The Verbal Submission 03.03.09: Brown is Legit, Akiyama is Not, MOspace, and UFC 96 Chatter

Posted by Chris Robinson on 03.03.2009

The WEC never seems to disappoint! Unless of course you were live for that Hicks/McCullough disaster. Sorry Texas! The rest of the card was damn good! Also in this week's column, is the UFC's signing of Yoshihiro Akiyama worth it just for the extra pub in Korea? Doubtful! And when is Cain Velasquez fighting again? What's going on in Joe Lauzon's life. Kids, kids, I've got all the answers you need in one place!

From a snow covered apartment complex in Jersey, this is the Verbal Submission, and I am Chris Robinson. Still not a whole lot of big news for MMA fans to sink their teeth into this week, but I think I'll make due. The UFC had several match announcements leak out the public. The WEC put on another solid show for Texans and normal people alike. Plus we have an....."important" UFC 96 card to look forward to this weekend? Is that accurate? All this, and the return of "FIGHTER WEBSITES", which has been renamed "MMA Web Cribs". Like it? Don't like it? Indifferent? Oh, I've also got some pictures of scantily clad females from the MMA community. You like those don't you? Most of my readers are dudes I assume. Let's go!

President Obama said we gotta close this place down. So clean up, pack up your crap, and gets to steppin' before I get Ken Shamrock in here to flake out and fight the fattest man in the room. Ya heard?


WEC 39: MIKE BROWN IS FO' REAL
After an abortion of a fight to start the show, the WEC delivered another solid night of action. I think to send a message to any fighter under a ZUFFA contract, Marcus Hicks and Rob McCullough should be fired. Jobless. Unemployed. Done. The second round aside, those two guys went in there and looked like two complete amateurs. Hey fellas! One of you has to get punched! It's sort of in the rules! I've never been a big fan of ol' Razor Rob, but I expected much more from Marcus Hicks. After two straight losses, I'd say Hicks' time on the televised portion of WEC shows is over anyway. Cut him loose!

Then we had Jose Aldo prove to the world yet again that he is a force at 145. It's pretty much a given that Aldo will get whoever comes out of Faber vs. Brown 2 as champion. As much as I love Urijah, I kind of hope we get to see Brown vs. Aldo sooner than later. You know those two will come out and throw down. Basically, that fight will be a chin test. Who's got one and who doesn't.

Speaking of chins, I'm pretty sure Marcos Galvao's skull melted. I've never seen someone seize up that badly after being knocked out. There's been some debate as to whether or not VS should've shown the aftermath of the fight, and/or updated the TV viewers on Galvao's condition. I honestly don't think it was super necessary to make a big deal out of it. He got knocked out, he went to the hospital, and he's OK. The guy just got obliterated on national television, and I doubt he wants to be remembered as the guy who got taken out on a stretcher.

He's already dead! For the love of Tito, just leave him alone!


Next up we had former IFL'er Bartimus Palas-who cares he got upset! Ricardo Lamas came in on just five days notice to remind everyone that a strong wrestling base and solid ground and pound can still dominate in today's MMA scene. Seriously Lamas looked awkward when the fight was standing, but on the ground he destroyed Palaszewski. Guess all that IFL experience counts for absolutely nothing! I look forward to seeing Lamas in the cage again, and hopefully he'll develop his kickboxing and muay thai a bit before then.

They're break dance fighting!


Poor Leonard Garcia. I had such high hopes that he would come in and knock Mike Brown out. Oh well! I can't call Brown a fluke champion anymore after that performance. I loved hearing Jens Pulver on commentary saying that unless he defends it he's not the real champion. So true! Brown now goes on to a rematch with Urijah Faber and a possible showdown with Jose Aldo after that. If he gets by those two guys, who's next? Better yet, who's left?

Look mom! I'm wearing a Tapout T-shirt that looks like Crayola diarrhea! And I'm the champ!


AKIYAMA TO THE UFC: SUDDEN IMPACT OR FALLEN STAR?
One of the bigger stories of the week was the UFC's signing of Yoshihiro Akiyama to compete in the middleweight division. I looked blankly at the screen, and said, "Who?". Then after doing some research on the interwebs, I found that Dave Meltzer knows a lot about this guy. Akiyama is basically the most hated man in MMA in Japan after greasing his legs in a fight with Sakuraba back in 2006. His biggest career victories are over Melvin Mahoef and Denis Kang. So why is this such a big signing?

Most message boards I scour were split on their excitement level over Akiyama's pond crossing. On one hand, it adds a veteran fighter to the slowly growing middleweight division. On the other hand, according to Meltzer, the UFC is basically getting damaged good. Akiyama is apparently not the great fighter he once was after an illegal head kick KO loss in 2007 to Kazuo Misaki. Since that loss, he's basically been given two fights against scrubs, while still being booed emphatically by the Japanese crowds. Don't grease against Sakuraba! Who doesn't know that?

Now before you start calling this guy GSP's Mr. Miyagi, know that Akiyama used Oil of Olay and not Vaseline. Big difference! One is decisively more gay than the other. Personally, I don't get excited when the UFC brings in fighters from Japan anymore. Look at Denis Kang. Look at Gono. Look at Nakamura. These guys aren't exactly climbing the ladder once they land stateside. The only Japanese star that excites me a little bit is "Kid" Yamamoto, and that guy ain't coming over here anytime soon.

Some message boards are already clamoring for the loser of Franklin vs. Silva to face off with Akiyama. That says something about the guy when the hardcore fans want him to face the LOSER of another fight. Mmmmm, smell the anticipation.

I can't understand what he's saying, but I believe him. Greasy jerk.


AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE MID COLUMN BROAD...
Arianny "GOOD GAWD" Celeste never disappoints.


FIGHTS THAT AREN'T OFFICIAL YET, BUT THEY'RE STILL KIND OF OFFICIAL
The biggest fight announced this week is the probably main event for UFC 101 between Randy Couture and Antonio Rodrigo Minatauro Sanchez Felipe Raul Nogueira. The two former heavyweight champions will get it on in a battle that would've had much more meaning five years ago than it does today. Nogueira looked like he was in a virtual Nyquil induced coma against Frank Mir, while Couture is coming off his manhandling at the man hands of Brock Lesnar. So why put this fight on now? Well the answer is two fold. For one, up and comers Carwin and Velasquez aren't quite ready from a promotional standpoint to draw any decent numbers against the two former champs. Also, if they were thrown in there with the veterans, and the youngsters win, a future Nog vs. Couture fight loses even more loser.

By putting this fight together now, it'll further solidify one man's status as an all time great. It could also just look like a battle of senior citizens, even though Nog is barely over 30. Seriously though how old does he look? In reality, this fight will only draw in the hardcore Couture fans. Both fighters are slower, less exciting, and borderline unwatchable these days. I'm hoping this isn't the sole main event for UFC 101, but it very well could be.

You think I can take Big Nog, don't you Mr. Cuddles?


Another heavyweight match-up announced this week is Cain Velasquez taking on Heath Herring at UFC 99. So the old gatekeeper argument that's been kicking around 411 comes into play here. Anyone not convinced that Herring is a gatekeeper at heavyweight? A win here puts Velasquez one win away from a title shot maybe. They might throw him right in there as the first opponent for the Mir/Lesnar winner, or he might get the loser. Either way, I'm still mad at you, the fans, for not recognizing the hilarity of my "Taste the Cainbow" caption from a weeks ago.

We'll try this again. TASTE THE CAINBOW!


UFC 99 will also see Mike Swick return to the Octagon to battle fellow TUF alumni Ben Saunders at 170. Swick is best known for being quick as his recent KO of Jonathan Goulet reminded us of that fact. Also, rumor has it Marcus Davis wants a fight with British poster boy kinda/sorta Dan Hardy. UFC 99 is looking pretty stacked right now. The Germans should thank us.

Josh Koscheck will return to the cage at UFC 98 against former IFL'er Chris Wilson. When can we officially stop referring to fighters as former IFL'ers? We've already stopped saying former BoDogger because that just sounds retarded. Koscheck will be fighting for the sixth time in the last twelve months which is borderline insane. Guess he really wants to wash that Paulo Thiago taste right out of his mouth huh? Look for Chris Wilson to lose this fight, and lose it fast.

AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR A BROAD FROM BSN...
Here's Tianna from supplement manufacturer and UFC sponsor BSN. They've got a stable of hot chicks and a calendar featuring those hot chicks trying to sell their supplements. What a concept!


MMA WEB CRIBS: KING MO LAWAL


After last week's abortion of a website from Brian Bowles, I knew I had to go in a positive direction this week. This week's edition of Web Cribs showcases none other than rising middleweight, Muhammed "King Mo" Lawal and his Myspace page. King Mo's Myspace page is a solid web presence featuring professional graphics, an easy on the eyes layout, and a ton of photographs to browse. He also has a Gydget Widget which provides quick widgety access to videos and his blog. The page isn't overly flashy, but it gives you a good sense of King Mo's persona. His brash, cocky, and an overall colorful character. I said colorFUL. Bunch of savages in this town!

King Mo even had the good graces to accept me, Lil' Ol' Chris Robinson, as a friend on his page. Hooray for me! And he left me a comment! Beat that! I've covered Lawal in this column before and will continue to do so because he reminds of another young, brash fighter, and that man's name is Quinton Jackson. I really like the word "brash". It's a good word. Anyway, be sure to check Mo's Myspace page by clicking on the picture below.

Mirror, mirror, in my hand, who's the best rising middleweight in the land? Oh, and how do you pronounce this broad's name?


UFC 96: A BRIEF PREVIEW
I've been a good little soldier lately here at 411Mania.com by participating in the Round Tables. I still have to jump on that whole rankings thing, but I hate ranking fighters. I don't care who's ranked what and where and why and blah blah blah. For UFC 96, I will save my overall predictions for the Round Table, but I wanted to analyze the main event featuring my favorite fighter, RAMPAGE! I also wanted to give my thoughts on how friggin' far Brandon Vera has fallen in the last year.

Everyone knows that Rampage is one win away from jumping ahead of Lyoto Machida as #1 contender to Rashad Evans. A big debate I've seen around the web lately is whether or not Keith Jardine should be the stepping stone. Jardine has consistently turned in shaky performances, and is definitely worthy of the question "Which Keith Jardine will show up?". On Saturday night, I believe the Keith Jardine we saw against Brandon Vera will show up. That Keith Jardine will then be quickly knocked the F*** out. It doesn't matter what game plan that master MMA strategist Greg Jackson draws up. Rampage's camp switch has given him a new lease on his fighting life, and if his KO of Wandy is any indication, Rampage is not done ruling the light heavyweight division just yet.

But what about the economy, Rampage?


Back to Vera, what the hell happened to that guy? At one point, Vera was considered to be the next Randy Couture in that he might've been able to rule over the heavyweights and the 205'ers. Now, he's an undercard guy fighting no name opponents and hoping the UFC doesn't hand him the pink slip. I think Vera should sit down and watch the video of when he knocked out Frank Mir. Hell, watch any video of how Brandon Vera fought about three years ago. I hope his poor performances aren't linked to any sort of bank account silliness. If he thinks throwing away his final days with the UFC is going to lead to a bigger day with Affliction or Strikeforce, he is sorely mistaken. So Brandon, get your shit together, and knock out the scrub they put you up against. I'm pulling for ya!

Undercard Twin Powers activate!


QUICK HITS OR THINGS I HAVE BRIEF COMMENTARIES ON
Joe Lauzon is out of action for up to a year with a knee injury. Bad timing!

Mike Massenzio is out of action for a long time due to neck surgery. No big loss.

Din Thomas sings with Affliction. Signs with Affliction? Does it matter?

MMA is legal in South Carolina. Stephen Colbert will be thrilled!

Troy "Rude Boy" Mandaloniz was cut by the UFC. Thanks for coming!

Tim Sylvia might have a boxing match with Ray Mercer at the next Affliction show. Vince McMahon booking Affliction now?

Josh Thomson vs. Gilbert Melendez 2 is booked for a future Strikeforce show. Thomson say, "Um, didn't I already beat that guy?".

And now this.....

BAT FIGHT with Will Ferrell from Will Ferrell

END OF THE THIRD ROUND
That ends this cold and frosty edition of "The Verbal Submission". Thanks to FunnyorDie.com, MMAJunkie.com, UFC.com, FiveOuncesofPain.com, CagePotato.com, BSN.com and YouTube.com. Once again I'll be returning to the 411 MMA Round Table for my UFC 96 this weekend. On paper, this show is terrible. On a computer screen, it might sound a little better.

You can find me on Twitter here or on Myspace here. I'll be back next Tuesday to review the UFC 96, whine about things, and wander into the street without looking both ways.

Kick. Punch. It's all in the mind.

-CPR