Since I write live ROH reports, strive for psychological perfection in wrestling matches, went to actual wrestling training, go to 2KW shows and have 3 friends who wrestle on the Long Island indies (Muscles Marinara for Victory Pro, "Straight Shooter" CJ Antonino for PWR and Blake Morris for NYWC) I like to think that when it comes to wrestling, I know what I'm talking about, at least more than the average fan, so when I say this Wrestlemania sucked, it isn't without reason, or in my case it isn't without 5 reasons.
So here's ANOTHER Top 5, Top 5 things I didn't like about WMXXV.
CM Punk wins Money In The Bank again.
I don't like Kofi Kingston, Mark Henry, Kane or Finlay very much, but they all did their part in this match. Shelton Benjamin busted his ass in this match, MVP did a good job and Christian was his natural awesome self, getting the crowd behind him by.... well, breathing.
The crowd wanted Xian (we're abbreviating Christ with X, so Xian makes sense, no?) or MVP to win and made themselves more than vocal about it. Instead, we have CM Punk who comes out of nowhere after hitting one high spot the whole match to win one of the company's most important matches of the year.
Don't give me the logic that because he absorbed the least damage, he was the most spry and able to climb the ladder. Shelton Benjamin kept fucking his body in half to hurt people and he looked ready for Round 2. As far as I'm concerned, he wouldn't even need a fucking ladder to reach the briefcase, he could just jump.
CM Punk is another guy I don't like, but if he'd had the spotlight on him like MVP, Xian or even Kingston, his victory would've made more sense to me.
Chris Jericho fights in a handicapped match
Instead of it being Jericho vs. 2 useless dudes and an awesome old guy, why did we not get the awesomeness that would've been Steamboat vs. Jericho? You can tell from the arm wringers that Steamboat was ready to actually wrestle. Sure, he took a snapmare onto his hand and yeah, we didn't actually SEE him skin the cat, so it may not've been all that smooth, but 10 minutes between those two would've rocked.
Seriously, did y'all see how he took the Codebreaker? Awesome sell right there.
Another thing that didn't make sense was everyone's support towards Mickey Rourke. Last years boxer vs. outsider event saw Floyd Mayweather get met with boos, even while his opponent Big Show was supposed to be less than nice. This year, everyone seemed all too eager to turn on Jericho. I just don't get how the announcers can be happy that a total outsider punches out one of their co-workers and a company guy.
JR: "This guy was a champion, we're excited he got punched out even if we look like disloyal dipshits and he looks like a chump. Yay!"
The Main Event(s)
The Main Events sucked this year. While I didn't like another more over rated match that ended up lower on the card, I'll say that the two old guys should've probably closed the show, given how excited the crowd was for it.
Cena vs. Edge vs. Show was pretty lousy. I've seen John Cena vs. Edge for what feels like 100 times now and adding Biggles to the mix didn't make it feel any different. They still used all of their spots, and basically went on auto pilot.
What's worse is the story surrounding the match. Edge and Big Show fight over Eddie Guerrero's wife and milquetoast John Cena slips in and wins back his title? Given that he instigated said drama, shouldn't that make him the heel?
And no one can tell me that Orton vs. Triple H didn't both suck and blow. This match wasn't only heatless, it had no story and one of the most anti-climactic finishes ever. And what was with them blowing their finishers in the first minute? Was that supposed to put over their toughness, 'cause to me it just looked like something a yarder would do.
No Unified Tag Match?
My man/boss/editor/guy who hooks me up with free shit sometimes, Ramon will back me up on this next statement: "This should've been on the PPV instead of Kid Rock." As if the message weren't clear enough, WWE doesn't give a shit about their tag division. They only care enough to stock the division with at least 3 teams at a time (a bookend/two guys with matching outfits/gimmicks/etc, a superteam/two otherwise singles wrestlers and two guys from a stable who at least have an agenda to unite them) maxing out at maybe 6 teams during a good period. This match has at least 3 good performers in it, but because the E cared more about a muscial performance from a washed out fuck up, we missed what could've been a good match.
BTW, anyone else laugh when Kid Rock held out his mic to complete and thunderous silence?
Undertaker vs. HBK
Here's where I get pelted with fruit, I guess. This match was okay. Not good, not bad, just okay. I think people are making a big deal out of it because of how dangerous a tope and a plancha got. Yeah, they landed on their heads, that's no reason to celebrate them, that's a reason to go "Oh shit, these guys don't know what they're doing!"
I think people are making too big a deal out of Michaels kicking out of a Tombstone (I'll admit, kicking out of that move is unheard of) and Undertaker's wide eyed reaction which looked absolutely completely fucking silly. I laughed my ass off when he did that.
No picture, unfortunately.
The last thing everyone keeps talking about is the finish. Okay, I throw my hands up, turning a moonsault into a tombstone was awesome.
Additional knocks against this match include the fact that it had no fucking story and it was plenty sloppy. That crucifix/DDT was laughable. Multiple botches and landing on your head do not belong in a Match Of The Year, therefore THIS WAS NOT MATCH OF THE YEAR, monkeys!
And as long as we're celebrating two old guys, why can't we celebrate Hardy vs. Hardy? I could watch that cringe worthy finish all day.
O-KAY! Game stuff below! This is What I Hate About Wrestling Games.
SMACKDOWN
Smackdown games feature ridiculously complicated controls. I think it was SvR07 that featured controls that require you to press the right analog out of a grapple, then hold it to do more damage.
Another thing that annoys me about controls: Why the hell do I need to lock up before delivering a suplex? In the history of every match I've ever watched (spanning WWE, WCW, ECW, ROH, 2KW, indies, Japanese, Lucha, Hardcore, BYW and matches that were just plain BAD/see also: TNA) NO ONE ties up and hits a suplex, that's bullshit. If the designers are so determined for there to be a pre-grapple animation, give us something that doesn't look un-natural, give us what we're used to seeing: a kick to the gut, a front face lock, a punch to the gut or face, an arm wringer, a hammerlock, something that doesn't so closely resemble a bowel movement or an awkward botch that'll end up in a Botchmania comp.
Create A Wrestler is awesome.... usually. When I got my first wrestling game, Smackdown: Shut Your Mouth, I loved that you could have different outfits (in reality they were other wrestlers past and then-present attires that you could alter in lots of different ways). Once the Smackdown games started in on the horrendous trend of naming their games after the upcoming year, they got rid of the the logos, emblems and cool trunks with designs.
I guess they were trying to make us be original or something, but in the end all it made me do was select black trunks or a black singlet with black boots.
The games moveset is another gripe of mine. Some editions will have cool indy moves (like the Ki Krusher or the double knee gutbuster made famous by Roderick Strong) but one game SvR 07 or 08 took out every indytastic move and even some sweet Japanese ones! This is unfair to those of us who like our finishers to reference the indies.
Also, can we please get some Danielson finishers up in there? Would it really kill you to give us Cattle Mutilation, THQ?
Smackdown 09 and Legends of Wrestlemania give me faith that the E is slowly pulling it's head from it's ass when it comes to games, but I'm still wary.
FIRE PRO
Fire Pro is a nice alternative to the Smackdown games. It features mostly Japanese feds (YES!) and it humorously consolidates the Amercian wrestlers into one fictional federation while retaining EVERYONE's moves for your Create A Players. On top of THAT, you can even have crazy dramatic comebacks (invoke Fighting Spirit!)! Perfect, right?
Well, it might be if they tell you HOW to get up and channel Fighting Spirit! The game's manual and the game itself never give a real description of how to use cool supermoves or even how to fight and defend yourself. I had to go to GameFAQS to figure stuff out and I STILL can't even run off the ropes! I like that you can't hit big moves until the opponent has taken a few chops or shoulder tackles (y'know, like in REAL LIFE!) but the controls and collision detections for this game have to get fixed, ASAP.
Also, what's with the fucking design? Why do the characters look like the figurines I get for 25 cents from the machines outside of PathMark? Yeah, they're cutesy, but the last time I checked, wrestling isn't cutesy!
NO MERCY
Yeah, I'm not going to win that fight either. Moving on....!
DEF JAM
Def Jam: Vendetta and Def Jam: Fight For New York are pretty fucking sweet. Good graphics, good create-a-player, BITCHIN' soundtracks and INSANE finishers, easy AKI-inspired controls and the second installment even lets you add real fighting moves and KO punches and kick combos to your style, which is awesome.
While these games are pretty close to wrestling game perfection, they fall short of getting 5 flakes for a few create-a-player problems.
The voice actors in Def Jam:FFNY are pretty horrible. It's cool that you can choose who sounds most like you (I always chose Clean Cut for those of you who've wanted to hear JDL's silky voice), but it's just not necessary, especially when only 2 of the 6 choosable voices sound acceptable. If they'd had celebrities do the player's voices THAT'D be cool, but instead you get some sawed off prick to be your voice and the result is lackluster. The first game had a silent protagonist and while a lot of people complain about that, FAR more people will complain about bad voice acting.
Also, why the fuck could you not pick your own moves? I loved the elbow combo that came with learning kickboxing styles, but once I merged it with streetfighting and submission styles, I lost it. I would've loved to have a kick combo followed up with a powerbomb and then a dragon sleeper, Toshiaki Kawada style, bitches!
SUPERFIGHT!
Last week we had Stone Cold and Jabba The Hutt battle it out with Stone Cold handily dispatching his opponent after a Stone Cold Stunner to Jabba's..... um, chin.
This week we get:
The Rock
vs.
Chewbacca
Who wins? You decide! I'm John De Large and that's What I Hate About HBK vs. Taker
Chewbacca can pull the arms (and other limbs) off stormtroopers, while the Rock goes by DJ now.
Yeah, easy win for the big hairy dude.
Posted By: Rod Oracheski (Registered) on April 09, 2009 at 11:29 PM
Good going not even bothering to argue about No Mercy.
The Rock and Chewie would fight for about ten minutes with Chewbacca keeping the upper hand most of the way. Rock would somehow get a spinebuster, then before the Civillian's Elbow Mr. America and Daniel-san run in, causing a no contest, which would force them to team up as the Rock & 'Bac Connection.
Posted By: A Guy Who Watched WM With JdL (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 12:06 AM
Mostly fair enough analysis. I think HBK vs Taker was overrated but definitely above average. The only thing that made the match great to most people was the repeating kicking out of finisher spots but those really would have worked much better if there was some sort of doubt as to the conclusion of the match.
Micley Rourke being cheered makes some sort of sense. First off the Jericho is a far better heel than show which makes the booing more logical. Second off Rourke was allied with actual wrestlers and did at least act as a wrestler so he has some legitimacy unlike Mayweather who in addition to being a complete outsider was trash on the mike and just seemed like an asshole and a moron.
What bothered me the most about this though was that 4 wrestlers (Jericho did take out Flair after the match didn't he? I forget) weren't able to take out Jericho but an actor was in about two seconds. (Put over his boxing background as much as you want but it doesn't make him a boxer.) Jericho being a top star and former champ doesn't make it any easier to swallow.
Now onto you. How can you make a column about how crappy wrestlemania was and NOT mention the god awful diva battle royal which was in my mind one of the lowest points of wrestlemania's history, and definitely the low point of modern female wrestling? For shame.
Posted By: Justin (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 12:14 AM
Justin, I shouldn't need to tell you that Divas battle royale was God-awful. HBK vs. Taker was good, but everyone calling it a MOTYC is pissing me off.
Charlie, nice play by play :)
Posted By: John De Large (Registered) on April 10, 2009 at 12:27 AM
FirePro is the best. Looking online to learn about the game is helpful since the book doesn't explain much, but that shouldn't be held against it. The collision detection can look pretty bad sometimes, but the game is all about timing and positioning. Plus with the depth of gameplay, 500 edit spots, 100s of moves, and nearly unlimited customization, I really can't ask for much more.
Posted By: and it's only $15! (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 01:03 AM
Alright, well since I too am a trained professional wrestler, have many friends on the Indy circuit here in NC, and have seen up close how the business works, do I get to state my opinion as fact? Because if I do, Undertaker vs HBK was completely epic and told a fantastic story, and you are wrong in almost every way. I would love to see you personally tell The Undertaker or Shawn Michaels, two guys performing at a very high level well into their 40's, that since a tope or plancha looked botched that they don't know what they're doing.
I get what you're doing here. This whole "hate" thing is all a gimmick, kind of like Dr. David Thorpe on SomethingAwful.com that writes the "Your Band Sucks" articles. Unfortunately, you're not half the writer he is, because while his articles are usually funny and insightful, yours are completely whiny, unoriginal and totally devoid of humor. Sure, I gave you the page hit, but I also have to give a movie my money before I can decide if it sucks or not.
Posted By: SeanAltly (Registered) on April 10, 2009 at 01:15 AM
"Justin, I shouldn't need to tell you that Divas battle royale was God-awful. HBK vs. Taker was good, but everyone calling it a MOTYC is pissing me off.
Charlie, nice play by play :)
Posted By: John De Large (Registered) on April 10, 2009 at 12:27 AM"
Lol. Fair enough but I still say something that horrible deserves a place in a column about hatred.
Posted By: Justin (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 01:35 AM
I also train to wrestle and I found Shawn/Taker to be absolutely jaw dropping. I think all of us guys training can only hope that one day we'll be able to tell a story and make an impact like that match did.
Posted By: Guest#1805 (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 01:46 AM
it's his opinion SeanAltly, he can't have a right or wrong opinion thats why its an opinion.
i think undertaker/hbk was above average, but not perfect, it was a good wrestlemania level match and the entrances were amazing.
im surprised you didnt mention the divas crap or the int title, but than again, like you said, wrestlemania sucked, and i totally agree. i missed the mitb match, but i like that punk won again BUT i think it shouldve been christian who won.
the sad part is that only hbk/undertaker were wrestlemania level matches, everything else was a hot pile of shit and its unexcusable, its f'n wrestlemania for gods sake!
good column dude
Posted By: Jester (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 02:03 AM
Sean Altly (see how I put a space between your TWO names?), I won't waste the hot sauce on you, but let me tell you how wrong you are about my writing. My writing has shut down a child prodigy, it's getting me a scholarship and it helped send me to an awesome party tonight.
Unlike you, I'm a wellwisher, so good luck with training and wrestling, may you have a long and productive injury free career and go to the E, TNA, ROH, Japan, whereever.
Guest 1805, you're too mature for this column with your nicely worded differing opinion ;)
Jester, the whole show didn't suck, MITB was awesome and Hardy vs. Hardy was pretty enjoyable (and I don't even like hardcore matches usually!).
Everyone listen up: HBK and Undertaker and their lovely match aren't bad, I do feel that it's getting a lot of praise that I don't think it deserves.
Posted By: John De Large (Registered) on April 10, 2009 at 02:41 AM
Yes, I know how opinions work, but he stated his as if it were fact. That was one of the main points of what I posted.
Posted By: SeanAltly (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 02:41 AM
Jesus Christ you are a cynical fuck. I went to wrestling school and trained and worked shows, but it's fucking WRESTLING. It's a god damn work. Psychology is nice but it is NOT the fucking be all, end all of whether something is good, bad, great, awful, whatever. It's certainly a part of wrestling, as we want to make it look at least a little realistic, but that's what solid looking strikes are for.
Taker/HBK had amazing psychology, though. It's Mr. Wrestlemania vs. The Streak. They're two of the best performers in the big match situation, and they busted out EVERYTHING they could to beat the other.
Taker's look after HBK kicked out of the Tombstonw was PERFECT Character Psychology. It was an amazing false finish, as Taker had the eyes back, tongue out, arms crossed and it was the exact camera angle they use when Taker wins with the Tombstone. Hardly anyone kicks out of it and Taker had no doubts that would win it for him.
As for the tag title match, I agree it should've been on the PPV, but do you think that was anyone's #1 reason for buying Wrestlemania? Fuck no. Did Kid Rock deserve to get that much time for a shitty concert? No, but it didn't affect buys one way or the other. Quality, sure, but you don't have to watch the fuckin' thing. Get a drink, eat, go shit or piss, whatever.
The triple threat was fine, as no one ever expected it to be a classic. Not everything on the show CAN be a classic, and if you're looking for psychology filled matches, you're in the wrong fucking place to be looking for it.
Atleast you were spot on with the main event. It was a travesty, because it really did nothing. It was neither satisfying, nor feud ending, nor feud continuing.
One thing I hate though is when people say "The match didn't have a story" as a reason to hate it. Every match has a fucking story, if you were a worker, you'd know that. People can tell shitty stories, stories that make no sense or are uninteresting, but every match always has a story. The least you could do is say "I hated the story they told". This just pissed me off to no end when I was reading it. Fucking wanna be insider. This'll be the last time I give your piece of shit column a chance to interest me in the least.
Posted By: All Around Wrestling Fan (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 03:39 AM
"I like to think that when it comes to wrestling, I know what I'm talking about"
Perhaps so, but it would seem you're views are a little unstable on Sports Entertainment.
Posted By: Loki (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 03:47 AM
"Oh shit, these guys don't know what they're doing!"
No offense but I'm fairly sure two of the greatest ever in HBK and Taker know what they're doing. You can take a bump to the head while protecting yourself, otherwise Taker would have been paralized.
Posted By: Samer Kadi (Registered) on April 10, 2009 at 04:24 AM
Well the only way of truly making a good wrestling game would be to finally have Michael Cole as a playable person!
Eveyone & their Grandma would have him as their World Champion & rightfully so!
Posted By: Viyrel (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 08:01 AM
HBK vs Taker...F'n awesome...period! oh and if you hate wrestling games, then you should probably stop buying or playing them. Seems simple enough to me. Thanks :)
Posted By: Epic (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 08:13 AM
I guess it is easy for someone who trained to wrestle and makes $20 a show and is a ROH-bot to shit on a multi-billion dollar company's biggest show of the year.
Hey, maybe that's why you're minor league.
Posted By: Hater (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 09:11 AM
DeLarge you are my Hero for mentioning the LI Indies (Especially PWR and NYWC!)
Posted By: Guest#3325 (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 09:31 AM
Jester, LEARN HOW TO WRITE! My head is still spinning trying to figure out what you were saying.
Oh I get it, you're 11 and this is your 1st time on the internet. Don't ever come back Jabroni!
Posted By: Guest#9323 (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 09:36 AM
Merciful god in heavens above! It is so good to know I'm not the only one who thinks Taker/HBK has no business being called a MotYC. It was very rough around the edges and no matter how much the crowd is into it or how good the storytelling was, a match that features a guy missing his dive by close to a full foot and landing like a damn lawn dart almost immediately after the other guy almost lands on his own head after a hideous looking moonsault plancha should never be considered as great as the love as it is getting. All things considered, it still was very good, but there was enough wrong that even with the epic feel, I still can't in good conscience quite even give it 4-stars.
Oh btw, Chewy FTW!
Posted By: Mr. GE (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 09:47 AM
Stick to writing about video games, you obviously don't know what you are talking about when it comes to wrestling.
Posted By: Shawno420 (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 10:33 AM
how come no one remembers HBK's sweet shin music?
Posted By: Dillrock (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 10:33 AM
OK, Mr. ROHbot, time for your meds...
Posted By: ZeroVX (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 10:41 AM
Finally a voice of reason. HBK vs Taker was a nice match but it was NOT the amazing spectacle som many people are making it out to be. I thought it was way too predictable. Did we think that 1, or 2 or 3 of takers finishers would finish of HBK. I was mildly surprised when the first tombstone didn't finish off HBk but in hindsight you couldn't end the match at that point.
I'd disagree a little on the Orton v HHH match. i liked teh use of teh finisher so early in the match. it set up a pshychology. It also subtly explained why a finisher is a finisher.
Posted By: Big Dirty (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 11:04 AM
Sorry, but criticising the effort that HBK and Taker put into their match because Undertaker almost died - which makes not even an ounce of sense - just proves that you are not a fan of wrestling. As a former column writer on the wrestling section, I find your negativity and your arrogance to be puerile and unoriginal.
Stick to talking about all the games you don't like - actually, it may be easier just to list the half-dozen or so that you do like.
Posted By: Bimmy (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 01:03 PM
Epic, I like wrestling games (SvR09 and Legends of Wrestlemania are fun), I'm just pointing out the flaws of their predecessors.
So it's agreed? Chewie wins?
Posted By: John De Large (Registered) on April 10, 2009 at 01:35 PM
I'm sure you think you made some awesome point with the whole "space between names" thing, but it's the internet, and it's a screen name. If you haven't seen anything like that before, well, welcome to the internet, now promptly get over it.
I still don't think you're half the writer Thorpe is, scholarship or not. Maybe if you stopped bragging about things like your wrestling training and writing scholarships while simultaneously displaying little to no discernible knowledge of either subject you'd realize that I'm not the only one who feels this way.
Also, I normally am a well wisher. It's just that there are two writers on this site that really bug me, and I feel I am exercising my right to express that.
Posted By: SeanAltly (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 02:54 PM
You're fucked up.
The end.
Posted By: PJ (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 04:40 PM
I hate your shitty articles
Posted By: MGB (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 04:49 PM
Guest 3325.... you a fan or one of my aforementioned buddies? ;)
Also, I think I need to clear something up, I'm not on the indies or wrestling anywhere. I had training, but eventually I had to choose between wrestling and college and I picked the latter.
Sean, you haven't picked a winner for this weeks fight, but you stay classy buddy.
Posted By: John De Large (Registered) on April 10, 2009 at 04:57 PM
Actually I'd have to go with the Rock for the win. I know you must be thinking im nuts but hear me out first. :)...
Anyone that considers themself a wrestling fan remembers the Survivor Series where the Rock went from being the 'Peoples Champ' to being the 'Corporate Champ' after a screw job on mankind (Wait...Chewie and Mick Foley kinda look alike hmmm, anyways).
Well in this fight the Rock will eventually have to cheat with a chairshot to get the upper hand. When this happens, Han Solo would run into the ring, grab the chair out of the Rocks hands and when we all expect him to lay the Rock out for a Chewie win...well thats when the screw job would again happen. BOOM! Han Solo turns and scrambles Chewies brains with the sickest chair shot EVER! Rocky and Solo embrace...and NEW GALACTIC CHAMPION, THE ROCK!
atleast thats how i see it. lol
Posted By: Epic (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 05:01 PM
Wait, what is so complicated with Smackdown vs Raw 2009's Controls? They are not that hard to figure out, hell one could make the point that Fire Pro's controls have an insane difficulty curve (and they do) but once you get past it, FPWR is a damn fine game. The 2D Isometric view while it makes positioning a bit of a nuisance, it is something you eventually get used to.
Def Jam is not a wrestling game, it is a fighting game.
Posted By: Travis (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 05:10 PM
Fire Pro has been a godsend for a genre that was sorely lacking variety. I bought SvR09, played it a handful of times and went right back to FPW-R. i love having full rosters of indy talent as well as legends from my youth able to tie up with xmen, tmnt, and fantasy edits based off my an efed i did years ago. personally, i'd much rather have lasting gameplay and in depth customization over flashy graphics anyday. the sprites don't bother me in the least. with that being said, your argument about the controls is entirely true. without the help of many fire pro veterans and faq sheets they painstakingly typed up, i never would have caught onto this game.
and kudos for not touching no mercy. that's a fight you just couldn't win.
Posted By: Ric Switzer (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 06:12 PM
"To all of you who PAID for WrestleMania: Hah! That'll teach you to pay for stuff!"
Unlike most of you over critical whining bitches, I liked Wrestlemania this year, sure it wasn't perfect, but I liked it. Taker/HBK, Hardy/Hardy, MITB, STEAMBOAT hell even the Triple Threat was MUCH better than everyone expected
Posted By: Jones (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 06:27 PM
Yeah... even if I were friends with someone like Stephen King, or Kevin Smith, or Chuck Klosterman... if they kept telling me how great a writer they were, I'd say they deserved to be bitched out by whiny pussies on the Internet whose entire argument hinges on "well I wrestled, too, and these guys are old!"
That was sorta all over the place... but get over your writing prowess, already. It bugs the shit out of me every time you proclaim yourself to be a better writer than all your friends. Not because it isn't true - that's all opinion, and opinions are like penises. Everyone either has one, or wants someone else's. This argument disregards lesbians.
No, what bugs me is that YOU treat it like it's a fact... and that pisses me off. Especially because, y'know... you say it to your FRIENDS.
But yeah, Chewie would win if I'm not allowed to fantasy team him and the Rock.
Posted By: The same guy from comment #2 (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 07:03 PM
Without a doubt the most idiotic column I've EVER read on this site. I'm not one of the usual fools who post on here just to say pathetic, childish things. This article is a joke though. If you don't know anything about wrestling, don't ever do an article on it.
If you think Michaels/Taker was 'average', you know nothing about wrestling. There's a reason Jim Ross already called it the 'greatest Mania match he's ever commentated on' and a reason why it's gone down as one of the greatest matches of all time, because it straight up was. It seems you're clueless about booking too and haven't a clue why it made sense for Punk to go over.
You're seemingly a lost cause. Do your articles, just don't include wrestling in them, because you don't seem to have a clue what you're going on about when it comes to that topic. Stick to gaming, pal.
Posted By: SmokeDogg77 (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 08:54 PM
Couldn't agree with you more on the entire article sir. Job well done.
Posted By: Patrick Mullin (Registered) on April 10, 2009 at 08:55 PM
I also train to wrestle and I found Shawn/Taker to be absolutely jaw dropping. I think all of us guys training can only hope that one day we'll be able to tell a story and make an impact like that match did.
Posted By: Guest#1805 (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 01:46 AM
---------
Well keep on hoping buddy, because I've got news for you - it ain't gonna happen sucker!! You'll never amount to anything and you will be lucky to earn more than 2 bucks a match on your local indy wrestling "scene" (which in your case will most likely consist of your equally useless jobber friends' backyards, you worthless chump!) You'll always be a pathetic no-name douchebag, just accept it.
Posted By: Guest#2482 (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 10:05 PM
Lol at this shitty writer John de Large and his grandiose, pompous claims about alleged scholarships and "awesome" parties.
Listen up, you're a shitty "writer", an average hack at best, and you write about such esoteric subjects as wrestling video games and the various pros and cons of scripted fights.
You're a nobody, you always have been and you always will and any writing talent you believe you possess is non-existant. Come down off your self-acclaimed pedestal and realise you're a pretentious, no-name little bitch.
Posted By: Guest#3858 (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 10:11 PM
Well, half of you like my column and half of you hate it. Very nice!
Okay, time to reach into the mailbag/comment box.
Epic, nice idea, I'd watch that :D
Travis, SvR09 had decent controls, I think it was 07 and 08 that pissed me off.
Jones, I'm more chiding people for paying for shit when they could've gotten it for free.
Hey Charlie, where the fuck did that come from?
SmokeDogg77, your name implies that you're high, which you must be to think HBK vs. Taker was MOTYC. FOR THE LAST TIME, IT'S A GOOD MATCH WITH A LOT OF UNDESERVED PRAISE. CALL IT ***1/4.
3858, the Rhythm Heaven party was awesome! Too bad you don't get free drinks, food and swag, you loser, you can read all about the wonderful time I had when my feature article comes out on Monday! Enjoy!
BTW, I'm not just a nobody, I'm a nobody who gets lots and lots of free stuff, it's pretty cool, you should get some talent and find out what this is like.
Hey Bimmy, you USED to be a wrestling columnist? Did 411 wish you well in your future endeavors? Hah! There's a reason I'm writing for 411 and you aren't. I dunno what that is, but I'm pretty sure it's because while my talent ranges from acceptable to AWESOME, you suck. Maybe you were good once, but that is clearly NOT the case, because you have been let the fuck go. Try not to be bitter, you're better than that hack Chambers, I bet.
You guys are funny! I really do have the best readers EVER! ;)
Posted By: John De Large (Registered) on April 11, 2009 at 02:25 AM
People that are calling this article "shitty" because they disagree with it represent everything wrong with, well, a lot of things. I disagree, because I think HBK/UT was a ***** (5-star) match, but, really, if someone else doesn't think its 5-stars, who gives a fuck? Why click on the link if you know you're going to be pissed about what you're about to read? The fact that the article is titled "What I Hate" should have tipped you off to the nature of said article.
For all the people that bitch about the writing -- perhaps the problem isn't in the author's writing, but in the bitch'n'moaners reading? Reading is required to understand writing. And, this may be breaking news to the internet, but opinion differs.
That said ...
FIRE PRO RETURNS IS THE BEST YO!
Posted By: CanadianCrippler (Guest) on April 11, 2009 at 04:06 AM
Mania was pretty terrible.
HBK/Taker was good, but not great. I think the rest of the show was just so subpar though, that it made it feel like Taker/HBK was something special.
HBK missed his superkick and hit Dude Love's "Sweet Shin Music" instead was probably the botch of the night in my book.
Still I wouldn't go so far as to call it a bad match. HBK/Taker probably can't have a "bad" match. But they've certainly had better than the one at Mania.
Piper did pretty good at Mania. It was Snuka they should have left at home.
Oh and Fire Pro rules, but I agree SVR sucks. I think it's all the strange animation moves that take you out of the game. It's cool to have a few of those, but it feels like every other move in SVR is pretty much a cut scene.
Posted By: Jake G (Guest) on April 11, 2009 at 04:43 AM
First and only time I'll ever read this column.
Posted By: AngryTas (Guest) on April 11, 2009 at 11:57 AM
I hate your shitty articles
Posted By: MGB (Guest) on April 10, 2009 at 04:49 PM
took the words right out of my mouth
Posted By: mattballs (Guest) on April 11, 2009 at 04:41 PM
"Additional knocks against this match include the fact that it had no fucking story and it was plenty sloppy. That crucifix/DDT was laughable. Multiple botches and landing on your head do not belong in a Match Of The Year, therefore THIS WAS NOT MATCH OF THE YEAR, monkeys!"
you don't know what you're talking about, stick to games.
Posted By: Steinershocker (Guest) on April 11, 2009 at 06:10 PM
your an idiot
Posted By: RJ (Guest) on April 11, 2009 at 06:33 PM
Wow, you have the nerve to imply that I lack class and then write that last post. Calling people losers, making assumptions about the reasons why someone doesn't write for the site anymore, continuing to state your opinions as fact, and bragging about a so far completely unproven "talent" are all totally classless things to do.
I'm becoming more and more convinced that you're just a massive troll who managed to get column space on the site.
Also, it doesn't take talent to get free things and publicity. Jut ask any of the generic, talentless Hollywood celebrities floating around the media in drug and alcohol-induced hazes.
Posted By: SeanAltly (Registered) on April 11, 2009 at 09:51 PM
Soooooooooooo, they let a troll write for them, and not me?
Gee, THAT makes loads of sense!
Posted By: ZeroVX (Guest) on April 11, 2009 at 10:58 PM
No Mercy > Anything that has ever been wrestling related
Posted By: Brad (Guest) on April 11, 2009 at 10:59 PM
"Why the hell do I need to lock up before delivering a suplex?"
Hey it worked for No Mercy and WrestleMania 2000, regarded as the best Wrestling games ever.
Posted By: Bubba (Guest) on April 12, 2009 at 05:15 AM
Sorry man but I have to agree with Sean Altly here. I for one love to hear both sides of the argument on whether matches are good or not. Hell, people have different likes and go for different things and that's cool. The thing that bugs me, and obviously several others is when you bring up the fact that "oh Ive had training and I know people" who cares...Ive watched wrestling for a very good portion of my life...Ive done a little bit of training but nothing of significance...but I know I have just as many credentials to say whether a match is good or not as you. Why? Because its my opinion and I know what kind of match I like. Don't try and tell somebody you know more then them so their opinion is wrong. You didn't like it as much? Cool, I respect that, but don't try and prove it was by saying you are more knowledgeable about it or whatever.
Second I also really found it in horrible taste when you ragged on the guy for being a former columnist. I actually used to write myself, for this very website in fact. Look me up, I used to do NFL previews and was part of the only sports themed podcast here. I no longer write here because I have since started a family, have a baby that has just turned 9 months old and no longer have the time to really hit the deadlines as needed. I am not trying to say I'm better or anything, just stating that circumstances arise and things like this have to get dropped.
You said it yourself, you were training to be a wrestler but chose school instead.
Continue writing man, especially if you enjoy doing so. But please don't put yourself on a pedestal, cause writing at 411 really doesn't make you that much better then anybody. Hell I got a job here and all I had to do was turn in a preview of an article. I know its probably your shtick, since your article is about hating certain topics in gaming...and ill continue reading if that stays the case. But come on now, get off the pedestal, remember getting free things doesn't make you a better writer or person than anybody...maybe luckier but that's it.
BTW...if you are talking The Rock in his prime...he wins hands down.
Posted By: RandyIsbelle (Registered) on April 12, 2009 at 06:51 AM
This is pathetic.
I used to watch wrestling. Now I watch MMA.
Posted By: Guest#0689 (Guest) on April 12, 2009 at 11:44 AM
roh huh well at least whenever you go to their shows youre guaranted a front row seat.have they ever broke that 50 fans at a show they were pushing for?
Posted By: bwahahaha (Guest) on April 12, 2009 at 12:07 PM
You said Taker-HBK was okay? Wow. Any wrestling fan should find that match entertaining. Go figure...
Posted By: Fred Richani (Guest) on April 12, 2009 at 01:37 PM
Rick, you came at me like a man, so I'll come at you like a man.
Based on everything you said, keep reading and try to remember, if Anonymous wants to give me shit, they better be ready to get some back. Just because I'm a featured author doesn't mean I won't say something when provoked.
Posted By: John De Large (Registered) on April 12, 2009 at 02:39 PM
In Fire Pro you press the Triangle button and you run off the ropes.
That killed 25% of your argument against that game.
Posted By: Blanky (Guest) on April 12, 2009 at 03:29 PM
Yeah Blanky, Triangle makes you run, but the collision detection is all wonky, so I always miss the running lariat.
Posted By: John De Large (Registered) on April 12, 2009 at 04:35 PM
Rick, you came at me like a man, so I'll come at you like a man.
Based on everything you said, keep reading and try to remember, if Anonymous wants to give me shit, they better be ready to get some back. Just because I'm a featured author doesn't mean I won't say something when provoked.
Posted By: John De Large (Registered) on April 12, 2009 at 02:39 PM
------------
Oh no! The "featured author" is going to respond when he's provoked!! What a badass!
Seriously John, your column was okay, nothing special, but having flicked through the commnts it quickly becomes apparant that you are a deluded, pompous little bitch with an over-inflated sense of your own self-importance.
As that Randy guy pointed out, it doesn't require anything but the most basic writing skills to be accepted as a writer on sites like 411Mania, so pull your head out of your ass and realise you ain't shit.
Posted By: Guest#7549 (Guest) on April 12, 2009 at 05:16 PM
Your over the top arrogance will have me coming to your comment sections for a good while.
You're the perfect heel, because the dislike I get from your comment 'promos' make me want someone to punch you in the face.
Well done my good man.
Posted By: Guest#1504 (Guest) on April 12, 2009 at 06:21 PM
would it have killed WWE to give us Jericho/Steamboat, and have Mickey Rourke cost Jericho a victory after 13 solid minutes? That whole post match and the Snuka/Piper portions of the match were HORRID.
Christian not winning money in the bank is dumb....Shelton damn near killing himself and not winning makes me wish he tore up his contract. you mean to tell me it takes 5 people to catch Hornswoggle but ONLY KOFI KINGSTON has enough respect for Shelton to catch him?!!?! Fuck Kane, Henry and everyone else who didn't try to catch him.
Posted By: jayt11 (Guest) on April 12, 2009 at 07:14 PM
Guest whatever, you're wrong: if I wasn't shit, I wouldn't be so happy :D
Also, sorry I got your name wrong Randy. I don't even know any Ricks, I dunno why I put that down.
Posted By: John De Large (Registered) on April 12, 2009 at 08:05 PM
Holy shit, Guest 1504 gets it!
Posted By: John De Large (Registered) on April 12, 2009 at 10:13 PM
He gets it? I called you a troll a while ago. I also called your gimmick pretty early as well.
You can call yourself a "heel" or whatever all you want, you're still just a glorified troll.
Posted By: SeanAltly (Guest) on April 13, 2009 at 01:57 AM
Sean, are you still here? Time to move on, buddy. Go read a book or something, catch a movie, talk to some girls, touch some boob.
Posted By: John De Large (Registered) on April 13, 2009 at 02:35 PM
Sorry loser but you're completely out of your mind. Taker vs Michaels was awesome and is the match of the year until further notice.
Posted By: Guest#8495 (Guest) on April 13, 2009 at 03:53 PM
Oh boy, you had to run every play in the cliched internet argument playbook, huh? Get some new material. I could go on about how I'm living with my girlfriend of 3 years, and that you've actually posted more comments in your own comments section than I have (and perhaps you're the one who needs to move on), but I don't need to convince people on the internet of things like that to placate my ego. Get over yourself.
Posted By: SeanAltly (Guest) on April 14, 2009 at 12:25 AM
This is the last comment I'll post Sean, but I guarantee you'll be back to try to get the last word in, because you just keep coming back, even when you aren't provoked. No Sean, I don't need to get over me, you need to get over me, NOW STOP PATROLLING MY COLUMN.
Good luck with wrestling, play nice with others and be safe. Peace out, cub scout.
Posted By: John De Large (Registered) on April 14, 2009 at 03:42 AM
Shit gimmicky writing. I won't be back.
Posted By: Tony (Guest) on April 14, 2009 at 10:52 AM
Wow, you nerds are both as fucking pathetic as each other.
Posted By: Guest#8785 (Guest) on April 14, 2009 at 01:23 PM
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