The 4R's of E3 2009 Press Conferences

Posted by Jordan Williams on 06.05.2009

In a special edition of 4R's we break down what was Right, wRong, and Ridiculous about the press conferences and announcements at this year's E3.


Editor's Note: Fixed the scores accordingly. My bad.

Yes, you read that right. This is a 4 R's and it is NOT in the wrestling section. Seeing as E3 is pretty much our biggest event of the year over here in the gaming parts of the world so we decided to bust out the big guns and do a very special 4 R's JUST for E3. I am Jordan Williams and I have gotten permission from THE Larry Csonka to go ahead and bring this bad boy out, so let's get this shindig on the road.


For those of you here that don't read the wrestling section or are new to this, the 4R's works like so.

I am going to break down all of the Presser Events we saw this week (as they were the main focus of all the news we saw and know about) into four simple categories. Right, wRong, puRgatory and Ridiculous.

Right

Pretty self explanatory. What was right about the conference down to the types of games they announced, to what they showed and didn't show and even some great moments.

wRong

What was just not right, either the game didn't need to be at E3, or they didn't show enough of it or whatever.

Ridiculous

Well. Fucked up. Pretty much stuff that had NO place on that stage or just some flat out STUPID moves overall.


So, without making this any longer than it is going to be. Let's head into this.





MICROSOFT

• THE RIGHT

Modern Warfare 2: Now I am not the biggest fan of Call of Duty, I found Modern Warfare 1 to be a bit too Trial and Error for my liking. But Even I will admit that kicking off the real games (see: Not Beatles related) with this was a good move...and it was fucking awesome to see it in full motion and moving good. The game looked pretty damn crisp and clear even on my shitty (and I mean SHITTY) Standard Def TV. While I still might not get the game the demo at E3 at least made me look at it for a rental.

Crackdown 2: YES! Not that many people have been talking about this game, but I for one and damned happy they finally brought it out. Crackdown 1 was a game that got overshadowed mostly be the fact that it had the Beta for Halo 3 included in it, but even on its own it was a flawed and short game. BUT it was fucking fun while it lasted and I was worried due to the poor response that it wouldn't get a second look and I am glad to know that I was wrong. Now that they've had time to play with it and make it even better maybe we can see something even more bigger and crazy as the original Crackdown. I also do hope showing the four agents staking out in the trailer is their way of alluding to a possible four player online co-op.

2009 and 2010: Sooner than Later: This is more of a Right for all of the pressers, but since Microsoft was the first one I have seen I am going to put it here. I love the fact that this year it was about stressing games that will actually be in our hands either by the end of the year, or by this time next year. While last year showed us a lot of games that would just take for fucking ever or didn't have a release date attached to them. They stressed all around that we WILL be playing these games soon.

Alan Wake FINALLY: I will admit that I wasn't nearly as big of a fan for Alan Wake was everyone else has seemed to be. I just looked at it as another game that was never going to come out and when it did it would either be decent, but not great ala Too Human or just flat out bad like Dark Sector. It's something about games in development for a really long time that tend to make then suck bad rather than rock hard. After watching the game play footage though I am actually pretty damn sold on this game so far. Now I do not know if this will be a flat out BUY right away, but I will definitely be looking up more stuff on it as it comes closer to launch.

No Charts. No Graphs. Just Games. The dude said it best when he came out. He wasn't going to sit there and tout numbers and all other sorts of shit. He knew the audience for that kind of stuff is at GDC and the Private Pressers that go around backstage, he knew all of the people tuning in at home and in the audience just wanted to see some games in motion and that is exactly what they did.

• PURGATORY

Project NATAL: Okay. It was awesome, it was cool looking...but I am not sold. They go out and tout all of this motion control stuff and are like "This will change the way you play" but then go on to show us the same old bullshit we have seen from every other camera peripheral that has ever come out. Stand here, move your body, hit what's on the screen. The paint demo was impressive but I am not convinced that is something we could've done with the Live Vision Camera OR the Eyetoy. I know it is still in the 'project' phase, but something deep down thinks that they ONLY trotted this out to steal the thunder from WiiMotionPlus seeing as we haven't got a date, developers, really NO ONE signed on for it. And this is a common complaint I have with SMC (more on that below). How do you move? Yes, I know if I flail my arms and legs it will react on screen accordingly but in a real game (you know the so-called 'hardcore' games how will you actually control your on screen character? Run in place? Show me something more NATAL and I might give you some love.

Left 4 Dead 2: Yep, arguably the biggest fan on L4D on this fucking site even had to put this in purgatory. It's not about the fact that game is coming out so soon or the fact that the game (by many) is seen as something that could've just been DLC (despite the fact that Valve said the original Left 4 Dead (called Terrorstrike) has been done for almost 2 years). It's more so the fact that some of the changes I see are just not gelling with me overall. Giving the Survivors Melee weapons is cool and all, but from all of the game play footage I have seen from it looks to be a one hit kill that turns you into a fucking killing machine. Ditto for giving survivors fire ammo. Now it is still early and NO ONE saw this game coming so maybe there are some more infected things that will make the game harder overall but that remains to be seen.

Shadow Complex: Audio problems be damned, I still am not sold on this. Cliffy B pretty much said that it was a direct rip-off of the old Metroid games but there is just something about this overall that looks just boring compared to the old Metroids. The game play footage later on didn't necessarily wow me either. We are just going to have to wait until next month and see what is what.

Metal Gear Solid: Rising: I'm not a MGS fan...this did nothing for me. Then again seeing as this is ZOMG LIGHTNING ACTION now maybe it will do more for me than watching endless cut scenes that are infinitely cooler than anything you actually do in the real game.

• THE WRONG

Facebook and Twitter: I use Twitter (@DasUberOgre for all 8 of you who want to follow me talk about people getting caught at work masturbating) but not Facebook and while I CAN see the allure to put this on the console, I just don't see how well this will work out overall. The Xbox 360 wants to become your end all be all Media system but there are just some things that I think won't work as well via the console. Are you really ever going to update your Facebook Status and Twitter via your 360 when pressed for time? I doubt it. Microsoft should just bite the bullet and just put in a built-in web browser like everyone else and be done with it.


Milo: Yes, this could be a feat in technology and the way we play games...OR IT CAN BE FUCKING SKYNET AND BRING ABOUT THE END OF HUMANITY. I do not this thing near my home or anyone else. This thing seriously scared the fuck out of me more than other Survivor Horror game ever released EVER.

• THE RIDICULOUS

NONE

The 411

Microsoft came out like a bat out of hell. No Charts, no graphs, just games. They really did show off all they had to offer and set the bar REALLY high for anyone to follow. Maybe the other companies should try to secure time ahead of Microsoft because it seems that them going on first really works well for them.


This will be going by the 411mania Games rating scale:

0 - 0.9: Torture
1 - 1.9: Extremely Horrendous
2 - 2.9: Very Bad
3 - 3.9: Bad
4 - 4.9: Poor

5 - 5.9: Not So Good
6 - 6.9: Average
7 - 7.9: Good
8 - 8.9: Very Good
9 - 9.9: Amazing
10: Virtually Perfect

PRESSER RATING: 9.0

---

ELECTRONIC ARTS

• THE RIGHT

The Old Republic: Fuck yeah. Although Star Wars Galaxies wasn't as nearly as bad as everyone else made it out to be I am just very happy to get a game set in the Old Republic Era which is probably my favorite one outside of the various AU places. The trailer itself was fucking awesome and the fact that they seem really want this game to succeed and make this a definitive MMO that might just take down Wow...and really, it's time for a game to fucking take down WoW.

Committing to the Change: EA has been VIDEO GAME SATAAAAAAN for the last few years and now they are happy to finally shed that image and show that they are not the evil corporation everyone thinks they are. They are still showing they are sticking to that change by showing that they are taking chances with new IPs and not falling into the trap of making sequels to EVERYTHING that sells. Some of the best ideas are ones that you just throw against the wall and make stick and hope they world...speaking of which...

Brutal Legend: FUCK JACK BLACK. I LOVE THIS GAME ALREADY BUT IT IS NOT FOR JACK BLACK. SERIOUSLY FUCK THAT GUY I CAN'T STAND HIM. Moving on, I think this game will actually be pretty damned good. Schafer has yet to lead me wrong so I have no reason to distrust him. I do think that this type of game might attract the wrong type of fan to the genre overall, but that is what video games have become all about now. It's not some "Members Only" club that we think it is. But I cannot stress the fact enough that my joy for this game is in no way related to the piece of shit Jack Black.

APB: For me, the best part about GTAIV was the online free mode. APB looks like that, but with the fun and over-the-top fun of Saints Row 2. Also given the fact that it is an MMO and NOT an MMORPG is a good thing. You won't be grinding on small enemies or anything, it will just be a sandbox war between Cops and Robbers that I think will do really well. Although I am a bit concerned that most people that play will just straight to being a Robber than a cop.

• PURGATORY

Dante's Inferno: They showed it off, and it was awesome...but right now it doesn't look like ANYTHING more than a God of War knock-off. I mean it looks like a fun game and all but between this, Ninja Gaiden, Wet, God of War, and Wolverine I think we are full on our quota of "acrobatic hack and slash" games for the next two years. Maybe once I see some game play my mind will be changed.

The Old Republic Trailer: Don't get me wrong, this trailer was all fucking kinds of awesome but for me it is kind of bittersweet. While I don't doubt that Old Republic will be awesome, I think the trailer sets itself up a bit because unless this game is flat our BRILLIANT then you won't ever do anything nearly as cool as anything in that trailer. I could be wrong, but I really fear that I may be right.

• THE WRONG

Games for Girls: Okay, I get it. WE get it. Casual games are here to stay, they ain't going anywhere. You want girls to play games...girls DO play games...but did this REALLY need to be showcased at your E3 Presser? I'm all for the Games for Girls idea because I think it is actually a good one but this could've easily been a booth at E3 rather than taking up Press Event time. You have to know your audience and I highly doubt that anyone in that audience was going ga-ga for my littlelest petshop and Charm Girls or whatever it was called. You have to pick your timing and following up something that got everyone jazzed like Dante's Inferno with that was just bad timing.

Lack of Gameplay for Headlining Games: While EA did show off A LOT of stuff, the big problem here is that most of what they showed off was just in trailer of 'game play trailer' form. You saw some live demos and the like but for the most part all you got were glimpses at the games rather than what they can do or how they will work. We didn't see anything outside of the trailer for Dante's Inferno but for some reason we got an extended demo of the Charm Girls Club. We saw next to nothing from games like Mass Effect 2 and Old Republic and a game they could've showed more of, L4D2 wasn't even mentioned.. They have games, there is no doubt about that but we didn't see a lot of them in full glory, just the trailer they want us to see.

• THE RIDICULOUS

NONE

The 411

EA might be the biggest money grabber here...but this presser just seemed lacking. They did show off some stuff and had a good presentation overall. But I think a lot of people wanted to see more of the games in action rather than trailers. Still a pretty good showing overall.


This will be going by the 411mania Games rating scale:

0 - 0.9: Torture
1 - 1.9: Extremely Horrendous
2 - 2.9: Very Bad
3 - 3.9: Bad
4 - 4.9: Poor

5 - 5.9: Not So Good
6 - 6.9: Average
7 - 7.9: Good
8 - 8.9: Very Good
9 - 9.9: Amazing
10: Virtually Perfect

PRESSER RATING: 7.0

---

UBISOFT

• THE RIGHT

Splinter Cell: Conviction: I have never been a big fan of the this series but after seeing the trailer as well as the extended game play demo I might just have to give this game a look. From a visual standpoint I think I would've liked the original style that were going for better but in the end it still looks like a good game to dick around with. Perhaps it can be a good reinvention for the series overall.

Wii Support: While many of the other third parties are sort of looking at the Wii as an afterthought, Ubisoft seems to at least think of it as a runner in the sense that they are still showing a lot of support for it and even making a point to devote a whole portion of its presser to it. Ubisoft has been one of the biggest helpers to the Wii third party wise and with the success of Raving Rabbids it would be foolish for them to turn their back on them.

Piped in Sound: Okay, either that sound was piped in or the entire audience was full of Ubisoft employees because those motherfuckers clapped for EVERYTHING and it wasn't pity clapping either. It was loud ass roaring applause. While it was hilarious to see them clap for things like "Imagine Fashion Designer" and shit, it did give everything Ubisoft said a bit of oomph because it made every moment feel bigger than it really was.

• PURGATORY

NONE.

• THE WRONG

No Assassin's Creed 2 Footage Ubisoft showed it had its big guns ready with Splinter Cell, but the one game everyone was here to see was AC2 and all we got was a trailer. No footage, no nothing else. Now we did get an extended look of it during Sony's Presser as well as G4's Coverage but it just seemed like a bit of a mistake that the game wasn't shown off at its own Press Event.

• THE RIDICULOUS

James Cameron and Avatar: What the fuck was this? We kick off the presser with Cameron talking about Avatar and how awesome it is and what type of game it is and everything fucking else. This would be find it didn't go on FOR FUCKING EVER. He talked for about 50 minutes about this damn moving that no one had really even hear of outside of the ones who stayed glued to the movie reports and what not. If that wasn't bad enough after boring us to goddamn death with the monotone speech we didn't get ANYTHING to see! No demo, no pictures, not a damn thing at the presser. So you wasted 45 minutes of presser time to hype up a product that you aren't even going to SHOW? Fuck you Ubisoft.

The 411

I really don't know why Ubisoft was chosen to be a televised conference. Because up until Splinter Cell(and after) this presser was BORING. James Cameron blabbing on and on about Avatar and the just lack of content overall made this look like Nintendo's 08 conference. Yeah, it was that bad.


This will be going by the 411mania Games rating scale:

0 - 0.9: Torture
1 - 1.9: Extremely Horrendous
2 - 2.9: Very Bad
3 - 3.9: Bad
4 - 4.9: Poor

5 - 5.9: Not So Good
6 - 6.9: Average
7 - 7.9: Good
8 - 8.9: Very Good
9 - 9.9: Amazing
10: Virtually Perfect

PRESSER RATING: 4.0

---

NINTENDO

• THE RIGHT

Cammie: I'd hit it. Seriously.

Tons of Mario: Fan may have complained least year over the lack of big name games coming from E3 and Nintendo in general but this year they came correct with a metric fuckton of Mario to lay on the masses. It shows that they actually have been doing something since last year in terms of development with their franchise players and they actually have something to show for it. New Super Mario Bros Wii looks like it will be a decent hit, Mario Galaxy 2 is going to be money in the bank as far as the franchise goes and even the Mario and Luigi DS RPG looks decent. They made sure to drag Mario out of whatever hole he was hiding in this year.

Metroid: The Other M: Up until this announcement I was sort of turning out to the Nintendo presser but this woke me right the fuck up. A lot of people are crying foul at Team Ninja's take on the Metroid franchise due to the departure from the exploration and the shift to action but I actually welcome the change. People always call Nintendo out on its rehashes but at the same time will bitch and moan whenever try to go in a new direction. The 2d Side scrolling Metroid we all know and love are fine and dandy but can also live on the DS, that era has come and gone. Metroid is right up there along with Zelda on the lists of franchises that NEED a new direction and a change. Not every planet can be a dead and barren wasteland that Samus will blow up at the end. Not every game can have her run around silent and talking to computer screens. Eventually they are going to have to give her a story, give her some fleshing out as a character and as a universe. And I think The Other M will finally be the game to do that. Change is good.

• PURGATORY

Golden Sun 3: I liked the first game, never played the second...sort of iffy about the third. I don't know if Nintendo was really desperate to get an RPG out so they scraped the bottom of the barrel to bring this back or if they are really committed to it. We will just have to see.

DSiWare: While we did see some good things for this service, one would have to wonder if we will actually see anything more than glorified flash games and camera applications on the service anytime soon.

• THE WRONG

Wii Shop Channel Missing: The WSC has become a bit of a no-show in the last few months and Nintendo didn't help any by not even talking about it this year. While they do announce new content on a weekly basis they could've easily used E3 as a platform to announce some of the bigger and newer content coming straight to the Wii via Wiiware. Especially with XBL and PSN touting their impressive DLC and Arcade/Network Games.

• THE RIDICULOUS

Cammie: Dying on the FIRST goomba? C'mon baby. I know you're better than that.

The 411

Just about anything they could do would've been better than last years and I was right. While not the best effort they could've made they did show that they didn't forget the hardcore gamers...they just aren't building their entire console around them. Metroid: Other M was one of my favorite moments of E3 in general and Nintendo overall showed that they actually do have some REAL content coming down the road in the future. Extra .1 for Cammie's sexy ass. Call me baby.


This will be going by the 411mania Games rating scale:

0 - 0.9: Torture
1 - 1.9: Extremely Horrendous
2 - 2.9: Very Bad
3 - 3.9: Bad
4 - 4.9: Poor

5 - 5.9: Not So Good
6 - 6.9: Average
7 - 7.9: Good
8 - 8.9: Very Good
9 - 9.9: Amazing
10: Virtually Perfect

PRESSER RATING: 7.1

---

SONY

• THE RIGHT

Uncharted 2: Hoolllyyy shit. I missed out on the first Uncharted because I don't have a PS3 and it really didn't look all that appealing to me. A year later I still don't have a PS3 but this game looks HELLA appealing to me now. I am definitely excited for this game and I think it might be that game (along with Prototype, and Brutal Legend) that could reach out and snatch the GOTY title from the big names that usually dominate these types of things.

2009 and 2010: Sooner than Later: This is more of a Right for all of the pressers, but since Microsoft was the first one I have seen I am going to put it here. I love the fact that this year it was about stressing games that will actually be in our hands either by the end of the year, or by this time next year. While last year showed us a lot of games that would just take for fucking ever or didn't have a release date attached to them. They stressed all around that we WILL be playing these games soon. Yeah. It needs to be posted twice.

God of War 3: Personally I am not the biggest fan of this game or franchise, but I am not going to hate on the ones who DO like it. And gauging from the responses of the people who do love this franchise this is their ultimate wet dream and a great want to end this series. I do, however, hope that this is a REAL ending and not the rash of "Okay, this is the last one...plus 1000 spin offs" we are seeing with every other great franchise nowadays.

• PURGATORY

MAG: Okay, this game is ambitious as all hell. But I have been in FPS games where it turns into a clusterfuck with just a simple 4 on 4, so I have NO idea if I want to be a part of a game where you have 32 vs. 32 and how clusterfucky THAT would be. Now not all gamers play like that but the vast majority of online players are FUCKING IDIOTS, so I don't know if this game can curb that trend.

Sony Motion Control: I'll keep this short. While this one was more practical that Project Natal is...but I am still not seeing any legs on it. I mean of course this is all just the tech demo stuff but I am not going to cream my jeans until I see something concrete and playable that doesn't look like the same old Eyetoy bullshit. I will say that the whole "Scanning items onto the SMC Remote" so it looks like I'm really swinging is a sword is sort of dumb...if I am playing a video game why would I even be looking up my retarded ass and not the game I am playing?

PSP Go: Okay. This is more of a personal thing but MAN! I was just about to buy a normal PSP and now you tell me it's going the way of the GBA!? Man fuck you! The reason why it's in Purg is because while this looks like what the FIRST PSP should've been, I am still worried about the digital formatting of games. I don't know if we are ready for games that are exclusively digital content and it playable on a console that doesn't start with a lowercase i.

• THE WRONG

Charts and Graphs: Really. I don't care. I know it's for the investors and stuff but I still don't care. Save that shit for the Press-Only conference you do behind closed doors.

• THE RIDICULOUS

Kaz Hirai: No reason why he is here. I just think that Cammie and Reggie can take him in a fight.

The 411

I am admittedly not the biggest fan of Sony or the PS3, so this conference wasn't a great point of interest to me overall. But I still went into it with an open mind I will say although nothing screamed "GET A PS3 RIGHT NOW" there were a lot of things that made me at least think about it in maybe a year or so. PS3 got off to a slow start but it is definitely hitting it's stride now and this momentum can definitely help them.

This will be going by the 411mania Games rating scale:

0 - 0.9: Torture
1 - 1.9: Extremely Horrendous
2 - 2.9: Very Bad
3 - 3.9: Bad
4 - 4.9: Poor

5 - 5.9: Not So Good
6 - 6.9: Average
7 - 7.9: Good
8 - 8.9: Very Good
9 - 9.9: Amazing
10: Virtually Perfect

PRESSER RATING: 8.5

---

Now I know there are A LOT of things I left out, but E3 had a LOT of stuff and trying to fit it into one column was just too daunting of a task. So if there is something I left out that you want to slap an R on, go for it and put it in the comments. Overall I think it was a good E3, a major step up from last year and it proves that the "Big Party" design works better for this sort of event. The Press Exclusive Business model is better for stuff like GDC and other things. Let E3 big a big ass party like it is at heart.