The Verbal Submission 12.30.08: Rampage Wins!, Couture vs. ???, and Logan Stanton Pics

Posted by Chris Robinson on 12.30.2008

We are days removed from the biggest MMA show of the year, and I'm still all tingly. I might have had too much egg nog over the holidays. That stuff is addictive. Along with my opinions of UFC 92, I've got a column chocked full of Dana White Vlogs, Arlovski boxing (which is nothing like foxy boxing), and Gary Shaw is trying to return to your TV. We must stop him! All this, and two pics of new UFC ring girl, Logan Stanton. Oh yeah, she's a girl. I checked.

From a 60 degree Jersey Shore in the middle of December, I am Chris Robinson and this is "The Verbal Submission". I hope everyone had a happy and safe holiday weekend. I'm getting all geared up for New Year's Eve and the copious amounts of alcohol I'm sure I'll consume. I know a few new UFC champions will probably be liquored up properly, and a few former champions will probably be drowning their sorrows. UFC 92 delivered a phenomenal night of action even if the undercard matches were a bit underwhelming. That's why they're on the undercard! In today's column I'll give my full breakdown of UFC 92, review episode numero dos of Arlovski 360, take a look at WAMMA's latest announcement, throw some rumor shrimp on the barbie, and more, more, more. So sit back, relax, and watch out for that left uppercut. Let's go!

Victory thy name is Quinton. Can't believe I bet against him!


UFC 92: THE ULTIMATE ULTIMATE ULTIMATE
Let's start at my favorite part of the show, the beginning. The show opened with what appeared to be a replay of Cro Cop vs. Overeem. Cheick Kongo handed Mostapha Al-Turk a loss in his UFC debut. After a brief game of knee-balls, Cheick imposed his French darkness onto Al-Turk and the big man bled til the end. Kongo looked confident in this fight, so I guess the move to England paid off. As for Al-Turk, he didn't impress me much, but I don't want to be too harsh on him because he's probably still icing his nads. Up next for Kongo will probably be a Heath Herring type of heavyweight. Kongo needs to fight someone that's been near the top of the food chain at heavyweight again before he gets close to that title shot.

And here's your receipt Mr. Al-Turk.


Up next was the match the MMA world had been waiting for, the Return of the Jedi edition of Silva vs. Jackson. Thank God it didn't turn into the Revenge of the Sith version. I couldn't handle seeing Rampage burn in lava. Most predictions I scanned through on various message boards predicted this fight going the full three or at least two, but Rampage would have none of that. Silva was knocked cold in the first, and Rampage gave him three or four PRIDE receipts after Silva's carcass hit the mat. Surprisingly no one is really talking about that, so I'm guessing it's kind of acceptable after all the bad blood between these two. I'll just chalk it up to the adrenaline rush of knocking your mortal enemy out and besides Yves Lavigne has tiny girl arms. He's not pushing Rampage off anyone with any great speed. Of course now we're set for Rampage to get another crack at the 205 crown, but Quinton already went on record saying he'd rather avenge his loss to Forrest Griffin. Well I hope Forrest was paying attention to how Rampage likes to avenge losses. Something tells me Wanderlei and Forrest share a chin.

ESPN provides the post fight news conference comments and such.


I'm not going to mention the undercard matches that were shown as time filler because that's all they were, filler. So the third fight of the night was TUF runner-up and Peruvian Neck Tie Master CB Dollaway taking on New Jersey's own Mike Massenzio. What a disappointment. CB weathered an early storm, a.k.a. guillotine choke, to pound out a TKO on the ground. While Massenzio didn't look like he was being damaged by CB's weak punches, he failed to defend himself so the ref stopped the fight. Try bucking your opponent off next time maybe! Dollaway still isn't overly impressive to me, but he'll continue to work his way up the ladder at 185. I'm sure the UFC will put him in there against a Nate Quarry or a Chris Leben at some point. Wait, Leben is suspended and retarded. Oh well.

Say my name!


The shock of the night was Frank Mir capturing the interim title from Big Nog via TKO. I honestly did not see that one coming. Mir himself even stated after the fight that he was scared, and in interviews he admitted he was going to give up MMA if not for his wife and family. Hopefully he won't bring that fear into his rematch with Brock Lesnar. As for Big Nog, message boards everywhere are already clamoring for Couture vs. Nog in a match-up of pseudo heavyweight tournament losers. That match would be intriguing four years ago, but it does nothing for me now. Nogueira looked terrible against Mir. It's as if he had no stand-up game at all, and Mir wanted nothing to do with the ground game, so Nog was in for a world of hurt. I'm guessing he'll regroup and come back for one or two big fights, but I doubt highly he'll ever want to slip into the role of heavyweight gatekeeper. Explain to me again how a guy that King Fedor couldn't put away was stopped by Frank fu**ing Mir? Kind of makes you wonder just how great The Last Emperor is doesn't it?

You did it Frank. You douched your way to victory. I'm proud of you.


The main event delivered us the Fight of the Night as Rashad Evans took the 205 belt from Forrest Griffin in his first title defense. One and done! Griffin's chin proved that when the right button is pushed bad things happen. The finish mirrored Jardine vs. Griffin as Forrest flailed uncontrollably while a flurry of Momma Evan's Homemade Bombs rained down on him. I'm glad Forrest cleared up the question of whether he tapped or not by saying he did not. Just getting my ass kicked! Thanks! I'm good! Rashad looks borderline unstoppable at 205 right now and a match-up with Rampage makes me erect with joy. I'm sure Rampage would love to get Forrest back in the cage, but save that for later! Rashad has the MMA world kissing and grabbing right now the same way Rampage burst on the scene in PRIDE way back when. Both have improved their stand-up over the course of their careers. Both have vicious ground and pound to complement the boxing and kickboxing. I'm slowly becoming more excited for this potential fight while typing. Forrest will recover. I'd like to see Forrest have a rematch with Keith Jardine first, then take on Rampage again down the line. That's just me though! I'm crazy.

That will surely haunt Forrest for years to come.


Rashad taking questions from Franklin "McCarver" McNeill. Jackass.


DANA WHITE: VLOGGING ALL NIGHT LONG
You've got to love Dana White's video blogs before all the big shows. His final blog the day of the show was very entertaining, and offered a before and after view backstage. The vlogs have a very raw, unpolished feel because frankly they are. There are no fancy effects, no scripts, and no BS. It's just a camera following Dana around while he sits in on soundchecks, wishes fighters good luck, and enjoys life. Why wouldn't he enjoy life? He's Dana freakin' White! During the 12/27 edition of the vlog, Dana spends half the show trying to shock fighters and friends with some sort of electric shock pen. He gets Rampage like 4 times with the stupid thing! The lucky camera boy also catches Dana's reactions during the finishes of all the main card fights, and he's in the cage during the aftermath of Rashad's big win. Whether you love or hate Dana White, I'll always recommend checking out his video blogs for the inside look it provides.

If someone sends Cheick Kongo after you, run. RUN. run.


ARLOVSKI 360: BOXING CAN BEAT FEDOR?
They're still pushing that Fedor vs. Andre is the most anticipated MMA fight in the history of MMA fights? Really? In this week's episode, the focus is on Arlovski's boxing preparation. His boxing coach, Freddie Roach, feels that Andre is going to beat Fedor standing. This confirms that Freddie Roach has never seen Fedor fight EVER EVER EVER... EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER. Granted, it could happen, but seriously? Andre has like thirty seconds of actual verbal interaction with the camera as he mumbles something about living with rats or roaches. I was focusing more on the slick production and eye catching editing effects, because I edit for a living.

This episode was a bit more informative than the first, but overall it's still filled with too much fluff. I was excited to see the seven minute run time, but after four minutes of solid story, you get a two and a half minute music video of Arlovski training (with much of the footage being recycled). Another thing that's annoying to me as a video geek is the combination of words on the screen with a narrator reading them to the viewer. Pick one! Either have the words on the screen for me to read and thus create a pause in the "action", or have fake Morgan Freeman read them while showing other footage (B-roll for non vid geeks). I think having Arlovski actually talk more would also add to these episodes because overall I don't see a connection being created between Andre and the viewer. It's like "OK, this guy is training for an epic fight. Why do I care? Oh, he's going to train boxing mostly. So?". I would think the purpose of these videos is to capture the attention of the casual fan, or even a non-MMA fan, but it definitely does not accomplish that. As I've said before, unless Arlvoski's management planned to get these on ESPN or HDnet, or get a featured spot on YouTube, these videos are pointless as a marketing tool.

Next week's episode is titled "The Mental Game", and will focus on Arlovski's mental preparation. I'm guessing it's going to be five minutes of Arlovski concentrating real hard and watching the Fedor vs. Sylvia fight over and over and over. Then his coaches will talk about how great Andre is at that old electronic memory game, Simon. Love that game.

In case you missed it, here's Episode 2 of Arlovski 360: On the Road to Reckoning. If you know nothing of MMA, you'll probably think Arlovski is a boxer.


GARY SHAW: A TRUE COCKROACH IN MMA
Most MMA fans know Gary Shaw as the unsuccessful promoter of EliteXC, which folded in 2008 thanks to a backyard brawler's failure to last 14 seconds in a professional fight. Some of you may also know Gary as a very successful boxing promoter. In this little nugget of webby sadness, it seems now that Gary Shaw wants to wear a third hat and that is the hat of a reality TV star. Of course, he's bringing his douchebag son Jared a.k.a. "Skala" along for the ride. The basic premise for this show appears to be that Gary is trying to manage his family life and his work life while his crazy family makes things difficult. GEE, THAT'S AN ORIGINAL CONCEPT. There's a ton of profanity in the show so I'm guessing they won't be following "Jon & Kate Plus 8" on TLC anytime soon. It appears this show would be more suited for Showtime or HBO.

It's hilarious to see Jared in his true form with various displays of scumbaggery. I'm glad this family is out of the MMA game. The funny part is there is no mention of Shaw's time with ProElite or EliteXC. I guess that goes against his self proclaimed "most successful promoter ever" moniker. I hope no channel gives in and decides to pick this show up to air. Both MMAWeekly and CagePotato.com didn't offer too many details. It's more of a "Hey look, a car crash. And is that jerky looking guy rapping about his own car crash?".

Enjoy!


FIGHTS THAT WILL HAPPEN SOON YES!
It's the newsiest section of my quaint little column and it's called "FIGHTS THAT WILL HAPPEN SOON YES!". Darling little title isn't it?

UFC 95 continues to take shape as Diego Sanchez vs. Joe Stevenson was officially announced as the main event. Didn't I talk about this fight last week? Oh well. Again, this is a must win for Stevenson as he's dropped two of his last three fights. Dropping three out of four can get you canned! For Diego, this will be his first fight at lightweight after a somewhat successful run at welterweight. I'm still surprised by the drop honestly. This is a guy who had a fight scheduled with Thiago Alves where the winner would become #1 contender for the welterweight strap.

GOOD LORD! great pic.


Also at UFC 95, Junior dos Santos returns to the Octagon for the second time. The man who virtually handed Fabricio Werdum his pink slip via fist to the face will face off with UFC newcomer, Stefan Struve. Struve looks to be somewhat of a beast with a 16-2 record, but he's yet to face any top competition in the US. Looking at his Sherdog stats, he's a choke man. By that I mean most of his wins are via triangle and rear naked choke, as well as just "choke". What could that MEAN?

Here's Struve winning via armbar in front of the quietest crowd ever. It's like they didn't even care!


UFC 97 in Montreal will most likely be headlined by Anderson Silva vs. Thales Leites for the middleweight title, although Dana White was tentative to confirm this fight. It seems the old message board scene was split on this one as well. At this point, with all the "super fight" rumors swirling around, people don't want to see Silva defend his belt against "the next guy in line". The anxiety over Anderson Silva's varied retirement statements have fans worried that unless Silva is booked in some top notch fights against superstar opponents, we'll be left wanting more come 2010 and beyond. Leites is riding a five fight win streak and is a more exciting fighter than Yushin "Boo Bird" Okami, but I think the whole Silva vs. Liddell thing made too many panties moist with anticipation. My question is, "Who else is left for Silva at 185?" Chael Sonnen? Seriously? No. Michael Bisping by the end of 2009? Maybe? I say screw it. Randy Couture wants fights at 205. Let's do it.

RANDY COUTURE VS. ANDERSON SILVA AT 205 POUNDS. Who's with me?

Credit: CombatLifeStyle.com

Seth Petruzelli is flapping his gums again and MMAWeekly.com was there to listen. Apparently, the Kimbo Killer wants a rematch with Mr. Slice to prove the first go round wasn't a fluke. He's also got plans to fight for Strikeforce in March, and also plans to fight in China. For the legions of Seth Petruzelli fans out there, your hero will return. Oh yes! He will return. Frankly I doubt anyone wants to see a Petruzelli vs. Kimbo rematch because the shine was knocked off the turd and no one cares about Kimbo anymore. I can't even wear my Kimbo Tapout shirt in jest any longer because it's just not funny.

Professional Dumb Ass.


WAMMA: TO HELL WITH BJ PENN!!! (kidding)
So my good buddies at WAMMA are ducking and dodging all the Sylvian criticism while getting ready to crown their first lightweight champion. It was officially announced today that the upcoming Eddie Alvarez vs. Shinya Aoki fight at the upcoming FieLDS Dynamite!! 2008 show will be for the WAMMA lightweight title. WAMMA's reasoning in having their number two and number three lightweights fight for the title? It's simple! BJ Penn is fighting for a welterweight strap, and if he wins, he'll be defending that belt first. If BJ focuses on the lightweight division again then WAMMA will approach the UFC about a title unification match. And when they approach, they will do so slowly and offer Reese's Pieces and Red Bull Energy Drink. Don't worry. That's not Dana White laughing at you while you approach. Lorenzo Fertitta just farted. He's laughing at that.

I'm glad WAMMA is getting ready to create their second championship, but they need to realize that the UFC will never work with them. If they do, I'll personally kiss Michael Lynch's feet on video tape. The UFC doesn't view MMA in the way that WAMMA does. WAMMA approaches things with a boxing-esque vision. There needs to be sanctioning bodies and title unifications, blah, blah, blah. The UFC approaches things with a more Vince McMahon-ish vision. They want to establish the UFC as a brand. They have "ultimate fighters", not "mixed martial artists". This is the same way that WWE has "superstars", not "wrestlers". It's about creating a brand, penetrating new markets, and defining the UFC as the only place for mixed martial arts. I admire WAMMA's approach because I believe that some of the best fighters in the world are not in the UFC. Unless Lorenzo Fertitta can somehow trick Dana White into a box (James Woods/Family Guy style), I don't see the UFC ever recognizing any WAMMA champions.

I was going to show a clip of Shinya Aoki, but this is better.


CERRONE VS. McCULLOUGH
I used my glorious DVR to record the WEC's Best of 2008 show and I'm glad I did. For anyone who hasn't had the opportunity to watch the Donald Cerrone vs. Rob McCullough fight, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? The fight definitely lived up to the hype and is probably the second best fight of the year behind Pulver vs. Faber. There were numerous knockdowns, an armbar escape, knees, blood, and even a mouthguard popped out! It's a shame this fight didn't make it on TV the night it took place, but the WEC was smart to get it on TV before the upcoming Varner vs. Cerrone title fight. So again, find this fight either on the replay, or somewhere on the interwebs. It is that good.

Here's a snippet from the fight courtesy of the WEC on YouTube.


END OF THE THIRD ROUND
That ends the last edition of "The Verbal Submission" for 2008. Thanks to Sherdog.com, MMAJunkie.com, UFC.com, MMAWeekly.com, and YouTube.com. The column was a little lighter this week because the news was a little light this week. Also, I don't do year end stuff because EVERYONE ELSE DOES. Be sure to read all the great year end articles here at 411Mania.com.

And in one other titbid, here are some photos of the newest UFC Octagon girl, Logan Stanton. Is she Wolverine's sister? Does she enjoy maple syrup? Are they real? Find out the answer to these questions and more in the next edition of "Girls That Hold Up Numbered Cards Gone Wild!"



The Empire Hardcore Podcast snuck in one last show for 2008 at Podomatic.com and on iTunes. Be sure to check out my best vids from 2008 on YouTube. Also, I'm a black belt in twitter-fu here. I'll be back next Tuesday to vividly describe New Year's Day vomit, wax philosophic about philosophic wax, and begin part 1 of my new web series, Robinson:45. (It's basically just me drinking malt liquor and looking up Billy Dee Williams' commercials on YouTube.)

Kick. Punch. It's all in the mind.

-CPR