Calling A Spade A Spade 11.07.09: Wheel of Morality

Posted by Ryan Bates on 11.07.2009

Your new champion for higher standards in boxing: The WBC? What the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks is that all about?

When we were children growing up, we had several authority figures. These were people like our moms, our dads, our extended family, our teachers, etc. Some of us heeded religious figures, some had coaches, and everyone was taught that cops and doctors gave orders for our safety. In fact, all the authority figures in our life (allegedly) had our best intentions in mind.

Eat your vegetables, so you can grow up big and strong. Do unto others as you would have done unto you. Don't talk to strangers. Study hard so you can be smart. Respect authority.

Boxing has authority figures too who create the rules and lay down the law. The difference between sanctioning bodies, boxing's authority figures, and the authority figures of your childhood, is that we speculated as kids that our authority figures were to be respected because they were credible and fair.

Mommy says, "Don't put your hand on that stove, it will burn you!" We believe Mommy has our best interest in mind, and we don't do it. We think Mommy is a lying sack of crap, and we wind up with crispy fingers and maybe even (gasp!) grounded. That'll teach US to go against the rules, right?

The WBC says, "Fight hard, and you can become mandatory challenger to the champion." Naaah. The right promoter with the right cash value can overcome that.

So imagine how broadsided I and other boxing fans were, when the WBC came out with several rulings this week based on.... morality?

When was the last time "morality" and "WBC" were used in the same sentence?

For insight into this situation, I have hired a team of morality experts and they have brought in their high-tech gadgetry to figure out what's going on here.





"Wheel of Morality, turn turn turn, tell us the lesson that we should learn."

And the moral of today's story is: "Let's call a spade a spade...

WHEN IT COMES TO MORAL ISSUES, THE WBC DOESN'T HAVE A LEG TO STAND ON."

It's a well-accepted fact that there's something shady going on in the WBC. Fighters have made unannounced (and undeserved) climbs or falls in rankings, in dubious lockstep with cash movement. And sanctioning fees are more like extortion. They have no concern about fractionalizing the title belt far enough down that you -- yes YOU -- can get one. And when the time comes, they'll make sure they collect their share of keeping that trinket belt. Even today, it was reported that Odlanier Solis is now ranked number 3 in the WBC heavyweight rankings. NUMBER THREE! I know the heavyweight division is pretty weak, but come on! Solis' biggest name on his resume is Monte Barrett! How does that get you a number-three ranking?

But now it seems that the WBC wants to play Morality Police. Let's review some of their announcements from their week-long conference in Korea.

Andre Dirrell will get a rematch opportunity against Carl Froch.* Well, that sounds good. I mean, a lot of people thought that Dirrell had won the fight and-- wait... what's that? It looks like... an asterisk? Yep, it belongs there. Because the WBC said it can happen, as long as it doesn't disrupt the Super Six Tournament on Showtime. First off, since when does the WBC care about Showtime, or any network for that matter? What this really is is a token ruling with no backbone to it. The only way this can be useful is if Dirrell and Froch line up against each other in the Super Six again. If that's the case, well, calloo callay, go get what's yours, Andre Dirrell. If it doesn't happen, then all this means is that Dirrell has to wait until both he and Froch are knocked out of the tournament. That means he wouldn't even be looking at a rematch until late 2010, and that's at the earliest if both guys are knocked out of the tournament. Should one or both go further, it could be 2011. Good job, WBC. You really stood for justice this time.

Fathers are no longer permitted in sons' corners. Hmm... no asterisks here... Basically this ruling says that due to the emotional bond between father and son, the father is not always in the best mentality to make correct decisions on the fighter's health, especially when it comes to stopping a fight. The WBC medical board references a California study that determines that the most common factor in ring fatalities is having a father in the corner.



Yes, I know that's akin to saying, "Hey... in all the murder cases that have been unsolved, the victim's blood... was RED." But I can kinda see where this one is coming from; some fathers do try to live (or re-live) their glory days through their sons. I just don't see them enforcing this rule. Why? Because this rule was already on the books! So what if Floyd Jr. and Sr. reunite for a WBC fight? You think the WBC will tell them no? Even if they tried, the Mayweathers would throw money at the problem and the WBC would turn their head. Then younger, less established fighters are going to want to do it, and the WBC won't have a precedent to fall back on, or be exposed of bribery. So yeah, all that is is dust in the wind.

Now it gets really good.

Shane Mosley and Andre Berto will meet January 30 for a unification bout.* Ugh, there's that damn asterisk again? The catch this time: Sure, Mosley will get that shot at the WBC belt... if he publicly apologizes to the WBC. Mosley's crime: relinquishing the WBC belt in order to fight WBA welterweight champion Antonio Margarito. As silly as that sounds (It's like a mom taking her kid to another kid he beat up -- "Shane, don't you have something you want to tell the WBC? Go on now!") it's made more ludicrous by the fact that Mosley hasn't held ANY PORTION of the WBC belt since 2007! He fought Luis Collazo for the interim title belt in February of '07, then fought Cotto, Mayorga, and Margarito, who are all WBA fighters. Uh-oh, Jose Suliaman, president of the WBC. Looks like this "morality" thing is going to be harder than it looks.

But here's the kicker. This one's straight out of the "South Park" movie.

Cristobal Arreola has been banned from boxing within the WBC for six months for cursing. You've got to be kidding, right? For swearing? Did they wash Arreola's mouth out with soap too? I mean, this is boxing, right? I was pretty sure this was boxing, not some namby-pamby sport like figure skating or synchronized swimming. And I'll even bet you they swear when they blow it too. Arreola was clearly on an emotional bender in his post-fight interview with Larry Merchant. He's always been a rough-around-the-edges guy who has said what's on his mind with very little self-censoring. So in that raw moment, we got this:

I worked my a** off. F***! Vitali is a strong mother f***er. I wanted to go the full 12. I knew it was f***ing me up. I couldn't get to him, Man. F***! This ain't the last you'll see of me. F*** that. I'm coming back.

The WBC's defense is that it was on network television. But that network, Mr. Moral Cop, was HBO! HBO, the same network that airs "Real Sex" and "Cathouse: The Series!" HBO, the same network that airs R-rated feature films uncensored! HBO, the same network that gave us gems from "The Sopranos" like:

You want me to fuck off? How 'bout I fuck off all over your stupid fuckin' face, you fuckin' mutt!

If pottymouths are going to bother the virgin ears of the WBC now, I would recommend getting off of HBO as soon as possible. And don't look to Showtime for solace either. "Dexter," "Red Shoe Diaries," and "Queer As Folk." That's all I have to say about that.

Defenders of the ruling has said it is necessary for the WBC to clean up their fighters' foul mouths if they potentially want to put fights on basic cable or network TV. Uh, no it's not. If the fights are pre-taped, it's easy to bleep out swear words. If the fights are live, they can still be handled. Most live performances these days are broadcast with what's called a "delay." It's about a seven- to eight-second "buffer" that broadcasters can rely on if things start getting out of hand. A simple press of a "dump button," and they're able to cut away, mute, or do what is necessary to prevent the FCC-objectionable offense from occurring on live TV.

If the WBC is really concerned about cleaning up their act, the solution is simple: Fire Jose Suliaman. Cut off the head, and the body will die. Bring someone new in to reform the WBC and their rankings, and start with tabula rasa -- a clean slate.

To recap and close, I will say this: Dear WBC... Thank you for the rematch that will probably happen far too late. But it's pretty much bullshit. My dad thinks so too. Fuck you very much. And no, I won't apologize for saying that.