The Verbal Submission 02.10.09: Fight Night Thoughts, Future for Strikeforce, and War Machine's Ranting
Posted by Chris Robinson on 02.10.2009
I've returned with stories of far off lands, and I've brought spices and silks from these lands. Actually I spent two weeks enjoying the flu and food poisoning, but I got to watch some sweet fights in between trips to the can! Today's column focuses on Fight Night 17, the Strikeforce acquisition of poorly run ProElite organization, Leben's new gym, Penn's retirement rumors, and ramblings from a buffoon. It's the Verbal Submission. It's fresh. It's new. It's full of pretty pictures and shiny videos. What else do you want?
After a two week hiatus, it's the return of "The Verbal Submission" and I am Chris Robinson. I picked a great two weeks worth of MMA to miss didn't I? Actually I didn't pick them, but a nice flu and then a bout of food poisoning picked me. Thanks go out to The Csonk and our lord and master Ashish for being cool about it. I love writing this column, as it usually caps off my weekend nicely. Oh, and to those who doubt the anger inside of the Angry Whopper, trust me, IT'S ANGRY. So let's see I missed giving my thoughts on Afflction's show, UFC 94 (although I did participate in the Round Table), and I missed out on predictions for the Fight Night. Luckily, all the effects from those events are still lingering in the news so I'll touch on them. Today's column will mainly cover the two big stories, Strikeforce buying ProElite and Fight Night 17. Plus I'll get into any other news bits floating around out there and make fun of "War Machine". What a psycho that guy is huh? Here we go!
Oh man, once you start hanging out with Donal Logue, you know you've arrived.
FIGHT NIGHT 17: SUBMIT 'EM ALL!!!
For me, Fight Night 17 came off as a more action packed show than UFC 94. I wish the four main card matches were the undercard for GreaSeP vs. BJ Penn. It was also a night of Jersey representing with Nick Catone, Dan Miller, and Kurt Pellegrino all picking up victories. I don't mind the occasional decisions, but after 8 fights going to decision at UFC 94, this card was a welcome change.
Anthony "Rumble" Johnson is going to be a breakout star in the welterweight division this year. I think he's ready to head into the top tier of the division against Karo Parisyan, Josh Koscheck, or even Jon Fitch. I'm serious. He needs maybe one more fight against a middle of the road guy, maybe Chris Lytle, and then it's time to pull the trigger on him. He was impressive again against Luigi Fioravanti, which isn't hard to do, and his overall skill set looks better in each fight. Plus, he's got friggin' Cung Le as his striking coach? Is there a better guy out there to have for MMA striking tutelage? (don't say Freddie Roach) Come to think of it, the best test for Johnson would be to take on the winner of the upcoming Condit vs. Kampmann fight. After the lightweight and light heavyweight domination over the last year, I think 2009 might be the year of the welterweights.
Superman tat. Plastic Man flexibility.
Up next we had Mac Danzig coming off his hug filled loss to Clay Guida, and stepping into the cage with Josh Neer. At one point I really expected Neer to just put his head down and come at Danzig with both arms in full windmill mode. What the hell? Neer's loss to Nate Diaz must've really rattled his cage as he came into this fight with a FTW style aggression. I've been a fan of Danzig since his run on TUF, but he's just not a top tier lightweight. His skill set is solid, but I doubt he'll ever break the top 10. It seems that he has a real lack of aggression and focus once he steps foot inside of the cage. He's already heading toward Kendall Grove territory as one of the more disappointing TUF champs. As for Neer, he'll need to keep rattling off impressive victories to climb the ladder at 155. Otherwise, he'll be stuck in a gatekeeper role for quite a while.
Let's see what you got tofu boy? You like that? You like when I call you tofu boy? I bet you do!
Cain Velasquez is a beast. Denis Stojnic has a head made of cement mixed with titanium. GOOD LORD! Big Cain threw all the punches, knees, and elbows he could at the guy and nothing knocked him out. I wasn't mad at the weird stoppage, but I really wished we could've gotten a third round just to see how much punishment Stojnic can take. I hope to see that guy take a beating again real soon. Meanwhile, Velasquez is probably two fights away from a title shot. He has to get by some known opponents at heavyweight first, but we all know it doesn't take much in the heavyweight division to be near the top. Will he get a title shot in 2009? Probably not. I think the Mir/Lesnar/Couture/Nogueira carousel will continue with Alistair Overeem possibly thrown in there if he's ever signed. Big Cain should shoot for 2010 to be his year of domination, especially if by the grace of douche, Frank Mir captures the heavyweight title.
Taste the Cainbow.
In our main event, Joe "J-Lau" Lauzon submitted Jeremy "Lil' Heathen" Stephens with a sick arm bar in the second round after a great back and forth battle. I like that this fight had a little heat going into it even if it was due to some internet verbal sparring. The UFC has a money match in Lauzon vs. Franca when Franca's injury is all healed up. Lauzon looked impressive here and the main event jitters didn't seem to bother him like they did in the Kenny Florian fight. At age 24, Lauzon has a bright, bright future at 155, and we could be talking title contention for him by early next year. We'll see how he does against ol' Hermes first though.
Tell your mentor I'd said hello. Then show him your arm.
STRIKEFORCE: WE GOT CARANO! WE GOT LAWLER! WE GOT....ALRIGHT WE'LL TAKE KIMBO.
Once again, the MMA universe has a legitimate #2 to the UFC's rock solid #1. For those who have closed their eyes and ears to MMA news during my hiatus, which would be insane, Strikeforce went out and bought themselves a shiny, used MMA company called ProElite. Sounds like a real jerk name for a company doesn't it? Instead of calling this new promotion StrikeforceXC, or ProForce Fight Elite, or Showtime Jerk Fights, they're sticking with just "Strikeforce". Strikeforce has all the top stars from EliteXC including Gina Carano, Robbie Lawler, Scott Smith, Kimbo Slice, Jake Shields and Nick Diaz.
The first event for the new "super?" company will be April 1st and will be headlined by Frank Shamrock. Wait I thought his company was supposed to have that new car smell? Shamrock brings kind of a '98 Buick Century smell to the table doesn't he? Well maybe he'll fight Kimbo. HA! So far the only official match is Scott Smith vs. Benji Radach in a middleweight WAR. The best part of the deal is the potential champion vs. champion matches on the horizon with Cung Le vs. Robbie Lawler, Josh Thomson vs. KJ Noons (if he's done boxing), and Jake Shields vs. oh crap they don't have a welterweight champion.
Another pants wetting fight for hardcore fans under the Strikeforce banner will be Gina Carano vs. Cyborg Santos. According to MMAjunkie.com, that fight isn't a done deal yet, but Strikeforce is well aware that it is the "Hughes vs. Gracie of women's MMA". I made that up. Nobody refers to it like that. We've also got a whole barrel of new opportunities for Kimbo Slice! He could set up the cage. He could show people to their seats. He can sell refreshments. I'm sure they'll find something for him to do to ride out his contract EXCEPT FOR ACTUAL FIGHTING, unless it's on the undercard. Seriously though, Strikeforce better not promote ONE event with Slice as a headliner until he gets some wins and some talent under his belt.
Ah, the good ol' days. What are the odds of this ever happening again? Probably about the same as him ever winning a title in MMA.
BJ PENN: NOT RETIRING, THANK GOD
One of the big stories coming out of UFC 94 that's still got some legs is the rumored retirement of The Prodigy. With the Great Vaseline Conspiracy of 2009 already nipped in the bud, this retirement talk is now officially pure poppycock. Can I say poppycock? While Georges and Baby Jay are busy bickering on the internet about a potential third fight (WHY?), Kenny Florian waits in a darkened office at ESPN... biding his time. I think it would've been great if BJ retired right after the fight. I think old KenFlo's head would've exploded. It would've been even funnier, if Dana White came out and said in recognition of Penn's accomplishments, they're abolishing the 155 pound division for the rest of 2009. We might've actually been able to get footage of Florian crying at that point.
There are still a lot of big money fights for BJ at 155 to further cement his status as the greatest lightweight of all time. KenFlo is at the top of the list, but what about the Diego Sanchez's, the Jamie Varner's, the um....Joachim Hansen's of the world that want a crack at BJ before he's retired. If BJ Penn retires, we'll never get to see the epic Junie Browning vs. Penn super fight that fight nerds everywhere are clamoring for. Browning is the best lightweight ever isn't he? I was told he was.
If I get one more friggin' email from BJPenn.com, I'm going to unsubscribe! Yeah, I'm a hard ass. Here's BJ and a chick with red eyes.
WAR MACHINE: STILL A COMPLETE, WELL ROUNDED, RETARD
Does this guy talk to real people? Do those people tell him they care about this opinions and beliefs? I picture the majority of War Machine's day spent talking to a volleyball with a face painted on it. Am I in the ballpark do you think? Seems the blog rants that War Machine is becoming infamous for have helped him get fired from the Bellator Fighting Championships, the new MMA series that will begin airing on ESPN Deportes in April.
In his rant, which I won't quote directly, our old pal War goes on a profanity laced tirade about President Obama, freedom of speech, speaking his mind, etc. etc. etc. He ends the rant by telling Disney, ESPN, and the BFC's to kiss his grits, or something to that effect. This is the same guy that got fired from the UFC for making insane remarks about Evan Tanner after his untimely passing. So my question is, do you want to be a fighter or a blogger? Seriously War, which is it? Not many people get a chance to fight for the UFC and you blew that to impress a few teenagers on Myspace. Congratulations. Now you've blown a chance to pocket up to $250,000 because you're unhappy about who the President is? What are you trying to rule Facebook too? How about you shut your mouth, win some fights, and when you're old you can rant about whatever you want and we'll blame it on the brain damage you suffered during your career. That sound feasible at all you self righteous prick?
I didn't even want to dedicate any part of this column to this moron, but I can't stand when someone who's been given multiple golden opportunities in life throws them away for NO REAL REASON. I guess I shouldn't expect much from a guy who legally changed his name to War Machine. That's one way to get in Iron Man 2 I guess. Whatever.
If he wore this to his next fight, I'd listen to every retarded word that came out of this retarded mouth.
CHRIS LEBEN: STEROID USER, GYM OWNER
According to MMAWeekly.com, Chris "The Crippler" Leben has left ICON Sport Gym and has opened his own gym in Hawaii named Ultimate Fight School. Brilliant name by the way. What'd that take 2, maybe 3 seconds to come up with? The main reason for Leben opening this gym is because "I'm just happy to be at a place where I pick the music...". WHAT? F***ING WHAT? Dude, if you were unhappy about the tunes, I'm sure you could've just asked to plug your iPod into the stereo. Who opens a gym just to play music they like? Let's take a look at a few songs from Leben's iPod playlist from his final day at ICON Sport Gym, shall we?
1. "Single Ladies" by Beyonce - OK, I can see how this might put a damper on things. Two guys rolling jitz together, and this comes on, might make things awkward. I don't know. Hawaii is a weird place.
2. "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers - This is a pretty upbeat song. Nothing wrong with this one right?
3. "Rehab" by Amy Winehouse - Not a great song in my opinion, but after Leben's problems in the past, I can see this as being a good pick. You know, as long as he doesn't start dressing like her and doing blow, no real problem with this song.
4. "Right Round" - Flo Rida - Well yeah, now this song might be problem. It's not a bad song, but when you're in a dude's guard, and this is blaring, just a bad choice. Not good at all.
Leben also stated he wanted to be able to train people the way he wanted to train people as a reason for opening the gym. Hopefully that doesn't mean overcoming a drinking problem, corn rowing your hair, doing steroids, and losing fights. Hey! It's his gym. He can do what he wants.
Looks like the kind of broad that Leben would go for. Might be a bit out of his league. Who knows?
MMA FOR DUMMIES: ISN'T THAT KIND OF AN OXYMORON?
For those of you that would relish the opportunity to get training tips from Kenny "KenFlo" Florian, and who wouldn't, ESPN.com has three new videos up in their web series, "MMA for Dummies". In these videos, Kenny shows you how to escape a headlock, execute a double leg takedown, and take part in a heavy bag drill. In the next video from the series, Kenny shows you how a mentally handicapped boxing analyst can weasel his way into a MMA commentator's job, with special guest Franklin McNeill. Enjoy!!!
The following people should watch this video: Jake Rosholt, Rich Clementi, and Rob Emerson.
Double legs are for pusses. Show them how do the TRIPLE leg. Yeah.
Yeah, work that bag. Show it who the boss is.
WHEN WILL MMA TAKE TO THE WATER?
Before I go I want to say I'm starting the campaign now to hold MMA fights on boats. MMA on dry land is sooooo 2007. The inspiration for this psychotic theory is the following video by The Lonely Island featuring T-Pain. If you haven't seen this video yet, you are allergic to perfect insanity, and should probably steer clear of laughter as well.
END OF THE THIRD ROUND
That ends the successfully returning edition of "The Verbal Submission". Thanks to Sherdog.com, MMAJunkie.com, UFC.com, MMAWeekly.com, ESPN.com and YouTube.com for all the info, pics, and videos I used. One other thing, due to my hectic schedule, if any news breaks on Monday, it won't be here unfortunately. Usually I have time to make evening updates to the column with any interesting Monday tidbits, but not this week. I have a viewing to go to. On a happier note, make sure to check out the MMA section of 411Mania.com every day for multiple columns and news reports that are both engaging and entertaining. Some of them even prevent hard gas.
I'm totally revamping my personal website and blog, so no more links for a while. I've got plenty of self promotion left in me, so never fear, those links will return. In the mean time, feel free to follow me on Twitter here or on Myspace here . I'll be back next Tuesday to preview UFC 95, wax pornographic about the future of the education system, and give you the inside details on pot smoking Olympians.
