What If? 03.24.09: Week 11 - Multi-Platform Compatible Brawler, Master Chief as Solid Snake, More
Posted by Greg Bruno on 03.24.2009
What if there was a Multi-Platform Compatible Brawler or what if Master Chief was Solid Snake? 411’s Greg Bruno, Joe Roche and Ramon Aranda discuss these topics and more in the latest edition of What If! Check out the full column for all the details!
Welcome to week 11 of What If? I'd like to thank everyone for keeping the Jack Thompson jokes to a minimum the last few weeks. It's certainly been a nice change of pace. For this week, we have:
Joe Roche: When he's not writing The Full Circle, Joe fights for the rights for children of single parent homes by donating hundreds of dollars in small unmarked bills to single mothers in back alleys and seedy "bars" without windows.
Greg Bruno: Recently found the cure for the common cold by combining the shredded remains of a Kotton Mouth Kings concert ticket stub and Grape Fanta pop. The formula must then be injected through the anal cavity. It should be on the market within the year, but feel free to send in pre-orders in the form of fifty dollar bills. He also recently reviewed 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand for the Xbox 360.
Ramon 'The Don' Aranda - Editor of 411Games and 411Boxing. Frequently found posting news articles, reviews, previews and keeping the staff in check.
What if there was a multi-platform Online Super Smash Bros style game?
Joe Roche:
Well, I would have to ignore Smash Brothers on more than one system. I have never understood the appeal of Smash Brothers, to the point where I get uncomfortable when other people talk about how great of a game it is. In my defense, Smash Brothers is a game designed
specifically for people who aren't me - so having this available on multiple platforms wouldn't change my life in one bit. Of course I imagine it'd be a huge blow to Nintendo since Smash Brothers was essentially one of three games that Nintendo released last year (Wii Fit, and Mario Kart) that caused people to actually want to purchase a Wii.
Greg Bruno
Wow. A multi-Platform online brawler would be a blast. I think there would be tons of licensing issues and technical problems to overcome, but if it were to happen, it would be huge. No longer would people argue over better control styles since they could simply battle against each other. The real question is who would have the biggest fan base? Also, with the Wii's laughable online system, how would it "handshake" with Xbox Live or PSN? Hmmm…
Ramon Aranda
Then I think it would kick ass...maybe. Well of course it would depend on how good the game is, but the thought of being able to battle against players of other consoles/PC, would be mouthwatering. Of course we know that will probably never happen, but wouldn't that be sweet.
What if master chief turned out to be a clone of Solid Snake under the helmet?
Joe Roche:
Master Chief is really the anti-Snake. Where one spends a lot of time sneaking around and using stealth the other essentially just shots everything at will. So if Chief ended up being Snake, it would have to be explained as Snake finally realizing that sneaking around in camouflage across four games was an incredible waste of time because it's much more effective and/or fun to just blow everything up and go through thousands of rounds of bullets to kill a handful of enemies.
Greg Bruno:
I never followed the Metal Gear series at all, so I'm unsure if Snake is a clone in the first place. But imagine the ramifications it would have to know that one of the gaming industry's most know stealth hero is a descendant (or copy…depending on how you look at it) at the Savior of the universe! Then, of course, we'd have to have a backlash of games detailing the transition from hiding in card board boxes to diving out of space ships guiding a nuke.
Ramon Aranda
Then the internet would implode. No seriously...it would. Conspiracy theorists would come out of hiding; fanboys would be at each others' throats and then we'd get everyone wondering when the hell the next MGS or Halo title will come out. I'm sure we'd get plenty of "bwahahaha...see, Xbox fanboys, it took Snake to 'finish the fight' bwahhahaha...Snake > Master Chief" which of course wouldn't make sense since technically Snake = Master Chief.
What if the Super Mario series was completely rebooted with a new look and feel?
Joe Roche:
I like the idea of a Mario reboot. Thanks to the declining economy, Mario's plumbing business has gone under and Luigi is hooked on meth causing him to be in and out of rehab facilities all over the East Coast. Princess Peach has started a lesbian relationship with Lindsay Lohan and spends a great deal of time hanging out in L.A. with Paris Hilton while filming a reality show where cameras follow her around while Bowser tries to kidnap her. All the while Mario is now fighting to keep his world from falling completely apart by driving a cab, robbing banks, and working for the mob -- I'd call it Grand Theft Mario, with Wario playing the role of the mafia boss and Toad as the lackey who ultimately turns on Mario and tries to set up his death.
Greg Bruno:
Like all games, at some point someone must hit the reset button. I think an overhaul to Mario would do him some good. He's so far from where he started that its almost unrecognizable. I think the basics should remain the same, but eliminate the entire "Princess plot". Perhaps Mario could be out for revenge? Maybe Bowser finally kills off Luigi and Mario is Hell bent on avenging his fallen brother. So he goes no-holds-barred and completely kills Bowsers whole family. I think I'm actually starting to mix Mario and The Punisher, but who cares, it would be awesome. A totally different style of Mario game would do Nintendo some good.
Ramon Aranda:
Well, Nintendo added New Super Mario Bros. which to me was awesome especially since it was essentially Super Mario Bros. 4. As for being rebooted all together, I'd be against it. Let's face it; Super Mario All-Stars already did a fine job of adding an updated look to the old 8-bit titles. We really don't need anything more than that. As for a 3-D (Mario 64-style) incarnation, I'll pass. I'd rather have new titles all together.
What if Andi, The Gamer Girlfriend, developed a video game? What should she focus on?
Joe Roche:
Well it would probably be horrible because other then raising children and cooking dinner women are useless...oh I'm sorry I thought I was writing my weekly Al Jazeera opinion column. From what I can tell, Andi absolutely dominates Greg in just about everything they play together. I'd focus on a game where some attractive twenty something woman keeps her boyfriend locked in a cage in their apartment only letting him out to clean the floors and wash dishes. I'd call it "Emasculation" and the only way for the game to end would be for Greg to kill himself because honestly, there is nothing worse than being completely wrapped around the finger of a woman. Now if you'll excuse me, my wife just asked me to do the dishes and I'm not
stupid.
Greg Bruno:
First off, she'd definitely make an Animal Crossing-Tetris-Zuma-Diner Dash hybrid. The game would be called "I Don't Care Where We Eat. You Pick." It'd incorporate lots of puzzles and cute things that need your help fixing…stuff. Instead of earning points, you'd earn shoes. One of her main characters special abilities would be to always be right and win every argument. No matter the situation, she'd end up winning. That's how she likes it. Art imitates life. Also, without a doubt, I'd be terrible at it.
Ramon Aranda
I guess something girl-friendly or something. Or something in which Greg Bruno would absolutely suck ass in. Just saying...
SPECIAL GUEST Andi J
Actually boys, I'd create a game very similar to Halo. Except instead of an army of Spartans, it'd be an army of kick ass chicks. And instead of the covenant, it would be men. I, of course, would be Master Andi. Cortana will be played by Greg, and we'll keep the same outfit. There would still be really big guns, but much hotter armor. ;-) Oh yea- and Greg will suck at it.
Ah, public humiliation. I just can't get enough. Andi actually signed a one-shot deal to appear on WHAT IF? Remember to leave your own questions below to be featured in an upcoming edition of the column. Also, a huge special thanks to Danny Mac for the new banner! Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go suck at some more video games.
