Games Only a Mother Could Love 03.25.09: Target Terror (Wii)

Posted by Mark Salmela on 03.25.2009

This week we will take an in-depth look at god’s gift to gamers around the world. Let’s Rock!

I've been saving this column for a special occasion. With hype for Target Terror at an all time high around 411 and the recent announcement that 411mania is now a part of Gamerankings.com, the time has finally come. Target Terror isn't a game that you play, it's a game that you experience. Personally, I had no idea what I was getting into when I first saw Target Terror sitting on the shelf, but after I cradled it against my breast, I was never the same again. As I've said before in columns such as Games Top 5, Target Terror has ruined my social life, my sex life, and my ability to sleep at night. But for every negative influence Target Terror has had on my life, it's had at least 3 incredible and unforgettable experiences. So sit back and enjoy, the time has come for an in-depth look at Target Terror.





Target Terror (2004 arcade, 2008 Wii)




It's an absolute travesty that the arcade scene died out. As a kid I loved going to Aladdin's Castle on Friday nights with a 5 dollar bill in hand knowing that I was about spend an awesome couple of hours playing amazing games. My favorite games to play in the arcades were the light gun shooters, and I've played Time Crisis 2 so many times that with witnesses on hand I played and beat Time Crisis 2 on one set of credits in an arcade. That's right, I never once had to continue, and I beat Time Crisis 2 start to finish on a perfect game. Rail-shooters have always had a soft spot in my heart, and I am deeply saddened by how much of an abortion House of the Dead: Overkill was for the Wii. House of the Dead 1 and 2 were amazing games, but since then Sega's pretty much forgotten how to make an amazing game. The same can be said about Namco, because I am probably the only person in the world who bought Time Crisis 4 with the Guncom 3 for PS3 in 2007 for $90, and for good reason, because that game sucked.

At the end of 2007, I had pretty much given up on the rail-shooter genre and pronounced it dead, since my favorite companies as a kid forgot what made rail-shooters so much fun. But then came along the hardcore gamer's nightmare, the Nintendo Wii. Nintendo soon became my personal savior, as the success of the Wii meant the return of the rail-gun shooter. Raw Thrills, made up by former Midway employees, developed the greatest rail-gun shooter ever, Target Terror. But because the arcade scene was completely dead by the turn of the century, I never got to play 2004's game of the year. But then came the Wii port, and with Target Terror on the Wii, I can die happy.


I'm gonna torch your ass hooker!


The goal of Target Terror is simple, there is shit on the screen, and you need to shoot all of it! Sure, there are hostages, but in most cases, they deserve to be shot. I've never once seen a 12 year old Japanese girl pop out of a dumpster grabbing her prematurely developed breasts that didn't deserve to be shot, so don't feel bad if you kill them like I did. Don't play stupid 12 year old girl, I know exactly what you're up to in that dumpster, and god will be the judge of your actions!

Now the terrorists of Target Terror demand respect, and they've taken captive the 3 most crucial locations to US military survival. The terrorists have taken captive an airport, the Golden Gate Bridge, and a nuclear power plant. Each of the 3 locations are split up into 3 different levels *with 3 different parts to each level*, each lasting around 15 to 20 minutes to beat. In true video game fashion beating the level doesn't mean killing every bad guy or actually securing the area, but rather reaching a certain part of the level and moving on, regardless of how many machine-gun wielding terrorists are left remaining.


I crack up every time this guy pops out and starts choking me.


The basic weapon in Target Terror is the pistol, but you can obtain a machine gun, a shotgun, a flamethrower, some sort of ice beam, some sort of beam that shoots electricity, an automatic RPG missile launcher, and an automatic grenade launcher. And yes, I'm not kidding, the RPG and grenade launchers are automatic, meaning that you can fire 5 RPG missiles in less than 2 seconds at one enemy. You may call that overkill, I call that justice. Target Terror also has a special power up where you call in a satellite, and regardless of whether or not you're indoors or underground, the satellite will rain down a nuclear strike that will kill every enemy on screen. I think I need a new pair of pants…

For those of you who haven't noticed, the best part of Target Terror is that the game uses real digitized people! Much like the original Mortal Kombat games, every enemy in Target Terror is a real digitized actor that is in full on costume with actual weapons looking to unload on your ass. There are dudes in hooded sweatshirts, guys in classic bank robber hats looking to choke you out, girls dressed as hookers looking to roundhouse kick you in the face, and a whole lot more looking for vengeance in Target Terror.

Every glitch in Target Terror only makes the game better. When you shoot someone, they usually go into a predetermined dying animation, which is where the fun comes in. In most rail-shooters you can shoot the enemy 3 times before he becomes immune to your bullets and dies in peace, but not Target Terror. In Target Terror you can get insane combos unloading onto one poor sap, and I believe my record is 53 consecutive hits onto one enemy before his head exploded from lead poisoning. You better believe the other enemies were all saying "DAMN" while I made their buddy dance from my consecutive bullets to the groin.


No one takes a shit on my watch!


My personal favorite level is the bathroom in the airport, since you walk into the bathroom and all the terrorists are currently using the urinal. But I'll be dammed if terrorists get to use the bathroom on my watch, and I found it absolutely hysterical to unload onto guys while they were taking a piss. But that's not all, you then go around kicking in bathroom stalls unloading on terrorists trying to take a number 2.

Target Terror takes violence to a new level. Every enemy explodes in glorious fashion upon dying, with body parts flying all across the screen and blood scattering everywhere. If you have ever enjoyed a slasher film, than you will love Target Terror, as I don't think I've ever seen so much blood or violence. There's so much win in Target Terror that I can't even begin to describe how awesome it is. Just got roundhouse kicked in the face by a hooker? Shoot her in the face with an RPG. Who cares if she's a mere 2 feet in front of you, that just means you'll get more blood showering on the screen as her head goes rolling across the floor.

Target Terror is a game that is designed for co-op. I'd go so far as to say don't bother playing Target Terror if you don't have a friend to co-op it with, as it just won't be the same. Target Terror is meant to be experienced with your friends, as you'll all have a blast watching anything and everything explode on screen by your bullets with your buddies. Target Terror also includes several mini-games, and each one is absolutely hysterical. There's a game where you take the place of an old golfer and you hit grenades at terrorists riding golf carts while they're pulling wheelies in the golf carts. There's a mini-game where you try to save babes in bikini's from being dumped into pools of acid, but every time I reach this game I end up just sitting back and watching the babes in bikinis scream as they're dumped face first into pools of acid. There's also a quick draw game where you have to have a quick trigger finger and shoot a terrorist dressed as a cowboy, all while this old guy watching on the sidelines gets progressively more drunk, ending in him puking all over the place in hysterical fashion.


Best mini-games ever. I could play these all day. As a matter of fact, I think I will.


After securing the airport, the Golden Gate Bridge, and the nuclear power plant, it's time for the final showdown inside of an airplane. The airplane is filled with 3000 terrorists, but don't ask me how they got chainsaws and packs of TNT past airport security. I already secured the baggage claim, so at least people's clothes were safe. So on a plane filled with 3000 terrorists, it's your job to take out every single one of them, totally disregarding the consequences of firing guns inside a plane. I could have just not gotten on the plane at all and sent the air force up after the hijacked commercial airliner, but that's not Target Terror's style. With the estimated body count nearing 50,000 you reach the final boss of the game, a terrorist holding a gun in one hand and a grenade semi-hidden in the other. If you shoot anywhere on the screen other than the grenade, the terrorist falls to his knees laughing as the grenade explodes and the entire plane explodes into a billion pieces. But if you shoot the grenade out of his hand he drops the gun as well, falls to his knees, and begs for mercy. Some people might be a pussy and let him live, but Target Terror doesn't take any shit. You kick that bastard out of the plane and right into the propeller engine of the plane as the final terrorist gets chopped up into a million pieces.

Target Terror is one of the greatest games ever. I could go on explaining for another twelve pages as to why Target Terror is the greatest game ever, but I'll cut it short here. Target Terror is a game that needs to be experienced by everyone, and if you don't already own a copy of Target Terror I'm sure you can find it used at Gamestop or online for around $10 to $15. As far as I could find Target Terror only sold around 50,000 copies for the Wii in the US, so I know the majority of readers out there passed on this instant classic. But the poor sales for the Wii hasn't stopped Raw Thrills from developing a sequel for Target Terror. You better believe that I'll be lined up at midnight for the release of Target Terror 2 whenever it comes out, regardless of whether or not they actually hold a midnight *and I'd be willing to bet that they don't*.




Best... Game… Ever…


Target Terror is far and away the best game ever. If you don't want to take my word for it, then look at what these people had to say about Target Terror:


Celebrity Chuck Norris: "If my tears cure cancer, then Target Terror cures gonorrhea."

411's Todd Vote: "I may have a retarded name, but now I have an awesome game to play after my daily beatings on the school playground! Thanks Target Terror."

411's Joe Roche: "I wish the Xbox 360 had something this awesome!"

411's Derek Robbins: "I would slaughter both of my brothers in order to secure my own copy of this game, but then who would I play co-op with?"

Celebrity Mr. T: "I pity the fool who doesn't trade in their Night Elf Mohawk for a copy of Target Terror!"

411's Vincent Chiucchi: "Wait, I still work here?"

411's Drew Robbins: "Before playing Target Terror I was merely a boy, but now, I am a man. Stand back ladies, this cherry has been popped."

411's Ramon Aranda: "I'm currently in the process of renaming the 411 Games Zone the 411 Target Terror Appreciation Zone!"

Celebrity Vince from ShamWow: "Throw Target Terror at the wall, doesn't stick! You'll be saying Wow every time you play Target Terror! Look, without shooting any bullets at all, 13% of the terrorists dead. Call in for a satellite strike, the other 50%. Now you know I can't promote Target Terror all day, call to order."



The guy with the beard in the background is my favorite, he knows he kicks ass and is in the best video game ever.


Enjoyed the column? Check out the previous editions of Games Only a Mother Could Love:

Dragon's Lair
Corpse Killer
Slam City with Scottie Pippen
Night Trap



Well, that's it for me everyone. I promised that I would make a Target Terror edition of Games Only a Mother Could Love, and I've finally come through on that promise. If you have any questions or want to talk about how awesome Target Terror is, feel free to leave a comment below or email me at [e-mail]. I'll be glad to discuss Target Terror with anyone and everyone, so don't be shy. Also, if you like the column please be sure to let me know. I've got dozens of other amazing FMV style games that I'd love to share with my readers, but due to my busy schedule right now, if there isn't demand for it than I can't make time for more Games Only a Mother Could Love right now. Regardless I'll still be around 411, so keep looking for me, I'll be popping my head in everywhere and anywhere I can. Thanks for reading, cya!