The Verbal Submission 01.06.09: Lashley Signs with PFC, UFC Matches Galore, Sengoku Running, and What is XARM?
Posted by Chris Robinson on 01.06.2009
2009 is upon us and UFC fighters are already drunk and out of control. You know what else is out of control? All these fight announcements! I can't keep up! Along with exclamation points, I've got a firm stance on all these "top ranked" fighters on the Japanese MMA scene. Plus, look out for XARM! Yeah! Who wants some XARM? There's also some passing thoughts on the women of the Palace Fighting Championship. Come on in and read!
It's a new year, but it's the same old loved or hated "Verbal Submission", and I'm still Chris Robinson. December absolutely spoiled me with a different UFC or WEC show each week filled with jaw dropping knock outs, legs snapping in half, Frank Mir douching out punishment, and some guy named "Sugar" becoming 205 champ. Sounds like a great premise for a prison boxing movie doesn't it? January is no slouch though. We've got dominant middleweights in Dan Henderson and Rich Franklin looking to climb the ladder at 205, and we've got BJ and GSP looking for a TKO, or some PCP, or an HDMI cable. I'm excited. So today's column will focus on (gasp!) the Japanese MMA scene. Wait? What? I know nothing of this Japanese MMA of which you speak. I'll also run down the latest fights the UFC has set in stone. Last, and most certainly least, I'll take a look at a new sport from one of the UFC's founding fathers. It's barely a sport really. All this, and... "Wooooo! I'm going to call my ex-girlfriends and then go on a joy ride! Yeah! Who wants another shot of Jaeger?"
Sorry, Josh Neer grabbed the keyboard. Too soon!
Which one of you fine ladies wants to be a baby momma?
FIGHTS THAT WILL HAPPEN SOON YES!
We'll get things started proper with all the latest fights the UFC has in the works. Some are rumors. Some are confirmed. You decide!
First up, UFC 96's dance card continues to fill up as former TUF winner Kendall Grove returns to the cage to battle Jason "sigh...Dooms" Day. What a nickname. Day is coming off a thrashing at the hands of England's most popular dude, Michael Bisping. Kendall is coming off a victory over former middleweight champ, Evan Tanner. Definitely too soon for any Evan Tanner jokes or sarcasm. Day is 1-1 in the Octagon and he better bring the DOOM to Kendall if he wants to continue in the UFC. For Grove, defeating Tanner helped him return to his winning ways. He'll need to defeat Day impressively to get fights against better competition, which shouldn't be hard to find in the middleweight division. It's paper thin people! I'd personally like to see Kendall get a crack at Michael Bisping. We all know how much the UFC loves to pit TUF winners against each other. Who can forget the classic fight between Evans and Griffin? Seriously, it was a week ago. You shouldn't have forgotten it.
I always heard that Kendall was afraid of clowns. Guess I was wrong.
UFC Fight Night 17, which is allegedly in April, had two fights added to it this week. Matthew "Dante Rivera Couldn't Solve This" Riddle will be fighting Steve Bruno in a match-up at middleweight. Riddle is 1-0 in the UFC since his stint on TUF, and comes to us via Arizona Combat Sports. Who doesn't train there these days? Bruno is 1-1 in the UFC and is coming off a submission win over Johnny Rees, who was undefeated until he came to the UFC. This fight has no real implications on the title scene, but I'm sure the UFC would love for Riddle to continue his winning ways. Can't promote those TUF kids enough! And hey, at least this one didn't cover himself in bodily fluids, or kick out a limo window.
What are those WAMMA Titles? No, wait, those look real.
Also at FN17, Luigi Fioravanti gets Anthony "Rumble" Johnson in an intriguing welterweight fight. Johnson is coming off his skull cracking head kick KO over Kevin "The Fire" Burns. When will the nicknames stop, Lord? WHEN? Fiorivanti is coming off a decision win over Brodie Farber. Who? Says here he fought Sean Sherk in 2004. Alright, I guess he's a real boy. Anyway, Johnson looked downright impressive in his rematch with EyePoke McGoo, and I think he might be too much for Luigi to handle. We'll see! Fiorivanti usually puts on entertaining fights, even though his 5-3 record in the UFC isn't super great. Winner moves up the ladder! No eye pokes!
Anthony Johnson will not be outdone by a picture of David Loiseau.
Not excited about Fight Night 17? Never fear! We've already got a potential fight for Fight Night 18! (or 19 depending on where you look) Recent TUF lightweight winner Efrain "Not an Underdog" Escudero could be fighting Jeremy "Little Heathen" Stephens. Little Heathen is coming off a TKO victory of Rafael dos Anjos at UFC 91, while Efrain is coming off a three round battle with Phillipe Nover. Will this one go to the ground? Will they stay standing? Is this fight too far away to care? Efrain by submission.
We fight the fights and win good, no? Yes, I like these guys. These is good guys. I not know their names though. I sleepy.
The most interesting fight announcement to come out of UFC land this week is Josh Neer vs. the 5-0. I kid. The real most interesting fight is the middleweight contest that's locked down for UFC 95 and that is Demian Maia vs. Chael Sonnen. Sonnen is returning to the UFC after a bizarre 2008 in the WEC. If you don't know what I'm talking about for the love of Tito get digital cable and watch VS. Maia is on the roll of rolls in the UFC as he's gone on a four fight tear through the 185 pound division. If you think Demian Maia can't submit you, he can. Trust me. Sonnen better study up on the BJJ defense because there's no way he can cry "no tap!" against Maia. Sonnen has won 7 of his last 8 fights and wants to establish himself as a top middleweight. Well at least he won't have to worry about Maia laying on the canvas and begging him to come into his guard like some drunken Brazilian hooker. Stupid Filho.
Gotta defend the armbar. Gotta defend the armbar. Gotta defend the armbar. DAMN!
Speaking of Brazilians named Paulo, Josh Koscheck is set to take on Paulo Thiago at UFC 95. Dear God. They've created a hybrid clone of Paulo Filho and Thiago Alves (and/or Silva). According to Sherdog, Thiago is undefeated at 7-0 and has faced no one you or I have heard of. Oh I'm sorry. Are there are lot of Luis Dutra Jr. fans out there? This will be the third fight for Koscheck in four months as he continues his quest to beat every welterweight not named Thiago or Georges. Wait. Oh I'm confused.
Thanks to the guys at BloodyElbow.com for finding this snazzy Paulo Thiago highlight reel.
David Loiseau will be returning to the UFC at UFC 97 against TUF veteran Ed Herman. "The Crow" is 4-2 since leaving the Octagon for less green pastures, but the ZUFFA gang can always use a solid Canadian middleweight to bolster a Montreal show. Loiseau's last fight was against another TUF vet, Solomon Hutcherson, and Loiseau won that bout in round 5. Round 5? Seriously? Well hopefully Ed Herman will have an easier time with Loiseau then he did in last two fights against Alan Belcher and Demian Maia. One more loss could bounce Herman out of the UFC Loiseau style.
Behold the flying knee of The Crow!
Last, but not least, Dean Lister quit the UFC. Good luck in Japan, Boogeyman! Buy a crazy mask and they'll put you in a main event. I'm sure of it.
Gonna go get my job back with PRIDE. Love PRIDE. They always treated me great in PRIDE.
LASHLEY ENTERS THE PALACE OF WONDER AND FIGHTING
The Palace Fighting Championship announced the addition of Hector Lombard, Alexis Vila, and BOBBY LASHLEY to their roster for their February show. Lashley's fight is a one time deal as he continues to fight outside of the AFL while following his dream of fighting in the UFC. No opponent has been named yet, but hopefully whoever he fights will last longer than :41 seconds and not be so susceptible to gashes. I'm just saying! I have a feeling that 2009 is going to be a big year for Bobby Lashley in the MMA World. He's still talking all that "return to wrestling" jazz, but if he does it will just be for a pay day. Trust me. He's not going to make any sort of sweet scratch at these small shows even if he can jack up his value due to his name. If Lashley can get four or five fights under his belt this year, I see no reason the UFC won't come calling. There's even rumors that Lashley could join Judo Golden Boy, Satoshi Ishii, on a future season of TUF. Brock Lesnar vs. Black Lesnar. That's all I'm saying! It's money!
After reading about this fight, I decided to surf over to the PFC's official site, which is an absolute abortion of a website. Your promotion signs one of the most talked about names in MMA right now, and the story isn't in your news section! Come on people! Granted, it's Lashley's management spreading the story of his signing around, but still! Another thing that struck me sideways is the PFC's dedication to their three ring girls: Afton, Krista, and Stephanie. It seems Krista is the most loved of the bunch because she actually has a picture gallery. Afton has only one pic unfortunately, while the link to Stephanie's bio leads you to nowhere. Hopefully that isn't a metaphor for fighting for the PFC.
Here's a pic of Krista. Clicking on it will take you to the rest of her pics. You can figure out the rest.
XARM: ARM WRESTLING + MMA = BIZARRE
So while visiting my usual MMA sites looking for nuggets of information for this column, I noticed that both CagePotato.com and MMAWeekly.com posted a story about a new "organization". It looks as though UFC co-creator Art Davie has come up with another idea and this one is much, MUCH worse than all of his other ideas. Mr. Davie has decided to combine the fast paced, breath taking action from the world of ARM WRESTLING with kickboxing (I guess?).
You have to watch the video to truly understand the pure insanity of this new "sport". You know, if I drank a lot and watched the movie "Over The Top" enough, I probably could've come up with this idea. The only thing XARM needs is for each contestant to win an 18 wheeler and custody of a child. It's sad enough that the internet channel RipeTV is somewhat backing this, but it better never see the light of day on real TV. I'm looking in your direction G4! The best part of this whole debacle is that good ol' Art Davie blogged about the current state of the UFC and basically says it ain't what it used to be. THANK GOD it's not what it used to be you jealous old psycho! I'm sorry. You're right. It's a damn shame that BJ Penn and GSP won't have their hands taped together over a small table so that we can truly see who is the better fighter. What a maroon.
Watch it. Feel the seconds of your life slip away. You'll never get them back.
SENGOKU NO RAN 2009: WHO IN THE WHAT NOW?
Japan still has MMA? Who knew? Seriously though, Japan hosted two MMA events in the last week with Sengoku no Ran 2009 and Dynamite Something Something. The highlight of the shows for me was "King Mo" Lawal beating some ass and continuing his undefeated streak. This guy is a beast and after he conquers Japan the UFC better think about bringing him on board. I'm not saying he's going to be an instant champion or any outlandish crap like that. I'm just saying the potential is there for some exciting fights against competition he'll never find in the Land of the Rising Sun.
Another interesting occurrence at old Sengoku was the second consecutive loss for Top 10 Lightweight, Takanori Gomi. The "Fireball Kid" probably won't be on too many Top 10 lists after this quick submission loss. I'm sure some people will still argue that he's among the best in the world, blah, blah, blah. If he is, then come to the UFC and prove it. He has a win over Jens Pulver and a loss to BJ Penn. That's mildly respectable. I'm sure all the hardcore Japanese MMA fans will be screaming at me, but that's what MMA fans do. Bunch of screamers!
Eddie Alvarez's time as a top lightweight has to be in question as well. His loss to Shinya Aoki was just embarassing. This guy is supposed to be the second best lightweight in the world? I think not. He looked downright amateurish in this fight, and thus lost the make believe WAMMA lightweight title. Shinya Aoki wasn't overly impressive either, which furthers my point that fighters that don't come stateside to compete against the best shouldn't be considered in Top 10 rankings. I don't care how many times you've beaten Tatsuya Kawajiri, or Seichi Ikemoto, or Chris Schlesinger. Come to the UFC. Face ANYONE in the 155 division that has a handful of wins. THEN! THEN, we'll talk about sticking you on a Top 10 list.
Oh yeah! Scissor me! Scissor me! Photo courtesy of Sherdog.com
Aoki calling out BJ Penn after the fight was just comical. Looks like someone is taking Fedor 101 classes. I'm sure BJ will have no problem fighting Aoki. The only thing is he has this pesky bald guy that pays him a boat load of cash to only fight the best. If that guy dies though, I'm sure we could work something out with the Fertittas. They seem open to anything. Enjoy that WAMMA title though (when you actually get it).
END OF THE THIRD ROUND
That ends the latest eye popping edition of "The Verbal Submission" for 2008. Thanks to Sherdog.com, MMAJunkie.com, UFC.com, MMAWeekly.com, and YouTube.com. I don't like to go into too much detail about the Japanese shows because I don't follow them too closely. I watch whatever matches hit the net and that's about it. Also, I mainly only care about former PRIDE guys and exciting "up and comers". I'm also in the process of moving, so my weekends are thin on spare time for like the next two weeks.
One last bit of news for your eyes. It seems Spike.com has enlisted the MMA Girls to give the world some pointers on MMA. I don't know if it falls into the sexy category, but it's kind of interesting.
The Empire Hardcore Podcast had an insane show before the year ended at Podomatic.com and on iTunes. Be sure to check out web comedy on YouTube. Also, I'm on twitter here. I'll be back next Tuesday to preview things, review things, ramble about things, and arm wrestle a goat. It's the next big craze!
So you know, the reason the PFC page is so pathetic is because, well the PFC is pathetic. Its nearby casino, about a half hour drive for me, and a friend of mine works there in accounting. Every once in a while a good show comes through and he gets tickets, but all of the PFC fights there have been....garbage at best. Lashley is probably the biggest name that ever will come through here fighting(Liddell actually did come and sit in the crowd once) and obviously that ain't sayin' much. I might go though just to see how he is, maybe take a Black Lesnar sign or somethin'.
Posted By: Butters4Prez (Guest) on January 06, 2009 at 01:29 AM
Hilarious column this week. Awesome.
Posted By: Jeffrey Harris (Registered) on January 06, 2009 at 04:36 AM
How exactly did Eddie Alvarez look amateurish against Aoki? Aoki is one of the most dangerous and flexible submission artists around with a specialty in leglocks.
And FEG didn't recognize WAMMA or their title so I doubt that Aoki has heard of them.
Posted By: Tonley (Registered) on January 06, 2009 at 06:44 AM
That XARM thing has to be the dummest idea I have ever seen... And I thought the XFL was crappy; we got a winner!!!!!!
Posted By: Jorge (Guest) on January 06, 2009 at 07:23 AM
G4 already had that XARM thing on last week. It was on Attack of the Show.
Posted By: Stinkylicious (Guest) on January 06, 2009 at 09:51 AM
you really dont have a clue what your on about, you are the worst writer on this site. Please just give up
Posted By: Guest#3173 (Guest) on January 06, 2009 at 12:28 PM
5 things wrong w/ X-ARM
1. Crazy yappy guys in suits that try
to make this silly sport seem legimate.
(Sorry - "sport" may be reaching a bit)
2. Bad velcro (try duck tape)
3. Table should be spinning
4. Outfits make me think of MVP from WWE.
5. I watched this crazy video despite
the warnings.
fun column.
Posted By: Shane (Guest) on January 06, 2009 at 01:27 PM
Great column as always. The hot chick on the right with Rampage has her bikini so low you can practically see her clit! Me likey.
Posted By: Bruno (Guest) on January 06, 2009 at 04:10 PM
wow, someone actually made the same point i did about japanese fighters not meaning shit because they face eachother with roids just to look good, but wont prove themselves in the best of the best... thank you
Posted By: justin (Guest) on January 06, 2009 at 06:12 PM
I always heard that Kendall was afraid of clowns. Guess I was wrong.
Bro you are sooooo wrong for that.
Posted By: peterparkerspyderman (Guest) on January 07, 2009 at 12:40 AM
