411 Games Top 5 07.16.09: Week 20 - Top Things That We Want Gone

Posted by Todd Vote on 07.16.2009

The hate flows this week as the 411 games staff tackles gaming characters, crutches and strategies that would could all do without. From escort missions, all the way down to lack of save options, nothing is off limits this week.

The Games Top 5 is back with another exciting week. First things first, let's get to some feedback from last week's 2-D platformers edition.


Reader Feedback
Wade McG starts us off with his list:

Sorry, I can't stop at five.

* Impossible Mission - C64.
* Prince of Persia - SNES version. This plays to the backstory of the original, complete with the set pieces involving the magic mirror double, while bumping up the graphics and expanding existing levels. Not to mention adding new ones.
* Flashback - Megadrive.
* Bubble Bobble - Arcade. Sure, there have been plenty of home versions, but none of them nail the subtleties/idiosyncrasies of the arcade version 100%.
* Rainbow Islands. Another one in the Bub and Bob series.
* Super Mario Bros 3. It's a battle between this and ...
* Super Mario World for the title of greatest 2D platform game ever made.
* Great Giana Sisters - C64.
* Strider - Arcade.
* Tiny Toons Adventures: Buster Busts Loose - SNES.

It was probably hard for a lot of us to stop at five, however if we don't the name of the column pretty much goes to shit. Your list has managed to remind me of some more that I would have liked to include as well, Tiny Toons on the NES for one.

Guest #0116 had this to say about a choice a couple of us made:
Comix Zone is one of my favorite games ever. I don't think its all that hard but that could be because i've played it so many times that I can beat it in less than an hour

You sir, are far better at Comix Zone than I. I got so frustrated with it when it was originally released, that I was never able to finish it. The recent release on XBLA, along with the save feature, is the only reason I was finally able toget through it.

Serp took the time to write out a great list, so it would be a crime not to include it:
2D games need to make a comeback, it's pretty obvious that the game play was very good back then. Rather than moving entirely to 3D and insisting on a competition between the two, console devs would be well advised to make games in both genres and allow themselves to make money off of 2D again.

You'll notice I said console. That's because the DS, and its predecessor the GBA, have plenty of 2D games. And, amusingly, DS destroys all the consoles put together in terms of sales. There are plenty of reasons for it, but I think game selection has to be a factor too.

Anyway on to my list. I thought the lists were solid this week so mine will look similar.

5. Kirby. Not sure which one, I liked one on the NES a lot I remember, but couldn't tell you which one it was. So I'll take the series.

4. Megaman. Gotta put the entire series in, although I'd probably lean towards maybe X and 7, maybe 3. I played through all the NES ones and I think the SNES ones and one or two on PSX, but then stopped.

3. Castlevania: SOTN. For the reasons listed already in the column. This could be the last great 2D console platformer. I can't really remember anything after it. This is also where I think the games truly set themselves apart, the top 3 I think are pretty special games, more memorable than the other games. There are a lot of very good games that you might forget, but you don't forget your true favorites ever.

2. SMB3. I know others liked Super Mario World, which was a great game, but this one edges it out for me because of gameplay and stage sizes. Much like the next entry, I also wouldn't oppose SMB series as a whole.

1. Sonic 3 and Knuckles. I agree with the columnist that put the entire series, you can't have Sonic taking up all the top spots so I would have no problems with not picking one. But if I had a gun to my head, I'd take this one.

Guest #2837 asks:
how can you not have contra or contra 3 alien wars on this list?

Again, I thank you for bringing more to mind for me. Ghouls and Ghosts was another that was on my brain to include right up until I made the list, then I spaced it. All of this just goes to show that no matter how much you think out your list, there is always going to be plenty of others you may have forgot.

Our last bit of reader feedback could very well be the best comment ever created... Ever! guest #3506 had this to say:
Todd Vote FTW

Indeed sir... Indeed. Thanks for the great feedback again guys, and keep those lists coming. Now, how about we get to the reason everyone is here, this weeks top 5.




This week, as inspired by The Working Title Halftime Workie Awards, we are branching off again from the typical name game here, give reason for your choice there, format. This week we are bringing you our top 5 things that can die in a fire as far as the gaming world goes. These lists will include any and all things we hate about games. From all of Sonic's sidekicks, to gaming strategies like the annoying ass spawn campers; this week we let the hate flow. Put the women and children to bed, this week will be full of hate. It's week 20 of the Top 5, the die in a fire edition.

Starting us out this week is Adam Larck, of course most of you already know Adam, he is a regular here at the top 5. But did you also know that Adam just recently posted a kick ass edition of The 10th hour, detailing his favorite zombie games? Who doesn't love zombie games, huh? Adam, what would you like to see die in a fire?

Adam Larck

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Sonic sidekicks since after Sega Genesis - What was wrong with just Tails and Knuckles? We have not needed any of the new sidekicks that have been introduced to the series, especially Chip from Sonic Unleashed.
It could be argues that Knuckles wasn't necessary either.

"Sports sequels" - Doing a quick roster update before re-releasing the exact same game as last year for a $60 price tag is not a sequel. It is just being lazy, and needs to be stopped.



5.RPG Stereotypes - Square Enix makes good RPGs, I'm not denying that. But, you can take the same basic formula, plug it into any of their RPGs and see that it holds true. A reluctant hero, big-chested heroine, some ultimate evil that needs to be stopped, a huge sword (or some special type of sword) and hours of grinding enemies. While there does have to be some kind of evil to stop, there could be a lot of different styles of RPG to try that fans would play.
How about ambiguous RPG characters? The ones where you can't tell if it is Terry, or Teri. Yeah, you know what I'm talkin about

4.Losing weapons between levels - I understand that sometimes this is built in, like in Half Life 2 when they disintegrate all your weapons except the Gravity Gun. What I'm talking about is going from one level to the next and starting out with just a basic pistol again. Where did the rest of the weapons we worked so hard to get go? Why can't we keep them? We earned them; let us use them.

3.Set savepoints/Limited number of saves - Games are starting to get better at letting us save whenever we want to and in multiple slots. However, I still run into games that still only allow game saves at certain areas, or they only give one slot to save in. This used to be needed during cartridge days when there wasn't a hard drive to save it on, but there are hard drives now, with a lot of space. Start making saving something that can be done anytime, anywhere. It just makes more sense.
I'm not against limited saves. It can make things more challenging.

2.No swimming! - Speaking of things that don't make sense, how about a guy that has super powers and can destroy helicopters is able to be stopped by water, or how about a guy that can control electricity is stopped by chain linked fences. That just happened with Prototype and InFamous. I see there is a need for boundaries, don't get me wrong. Designers can't infinitely design a space that always grows without boundaries. But, find a better way to do them, like walls or mountains or roadblocks by the military. Characters should at least know how to do a front stroke if they can destroy buildings.

1.Spawn camping - Nothing gets me more annoyed in a multiplayer shooter than dying, waiting to spawn, spawning instantly into a guy waiting for you and then waiting to spawn again. Spawn killing is basically a coward's way to play, as it shows that they really can't keep up with a run and gun style that the developers intended for. I'm not confusing this with tactics, where players take up set locations in the middle of the battlefield. I mean people that sit at where spawn points drop characters in it. It's not skill; it's not talent. It's taking advantage of the developers spawn point design to annoy people trying to play a game for enjoyment. I wish developers could find some way to stop this, as better times would be able to be had by all.

Next up is Sam Pow! Sam is our resident strategist here in the Game Zone, as proved each week with Game Pow. This week features Unreal Tournament, so check it out when you can.

Sam Pow

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Target Terror - Ha! Just kidding.

Bad Achievements - Achievements are a fun way to enhance replay value and keep you coming back to a game to conquer it and get more gamerscore, so no one likes a game with achievements like "beat the campaign", "beat the campaign on hard", "beat the campaign on very hard", and so on. Generic achievements like that aren't going to make you want to play again once you've already beaten the game.
I don't mind the achievements for finishing a game, but I would be okay with being rewarded for the harder difficulties only.

5.Bad Checkpoint Systems - Broken checkpoint systems can ruin an other wise good game, making you play the same bits over, and over, and over again. I don't care how cool Grand Theft Auto IV was, you know that Three Leaf Clover got boring the fifth time you had to drive Packie and his friends to the bank.



4.Sonic Characters - That's right, Sonic Characters need to go. I get the feeling this is going to be popular among the lists. But mine differs a little. I mean the death of ALL Sonic characters, including Sonic. It made me sad to play Smash Bros knowing that one of my random opponents might show up as him, forcing me to beat him into the ground.
Why do I get the feeling this will be a common theme?

3.Licensed Titles - These titles make up about 25% of generic Wii shovelware, and a larger portion on the other consoles. All those Pixar movie game adaptations just clog up the world of games, and honestly, there have only been about five movie games that have been any good in the last ten years.

2.Nintendo's Casual Gaming Phase - Anybody who reads my column and/or blog probably knows by now that I have been an outspoken enemy of Nintendo since they started to milk their success with casual gamers by releasing crap such as Wii Music, Wii Play, Wii Sports Resort, or pretty much anything with Wii in front of the title. Releases of Mario, Zelda, and Metroid seem to be breaking it up, but we all know that Nintendo isn't done raking in the bucks from grandmas and soccer moms that want to play Wii, and until they do, I will continue my first party Wii boycott.

1.Fanboys - Oh yes, my final decision for what should go up in flames is fanboys (who will probably have something to comment on below this article). Blind and blatant supporting of your console without reason isn't smart, it just makes you look like a dumbass. So, in order to combat this, I have made out a little message to each console fanboy.

TO XBOX 360 FANBOYS: Stop blindly spouting that 360 is the best console. That's just your opinion, no need to force the world into it.

TO PS3 FANBOYS: No matter what you might think, the PS3 is not the market leader, and won't be anytime soon. And stop complaining that you aren't getting any of the good DLC and just buy a 360.

TO WII FANBOYS: Your console does not have good graphics as you might think, and in no world is Wii Music a good game.
I have nothing to say about this. I'm sure our readers do though.

Thanks Sam, always appreciate your participation. Up next is the local B3yond team version 2.0. That's right kids, Vince Offer is in the house, and he brought Salmela with him. Be sure to check out the latest B3yond the Report when you finish with the Top 5.

Your local B3yond the Report team: Mark Salmela and Vince Offer



HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Sham-Wow - What the fuck Salmela? Hahaha your products suck. They're better than that piece of shit you had me sell in B3yond the Report. A fucking video game? Hey if Sham-Wow didn't suck how come you're working for me now?
I thought you were supposed to say Wow everytime with Sham-wow

Limited Save points - In the past it made sense due to limited technology. Now it's just developers being assholes. Or it's just you sucking at video games. Hmph… I bet you wish you had a save point right before you took that stripper home didn't you?

Target Terror - PSYCHE! Or as Borat would say "Target Terror….

…

… NOT!"

Or as Bruno would say "Put your balls in my mouth and rub them along my gums."

5.) Backtracking - I fucking hate backtracking in games. Look, sometimes it makes sense. But most of the time developers just use it as an excuse to avoid developing original content for their games. It's not fun and most of the time doesn't fit the story. This is coming from the guy whose career relies strictly on recycling old material. The fuck you talking about? You've promoted a whole two products in your career. You keep your mouth shut. You're gonna love my nuts Salms.
Backtrackin can be a bitch, especially without a map.

4.) Escort Missions - No, I don't want to protect your daughter. No, I don't want to protect your fucking space ship. You haven't done shit for me the whole game. If you're having problems you take care of your own fucking problems. I'm off to save the world, stop being an attention whore.
I have to question if these would suck near as bad if the AI acted like it had a second grade intellect.

3.) Taking my weapons away - I earned this shit, so fuck off and let me use it. If I'm too powerful than you should have either balanced your own game better or developed stronger enemies. I spent the time building up my arsenal, stop taking my shit away. Once again at certain times this can make sense, but 99% of the time it's completely misused.

2.) Everyone from Sonic the Hedgehog - Fuck I don't even care anymore. At this point the franchise is dead and buried. Sonic Team just enjoys flaunting a dead piece of road kill at our faces and reminding us that he used to be cool. "Haha you guys grew up loving this piece of shit?! Well the bottom of my tire loves him too, it loves him so much it squeezed the life out of him." "Whyyy Sega, why couldn't you have run over all his furry friends too?!"
Does anyone like Sonic's sidekicks?

1.) Shaq - What a fucking gorilla. He's an attention whore, and an egotistical maniac. Oh shit, you done it now. It's a free country. Yeah everybody has the freedom of speech, until they bite your tongue off. I need a fucking drink.

Thanks Mark, thanks Vince. Always a pleasure to have the B3yond team join to Top 5. Our last contributor this week brings us The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly of the gaming world on a weekly basis. Check it out, it's a great way to get your Monday fix.

Armando Rodriguez

5.Sonic characters: Every single new character introduced after Sonic 3 & Knukcles, except Shadow. They all are colorful, cute, generic and easily replaceable.
Four contributors this week, and Sonic's brat pack makes all 4 lists.



4.Anime Chicks with Huge Breasts in RPG's: I am not sure if Tifa in FF7 was the first one, but she is the most popular. Now we can't play a single RPG without a new anime chick with big tits. I don't know why, because I guess that if someone wants to see porn or hentai they will just go online instead of trying to see through a fake girl's shirt.

3.Mini-Game Collections on the Wii: This is one of the big reasons I sold my Wii. After Wii Sports EVERYONE tried their hand at making mini-game collections. From Rayman to those horrible Carnival games, we where spending $30-$40 for things we could beat in 10 minutes.

2.Oh look, I lost my weapons!: I hate this! Now it seems every single FPS that comes out has at least one level in which you start unarmed. It started with Golden Eye and The Archives level and it has been progressively worse. I understand the idea of trying to change the gameplay experience a little, but I wish developers would be more imaginative.

1.Pokemon: I really hate to say this. I was a huge fan back in the 151 Pokemon days and I felt the franchise had potential. But right now? It is just crazy! There are so many Pokemon I lost track of how many there are! The first 150 or so where inspired by animals and such and I found them Ok. But after that we have seen the craziest and most senseless creatures come to life. They went from great, to Ok and finally to STUPID!!! GOTTA BURN THEM ALL!!
F*ckin Pokemon


Todd Vote

5. Halo Jumpers: Let me explain, in Halo this is totally acceptable, Master Chief can jump to incredible heights. However this does not translate well into other games. You're playing Call of Duty, and you start shooting at a guy. All the sudden he starts jumpin around like a freakin pogo stick. Alright, I'll admit it, I hate this because this fucker will kill me damn near every time.

4. Escort Missions: Not much I can say about this that Mark didn't touch on earlier. They are lame, the AI is lame. Let's move on.

3. Spawn Campers: I am not talking the same type of spawn camping that Sam touched on above, I'm referring to the guy that will never leave his own spawn. The match starts, and this guy plants claymores in his spawn and waits. I've never seen this method have much success, yet there are plenty of people who do it. Can someone tell me how this is fun?

2. Cliffhanger Endings: Well, not so much the cliffhanger endings, but the ones that are never paid off with a proper sequel. There have been several times where I shelled out my $50+ for a game just to have a silly little "To be Continued.." message pop up when I finally make it to the end.

1. Media Tirades Against Our Industry: When exactly is the media going to stop blaming the game makers, and start placing the blame where it should be? Bad parenting. These parents that let their 11 year old kids play GTA need to make sure and explain to the little ones that this is not real, you can not do this stuff in real life. Take some responsibility for your kids.

BONUS VIDEO: Possibly the worst character in gaming history? You decide:



That's a wrap for this week. Be sure to leave your hate filled lists in the comments section. I know I am curious to see what others think. Be sure to check out the Top 5 next week. As hinted by Armando last week, we will be covering our favorite 2-D shooters, hope to see you all back here for that.