Working Title 09.08.11: Working Mini-Rant -- Another 3DS Rant
Posted by Jordan Williams on 09.08.2011
As the sun rises on the internet there is yet another person lobbying a rant directed at how Nintendo is handling the 3DS...it's just that this one is a bit shorter and uses more cuss words.
Just like Capcom's fighting game release schedule...we're getting shorter!
Welcome to the #1 Column to think that it is HERESY that the Ork Boyz in WH4k: Space Marine actually call the UltraMarines ‘Space Marines' instead of "'oomies". I know it's nitpicky and all and it doesn't detract that much from the game but the Ork Boyz are some of the best parts about the WH4k saga and I want them to be representing correctly gash dang it! I mean, I am about four hours into the game and I have yet to hear a single reference to dakka! NOT A ONE!
Heresy, I say! HERESY!
Outside of that there really hasn't been much else I have played outside of getting into Dynasty Warriors 7 and catching up on all of the PC games I wasn't able to play on my old PC. But I don't think I am going have a lot of time to play them because the fall is upon us and the game release window is going to be FUCKING CRAZY from now until the end of the year. Are you ready to have all of your free time sapped away? Are you ready to shell out massive amounts of money on virtual entertainment that mostly involves shooting people in the fucking face?
OF COURSE YOU ARE.
But remember how I said last week I was going to look at the fall lineup of games and decide which ones were overhyped and which ones had a pretty good shot and greatness?
Or was that two weeks ago?
Fuck…I think that was like THREE weeks go. Either way that plan was shot straight to hell and you want to know why it was? Do you really want to now? Well I will tell you why.
This is why. No, I am not going to bitch and moan about the 3DS--…
Actually…nope. That is EXACTLY what I am going to do.
Working Rant: GET IT TOGETHER, NINTENDO
What the HELL is wrong with you?
That's all I can think of when I look at how Nintendo is handling the 3DS. I like the 3DS, I like MY 3DS, hell, I still like Nintendo overall but THIS….this is not the gaming juggernaut we all know and love, this is not the console manufacturer that ruled the handheld market with an iron fist. This…this is someone who is desperate, this is someone for the first time realized that they do not have a vice grip on the market they helped popularize and they have just lost all fucking sense about what the hell they need to do.
Am I overacting just because of a little dongle that they are adding onto the 3DS only for one (announce) game? No. It's not just that one dongle...it's all the dongles. This is the dongle that broke the camel's back. This is the dongle that was the final dongle in the coffin. This just an excuse for me to use the word dongle as much as possible.
But this is NOT how Nintendo needs to handle this. This…this…
This is shaping up to be BAD.
But why did it get this bad? How did it get this bad? There is only one thing that we can point to, the one thing that is usually the downfall for any sort of entertainment media. Nintendo has gotten lazy and its laziness might've doomed the 3DS.
But Nintendo is the only 1st party who pushes new technology and new ideas!
You see that right there? That excuse doesn't fucking fly anymore. I've said it time and time again that Nintendo's biggest strength and weakness and is the fact that they feel the need to be the saviors of the gaming industry and re-invent the wheel with damn near everything they do. Nothing can be conventional with Nintendo.
Ever.
They just can't have a control scheme that works like everyone else's, they just can't have an action plat former that works well and is polished to perfection. They also just can't have a piece of hardware that is a good piece of hardware, it has to stand out some way from the competition and have some sort of hook to draw everyone in. For some reason they feel that if they don't have this than no one will pay attention to them.
You know, despite the fact that they have the strongest line up for 1st party developed games, the most recognizable mascots and one of the most loyal (but now very frustrated) fanbases in the WORLD.
But you're not making any sense! How can a company that is always pushing ideas and changes be LAZY!?
Well, Mr. Italicized-Inner-Voice-That-Keeps-Trying-To-Refute-My-Points, to answer your question in a completely blunt and vulgar manner…
They are trying to get the nostalgic fans with remake and remake.
They are trying to get the diehard Nintendo fans by throwing out (admittedly fun) looking updates and sequels to established fanbases.
They are trying to even cater to the fans that liked some of Nintendo's red headed step children with games like Luigi's Mansion 2.
The fact is Nintendo is stuck. They are getting out-hyped by Sony and outclassed by Apple. They are going down and it doesn't look like they know exactly what they want to do or know what they NEED to do to get back on track. And if the 3DS really ends in a lackluster dud imagine what negative impact that is going to have for the Wii U. It starts to really make one think…what can they do at this point? What can be done to salvage this string of bad luck and boneheaded decisions by Nintendo? What can help Nintendo at this point?
….INCOMMING IMAGE!
Yeah, I'm sorry. That was a pretty fucked up thing to do…but I HAVE TO. You see…I am trying to catch up with the column and be all punctual and shit now and one of the steps to doing that is making the columns shorter. So next week we are going to take a good look at what the hell Nintendo is doing wrong and what needs to be done in order for them to salvage this…if it's even possible. And I'll go ahead and let you in on a little secret…as much as Nintendo doesn't want to it seems like they are going to have to break a promise and do something with the 3DS they promised they are weren't going to do.
But until then…
Working Question
What is one thing that you think Nintendo needs to do in order to salvage the 3DS movement? The 3DS is not a giant failure by any means, but to ignore the trouble that it's having right now. So spit it out…what can Nintendo do? I DEMAND TO KNOW!
Until next time, I'm Jordan Williams….and…INCOMMING GAMING/HUMOR RELATED VIDEO!
