Angry Gaming 10.16.06: Counter This
Posted by Damian Sarcuni on 10.16.2006
Get out of there, it’s gonna blow!
Welcome to Angry Gaming where we sacrifice Care Bears in voodoo rituals, except for the one with the rain cloud on its stomach. That guy kicked ass. I'm your hate master Damian Sarcuni. The bomb has been planted. Fire in the hole!
Counter This
One of the running themes here at Angry Gaming has always been social analysis, that being the way gamers see the world and how the world sees gamers. The reason behind this is that games are actually a great reflection on how we as a society have rounded out the past century. In an age where computers are the norm and the work force has so recently gotten used to staring at screens all day, technology is now a well documented dominant force in the world. Video games are the lighter side of this dominance. Just as those same computer screens make up more of our professional lives, they also enter into our recreational activities. The same keyboard I use to type the words of this article is the one I used to dash from cover to cover in Counter Strike.
Ah, Counter Strike. Now there is a social experiment of enormous proportions gone horribly wrong. The most popular computer game mod ever created has seen many changes since its conception and for the longest time gamers haven't been able to keep away. From the variety of available game maps to the arguments over weapon realism all the way to the great 1.6 VS Source debate, Counter Strike is doubtlessly the game that defines computer gamers as a generation.
For those of you who haven't been at a college dormitory, LAN party, or internet game café in the past ten years, here is a brief explanation of the game. Counter Strike is an online based (to hell with Condition Zero) first person shooter, where two teams marked as Terrorists and Counter Terrorists compete to achieve various goals or prevent the other team from achieving their goals. On some stages, Terrorists must attempt to plant a bomb at a certain site the Counter Terrorists must protect. On other stages, Counter Terrorists must rescue hostages being held by the Terrorists and lead them to safety. There are variations and other mission types as well, but these are the two main objectives. The game is known for its fast paced method of round by round play and the recoil featured on each of the games guns (which are based on real life weaponry).
Play Counter Strike enough and it won't be long before you start to see a pattern emerge. The same things seem to keep happening from server to server, from game to game. People take the same actions, and say the same tired phrases. A sort of social cloud cover seems to form, thicker than any smoke grenade. Unless you are a huge believer in coincidence and gullible as hell, the ultimate truth eventually hits you: Counter Strike players are full of shit. Not just in the typical hacker way, but in more of a televangelist "send me your money" way. It's true that most gamers are subject to some undeserving stereotypes. For all the bullshit that Counter Strike players would have you believe though, they more than bring it on themselves.
CS BS #1: CAL Crazy
So there you are, crouched behind a thick wall enshrouded in total darkness. Your AK-47 rests calm in your hands, ready to unload at any unsuspecting Counter Terrorist pigs that should be foolhardy enough to cross your path. For the past ten rounds, no one has bothered to check this hiding spot, so you know you are in good hands, ready to spring your trap and unleash your fur-CRACK!!! A single mp5 bullet pierces your skull, ending your life temporarily until the next round can begin.
The shot seems impossible. A quick glance at the trajectory of the bullet (called a "deathbeam") as well as a quick glance at the camera reveals the bullet that spelled your doom traveled through six feet of solid wall from an off angle that no one can see through, much less aim and fire through. "What the hell?!" You cry. "That shot was impossible! How did it hit me? Is someone cheating?"
"No." Says your assailant with the 50 – 1 kill ratio who just joined the game 5 rounds ago. "That was pure skill. I'm in CAL."
CAL, the Cyberathlete Amateur League, is a popular first person shooter league that specializes in Counter Strike. Players have competed for money and prizes in this league in the past, and it is one of the most popular gaming leagues in the world.
It's not nearly as popular however, as plain old cheating. The above situation I just described doesn't happen once every blue moon when playing Counter Strike, it happens every day, with countless different players. One of the most popular past times in the game is to download a bunch of cheating programs that allow you to see through walls or aim automatically, and use them to achieve a high score. Since cheating in Counter Strike is a relatively visible process, hackers are often called out on their use of these programs. Their number one excuse is that they are not cheating, they are just highly skilled and it only LOOKS like they are cheating. Their proof is simple: they play in CAL.
If every hacker who claimed they played in CAL actually did so, the league would have a population greater than the state of Florida. Not only that, but since when did participating in an organized competition equate to having instant skill? CAL's own website states that a simple registration is required to join, so technically any 8 year old with a Valve Steam account can join in. Even if every person to make this claim was a legitimate unbeatable CAL champion, statistics and logic don't exactly favor the idea that every one of these people is going to join on a public Counter Strike server and obliterate the opposition with just one bullet per target.
The fact is that cheating runs rampant throughout all Counter Strike servers and it always has. CAL is indeed popular, but it can only have so many divisions and so many participants. Don't be fooled by these losers, unless you are used to walking down the street and seeing men leap skyscrapers in a single bound, followed by a long winded speech about how they don't have super powers, the just play in the NBA.
CS BS #2: Little Brother on the Phone
Everyone has bad days and you can't win every battle. Counter Strike is popular because it is played in rounds which means you can literally play through 20 full in depth games in a span of 30 minutes. In that time, you can either have a really good game or a really bad game. Seems like a pretty basic, boring statement, right? Well, to some Counter Strike players, these words are blasphemy.
There are a large number of players out there who can't seem to take their own losses, and they have plenty of excuses lined up to do so. The top two of these are "I've been letting my little brother play up until now" and "I've been on the phone this whole time." The little brother one is my favorite. Somewhere out there is a server full of 6 year olds who have been bitching and whining at their older brothers for the past ten minutes to let them play the army game with the guns. Oh what kind hearted cop killers we Terrorist souls are, letting our younger kin take over to spoil our reputations…right…
Then there are those who have been on the phone the whole time they've been playing, and are unable to concentrate or keep from getting killed. Assuming they actually are on the phone (they aren't) did the thought of ever shutting the game off occur to them? Is that sacrilege? Since when is playing a first person shooter the same thing as driving a car? Look no further for scientific research on whether or not using a cell phone is hazardous. Those little handhelds have ruined so many great gamer's win records; they should all be thrown in a fire and set ablaze! Please, I doubt that people who spend every Friday night online aiming pretend guns with a mouse have such amazing social lives, or are that in demand to remain on the phone. Even if they are, for god's sake, shut off the damn game! It'll be there when you get back and we'll probably STILL be playing de_dust2!
Other runner up excuses include "I had an error with my instant messenger and my sound is turned off" (that error was fixed and patched years ago), "Someone screwed up my mouse settings" and the ever popular "I'm drunk/high."
CS BS #3: Winning Ratio Citizenship
There's a not so old yet all too overused saying these days: "Arguing on the internet is like being in the Special Olympics. Even if you win you're still retarded." But I personally believe that arguing on the internet is like eating at McDonald's. No matter how uppity you are, you're still going to do it eventually. In the case of Counter Strike there are plenty of arguments to be had over a various array of topics. It doesn't have to be about cheating or opposing teams only. Sometimes players don't get along and they talk a little smack to each other, and like any game or activity there is nothing wrong with that so long as the issue doesn't escalate.
In the Counter Strike world, however, there is a twist to the argument that almost everyone goes for. That being, he with the higher KDR (kill death ratio) is in the right. When two Counter Strike players are arguing, one will inevitably try to criticize the other's win ratio. For some reason, this has relevance to every argument, regardless of whether it's a cheating accusation or a debate on foreign policy.
Killing and not getting killed are of course a huge part of Counter Strike. However, the game can also be won by completing necessary mission objectives or using sacrifice strategies where one person gets themselves killed so that their team may achieve an objective or kill more of the other team. In other words, it's a team game with team tactics. Yet for some reason, players only seem to be interested in who has the better ratio and nothing more.
I wish I was as close minded as these people. Life would be so much simpler if I only had to listen to people over a certain age or who served a certain term in the armed forces. Wouldn't it be so nice to disregard the attributes of half of the world, what's right and what's wrong, and just live our lives based upon a simple set of numbers? I guess we can only hope for a return to communism one of these days.
CS BS #4: They Don't Build Em Like They Used To
This last one is aimed primarily at Counter Strike: Source players. There is nothing I love more than for someone to start complaining in the middle of a CS: Source game about how the classic versions 1.5 or 1.6 of Counter Strike are so much more superior to the new versions. These are the same people who claim to have been players since Counter Strike was in beta and they also insist that only a select few of the original maps are worth playing on because all of these others are "too unbalanced".
There is nothing quite as strange as when a fan of any media wants credit because they appreciate that media, except for when they want that credit because they liked it first. Fans who first start to listen to a certain band will often resent fans that jump on the bandwagon later, and Counter Strike is just full of these too. I doubt half of the people making these aged claims had even heard of Counter Strike when it was first released and more likely they just enjoy playing the maps that everyone else does. Why is playing something for that long considered something to brag about anyway? I had an NES that came with ROB and Gyromite, hooray I'm a video game god! Like all the other crap people spew out during Counter Strike games, this bragging just makes me shake my head, then clutch my ears when some asshole starts singing crappy vocals of their PC microphone.
The Anger
Counter Strike: where good aim is a bad thing, where a man can take 9 bullets to the chest and still run a triathlon, where bringing up reality gets you banned and where legends in their own mind go to shine. Those who venture into that dark game had best be prepared for some serious geek flames, and when it's all over I suggest a long shower to get the nerd off ya. Don't look, don't listen, and don't pay attention, just play until the map changes or you get tired of switching servers. Embrace the hatred, because Counter Strike has a hell of a lot of hate to embrace.
