, HOW ABOUT KABLOOIE FOOTWEAR?
Add BooYaa Fightwear to the list of banned sponsors on ZUFFA fight cards due to their absorbed-twin-in-the-womb closeness with King of the Cage. According to MMAPayout.com and reported by BloodyElbow.com, BooYaa wanted to sponsor Mike Budnik during his bout at WEC 37, and Dana White stepped in with a "Hell to the No". King of the Cage CEO Peter Lamy (Please tell me that's pronounced Lay-Me) stated that Dana and ZUFFA don't want their fighters to benefit from sponsors, blah, blah, blah. What these lovely clothing companies fail to see is that advertising on a competitor's show just ain't happening. Have we learned nothing from Affliction? If you sponsor another high profile MMA promotion, Dana doesn't want to give you free publicity on his show. I doubt Mike Budnik lost a large chunk of change from this ruling. If he did, I'd suggest giving the Tapout crew a buzz. They sponsor EVERYONE! There's also the fine folks at EternalUnlimited.com. Can't beat their finely made t-shirts (Wink).

So for any other fighters out there concerned with their sponsor's position in the minds of the UFC brass, here's a list of sponsors the UFC will probably ban if they haven't already.

1) CONDOMCITY - After years of successful sponsoring from CondomDepot.com, I doubt highly the UFC will look kindly on CondomCity. Although, CondomCity is based in the UK and Europe, so this one is a toss up. Personally, I think any high profile prophylactic distributor should be welcome on the crotches of mixed martial artists. It sends the message that "Hey, even though I'm a professional fighter and attend many after parties in Sin City, I know that having a child or contracting an STD will seriously deter the success of my MMA career." Sex-Ed and MMA go together like PB&J. It's a fact. (Side note: CondomCity went out of business. I should really click the links before I write the joke. Live and learn)

2) AFLAC - I've heard Dana White doesn't like the fact that Aflac sounds similar to Affliction, so he banned them from sponsoring any fighters. Granted, I doubt they're interesting in sponsoring MMA fighters since they're mainly a health and life insurance company, but who am I to argue. What pro fighter wouldn't want that Gilbert Gottfried voiced duck adorning their fighting shorts. A duck from Aflac on your shorts says "Hey, as a pro fighter I need health insurance to deal with the numerous gashes on my face, bones broken, and testicles fractured. Why not go with a company that has a duck mascot. Besides, I hate geckos, and Geico only insures cars." Poor Aflac, they should start their own promotion and then team up with Golden Boy Promotions, and then fold.

3) TITO'S HANDMADE VODKA - This one is pretty self explanatory. Now Tito Ortiz has nothing to do with this product, but seeing the word Tito on the ass of any UFC fighter is sure to make Dana White's blood boil. It's a shame though because founder Tito Beveridge is a big MMA fan and wanted to sponsor some fighters on the upcoming UFC 93 card from Dublin, Ireland. I really think Dana White should rethink this one because Tito's Handmade Vodka is an award winning vodka, and frankly that's the only reason I can come up with. If a fighter is sponsored by Tito's Handmade Vodka it says "Hey, as a pro fighter I like to get piss drunk after a fight at some of the finest nightclubs in Vegas. What better way to do that than with whatever vodka company pays me to put their logo on my ass. Where's Junie Browning? I want to get in a fight!". I wish Mr. Beveridge continued success, and maybe someday his dreams will come true, but probably not.

It's unfortunately real.


ULTIMATE FINALE: I GOTTA PREVIEW 2 FIGHT CARDS IN ONE COLUMN?
Let me start off by saying I'm not going to give my thoughts on Browning vs. Kaplan because that fight is a joke and should not be on the main card of the show. Honestly, Browning shouldn't be on the card at all. This is the second season in a row that Dana White has let a slightly domesticated caveman fight on the Finale card after that person has showed utter disrespect for himself, the UFC, and the sport of mixed martial arts. Junie may be a talented fighter who has turned his life around since the show, but his spot on the card says to every retard in a gym that you can continue to act like a blithering idiot and still have an opportunity to fight in the UFC. No one is perfect. I know that. How about telling the guy to come back in a year after he's cleaned his act up? Instead, Junie gets rewarded because he drew ratings on a reality show and went to train at Xtreme Couture. When he gets arrested after he loses the fight and picks a fight in a bar, don't say I didn't warn you.

Words can't describe...


JASON MACDONALD VS. WILSON GOUVEIA

The middleweight division is on display in this one as Wilson Gouveia looks to get back on track to being a top contender, while Jason MacDonald looks to push his latest winning streak to...2. MacDonald's a hard nut to crack considering his 5-3 UFC record, with those three losses coming to Rich Franklin, Yushin Okami, and Demia Maia. So how exactly is he going to move up the middleweight ladder? For Gouveia, this is a must win. He's 2-1 since dropping to 185, and if he wants to become a contender at 185 he needs to stop MacDonald in a convincing fashion. I think the next logical step if Gouveia is successful could be a match-up with fellow BJJ black belt, Demian Maia. If MacDonald is successful, well good for him. I'm going to predict MacDonald by decision for this middleweight clash.

Yay! You let me be myself!


KEVIN BURNS VS. ANTHONY JOHNSON

The eye gouging blood feud between Burns and Johnson finally comes to an end at the Ultimate Finale. "Nobody pokes me in the eye and gets away with it!", Johnson wasn't quoted as saying. "I'm coming to this fight to poke eyes and take names!", Burns never exclaimed. Seriously though this fight ended on one of the dumbest calls in MMA history. It was a solid fight up until the eye poke heard 'round the world, but no one really cares about this fight. Anthony Johnson looked impressive in KO'ing Tommy Speer, but I know elderly women that have KO'ed Tommy Speer. They're very pleasant ladies, not violent at all. So by now you realize I'm very apathetic towards this fight and its outcome, so I'll predict Kevin Burns wins via groin kick, which Steve Mazzagatti will ultimately ignore.

RYAN "SIGH...DARTH" BADER (GET IT?) VS. VINNY MAGALHAES

The Finals for the light heavyweight side of The Ultimate Fighter pits wrestler Ryan Bader against BJJ wizard Vinny Magalhaes (he's some sort of sorcerer on the ground). According to Sherdog, Vinny's last loss came by verbal submission! Ha HA! Childish sentences aside, Vinny's ground game was very impressive during the course of the show and he displayed some semblance of a stand-up game as well. As for Bader, well let's just say he's a boring wrestler. Now since the show, I'm sure he's worked on his stand-up and he's going to bring 110% into the cage, blah, blah, blah. (Vinny's first loss came to George Bush. Wow. He has to get that wiped off his record somehow. It just sounds horrible.) Back to Bader, I think he has to keep the fight standing because there's no way he can avoid Vinny's spectacular submissions. As for Vinny, I believe he'll actually try to keep this fight standing as he has a lifetime subscription to Jorge Gurgel Montly. Here's hoping this fight isn't boring as all hell, and that Vinny pulls out the win by first round submission.

PHILLIPE NOVER VS. EFRAIN ESCUDERO

Somebody's O must go! I hate when they say that. Nover comes into this fight with a world of hype behind him thanks to Dana White dubbing him "Anderson Silva at 155". It's very difficult to live up to that kind of praise especially from the Lex Luthor of MMA. Efrain's main claim to fame is his submission of Allen Browning, but he also has an impressive 11-0 record. So where will this fight go? My money is on Efrain trying to take it to the ground, while Phillipe will try stay standing and work the clinch. This should be an exciting fight regardless and I hope they close the show with it. Post TUF Finale, one of these guys is entering arguably the deepest division in the UFC in terms of top talent. Why is Diego Sanchez thinking about 155 again? If they pattern the winner's career, let's call him Phillipe, after Nate Diaz then they could have a top guy in two years. I'm going with Phillipe by second round TKO for this one.

Well I see diet and nutrition are a main concern for Efrain.


QUICK THOUGHTS ON THINGS
WEC 37: WHY ARE YOU SO DEAD SET ON THAT ARM TRIANGLE?!?

WEC 37 was a solid show with a great main event. Miguel Torres proved to Manny Tapia that his stand-up game is top notch, and when you stay standing with the champ you don't stay conscious very long. Of course, after the fight Tapia stated he thought the fight was ended prematurely. Manny, when you're covered in your own blood and your opponent is raining down fists to your head, the referee needs to step in or your skull will eventually crack open. I'm just saying. Up next for Torres should be another winner from WEC 37, Brian Bowles. Bowles is a solid, well rounded fighter, but I don't think he has a prayer against Torres. Of course, I didn't think Brown had a prayer against Faber and look what happened. I'm a fan folks, not an expert. I never claimed to be an expert or an MMA encyclopedia (steps off soap box). Torres is also interested in a rematch with the one man to defeat him and that is WEC fighter Jeff Curran. If all goes according to plan, I could see Torres running through Bowles and Curran on the way to a potential jump to 145. We all know how much ZUFFA loves super fights!

SHAMROCK VS. SYLVIA: DEAR GOD NO

So Tim Sylvia came out last week and told anyone that would listen about his intentions to fight Ken Shamrock in Japan. To this potential fight between former UFC champions I say please in the name of Gracie, don't let this fight happen. We all know both men could use an oversized Japanese paycheck, but who else benefits from this fight? The fans? Hardly. If there's anyone out there that actually has a legitimate reason for being excited about this fight, let me know. You can't say you want to see this fight because you knew Ken Shamrock would die in a MMA ring or cage someday because we all figured that out before the scheduled Kimbo fight.

This girl is wicked underage. Say chowdah!!!


NATE DIAZ VS. CLAY GUIDA: GUESS WHO I'M ROOTING FOR?

Another rumor flying around the interweb is a potential match-up between Nate Diaz and Clay Guida at UFC 94: St. Pierre vs. Penn 2. As many of you know, I'm not the biggest fan of Clay Guida. I am, however, a big Nate Diaz fan because he's a cocky jerk and an excellent fighter. A win over Guida puts Diaz two or three fights away from a title shot in my opinion. He'd probably get a fight with Sean Sherk, or possibly Joe Stevenson. If Guida wins...well let's just hope that doesn't happen.

FRANK TRIGG NEEDS YOU....TO BE HIS NANNY
According to the fine folks at MMAWeekly.com, Frank Trigg and his wife Nici just had their first child recently. Due to their hectic schedules, they need someone else to raise their child. I'm sorry. I mean they need help raising their child. Trigg is always running around to different fictional sketch comedy shows doing his Kurt Angle impersonations. Nici Trigg is always running around doing whatever it is that Nici Trigg does that would prevent her from raising her child full time.

Seriously though, if you know anyone they have to speak two languages, English and Dutch. They also have to have a master's degree in Triggonomics. They need to subscribe to the belief that Kurt Angle is the greatest MMA fighter of all time that never set foot inside a MMA ring or cage. They need to shave their head with HeadBlade. Twice a week they have to take Jay Glazer to the zoo to see all the beautiful animals. It sounds like a pretty normal nanny job to me. I hear Fabricio Werdum still needs a job (Seriously, Fabricio, give Frank a call).

Don't forget the degree in child psycholo.......holy crap why is Matt Hughes holding a nude photo of Frank Trigg?


GINA CARANO IS NOT A BIG GAY LESBIAN
According to this recent interview with Ariel "Happy Hanukkah" Helwani, Gina Carano does not play for the other team. If she did, well I want to keep everyone's pants dry so I won't go into great detail. She claims not to be squeaky clean, so let the bubble bath fantasies begin. Check out the interview below.



MMA + SOFTCORE PORN: DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS?
So while surfing around the web for some more nuggets of MMA hilarity, I stumbled across the trailer for "Never Surrender". How did I not know about this sooner? The movie features GSP, BJ Penn, Rampage, Heath Herring, Anderson Silva, and naked broads. I don't believe there's any real storyline, and the listing on IMDB.com is useless. It seems that someone with some spare cash really wanted to shoot fight scenes with his favorite UFC fighters, and have fake sex with hot girls. On the surface, this sounds like the greatest idea ever in the history of ideas, but I assure you it is not. It's close though. If anyone does know the official site or has a release date then please clue me in because I googled the crap out of it and found very little info.

I wish that it was just this trailer, but apparently it's a full length feature film.

Never Surrender Trailer

END OF THE THIRD ROUND
That ends another super duper of "The Verbal Submission". Thanks to Sherdog.com, MMAJunkie.com, WEC.tv, MMAWeekly.com and BloodyElbow.com. These sites all provide the kernels of information that help me write this juicy little column.

One last note, here's the latest promo video for Affliction's Day of Reckoning event that will go head to head with Golden Boy Promotion's Sugar Shane Mosley vs. Antonio Margarito Fight card in California. Guess that partnership is in the toilet!!!


The Empire Hardcore Podcast is giving out opinions like handshakes, and you can listen at Podomatic.com and on iTunes. Be sure to check out my mildly amusing moving pictures on YouTube. Also, my wrestling opinions are here. I'll be back next Tuesday to review the two UFC fight cards, ramble about the possible Pro Elite resurrection, and theorize about Hillary Clinton's future as Secretary of State. One of those three things won't happen, but which one?

Kick. Punch. It's all in the mind.

-CPR