Working Title 10.05.06: Hollywood: The Game - An Army of Four
Posted by Jordan Williams on 10.05.2006
Last week we looked at Vampires, this week we look at Zombies. Hollywood: The Game continues as we see why The Undertaker has a role waiting for him if he should ever decide to go into acting. And where else will you find someone who thinks Devon Aoki is ugly?
You're back! Damn right you are back. I knew you'd be back. Bitches just can't get enough of Working Title.
So, this week we have Hollywood: The Game: The Sequel and I take yet another look at what games I think would make pretty awesome movies if they had the right talent behind them. It's not that I actually think these movies won't get made. I just know that when they DO get made they probably aren't going to be that great. I mean, Hollywood has messed up good ideas in the past.
REPLAY!
So, just a little refresher for how I am going to conduct things, I'm going to completely copy and paste the section about the classifications of a video game movie.
Prequels - These are the movies that always take place before the events of a game. It usually has something to do with the character getting their powers, weapon, or some other variant. Example(s): I honestly can't think of any at the moment.
Sequels - These are the movies that always take place AFTER the events of a game. They usually add a new character and new story arcs into the mix. Most of the time, they also bring back a character who died in the actual game. Example(s): Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children.
Adaptations - These movies usually take events from the game itself and adapt them into film form. More commonly seen in books instead of videogames because staying close to a video game's source material is a bit hard. Example(s): Mortal Kombat (loosely).
Universals - These are the most common video game movies. These movies simply do one or both of the following. They either take characters from the game's universe and make a movie revolving around them (usually not staying true to the game), or the movie is simply based around the universe of the game itself, not using many (or any) of the characters. Example(s): Doom, Super Mario Bros., Street Fighter, Resident Evil, pretty much every OTHER video game movie you can think of.
Yeah, I know. They probably aren't the best ways to classify a movie, but every video game movie to date has used one or more of those common conventions to get their point across. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Now, since I talked about Castlevania last week and how it dealt mostly with a Universal sense, I really didn't get into actors. But this time, the movie actually has a cast, so I can actually go into detail about how an actor can actually save a video game movie from being bad.
The Players
Now, I am sure everyone who reads this has played a game at one time or another and said, "Man, if this was made into a movie, {person} could so play {person}." Well, it's true. There are just some roles in video games that are just tailor-made for certain actors to play. Be it the fact that some characters take apperances and mannerisms from actors, or that some actors are really good at playing certain types of characters (Johnny Depp, for instance), it's just a natural progression that some actors can bring a video game character to life better than others.
Now, just casting the right person won't do it all. Any actor or aspiring actor will tell you that unless you are motivated about the role, you can't really give that good of a performance. Sure, Samus Aran may look remarkably like Nicole Kidman, but what are the odds that you are going to get Nicole Kidman to sit down and play a Metroid game so she can get a real feel for how Samus would react to a situation?
Not likely.
So, a compromise has to be made. Do we go with the person who LOOKS the part or the person who we know can PLAY the part? When it comes down to video games, I'd rather have someone who can do the part justice that someone who can't yet still looks close enough. Plus, it's the age of CGI and airbrushing. We can make ANYONE look like the character we want them to look like.
Example: Hollywood has turn THIS guy...
...into THIS guy.
So what's stopping Hollywood from turning Nathan Jones into Astaroth? NOTHING.
So, that brings us to movies in which we will seriously need to sit down and see who would do the character justice. We need to look at who we can mold into the image of the character while still making it believable and still allow them to use their gift to bring the character to life on the silver screen.
What better game to do it with than a game where you have an ensemble cast of horror movie stereotypes?
Well, there you go. Hunter: The Reckoning. This game was a game for the Gamecube and Xbox, which played like a cross between Gauntlet and Resident Evil. You had four main characters who were different types of Hunters(people who have seen a gruesome/horrific demonic act and as such are imbued to do something about it).
Running down the main characters, you had Deuce Wyatt. He is an extremely tall biker who is imbued as the Avenger. In a nutshell, he kicks ass and has no problems doing so. He wields an axe and a pump action rifle. So, big tall biker? Kicks a lot of ass? Doesn't talk a lot? Who better to play him than Mark Calaway? Sure, wrestlers crossing over into film these days is the new thing, but if there was a character that SHOULD be played by a wrestler, it'd be the part of Deuce. And about the whole getting someone who can bring the character to life and still look enough like him? Just take a look at him and try to tell me that just doesn't scream Undertaker circa 2000.
Then we have Samantha Alexander, the Defender. She is a cop who wields a katana and a magnum and puts herself in the way of danger for others. Her personality is the cliche sassy black woman that's in EVERY horror/action movie ever. Who better than Vivica A. Fox? We all know when you think sassy black woman, you think her. And her (albeit short) scene in Kill Bill vol. 1 shows that she can definitely do the fight stunts. Sure, she might not be a big break-out action star, but she could bring what's needed to the role.
Kassandra Cheyung is the Asian raver/little kid stereotype of the group. She is the Martyr; it's sort of self-explanatory, but for the sake of explanation I'll go ahead. She, like Samantha, puts herself in the way of danger to protect others, but she has no qualms about sacrificing herself for the greater good. We could make a joke about how the Asian character is the literal kamikaze of the group, but naaaah. Anyway, Michelle Ang is a relatively unknown actress from New Zealand. For this reason I will have to actually post pictures of her.
Ang is popular over in NZ due to her long time run on a teen sci-fi drama called "The Tribe" (Jis the Editor's Note: It's on YouTube; we recommend it.) and in other assorted dramas and such over there. She also did a few runs on Xena: Warrior Princess. Ang might not be much of an action star (although she easily could be with the right training), but the girl can act. She is the rare time when we will just have to make a compromise and go with someone who can look more to the part than act it. Besides, Ang is one of the few Asian actresses who can speak English fluently and isn't named Devon Aoki (who I think is pug fugly) or Lucy Liu, who is -way- too old for this part.
Then we have David Carradine as Father Estaban. Now, this is what I was talking about earlier. Esteban is Hispanic and speaks with a very thick accent. Honestly, I can't think of many actors who could do his role. Carradine has had experienced playing the old and grizzled badass. Esteban is no different; he is the Judge. Being a man of the cross, he is the final say in where demons go. He actually has the power to send them there first class, too. Now, Esteban is fairly old, about 40-45 in the game. Carradine is no spring chicken, but we all know he could go with the action scenes and we know he is WONDERFUL at playing the old, sage-like conscience of a group. Sure, Carradine might not be able to pull off the accent (and I wouldn't expect him to), but it's just something we'd have to live without. Sure, we COULD get Antonio Banderas, but...he doesn't make a good old person.
Finally, we have two actors playing the same role. Why? Because for one, in the game, Carpenter is this weird ninja/zombie/assassin-like thing that just annoys you from time to time. You never really see his face, but you see him. But, he also speaks in the same tone, wit, and style as Denis Leary. The voice actor that played him did it so well that many people thought Denis Leary WAS the voice of Carpenter. Now, Carpenter isn't a Hunter; he is a an undead being. He isn't even REALLY a good guy. He is what those in the Wrestling Zone would call a 'tweener': you are never sure what side he is on, as he will kick some zombie ass and yours, too.
Do I need to explain why Ray Park would be the body of Carpenter? Have you ever seen the man -move-? 'Nuff said.
Now, with all of that said, why in the hell would I pick Len Wiseman to direct it? Because the man does have a bit of an eye. He took what was a pretty tame story (Underworld) and made it LOOK visually great. The acting was a bit off, but the direction of the movie was spot on. The limited fight scenes we did see were fairly good. In all honestly, Hunter is a kind of movie that could easily direct itself. It's a no-brainer zombie hackfest that doesn't need any REAL direction outside of the motivation. But Len could keep it all in line and make sure we got some really spiffy angles out of it, as well as keeping the actors in line with the characters they are trying to portray. Before I get an e-mail, YES, I do know there is a Hunter movie slated to come out next year which is being headed up by (rumored) Resident Evil director Paul W.S. Anderson (who ironically is heading up the announced CASTLEVANIA movie).
Could it work?
Yes and no. It could (and probably will) work as a movie, but it'd be the glaring definition of the term 'popcorn movie'. Judging by how thin the games are (notice I said GAMES not the BOOKS or TABLETOPS), it'd devolve into a standard action fare revolving around zombies. It's not entirely a bad thing, but it wouldn't exactly put it up for any awards outside of the MTV Movie awards, but then again, anything wins a Moonman nowadays.
Why would I see it?
Do you like zombies? Explosions? Vampires? The game? Then you'd probably see it. Much like with Castlevania, the game (both video and tabletop) had a huge following and they would go to see it. Everyone else would be the standard action movie fan looking for a way to kill two hours on a Friday night. What better way to do it than watching the Undertaker cleave some zombies in half?
Indesicive Bastard Returns!
More honorable mentions, folks! Get them while they're hot!
Toejam and Earl directed by ???
Killer 7 directed by Richard Kelly
Oddworld directed by Lorne Lanning
The Return of...READERMAIL!
Yes, my mail account is no longer screwed and now I can get reader mail again! First off, we have one from OFFICIAL WORKING REGULAR Todd Vote:
Loved the column, and I think it sucks that Hollywood has yet to get it right when it comes to Video Game movies. There are a couple games that I think would make great movies. Jet Li: Rise to Honor would make an excellent Kung-fu flick, but that is an obvious choice.
There are three games that I think would make absolutely incredible movies. Coincidentally, the three games are also three considerably under rated titles.
Indigo Prophecy: Would probably be the first on my list of titles to be made into a movie. For a director, I would choose Quentin Tarantino. There are so many elements going on in this game all at one time, that it would be right up Tarantino's alley.
Movie type: prequel or sequel: Could easily cover events of a previous prophecy or a event after the game ends.
[AGREED. I need to say no more. AGREED. IP was going to be my third choice to highlight for a movie, but it go beat out by another.]
Second game to movie would be Advent Rising. This game is another completely under rated game that is not only fun, but has an incredible storyline. Plus with Majesco all but saying that the Advent Trilogy will not continue, they can take advantage of the direct to DVD market and release the second and third chapter in the series.
[I can sort of see it. But I think AR would function a lot better as a TV series rather than a movie. Seeing as the plot does get a bit chunky and it interlocks a lot.]
Again I would have to go with Prequel or sequel for this one as well. With a prequel you could show the humans of past, and how they came to be known as saviors of the universe. The sequel choices are obvious.
Finally a solid action movie would be Psi-Ops. GDT would be the director, due to Midway's gratuitous violence. This movie could combine kick ass special effects, with a decent story. I can even see Thomas Jane playing the lead role here.
[See above]
Thanks for the mail, Todd.
Next up we have 411 Writer Andrew Mellick with a little heads up:
Hey man,
Good column as usual. I like what you had to say about Castlevania and since I have alot of time on my hands I searched the web.
Guess they are making a movie about this game. But the director is the dude who made RE and MK movies. So, I ain't gonna hold my breath on the quality.
This makes me happy yet saddens me. Hopefully he may wander around, catch my column, and steal my ideas.
Thanks for the heads up.
Next up is a ma--...well, it's not really a mail. It's more of someone taking up my column. ...Here. I'll just let her talk.
Jis the Editor: Oh, you. I don't know whether to be honored or insulted.
I know you're still going through your series, but I've had one to contribute ever since you unveiled this project two weeks ago.
Hollywood: The Game presents...
Star Fox: The Movie
Directed by: Pixar or Dreamworks
Type of Movie: Adaptation (preferably) or Universal
I think it would work best as a CGI film due to the nature of the characters and the way the battles flow. Unless a Japanese company picked it up first, either Pixar or Dreamworks--or even a combination of the two--could pull off an American version. Think about it: if you're going to make a movie about animals doing crazy stuff (see also: Antz, Finding Nemo, Shrek, A Bug's Life, For the Birds, Chicken Run, Madagascar, Shark Tale, Over the Hedge...need I go on?), why not give them Arwings and have them Do a Barrel Roll (TM) through the deep reaches of space? Even people who aren't familiar with Star Fox will see it at least once. If the names Pixar and Dreamworks don't pull them in, the screaming, snot-nosed 5-year-old will.
As much as I hate to do it, I'm going to disagree on ONE part. I think Starfox is just too above being a standard CGI kids movie. I think it'd do better off as more of a serious toned CGI movie in the vein of Titan AE. That way we get some of the drama we are starting to see Starfox Command as well as the good ole Starfox Goodness.
(Jis the Editor's--and not JP the Editor because that's a different person entirely, ya copycats!--Sneak Attack Rebuttal: Shrek had quite a few adult-oriented jokes in it that flew over most kids' heads. Either CGI company has the option to make it more serious--I used them as examples more for the visual elements of the film than the plot. Besides, there's always the chance that Nintendo could collaborate with a Japanese company and pop out a baby Star Fox movie for the world to voice-over (and promptly compare voice actors to an extreme degree) and enjoy.
Personally, if I had to pick one game for it to represent, Star Fox 64 gets my vote. As much as I love Krystal and Post-Pubescent Slippy (debatably), I love the bosses ("Cocky little FREAKS!") even more.
Jis The Editor:By the way, what are your thoughts on a Final Fantasy 7 movie? Kidding. Just kidding.
It sucked. Moving along.
And finally we have one from Josh Bryant:
What about Legend of Dragoon? that'd make a great movie.....or perhaps a movie based on the Dynasty Warriors/Samurai Warriors series. up to you to tell me.
I have a deep seated ideal that any RPG will not make that great of a movie. It's like trying to adapt a book into a movie. It'll be interesting, but you would omit so much or add so much that eventually it'd never make much sense. Now, a Dynasty Warriors movie would be pretty nice, especially if they do the fight scenes in the vein of the recent "no wires" trend of martial arts movies. Sure, Dynasty Warriors is a BIT over the top, but the wars would look a lot cooler if you didn't have everyone flying through the air ala The Matrix. Thanks for the mail, Josh.
Next time...on Working Title
We have the conclusion of Hollywood: The Game with a game that has been announced, then dropped, the announced, then dropped, then announced to be made a movie for almost five years now. I already mentioned it earlier, but now it's time to make it offcial.
Next week, I tell you why METROID would make a good movie.
Until next time, this is Working Title...and you have exactly one minute and thirty seconds to escape before I blow up your planet.
