411’s WWE Heat Report 01.26.08

Hey guys and gals, I’m Scott, and this is 411’s ALL-NEW, ALL-DIFFERENT WWE Heat Report.

I love it when a plan comes together. Seriously, toying with Small’s sad little life is more addictive than crack. First I hijacked his news report… and convinced at least one loyal reader that he was dead. Then I stole his lackey. Then I forced him to quit Heat. Then I hijacked his news report… AGAIN… and convinced at least one loyal reader that he was leaving to write for, um, “another site.” But over the last few weeks I’ve raised the bar even higher. Hey Small, I hear “JP” keeps bailing on you. He bailed on the ROH show. He bailed on the WWE show. But I’m sure he’ll make it up to you. Just wait for it… wait for it… keep waiting… Oh, screw the waiting. WAKE UP SMALL! Did you actually believe that JP wanted to spend some quality time with YOU? There is no way in hell that a guy like JP would waste his time and ruin a perfectly good live event by sitting next to you. I mean, DAMN!, I haven’t laughed this hard since the days of Sunny and Hyatte. So relax, Small. JP does not in fact hate you. I hate you, but JP probably doesn’t even know you’re alive.

Anyway, I think we have some wrestling to discuss. I’ve always prided myself on writing the Best Damn Heat Report on the Net, and part of being the best is continually striving to improve. So recently I was proud to debut a completely new format for the Heat Report. The most dramatic change was a drastic reduction in the length of the play-by-play. I loved writing in-depth, detailed reports of each match, but I completely understand that most readers would rather just get right to the highlights. So from now on I’m going to be presenting a more condensed Overview of each match in order to give you a clear view of the main events while skipping over some of the more minor details. However, in order to compensate for the abbreviated length of the Overview, I’m also going to be adding a Background, Analysis, and Rating for each match. The Background will provide a brief review of the recent events in the careers of each of the wrestlers involved in the match while the Analysis and Rating will allow me to give you my opinion on the quality and future implications of the match. Finally, I’ll still include the Result, Length, and Best Spot in order to continue to provide the most complete coverage possible. Okay, enough with the boring stuff. Let’s get to the wrestling.

Feedback from Last Week’s Comments

The new comments feature here at 411 has really opened up the flood gates from our readers, so I thought it might be useful to take a few minutes at the start of each Heat Report and discuss the comments from the previous week.

You’re too hard on Lucha Haas. The gimmick is great. (Posted By: Unright)

Lucha Hass is AWESOME! I wish they would do more with it (Posted By: natedoggcata)

haas sucks (Posted By: brian)

So it looks like a few of you got your panties in a bunch over my criticism of Charlie Haas and his new luchatastic clusterfuck of a gimmick. Maybe I need to clarify my position. I’m a big fan of Charlie Haas, and I suppose that there’s nothing inherently wrong with the new luchador mask gimmick. But what is asinine is giving that gimmick to Charlie Haas. This is a gimmick that needs to be employed by a naturally charismatic wrestler who may need to divert attention away from some of his in-ring shortcomings. Guys like Nick Dinsmore and Eric Young would be natural fits with this kind of gimmick. But Charlie Haas? Not so much. Haas’ strength is always going to be his fundamentally sound wrestling, and any kind of gimmick given to him needs to make the most of his natural strengths. And so my real problem with Haas’ new luchador gimmick is that, in this case, the mismatch between the strengths of the wrestler and the requirements of the gimmick mean that both the wrestler and the gimmick are being wasted.

Match 1: DH Smith vs. Trevor Murdoch

Background: DH Smith suffered his first loss on Heat last week when he was defeated by Santino Marella. Trevor Murdoch’s last appearance on Heat was in a loss to Hardcore Holly three weeks ago. Since then he has teamed with Charlie Haas in a losing effort against Shawn Michaels and Mr. Kennedy in a strange bedfellows match during Raw Roulette and then lost a Royal Rumble Qualifying Match to Shawn Michaels last week on Raw. Both Smith and Murdoch need to pick up the win in this match in order to get back on track and build momentum as we head down the Road to WrestleMania.

Overview: The new stage looks hella swank in Heat mode. Oh, and Archie Manning is GOLD in that DSRL commercial. Anyway, Murdoch takes control early with a volley of punches and kicks, but Smith fights back with an arm wringer into an arm wringer suplex for a one count. Smith goes back to the arm wringer, but Murdoch fights out and whips Smith to the corner. Murdoch catches Smith’s boot in the corner, but Smith kicks out with the other leg and follows up with an atomic drop, an inverted atomic drop, and a running clothesline for a two count. Smith goes back to the arm wringer and then looks for a big back body drop, but Murdoch counters and catches Smith with a drop toe hold that sends Smith neck-first onto the second rope. Murdoch connects with a Big Boot before landing a barrage of cross-face shots and an elbow to the head for a two count. Murdoch locks in an arm bar followed by a swinging neck breaker for a two count. Murdoch goes for a suplex, but Smith reverses into a suplex of his own. Murdoch fights back with a running back elbow shot for a two count and then immediately locks in a front chancery. Smith gets back to his feet and rams Murdoch into the corner to break the hold, but Murdoch regains control with another running back elbow shot and a snap-mare takedown before going back to the front chancery. Murdoch whips Smith to the ropes and goes for a big back body drop, but Smith catches him with a sunset flip for a two count.

Murdoch fights back with a Side Russian Leg Sweep for a two count and then goes right back to the front chancery. Murdoch shoves Smith to the corner and chokes him against the bottom turnbuckle, but Smith makes it up to the second rope and connects with a flying shoulder block. Smith follows up with two standing drop kicks and a flying forearm smash for a two count before hitting a running back elbow shot for another two count. Smith whips Murdoch to the ropes and goes for a big back body drop, but Murdoch puts on the breaks and kicks him right in the chest. Murdoch hits the ropes and charges at Smith, but Smith catches him with a power slam for a two count. Smith goes to work with a volley on mounted punches, but Murdoch regains control with a back elbow shot and a knee lift to the face. Murdoch heads up to the second rope and goes for a flying double ax-handle shot, but Smith gets both boots up and plants them right in Murdoch’s face. Smith hits the ropes and charges at Murdoch, but Murdoch catches him with a clothesline followed by the Ace of Spades (leg-trap sunset flip powerbomb, basically a sunset flip variation of the West Texas Destroyer) for the three count.

Analysis:: This was a good showing from both Smith and Murdoch. It’s great to see WWE giving guys on the undercard enough time to really develop their matches. Smith lost his second match in a row, so it seems as though his little honeymoon on Heat is officially over. However, that means that he can really get down to business and start gaining the experience and maturity that he’ll need in order to climb up the card. Murdoch continues to show that he is a capable singles wrestler, but he has yet to demonstrate the same kind of showmanship that he’s capable of when playing off of Lance Cade. Murdoch’s current character is simply better suited to the dynamics of tag team wrestling, and he’ll need to evolve a bit if he ever becomes a full-time singles competitor.

Result: Trevor Murdoch defeats DH Smith with the Ace of Spades.
Length: 8:15
Best Spot: Smith’s arm wringer suplex
Rating: **

Match 2: “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan vs. Wayne Kostyal

Background: “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan is flying solo this week after successfully teaming up with his on-again / off-again tag team partner Super Crazy for the past two weeks. Duggan has spent the majority of his nearly thirty year career as a singles wrestler, so it’s no real surprise to see him return to his one-on-one roots from time to time. Wayne Kostyal is a jobber. A jobber in leather pants. Am I the only one picturing Ross powdering and creaming himself in some chick’s bathroom right now? Man, that last part’s gonna sound hella creepy if you don’t catch the reference… Anyway, Wayne last appeared on Heat when he teamed up with fellow jobber Phil Brown in a losing effort against the Highlanders last May. He had previously also appeared on Heat as Damien Wayne when he teamed up with fellow jobber Chris Escobar in a losing effort against Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch in August 2006. As Damien Wayne, he is the current NWA Continental Heavyweight Champion. But here on Heat, he’s still just a jobber. Tough break, kid.

Overview: Kostyal jumps Duggan from behind before the bell rings, but Duggan whips Kostyal to the ropes and levels him with a clothesline as the match officially begins. Duggan connects with two more clotheslines and rams Kostyal’s head into the top turnbuckle. U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! Duggan applies an arm wringer into a hammer lock and rams Kostyal’s shoulder into the top turnbuckle before whipping Kostyal to the ropes and catching him with a big hip toss. Duggan again rams Kostyal’s head into the top turnbuckle and connects with a volley of punches, but Kostyal fights back briefly before Duggan regains control with two clubbing forearm shots to the back. Duggan locks in a front chancery, whips Kostyal to the ropes, and goes for a big back body drop, but Kostyal puts on the brakes and kicks Duggan right in the chest. Kostyal chokes Duggan across the middle rope and locks in a standing side head lock, but Duggan breaks the hold and applies an arm wringer into an arm bar on the mat. Duggan lands a spinning scoop slam and then connects with the Three Point Stance Running Clothesline for the three count.

Analysis:: This match was passable as far as squash matches go, but what was the point? Squash matches are never the most entertaining matches in the world, but they can be useful in building credibility for an up-and-coming new star. Unfortunately, “up-and-coming” and “new star” aren’t really terms that can be applied to “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan at this point in his career. The fans know Duggan. They respect Duggan as much as they’re ever going to respect him. And they know when to break into the U.S.A.! chants at just the right moment. Duggan gains absolutely nothing from squash matches like this one, and WWE loses three minutes that could have been given to a star that actually needs them.

Result: “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan defeats Wayne Kostyal with the Three Point Stance Running Clothesline.
Length: 2:52
Best Spot: Duggan’s spinning scoop slam
Rating: *

Match 3: Super Crazy vs. Charlie Haas

Background: Super Crazy returns to singles action this week after two successful outings in tag team action with his on-again / off-again tag team partner “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan. He seems intent on defending the honor and dignity of luchadores everywhere as he faces off against WWE’s newest nutjob, Charlie Haas, who has yet to win a match since debuting his new luchador gimmick three weeks ago on Heat. Haas needs to pick up a win soon in order to justify his bizarre new game plan.

Overview: Haas takes control early with an arm bar into an arm wringer into a wrist lock on the mat. Haas goes back to the arm bar and begins to work over Crazy’s shoulder before locking in a standing side head lock. Haas drops Crazy with a running shoulder block and tries to counter a hip toss from Crazy into a hip toss of his own, but Crazy counters the counter with a sloppy hip toss. Crazy hits a modified drop toe hold and finds la magistral for a two count. Crazy hits the ropes, connects with a body scissors into headlock takedown, and lands a basement drop kick to the face for a two count. Crazy locks in an arm bar, but Haas makes it to the ropes to force the break. Crazy regains control with a crucifix pin for a two count before applying an arm wringer into a modified key lock into an arm bar. Crazy whips Haas to the corner and charges towards him, but Haas tries to back body drop him over the top rope. Crazy floats over and lands on his feet on the apron before leaping over the tope rope with an arm drag takedown on Haas. Crazy lands two consecutive standing drop kicks, so Haas rolls out of the ring to catch a breather. Haas completely disappears under the ring and reemerges as Lucha Haas as we head to a commercial.

Lucha Haas is back in the ring and back in control as we return from the break. Lucha Haas hits a rolling leg wrench, but Crazy gets a quick school boy for a one count. Lucha Haas drapes Crazy’s leg across the bottom rope and springboards onto it before locking in a modified Half Boston Crab back in the middle of the ring. Crazy makes it to the ropes to force the break, but Lucha Haas goes right back to another leg submission. Crazy gets his leg across Lucha Haas’ throat for a two count before kicking Lucha Haas across the face to escape the hold. Crazy unleashes a volley of punches and kicks before ripping off Lucha Haas’ mask and leaving Haas dazed, but Crazy’s knee buckles under him and gives Haas time to put the mask on again. Lucha Haas scores with a chop block and once again locks in a leg submission. Lucha Haas drives his own knee into Crazy’s knee and wrenches on the leg for a two count. Lucha Haas gets a leg bar for a one count and then traps Crazy in the corner and wrenches his leg around the middle rope. Crazy fights back with a barrage of forearm shots before scoring with a series of mounted punches in the corner, ripping Lucha Haas’ mask off again, and connecting with a monkey flip. Dude, either Crazy’s leg it legitimately injured right now, or he’s doing an absolutely EPIC sell job. Crazy heads up to the top rope and goes for a missile drop kick, but Haas easily steps out of the way. Haas once again puts on the mask, locks in el Haasa del Dolor, and gets the submission victory.

Analysis:: Okay, it pains me greatly to say this, but Lucha Haas may be growing on me. Don’t get me wrong; I still think the entire concept is fundamentally flawed. BUT, I have to give credit to Haas for making the best of a bad situation. In this match he was able to showcase his wrestling skills both as Haas and as Lucha Haas, and using his own natural strengths as part of the new gimmick is probably his best shot at making the gimmick work. The other thing I’ve noticed is that Haas goes farther and farther under the ring when he retrieves the mask each week. The first week he only put his head and shoulders under the ring skirt. After that he only left his legs exposed, and this week he disappeared completely. If Haas had disappeared completely the first week, then the crowd might have thought that it was someone else under the mask. But that wasn’t an option so long as part of Haas’ body remained visible during the transformation. But now the crowd just assumes that Haas is under the mask, so it would be hella fun for someone other than Haas to come out from under the ring wearing the mask one week. The mask would inevitably be removed during the course of the match, and it would be great to see the crowd… and Haas’ opponent… try to figure out why “Lucha Haas” isn’t really Charlie Haas. So here’s the real question: whose physique is close enough to Charlie Haas’ to be able to make this work? Discuss amongst yourselves.

Result: Charlie Haas defeats Super Crazy with el Haasa del Dolor.
Length: 10:38 (including commercial)
Best Spot: Lucha Haas’ modified Half Boston Crab
Rating: **

Okay kids, that’s it for this edition of Heat. Hope you had fun. Feel free to email me with any comments or suggestions. I’ll see you back here next weekend.