The Digital Pulse 08.21.06
Posted by Joshua Richey on 08.21.2006
Madden Mania, EA gets Unreal, and Snakes on a Plane!
Another new edition of the Digital Pulse comes your way, capping off one of the slower news weeks in recent memory. We got nothing this week, folks. How desperate was I for news? Well, we're going to talk about Adam Sandler, Jack Thompson, and my lack of Volleyball skills, how's that? I'll try and find a way to salvage all of this though, don't worry about that. You still have a new Future Ex-Wife of the Week, and my review of Snakes on a ‘motherfuckin' Plane.
So as Stuart Scott would say in his most stereotypical voice: Let's do the thang.
Weekly News
Madden Mania Begins
Tomorrow (7/22) is the day. The day that all football fans (looking for a over-hyped mediocre football game) have been waiting for, for months: Madden 2007. Pardon me for that remark, but I'm still bitter at EA for taking the NFL 2K series away from me. It's not easy going from a die-hard NFL 2K fan boy, to playing Madden. It's just not easy. If I had to compare it to anything, I'd compare it to this… Imagine yourself as a Rock Star. You're living ‘the' life. You've got more money than you know what to do with, you have got life by the balls, and your having unprotected sex with Playboy models in multiples of four. Suddenly, for reasons that are out of your control, all of that is taken away from you. Now you're cleaning the grill at the local McDonalds, taking orders from a guy half your age. That's pretty much how I would sum up the current state of Football Games.
But my obviously biased opinions of Madden isn't going to stop any of you. I too am probably going to have to pick up a copy of it; just because I'm tired of updating 2K5.
This years Madden gives you the opportunity to control your blockers within the running game. [SARCASM] That sounds almost as fun as the QB Vision Cone was in Madden 2006! [/SARCASM]
EA Reaches Deal for Unreal Engine
Epic Games' Unreal Engine gained another suitor this past week. Gaming giant, Electronic Arts, announced that a deal had been finalized between EA and Epic - to use the Unreal Engine in their future endeavors.
The Unreal Engine is quickly becoming the Matthew Modine of the Gaming world. Bare with me as I try to make some sense out of that statement, as I didn't really put much thought into before writing it. Okay, how about this: Epic sold their souls to the devil by going into a partnership with EA, whereas Matthew Modine sold his soul to the devil by agreeing to be in Cutthroat Island. Good?
Sandler Gives Homeless Israelis Playstation's
According to the Jerusalem Post, comedian Adam Sandler, star of such movies as Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore, will be donating 400 Playstation consoles to Israelis that have have had their homes damaged by the recent fighting between Israel and Hezbollah. Which is a truly righteous move by the once funny actor. I don't know about you, but shit, if my house were destroyed by some ridiculous war - then there is nothing in the world that I want more than the ability to play me some Sly Cooper 2.
Bravo Mr. Sandler.
While your at it, could you perhaps ‘donate' me the two hours of my life that I wasted by watching Little Nicky?
F.E.A.R to the PS3
There is Good news and Bad news for potential Playstation 3 owners…:
Good News: F.E.A.R, one of the scariest games to be released in years, has been announced as a future title for the Playstation 3.
Bad News: You probably won't be able to afford it, because you've spent $600 on a fucking console.
(non) BREAKING NEWS: Jack Thompson is still a Douche
My hatred for Jack Thompson burns like a bad case of Gonorrhea. If you are unfamiliar with who Jack Thompson is, well then, I envy you. Jack is a Florida based Attorney that describes himself as a "Christian Conservative", AKA Douchebag. You know those people that like to blame the Music, Movies, and Video Games for violent acts within society? Jack Thompson is the ring master of all that shit. He's a prude whose name belongs within the same breath as Hilary Clinton, Joe Lieberman, and Tipper Gore.
Jack Thompson doesn't like rap music, he doesn't like Howard Stern, and he doesn't like anything that isn't ‘Pussified'.
Jack is in the news again; this time for his apprehension over the Bully game. He is suing Rockstar, in hopes of having the game blocked from ever reaching store shelves, going as far as to describe the game as a 'Columbine simulator'.
I had no prior intentions of playing Bully; just isn't my style. But knowing that Jack Thompson is 'hatin' on it, I now have every intention of purchasing it - and inviting all of the little kids in the neighborhood to come over and play.
This guy = douche
New Releases This Week
(X-Box 360)
Madden NFL 2007
Texas Hold ‘Em
(X-Box)
Madden NFL 2007
Pac-Man World Rally
(Playstation 2)
Madden NFL 2007
Backyard Baseball 2007
Pac-Man World Rally
World Championship Poker: Featuring Howard Lederer - All In
(Nintendo DS)
Madden NFL 2007
Freedom Wings
Tenchu: Dark Secret
(PSP)
Madden NFL 2007
Pac-Man World Rally
World Championship Poker: Featuring Howard Lederer - All In
Rapala Trophies
(GBA)
Madden NFL 2007
Yu-Gi-Oh: Double Pack 2
(PC)
Madden NFL 2007
UFO: Extraterrestrials
First Battalion
Poker Superstars II
Pac-Man World Rally
Prison Tycoon 2: Maximum Security
The (O.T)
Rant of the Week: Volleyball Is For Pussies Anyway
I was asked to partake in a Volleyball Tournament this past weekend. Being the loyal friend that I am, I agreed, despite not playing Volleyball in years. I was pretty good at it then, so I didn't spend any time homing in on my skills.
We get to the site of the tournament, sign up, and come up with a strategy (which was to win) and sized up our competition. Our team was called upon to play first, which didn't upset us. We got to be the first ones to make a statement.
Learned a lot about myself that day. Most importantly being that I pretty much suck ass at Volleyball. I have that serving thing down, but all of that other tomfoolery… not so much.
We lost in the first round.
Game of the Week: Big Brain Academy
Never before has a game built up my self confidence so much, only to take that high self confidence and do to it what Christian Slater has done to his film career.
It'll make you feel smart, then proceed to make you feel as smart as a NASCAR fan.
Album of the Week: Death Cab for Cutie - Plans
This isn't a new album necessarily, it's just that I've been in a Death Cab mood here recently. I've been having crazy moods like that here recently. One day I'll drive to work listening to some Yung Joc, the next some Alkaline Trio, today just happened to be Death Cab for Cutie. Their album Plans is one of the most amazing CD's I have ever heard.
It's a shame to think that there are people out there who still haven't had the blissful experience that you get when you listen to Death Cab. So I take up this space now to encourage you to do just that.
Movie of the Week: Snakes on a Plane
My friends and I have been making Snakes on a Plane jokes for over a year now. But as the film's release date crept closer and closer, and the TV commercials began to air on a never-ending loop, my interest took a hit. Nevertheless, my buddies and I caught a screening of Snakes on a Plane on Saturday night. My thoughts?
What I witnessed on that night is hard to summarize in words. But let me try…
Best. Movie. Experience. Ever!
Go see this movie. It has everything that you could possibly want. There are snakes, planes, Samuel L. Jackson killing snakes on a plane, snakes biting boobies, Snakes biting pee pee‘s… I'm telling ya, it has it all! See it!
Future Ex-Wife of the Week: Josie Maran
This chick used to date David Blaine, but she has also openly talked about a lesbian experience with Jenna Jameson; which salvages her reputation a little bit. (NOTE: Sorry about the censorship on pic 3)
