Leveled Up News Report: 01.29.10

Posted by Joshua Richey on 01.29.2010

Mass Effect, Mass Effect, Mass Effect. The over/under for the number of times I say 'Mass Effect' in this News Report is 20. I would take the over if I were you. Elsewhere we have Apple unveiling the iPad, 2K Sports giving you a chance to win a million bucks, and a list of words that have been banned from the Rock Band Network.



So we meet again. I was able to pull myself away from Mass Effect 2 long enough to type you up another edition of the Leveled Up News Report. It wasn't easy. That game rocks my face off. More on that later, but first, how about we discuss some of the happenings that are going on in the gaming world...

[NOTE: It's been a slow news week. So I apologize ahead of time for the lame news items that I'm about to tell you about.]

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Rock Band announces which words you can't use on the Rock Band Network
The Rock Band Network jumps into beta, with a comprehensive guide to offensive content featuring a list of "very naughty words." The offensive content guidelines at Creators.Rockband.com is quite an interesting read, giving examples of what words and references would give a song an M rating, which would keep it off the service, or a T rating, which is appropriate for release. The page begins by stressing that these are guidelines that can be stretched, depending on the circumstances, giving the example of offensive language being more tolerable in a heavy metal song than an easy listening tune.

Here are song characteristics that would warrant an M rating:

Bitch, bastard, ass, tits, fuck, shit, cunt, giving head, blowjob, anal, pussy, cocaine, heroin, bugger, cum, dildo, felch, fisting, fuck, fucker, handjob, horny, jackoff, jerkoff, jizz, motherfucker, offscum, poontang, rape, shag, sodding, sodomite, spaghetti cormorant, spank, sperm, spunk, wank, beer, booze, chronic, crack, shroom, smoker, smack, weed, whiskey, wine, anus, anus drill, arsepuss, ballbag, bedwetter, boobs, clit, clitoris, cock, dick, dickwad, flange, foetus, gash, helmet cheese, minge, mong, muff, myballz, nob, penis, piss, prick, quim, shit, shlong, twat, twunt, vadge, chink, coon, dago, deigo, dictator, fag, faggot, fascist, franco, gay, hitler, kike, nazi, nigger, nigga, paki, poof, queer, spastic, spik, spick, suck, wog, wop, yid, god, judas, arse, biatch, beotch, bloody, bullock, bollocks, bollox, crap, drop birth, monstrosity, paedophile, pimp, pimpleface, prostitute, rosette sucker, slag, slut, suck, whore,

Any song that meets these criteria would not be allowed on the service. (via Kotaku)

I have nothing else to add to this. It's pretty much the greatest news story ever as it is.

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Apple unveils large iPod Touch iPad
The device seems to serve as a middle ground between smartphones (an iPhone more specifically) and a laptop as the nearly 10-inch screen with a resolution of 1024 x 768 and will come in 26, 32 and 64GB flavors and run on a 1GHz processor. As expected, it will also be equipped with an accelerometer much like the iPhone/iPod Touch. Browsing the internet appeared to be quite fast and a virtual keyboard can be summoned at anytime. A seperate keyboard dock will also be available for those who wish to have a more traditional laptop-style interface.

On the downside, the iPad does not have a camera nor SMS capabilities and cannot handle multitasking.
(via 411Mania)

I'm sure they'll deny it, but the Apple fanbase were hoping for a lot more than this. This is something that they've been begging for since before the iPhone was announced. All they wanted was a tablet that could run OS X. Instead they get a 9-inch iPod Touch.

The fact that this thing cannot multitask is a huge deal breaker. You can't run AIM as you browse the internet? Lame. Can't have Twitter open while you're writing the latest edition of the Leveled Up News Report? Lame.
The unfortunate thing is that this thing is still going to sell like crazy because Apple made it. Personally, the only use I would have for it would be to put it next to my toilet so that I could browse RedTube as I'm taking a poop. Oh, wait. It doesn't have Flash support. Guess I wouldn't be able to do that either.

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MAG DEVELOPER: 360 Users "More Juvenile" Than PSN Users
Zipper Interactive's Ben Jones has said that his company chose to make MAG a PS3 exclusive because of the lack of maturity on Xbox Live, citing "the things being said" over the service.

"I actually consider Xbox Live the more juvenile of the two...Each service has its own posse. I think the PlayStation audience definitely fits more to our game. As we saw in the beta we've got an audience that's willing to communicate and willing to organize and structure, and help other people to play the game. That's the most remarkable thing that I saw in the beta - random people helping other players along to try and familiarize themselves with this really cool experience." (via GamerZines)

What a stupid thing to say. It's not like the 360 and the PS3 have completely different demographics. If what Ben Jones says is true, and 360 users are "more juvenile" than PS3 users, surely there must be a reason. So let's see if we can't figure this out.

- There are far more people on Xbox Live than there are on the Playstation Network. To use that as a comparison would be like saying that there are more moose attacks in Canada than there are in New York City.

- The Xbox 360 comes with a headset and microphone in the box; the Playstation 3 doesn't. That alone is a huge reason for the difference. If you've got an Xbox 360, you have a tool that instantly allows you to start saying awful things about people's mothers. With the Playstation 3, you've got to go out and buy a $20-50 headset. That would also likely explain why when I hop on Killzone 3 there's nobody talking. That's not a very encouraging sign for a developer that's about to release a massive multiplayer game that relies on communication on the Playstation 3, like Ben is.

This is kind of like when an athlete is doing his first press conference after just signing with a new team. The media asks him "so why did you choose to come here?" The athlete responds with some rhetoric about how he wanted to be part of something special, or something along those lines. We all know that response is BS and would rather he just come out and say "for the money." It's no different in Ben Jones' case. So Ben, why is MAG coming out exclusively to the PS3? Instead of trying to make it look like it was a moral decision on Zipper's part, why not just acknowledge the fact that you're in a partnership with Sony?

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Throw a No-No in MLB2K10. PROFIT!
The developer [2K Sports] is offering up Dr. Evil sums of money to the first person on the Xbox 360 or PS3 (sorry, those are the only qualifying consoles) who can pitch a perfect game in the first 60 days of the game's release -- starting March 2, 2010 at 12:01 AM PST and ending on May 2, 2010 at 11:59 PM PDT. Of course, where there's free money, there are caveats.

Two stipulations: You have to play against the CPU in MLB Today mode, where it will automatically default to all of the proper gameplay settings; and you have to record yourself pitching the entire perfect game and slap it onto a DVD.
(via Joystiq)

Keep in mind that that's only, like, $675,000 after taxes. Something tells me that this is going to end very badly. Promotions like this always do.

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Weekly Rant

"...but it doesn't have multiplayer."

I'm not the type of person that gets upset when I read a review that opposes my opinion. I've always found humor in reading the comments for games and movies on various sites, including this one, and watching people resort to insults because the reviewer didn't share their view. That said, I did read a review this week for Mass Effect 2 that left me very irritated.

The review, done by a well-respected website, praised Bioware's latest project for the most part, except they criticized it for not having an online multiplayer feature. In the end, the reviewer even admits that his final score for the game would have been better had the game incorporated it. I couldn't believe what I was reading. Mass Effect 2 is by no means a perfect game – though it is as close to one as I've ever played – but to criticize it for not including multiplayer is completely preposterous. I didn't leave a nasty comment on that writers review, nor did I send him an angry e-mail, but it still infuriated me enough to talk about it more.

Perhaps I'm old-school, but I play a lot of single player games. I play games for the same reason that I watch movies. I want to be entertained. I want the game developers to tell me a great story. At what point did it become mandatory that all games have multiplayer or else they were inferior to games that did? Developers shouldn't be forced to include multiplayer into their games just so dim-witted reviewers won't mention its absence as a negative talking point.

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What I've Been Playing

Mass Effect 2
There's a very good chance that Mass Effect 2 will be mentioned in this part of my column for a very long time. I may even have to rename this portion of the article to 'What I've Been Playing (Besides Mass Effect 2).' I can't help it. As much as I loved the first Mass Effect , Mass Effect 2 is better in every way. It has better graphics, better mechanics, a much improved inventory system, gives you better control of your squad, and BETTER EVERYTHING! It's so awesome to have unrealistically high expectations for something and to still have your mind blown by how good it is.

Bravo, Bioware. You guys have outdone yourselves.

I'm currently playing through the game with my imported paragon Shepard. (That means 'good guy' for you non-Mass Effect players.) I'm not even 8 hours into the game and I'm already excited to play through it again as a renegade. (Or an 'asshole' for you non-Mass Effect players.)

It might be a little early to say this, but Mass Effect 2 is looking like it'll be the best game of 2010.

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What do you think the chances are that this article will be approved by my editors? I mean, this is a pretty raunchy article when you consider the list of banned words from Rock Band Network and my review of Jizz Wars. Then again, they do post links to nip slips and what not in the Movies/TV Zone. So I should be in the clear.

Okay, I can't take it anymore. I'm going to have to go ahead and end the column here. If I go too long without playing Mass Effect, I start to get the shakes. It's either that or the three grape-flavored Amp's I've drank today. If you've not had yourself a grape Amp, dude, get on it. That stuff is delicious.

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