The Verbal Submission 03.10.09: Rampage Rolls, Shamrock is Old, THQ Bankrupt, Hughes at 185, More

Posted by Chris Robinson on 03.10.2009

UFC 96 finally answered the question: How many times can Machida get screwed out of a title shot? Short of killing Tito Ortiz with his bare hands, I don't think it's happening. Also in the MMA realm, an old man prepares to face a much younger, stronger man. Plus, Matt Hughes wants to fight at 185? And he wants to fight for the title? Did Jesus tell him to do this? When will Jesus learn that's he's just not Joe Silva. None of us are.

When the news is slow, I get slower! What does that even mean? Are opening paragraphs getting more difficult to write? Find out tonight at 11pm. After a KO crazy UFC 96 weekend, I am Chris Robinson and you're reading "The Verbal Submission", which makes YOU a terrible person. Sorry. It just does. We've got some things to discuss today, and we'll kick it off with my EXCLUSIVE opinions on UFC 96: Jackson vs. Sardine. Questions were answered. Jobs were saved. Referees were awkward. What a show! Plus the Lesnar vs. Mir 2 debacle, with an interesting take on the UFC's reasoning for announcing the fight. All this, and some other things. So if you're ready, I'd like to begin.

Joe Rogan's thought process: "Kiss him. C'mon just kiss him. It'll be hilarious."


UFC 96: A PRELUDE TO "BLACK ON BLACK CRIME"
Many fans and internet chatterers decried UFC 96 as a card that appeared flat on paper, but they were proven wrong with a capital Dubbya on Saturday. UFC 96 delivered a bunch of highlight reel knockouts, a solid main event, and a deaf man got his wings or something to that effect. The biggest story coming out of the show is that the future of the 205 title has been determined (aside from a definitive date) as Rampage will now challenge Rashad Evans for the strap. Sorry Machida! At this point, Lyoto Machida must feel like the ugly girl on MTV's Next. Just as he's about to step off the bus, the hot surfer guy yells out "Next!", and then explains that Machida had a killer body with a butter face. It's OK Lyoto, you'll find Mr. Right.

Keith Jardine made the fight much more competitive than I thought he would. He was aggressive, worked the leg kicks, but never went for the takedowns that his corner was yelling for. I don't think he'd want to get into a prolonged ground battle with Rampage, so that may have been a good move. He did rock Rampage at one point, with Quinton returning the favor twice, but it just wasn't enough. I think a logical next step for Jardine could be a showdown with that young Matt Hamill guy I keep hearing so much about.

Matt Hamill was victorious courtesy of a devastating head kick that left Mark Munoz crumpled in a pile on mat. Fans are already comparing it to the headkick KO suffered by Cro Cop, but I don't remember Munoz dominating PRIDE for an extended period of time (I know what they mean, calm down). I think a fight between Hamill and Jardine would be a true test of how far Matt Hamill has come in MMA, while a victory for Jardine would help keep him near the top of the light heavyweight division. There's really no where else for him to go. He's beaten two former champions, and lost to two former champions (Silva in PRIDE), in four of his last five fights. Beating Brandon Vera is relatively easy these days, unless your name is Mike Patt, so it's hard to hold that victory in much esteem. Although earlier today, I read somewhere that a rematch with Forrest Griffin at UFC 101 may be on the horizon next. Anybody really want to see that?

I was going to be make a greased up deaf guy reference, but I couldn't figure how to spell the words in a humorous manner.


Speaking of "The Truth", he was one of two UFC vets with their livelihood on the line. His impressive second round TKO due to leg kicks should remind the kids out there to LEARN HOW TO DEFEND A LEG KICK. Nothing says "scrub" like a Jorge Gurgel trained fighter, but come on! I'm as happy as anyone to see Vera return to the win column, but now it's time for some tough competition. I wouldn't be against a possible Hamill vs. Vera match-up either. I think Hamill's power would be a real problem for Vera, if Hamill decides to rely on his wrestling/ground & pound abilities, which he hasn't done much of lately.

Also keeping their job was Kendall Grove, who defeated Jason "Not His Best" Day via punch in the face. Grove's place in the middleweight division is still low, low, low, so possible future opponents are like names in a hat. Pick anyone. Doesn't matter. I'd like to see him fight a Jason MacDonald, or maybe a Chael Sonnen. Maybe not Sonnen. He might be too much for Grove to handle seeing as how he's the third best middleweight in the world, or second, or whatever delusional number he's telling people this week.

Son! Are you okay? Son! Can you hear me? Dagnabbit, I'm gonna stop this fight!


Can you see Shane Carwin now? Certain colleagues of mine echoed Joe Rogan's statements on the UFC Countdown show that "we don't know much about Shane Carwin". That's funny because the UFC camera crew seemed to find out a whole bunch! They were like his friggin' biographers. I read a few things Sunday afternoon on another site stating that Carwin's skill level is still well below Lesnar and Velasquez, which made me chuckle. Didn't everyone believe Carwin had a 50/50 shot of taking out Gonzaga due to his experience and ground game? So the guy knocks Gonzaga out in the 1st, but he's not the real deal? I believe on the Countdown show Carwin said that his corner tells him not to eat punches, but he doesn't feel them. AND, Gonzaga taking him down lasted like a minute before Carwin was back on his feet. What does this guy have to do to prove he's going to be a top notch heavyweight? Feed him Cheick Kongo. Feed him Herring (after he loses to Velasquez). Feed him Mir (after he loses to Lesnar). You can't keep putting this guy down when he's just defeated a Top 10 heavyweight. I'm on the Shane Carwin bandwagon damn it!!!! All A-FU**ING BOARD!!

Alright you guys, I want a clean fight, obey my commands at all times, and I'll try not to horribly ruin this very important fight. Touch my nuts... I mean touch 'em up and let's do this.


But I digress. Two headscratchers from UFC 96 were the weird stoppage and non-stoppage during the Riley/Nelson and Sell/Brown fights. I didn't see the Riley/Nelson fiasco, but every site I went to (about 7) claimed the stoppage was super duper early. Then in the Brown/Sell fight, Yves Lavigne decided that Pete Sell needed a concussion, and let the fight continue after Sell was obviously hurting. That fight I saw in its entirety and yes, there was a definite lapse in judgment there. Kudos to Matt Brown for yelling at Lavigne that Sell was done. Brown didn't want to injure a beaten man, and should be given a medal. As for Sell, it's time to hang it up buddy. I don't know which Fertitta you have naked pictures of, but you're just not good. At least not in the UFC. It's almost sad at this point. Like, "How bad is Pete Sell going to get hurt type of bad?"

He'll be fine.


MARCH BADNESS: LITERALLY!!!
Stepping away from the UFC for a moment, Roy Jones Jr. has slapped together Ken Shamrock vs. Bobby Lashley for his upcoming MMA/boxing hybrid event, March Badness. This story broke literally moments after I uploaded my column last week, and I almost cried at the missed opportunity to lambast this decision. Why in 2009, for the love of Tito, is Ken Shamrock competing at heavyweight against a guy so much younger, and so much stronger than him? He wouldn't get in the friggin' cage with Kimbo "Porn Movies Pay Money" Slice on CBFU**INGS, but he'll fight Bobby Lashley on some one-off show? AH BUH?

Then we have the scrapped Seth Petruzelli vs. Doug Marshall fight. Seth Petruzelli is allegedly hurt and can't compete. Anyone else out there smell Ken Shamrock complaining to Roy Jones about not being the MMA main event on the card, which lead to Petruzelli walking out? Can you smell complaining? Is this all building to some terrible Ken Shamrock vs. Seth Petruzelli fight that no one wants to see? Are these guys working together just to confuse and aggravate MMA fans and promoters?

Bottom line, Bobby Lashley is going to destroy Ken Shamrock. He trains with American Top Team now. Ken Shamrock trains with a bunch of guys who are probably still wearing their old IFL Lions Den jerseys. If Shamrock thinks he's going to pull some magic out of his ass and catch Lashley in his oh-so-famous leglocks, he should think again. I honestly hope Lashley ends Shamrock's career, so that these insane fights stop happening. Seriously break his arm Bobby because if you don't, his brother Frank probably will (that fight will never happen). I completely understand the reasoning behind the fight from Jones Jr.'s perspective because the Shamrock name is a draw, but at what expense. Let's all collectively pray that this is Ken Shamrock's last match in MMA even though I know deep down that unfortunately it won't be.

I expect it to go something like this.


UFC NEWS AND NOTES AND NEWS AND MORE NOTES AND OTHER THINGS OF IMPORTANCE
In a mere(pun intended) 48 hours, the heavyweight title match-up between Frank Mir (pun amended) and Brock Lesnar was on for UFC 98, cancelled, back on, cancelled, then reschedule for UFC 100, which is still tentative. In between all that, Dana White choked a Bolivian midget. Now the initial reports had Mir calling in sick with a back injury, but that was quickly changed to knee surgery that wouldn't fully recover from in time for UFC 98. Our BFFs over at 5oz. are now questioning whether the UFC knew all along that Mir was hurt, and still put the match up at UFC 98 to spike early ticket sales. Is Dana White truly that evil?

Well apparently the answer is yes, Dana White is very evil. And he has VD.


Now I believe the Rampage vs. Evans match-up, which is also still tentative for UFC 98, could easily sell just as many tickets as the Mir vs. Lesnar rematch. So to suggest the UFC is using "bait and switch" tactics, akin to WWE, is mildly ridiculous. The problem here is the UFC apparently doesn't keep very close tabs on the health and well being of their top fighters. If a guy like Mir is having knee surgery and is going to have a predetermined rehab period, shouldn't Dana and Lorenzo and Joe Silva get a phone call? Frankly (pun intended), I think Mir just wants a little extra time with the big gold belt before he has to turn it over to Brock once and for all. Brock Lesnar commented on this issue fictionally saying, "Remember the last fight, yeah that's going to happen again, minus the heel hook".

Also in UFC 98 news kind of/sort of, Matt Hughes is telling anyone who will listen, and in this case it's MMAjunkie.com, that a move to middleweight isn't out of the question following his upcoming fight with Matt Serra. Hughes also stated he was about to fight Evan Tanner in 2005 in a champion vs. champion match until Rich Franklin dethroned Tanner at 185. He also says that he would want to take care of things in the welterweight division before making the jump. So I guess he wants to lose to GSP one more time before jumping to 185 and getting his face caved in by Anderson Silva? Now I know a certain amount of brain damage occurs over a fighter's career, but is he serious? To think Matt Hughes would be able to handle Anderson Silva when no one else has even come close, is ludacris......

LUDACRIS FT FLOYD MONEY - UNDISPUTED

...is ludicrous. In my heart of hearts, I want Matt Serra to crush Matt Hughes at UFC 98, but Jesus doesn't love guys with thick Long Island accents, and Matt Hughes loves Jesus so this is pretty much a done deal. Matt Hughes should concern himself more with having exciting meaningful fights, and less with following in the footsteps of fellow weight class jumpers Randy Couture and BJ Penn. I think Hughes, pending a victory over Serra, should remain at 170 and and test his mettle against the likes of Jon Fitch, Josh Koscheck, or a Karo Pari....oh wait he's on drugs. Hell, I don't even think Matt Hughes could get by the likes of Nate Marquardt or Dan Henderson, let alone challenge Silva.

You did it. You caught the gator.


The card for the next Ultimate Finale is already taking shape as two matches were announced in the last week. Up and coming welterweight Anthony "Rumble" Johnson will take on another up and comer, John Howard. Both will probably try to out up and come the other fighter in this one. Yes, I know that sounds horrible. Also, the main event of the show will feature a lightweight showdown between Diego "Nightmare" Sanchez in his second bout at 155 taking on perennial fan favorite, and notorious hug-fighter, Clay "The Carpenter" Guida. I think we all know who I'll be rooting for in this one.

This is your hero?

Credit: CombatLifestyle.com

Also the cast list was leaked out on Monday for the upcoming season of TUF and once again I recognize no one on this list. Guess that's why they're on the show! 32 names are on the list here at 411Mania.com, and it's interesting to see some of the comments from you, the 411 faithful. Some feel the British fighters are not at the level of the US fighters, which may be the case, but MMA is very unpredictable. Even if these British silly nannies aren't top notch right now, I think training with Michael Bisping and his coaches will take their respective skill sets up a notch. Don't count out your boys yet England!

Oh crap, he's a double agent. Damn Captain America and his vivacious Ameriwhores.


And last, and least, on the UFC 100 news front, it seems that Yoshihiro "Chris Robinson should know every Top 10 middleweight" Akiyama will be taking on Alan "The Talent" Belcher in his UFC debut. While this match isn't a done deal, I'm reporting it because 411Mania is reporting it. So there! Belcher is coming off of back to back wins over Ed Herman, and another Asian import, Denis Kang. Akiyama is coming off back to back wins over two Japanese guys whose names I can barely pronounce. Just a reminder to the readers out there, I gave up on Japanese MMA after PRIDE folded, so I really only know the big names that fight over there. Honestly, I could care less about those guys too, mmmkay?

That is one smug sumbitch.


UFC UNDISPUTED 2009: ANOTHER CASUALTY OF THE CRAPPY ECONOMY?
Well it looks as though the delightful US economy may have finally impacted the UFC. According to CagePotato by way of WatchKalibRun.com, THQ has lost $334 million in the last year and their stock price is at $2 a share, which is friggin' terrible for you non-economic types. This means that the upcoming video game, UFC Undisputed 2009, may never see the light of day. There is hope though, as THQ could decide to release the game and profit from it, or they could sell the rights to the game to someone else to finish. There's also the possibility that the Yukes Studio could be sold, which is the studio creating the game under the UFC banner.

I highly doubt the UFC will let the game go on permanent hiatus after all the fighter motion capture jazz, and all the promotion they've already done for the game. Unfortunately, it looks like once release time comes, THQ won't have their logo all over the canvas at UFC shows. I'm very surprised by the financial woes of THQ as they've developed some solid games in the past, including several WWE games. The company is trying to cut costs to stay in business by slashing their budget and probably laying off around 600 employees. No one is safe from the unemployment line! No one!

See if THQ had made this game, they'd be rolling in it right now.


END OF THE THIRD ROUND
That ends another barn burning edition of "The Verbal Submission". Thanks to MMAJunkie.com, UFC.com, CagePotato.com, and YouTube.com. Make sure to check out all the latest columns in the MMA section of 411Mania.com, and if you think can write for the site, send in a submission to The Csonk. Seriously though, if I'm the last writer left here in the MMA section, we are in deep, DEEP (not an MMA reference) trouble.

My latest video will be up Tuesday morning on YouTube here. I basically go over my thoughts on the candidates to play Green Lantern in the live action movie scheduled for release in 2010. Any comic nerds out there, or fans of stupidity will enjoy the vid. You can find me on Twitter here or on Myspace here. I'll be back next week to continue to bring down the house, rage against the machine, and shake what my momma gave me.

Kick. Punch. It's all in the mind.

-CPR