Working Title 05.16.11: Working Rant - I'm Not Falling For it This Time Nintendo

Posted by Jordan Williams on 05.16.2011

Project Cafe's hype cycle is about to near critical mass. Nintendo claims this will be the hardcore revival we have all been waiting for...and you know what? I'm not falling for it this time.

You know what? I'm going to keep the old banner around for a bit

Welcome to the #1 Column to think that every fighting game from now on needs to adopt a story mode similar to Mortal Kombat 2011, WORKING TITLE. I am so glad they decided to keep the one thing that was good in MK vs. DCU and scrapped the rest of it. I really do like a story mode that actually tells an overarching story versus just a whole bunch of fights pasted together and a 30 second ending sequence. The fact that they let you play as multiple characters and actually bothered to do cut scenes between every fight just really…well...it's just really fucking good. I know caring about storylines in fighting games is a bit stupid but it doesn't mean that you can't at least TRY.

And trying is going to be the focus of today's little column. You see about three weeks ago news got out that Nintendo was making a new console and that it will be debuted at E3. The internet is going crazy. All of the rumors are going on and on about how Nintendo is planning to take back the hardcore audience. The rumors state that the console is going to be stronger than the Xbox 360 and the PS3 and will use a conventional controller…with a touch screen.

This is supposed to be Nintendo's big comeback to hardcore after the Wii. And you know what?

I don't buy it.

I am sure the console (which will be referred to by the project name of Café) will be a decent console…but as much as it pains me to say it ESPECIALLY how much I loved Nintendo over the years but I think they are going to SOMEHOW mess this up. Will it be a catastrophic mess up? Will it be a small scale disaster? Or what if it's just a minor bungle? I don't really know but I do know that Nintendo's greatest enemy will rear its ugly head to make sure Nintendo stumbles in the hardcore market.

And you know who that is?

Nintendo itself.

Working Title: Working Rant – How Nintendo Might Mess This Up

Wow, that is an overly negative title but you know what? I don't care. I have been a fan of Nintendo for a good little awhile…I mean shit I own every game for the goddamn Virtual Boy. But that doesn't mean I am not willing to point out some of the more screwy shit that Nintendo has done in the past years. Before this goes too far I just want to say that I am aware that the Wii was a decent console, they sold a lot and Nintendo made a lot of money.

But that does NOT mean that the Wii did not fail in certain areas. And as much as people want to bitch and moan about the Hardcore vs. Casual shit there is still some truth to it. Nintendo all but abandoned the hardcore player this generation and focused more on the casual side. This was a great success for them but if they think they are going to quickly change everyone's mind by suddenly pulling a 180 and saying "Okay, now back to the hardcore" they are setting themselves up for a bite of reality.

Oh yes, that wonderful word called reality. I can throw it around all I want to but there are some things that will stick to it. Reality is that no matter what I think the Nintendo Café is going to sell just as much, if not more than the Wii. Reality is that they have made up enough money that might've been lost on the GameCube ten times over and can afford to throw their weight around. Reality is that in the last four years they have shown the hardcore audience that they have no interest in them.

Now before you light up torches and pitchforks, just realize that that is reality. How many big name releases did Nintendo put the marketing power behind that weren't first party games? Now out of those how many did you see advertised on commercials…or in magazines…or ANYWHERE? I don't recall seeing too many adverts for Super Smash Bros. Brawl or Super Punch Out. But how many commercials did you see for Wii Fit and Wii Sports? But I am getting off point here…this really isn't even about the demographic. All of the stars could align and everyone runs back to Nintendo and all is forgiven but that doesn't change the fact that Nintendo is Nintendo's worst enemy.

So I will just get to the heart of the matter here instead of drawing it out any longer. Nintendo constantly feels the need to innovate. Does that mean innovation is bad? Hell no. Innovation is great. But what Nintendo's problem lies in the fact that they seem to feel the need to re-invent the wheel whenever they do ANYTHING. No, they can't release a well polished 3D Platformer, this 3D Platformer has to have some crazy ass gimmick.

That's right. I used the word GIMMICK. For some reason they just can't fight the feeling to add that little extra random something into a game to separate it from the pack. And this would normally be a good thing if half the time Nintendo didn't fall on its face doing it. Yes, the DS and the 3DS are working out but I am speaking strictly from the software side here. How many games have been acclaimed that take full advantage of the console gimmick they use?

Super Mario Galaxy 1 and 2 were critically acclaimed and great but nearly everyone said they would've preferred a standard controller over the Wiimote and Nunchuck.

Pretty much every game that correctly handles the DS's touch screen boils it down to just menu selections and not much else. The Wiimote's motion controls are usually the one thing people would change about the game if given the chance. And even with the 3DS still in its infancy I still don't see them showing me exactly HOW 3D will improve my gameplay at all.

So why are we so quick to give Nintendo the benefit of the doubt when they say they are going to return to the hardcore when they can barely do the casual audience right? They made money…A LOT of money but…I am just not so quick to drink Nintendo's kool-aid this time. Especially if they are handling this "Hardcore Revival" by themselves.

And it honestly seems that way because once again…just like when the GameCube was nearing its end it seems that only Nintendo truly knows how to do good by their own consoles. I'll go ahead and say that they did try to include third parties a bit better on their consoles with the Wii and now the 3DS but…it's obvious that the majority of the third parties don't even see Nintendo as a player anymore.

Why else would that constantly ship out gimped and poor quality ports of the games they make for Xbox 360 and PS3? Why else are the Wii versions almost always a different game altogether? We all know console exclusivity is a dying term so we shouldn't be surprised to find out that third party developers REALLY like to be able to port stuff across multiple platforms easily.

As much as the PS3 and Xbox 360 fanbases might hate each other. The multiplatform games barring some HUGE oversight are most of the time the same at face value because they can be easily ported. This hasn't been the case with Nintendo for THREE CONSOLE GENERATIONS. If it's not the format issues with the N64 and the GameCube it's the controller issues with The Wii and now the rumor is that the Café is going to have a touch screen on the controller? I am not immediately against the idea because it COULD work…but all it does is give third party developers another reason to go "Well, fuck. I guess we have to make a Nintendo-only version of this game that has functionality for this new gimmick. I hope it sells" and THEY NEVER DO. So if they are really trying to get the hardcore back why don't they let the software speak for itself instead of trying to use its wicked Nintendo console trickery!

That's right…CONSOLE TRICKERY

That's how Nintendo gets us EVERY SINGLE TIME. They blind us with the new gimmick while simultaneously pulling the same shit again. Once the magic wears off and we realize ONCE AGAIN we have been fooled what do they do? They throw out the Nintendo First Party Game Saving Throw. The world rejoices because that tiny bit of good Nintendo can do with a good first party release happens and we forget.

And the cycle repeats. But I am still ignoring the elephant in the room. The reason I am not going to buy Nintendo's bag of FILTHY LIES.

Nintendo's Online Structure. Nintendo was DEAD WRONG when they said that no one wanted to play online and that online gaming was a fad. And now for the last two generations they have been held back by the lack of decent online support in any way shape or form. Now the rumor running around is that Nintendo is going outside of the family to perfect its online structure. Yay! If only they had did this SEVEN YEARS AGO. To keep with the PAINFULLY negative tip here I am going to say that I think it's just a little too late to save Nintendo in the online race. What do they really have to offer than you can't get on Xbox Live or PSN (avoiding the joke)? None of the first party games Nintendo comes out with are really suited for online multiplayer play because they would fall apart due to the scum that usually finds any way they can to break an online game. Nintendo has never EVER had a strong foothold in the online race so why be so trusting that they will get it right this time? And who exactly could they be going outside of the family go get?

Some people as saying Sega, others are saying places like Game Spy will have a larger hand. And the truly crazy are saying VALVE is going to team up with Nintendo to bring online to their home consoles.

Episode 3 or Steamworks on Nintendo? What happens first?

And as silly as it sounds I think someone big like Valve stepping in and integrating Steamworks into Café would be the shock to the system it needs to stay competitive. But that won't happen. Why?

Because Nintendo is Nintendo's biggest enemy. They will impose some arbitrary roadblock like Friend Codes or something. They will make it so the few games they will have that have online support won't be as great because they have to compete with whatever gimmick Nintendo has put on Café. For the first time I am seriously just…I'm just OVER Nintendo.

But there's still hope. I hope they come out at E3 and show me something that knocks my fucking socks off. I hope they show that the online structure will be great; I hope they show me NEW games instead of the next installment of whatever First Party Magic they have. I hope they show me that they are serious about the hardcore market because I want the hardcore market to be serious about them. Does this mean that I want Nintendo to go the way of the PS3 and the Xbox 360 where your next big hit has to have guns and be from a first person perspective? NO.

I just don't want to see Nintendo once again hinge its entire bets one some new innovation that they either drop the ball with or force everyone else to drop the ball with. I applaud Nintendo for all of this time sticking with THE GAMES. They are not trying to be a media hub; they are not trying to be some sort of cross media phenomenon or a social networking tool. They have always been about making games and making them good. But just once I would like to see them go back to letting the games they make speak for themselves instead of trying to make the console speak for them. I'm not getting excited about The Café because I've been burned too many times by Nintendo. But you want to know what I'm really looking forward to from Nintendo?

I'm looking forward to seeing if they can prove me wrong.

---

I just want to clarify that I don't hate Nintendo. I really like the company and all of that but I am just not willing to fall blindly for the same shit this time. This generation proves that Nintendo can market it's ass off if they want to and they can make TONS of money when aimed at the right demographic. The problem I have is that I just have a hard time believing they are going to put that much time and effort into a demographic as admittedly fickle as the hardcore gamer crowd.

Speaking of fickle…

Working Question

Fuck. I've got nothing. So I'll leave you with this…




Until next time, I'm Jordan Williams…and fuck the reviews! Brink is actually fun if you have people to play it with.