The Verbal Submission 01.20.09: Obama-less Thoughts on UFC 93, WEC Cerrone vs. Varner, and Affliction DOA

Posted by Chris Robinson on 01.20.2009

I have a dream that one day the UFC will put on a show where two former champions will fight for three rounds and then an eye poke will ruin everything! I have a dream that one day a T-shirt company will put on their second show and the main event will last longer than :36 seconds. I have a dream that Urijah Faber vs. Jens Pulver will deliver a bout as exciting as their first. It's fun to dream.

If you've never had the opportunity to move in your life, I don't recommend it. From my sweet new apartment in Jersey, this is "The Verbal Submission" and I am Chris Robinson. This will be the last week of columns where I feel as though I'm slightly distracted. Moving is the worst! If you ever want to know just how much crap you have, try packing it all into boxes. I'm a complainer! I do have a giant new apartment though and a snazzy new office in which to write this column. Unfortunately this weekend didn't leave me much time for writing, or UFC watching. So in today's column I'll give my quick thoughts on UFC 93, preview Affliction: Day of Heckling, and preview WEC: Varner vs. Cerrone. Plus, I'll throw in some musings on Dana White's latest video blog, Andre Arlovski's never ending web series, and UFC Primetime (which was awesome!). Ready? Here we go!

I found her. She's mines now.


UFC 93: DUBLIN GOT HOSED
Well from everything I've read on the interwebs, UFC 93 somewhat underperformed compared to recent UFC shows. Of course, when compared to UFC 92, well it's just not fair. By now you already know the winners and losers, but I want to wax philosophic about where those winners and losers go from here. is the future getting brighter? Are the championship hopes getting higher?

DAN HENDERSON - Surprise! You're the new coach for TEAM AMERICA on TUF season 9! Aren't you excited Hendo? Allegedly Henderson is more excited than previously reported, but of course money heals all wounds. I'm sure Dana White also promised him the same level of stardom that the show has brought previous coaches. Frank Mir can't walk down the streets of Doucheville without getting mobbed for autographs. At the end of the season, Hendo and Bisping will clash to determine who gets Anderson Silva for the middleweight title. According to Dana White, Silva has cleaned out the division except for Bisping, so I wonder who he's rooting for? A big money match-up with a former TUF winner against the best fighter alive, or a rematch between Henderson and Silva that would excite no one. After watching Bisping pick apart Chris Leben with strategic kickboxing, I have to give the edge to The Count, but you never neglect Henderson's punching power.

Hope that kid knows to avoid the big right.


RICH FRANKLIN - Where does he go from here? After a successful return to 205, Rich Franklin suffers another setback with this latest loss. I don't believe Ace will ever be in the title picture at light heavyweight and that's sad. This is a guy who many thought would rule the middleweight division for a good long time until that pesky Anderson Silva decided to be all good and stuff. I'm sure Franklin will be given a bounce back fight against a Brandon Vera, or perhaps the loser of Machida/Silva.

"SHOGUN" RUA - They gave this guy a bonus for Fight of the Night! I can't comment because I didn't see the fight! From all reports though, Rua once again failed to impress inside the Octagon. Some fans are still swearing up and down that he's not 100% and that his knees are still bothersome. Well he better be 100% when he steps into the cage against the Iceman because that dude is probably raring to knock somebody's teeth down their throat. I was a fan of Shogun during his PRIDE days so I understand the level of frustration for his fan base when he underperforms. The UFC must see something in him though (like the dollars they poured into his contract) if they're willing to put him in a main event. Then again, they might just want him to lose so they can release him. We'll see!

Is it time for my, how do you say, "sponge bath"?


MARK COLEMAN - Is it at that sad point yet? Instead of having Brock Lesnar tee off on his face for a round or two, Coleman made his comeback against Rua. Technically he lost by TKO, but I really think he lost because of a broken heart. Wait. OK, maybe not. I honestly don't know where Coleman goes from here. They could throw him in the cage with a Matt Hamill, or a Forrest Griffin, just for giggles, but yeah, that would be awful. There's also been rumors about having him fight Don Frye as a sort of legends match just for kicks, but I don't want to watch that at all. The best bet is to let some young up and comer get a notch on their belt at Coleman's expense and then let him ride off into the sunset.

Why would you let your daughters corner you? Might as well let me corner you because you've obviously given up.


The rest of the main card saw Marcus Davis and Chris Lytle have the war they wanted to earn Fight of the Night honors, Alan Belcher made Denis Kang look silly, and Rousimar Palhares pick up a decision over Jeremy Horn. Davis's win puts him back in contention for a title shot, but I think he needs to pick up at least two more wins over top tier opponents. As for Kang, he failed to live up to the hype miserably. This is a guy I'm sure they signed hoping to build him up to a big fight with Anderson Silva, but that'll probably never happen. Oh well!

WEC: VARNER VS. CERRONE & FABER VS. PULVER 2

JOSE ALDO VS. ROLANDO PEREZ

After two victories via the TKO, Joe Aldo is up on the main card of the WEC show in a fight with Rolando Perez. Aldo is 12-1 overall and there's already talk about a featherweight title shot floating around. Perez makes his WEC debut on short notice and boasts a 4-1-1 record. IRONY! What more can I say about this fight? Seriously, is there anything else? Some pundits thought Aldo would get Faber on this show, but that wouldn't draw in the kids! I'm guessing if Aldo picks up a win here, he'll face off with the loser of Faber/Pulver. Just a guess! I'll pick Aldo by TKO in the second round.

Good lord. His fist is moving in slow motion. Those crafty Brazilians. He's Brazilian right?


DANILLO VILLEFORT VS. MIKE CAMPBELL

Former IFL'er and American Top Team fighter Danillo Villefort makes his WEC debut against Mike Campbell. Villefort holds a victory over the UFC's Mike Massenzio, but that doesn't sound like the greatest accomplishment. Campbell is also making his WEC debut and sports a nifty 4-0 record. Ooooooo, impressive. The WEC must be impressed with these two because they're on the main card, AND it's a welterweight fight. The WEC welterweight division is paper thin right now as Carlos Condit's next title defense is against a guy he's already beaten in Brock Larson. Why are they keeping the welterweights around again? I know jack squat about Villefort or Campbell so I'll predict Villefort by first round submission.

Here's Villefort's win over Massenzio. I miss the IFL. (Not really)


JENS PULVER VS. URIJAH FABER

I get the feeling we've seen this fight before. I can't quite put my finger on where or when, but I know it was somewhere. Seriously why are these two fighting again? Unless Faber puts a fresh roll of nickels in his gloves, I doubt he's going to knock Jens out this time. Although, Leonard Garcia was able to do it and his gloves were nickel free. At least that's what the pee test showed after the fight. The WEC is probably expecting one of two things to happen here: Urijah knocks Jens out quick and proves he's still a dominant fighter OR Urijah knocks Jens out quick and then Jens retires. Either way, everyone wins. If you haven't see their first fight yet, do yourself a favor and buy a TV, then subscribe to digital cable, then turn to the VS channel and wait for this fight to come on. I don't care how long you have to wait. Just wait. It'll be worth it. Unless you lose your job. Then it was probably a bad idea. I'm going with Faber by second round rear naked choke, BJ Penn style. Bank on it.

Whoever has the weirder looking hairstyle wins? So be it.


JAMIE VARNER VS. DONALD CERRONE

Now this is a fight! Cerrone is coming off a WEC Fight of the Year candidate performance against Rob McCullough. Varner took the WEC lightweight title from McCullough and defended it successfully against Marcus Hicks. If you haven't seen Cerrone vs. McCullough, do yourself a favor and buy a TV....you know the rest. I've never seen two guys knock each other down so many times and still keep going. Such an impressive fight for both guys. Varner is no joke though and he will knock you out. So hopefully Cerrone's chin is good and ready for old "C-4". That's a terrible nickname by the way. I get it, but it's still terrible. I think Varner is getting better with each fight and I don't think Cerrone can hang with him. I'm predicting Jamie Varner by second round TKO. Giddy up.

Kiss it. Kiss it. Yeah, you like it.


AFFLICTION: WE DID IT. WE PUT ON A SECOND SHOW. YEAH.
Since I'm short on time and energy for this column. Did I mention my big move? I'm going to preview the Affliction show a bit differently. I'm going to sum up each fight on the Main Card in three words or phrases. Then I'm going to give my prediction of the fight followed by a picture or a video.

PAUL "THE HEADHUNTER" BUENTELLO VS. KIRIL "BABY FEDOR" SIDELLNIKOV

50 pounds.
Killing a baby.
Reason the UFC can't sign Fedor.

Prediction: Sidellnikov by first round TKO

Dong Woo Shin couldn't hang with him. Can Buentello? (Probably)


CHRIS HORODECKI VS. DAN LAUZON

Not J-Lau.
Horodecki rules.
Your mom.

Prediction: Horodecki by decision

Horodecki's only loss. Poor bastard never saw it coming. Well, he probably did, but you get the point.


RENATO "BABALU" SOBRAL VS. RAMEAU THIERRY SOKOUDJOU

UFC losers.
Strikeforce champion.
Not English.

Prediction: Babalu by TKO in the second

Babalu vs. Fedor from 75 years ago. They're both just kids!


VITOR "THE PHENOM" BELFORT VS. MATT "THE LAW" LINDLAND

Politics.
Not the Undertaker.
Old.

Prediction: Lindland by decision

Did everyone on this card have a fight against Fedor? Wow. I always forget about BodogFight. What a joke.


JOSH "THE BABY FACED ASSASSIN" BARNETT VS. GILBERT "THE HURRICANE" YVEL

Not PRIDE.
Winner gets Fedor.
Barely able to get a license to fight.

Prediction: Barnett by first round KO.

At least he didn't punch him in his fragile, fragile balls.


FEDOR "THE LAST EMPEROR EMELIANENKO VS. ANDRE "THE PITBULL" ARLOVSKI

WAMMA.
360
Upset.

Prediction: Arlovski by second round TKO

I miss Andre "George Michaels' haircut" Arlovski


DANA WHITE 360 PRIMETIME!
Dana White's final video blog from UFC 93 was amusing as ever. I can't get enough of those live reactions to the big shows. Dana also spends time playing video games with Michael Bisping, introducing the world to Alistair Overeem (and by world, I mean people who didn't follow PRIDE or Japanese MMA), and pulling his usually shenanigans. I'm just excited we'll get more vloggy goodness from Dana before UFC 94: Penn vs. St. Pierre 2. Also, Joe Rogan shows up around the seven minute mark to thoroughly piss off anyone Irish. Why do they still let that man drink?


UFC PRIMETIME delivered the biggest rating EVER for a UFC Countdown show as 1.5 million viewers tuned in to get a glimpse into the worlds of two UFC champeens. Certain writers out there in MMA land were miffed at the show for portraying BJ Penn as lazy towards the end of the episode. Let me explain how television works for you douchetards out there that get your panties in a bunch every time one of your precious MMA Gods is portrayed in a negative light. DRAMA SELLS. But the fight should sell itself! Of course it should, but these Countdown shows are done to try and get NON-hardcore fans to buy the show. My girlfriend sat and watched the show with me, and not just because she's a fan of both fighters, but because it was such a great way to draw in the casual fan. The show also left you wondering what would happen after BJ's "vacation". Is he training hard enough? Is GSP training harder? It completely accomplished what it was supposed to.

The beauty of it is that if the ratings hold up for episode 2, the UFC has an amazing new way to market any big money match-up. Granted, I doubt they'll do one of these for Jardine vs. Jackson or Liddell vs. Rua, but how about for Lesnar vs. Mir 2? Certain MMA fans out there need to learn how to sit back, relax, and enjoy what the the UFC puts on the screen. You don't always have to jump down their throat because Dana White understands how TV ratings work and YOU DON'T.

Here's the second half of the first episode. Watch it!


The almost final episode of Arlovski 360 focuses on the final push for the big showdown between Andre and Fedor. They don't break any new ground in this episode. It's pretty much just a rehash of Andre's dedication, work ethic, faith in his trainers, etc. etc. etc. There's also some footage of Andre beating up some fat guy for a promotion that no longer exists (damned if they're not trying to exist again though). There's apparently one more episode to come this week before the big fight. Honestly, I don't know why Affliction didn't pony up some cash and do a similar series on Fedor. Everyone wants to root for the underdog. I get that. People also need to know who the champ is. Andre put up the cash for this web series on his own though, and I think it was a good move. It's a shame YouTube never featured this on their main page.



END OF THE THIRD ROUND
That ends an "exhausted but trying" edition of "The Verbal Submission" for 2008. Thanks to Sherdog.com, MMAJunkie.com, UFC.com, MMAWeekly.com, and YouTube.com. Next week I'll return to form. I swear!

The Empire Hardcore Podcast is gearing up for the first show of 2009 at Podomatic.com and on iTunes. Be sure to check out web comedy on YouTube. Also, I twitter like whoa here. I'll be back next Tuesday review all the big shows, all the big hoes, and step on some toes. I'm out!

Kick. Punch. It's all in the mind.

-CPR