Working Gamer 12.07.06: Breasts, Booty, and BULL
Posted by Jordan Williams on 12.07.2006
Yes, you read that right. Working GAMER is about to let loose on the hoards of annoying fanservice that's starting to kill franchises and make others into jokes.
Yes...you read that correctly, that does indeed say Working GAMER. As some of you might know, this week Damian Sarcuni of Angry Gaming and yours truly of Working Title decided to team up and do a little bit of a sound off on the gaming industry as a whole. A little bit of a game of sorts. The wrestling zone has its Great Positivity Debates, so now we have our...um...
Unnamed Contest of Unknown Things...or something like that. We'll think of a name. Either way, we decided that we are going to do a little bit of a blast on the gaming world for a special team column. Now, before all nine of my fans get their panties in a bunch. HYPED will continue next week.
Now, for those of you who didn't read Angry Title...I hate you.
Also, I'm going to repost the scoring table:
Playstation 3 Crime and Rioting References = 2 points
Wii Remote Control Chaos References = 2 points
Zelda Fan Boy References = 1 point
Polygonal T & A References = 1 point
Tomonobu Itagaki Sexual Harassment References = 3 points
Simple. I'm going to write a column as usual, but I'm going to pepper it with these little barbs of sarcasm and hate and make myself sound like a pretentious git all for YOUR entertainment. Now, given the nature of THIS column. I'm to try my DAMNDEST to avoid Polygonal T & A References. You'll understand why I said that in a moment. Are you ready?
Okay. I'll wait.
Now? Alright.
They're bringing sexy back
Before I continue, I want to let you know that is the first and last time that I will ever utter that phrase in this column ever.
Now, if you are over the age of 13 and you are able to hold a controller without carelessly flinging it across the room and destroying furniture [DONG!], you should know that video games just aren't what your parents grew up with anymore. Today, more than ever, the market is saturated with more and more rated M titles. Now, we understand that the gamers of yesteryear are growing up, but you know? Much like a woman working at Team Ninja, there's a point when enough is an enough [DONG!].
Nudity? I can dig that. But when is it so much that it just makes the game a mockery to play? Well, gentlemen and lady. We are about to look at that today.
FANSERVICE. Everyone loves some wonderfully rendered tits but when is just TOO much?
Breasts, Buttocks and BULLSHIT
I'm a man. A big man. I love the breasts, I love the booty, but I don't love the bullshit. I'm at a ripe 20 years old, so there is no depth to how much I love a little bit of nakedness.
I also love video games, and I also like my games to be games, not soft-core porn with controls.
Fan service. It's basically a little thing game creators put in games to let their fans know they are looking out for them. It used to come in the form of Easter eggs, recurring characters, and more lines for characters that fans like. Hell, sometimes it was even just a little mention that they developers put in a game to let players know they care.
And I mean a legit care, not Itagaki's 'consensual' care [DONG!].
In-jokes, little funny bits, it all used to be fair game. But now fan service has just all been muddled into one single meaning, not the multiple meaning it USED to have. What does fan service mean right now?
It means putting as many panty shots, nipple slips, sexual innuendos, compromising situations, and more reasons for people who are still sad about Zelda getting an 8.8[DONG!] to touch themselves during gameplay sessions.
That's right folks, fan service has now turned into nothing more an excuse to watch the PS3 and Xbox render some tits in real time [DONG!], and I am sick of it.
Now, I understand that some games warrant a little bit of a thing like that. Hell, I will be the first person to jump up and defend the Hot Coffee Mod as well as Dead or Alive. But there are points when the shit just goes too far.
Let's look at a franchise I just mentioned, for example. Dead or Alive, now many of you know that Dead or Alive is a fighting game, a pretty good one at that. Dead or Alive 2 and 3 are still considered some of the best 3D fighting games in history, but somewhere around that point the game began to take a bit of a dip. The series that was a fighting game FIRST and eye candy second began to become Itagaki's personal wet dream. This is where the now infamous "Boob Physics" engine was born. The costumes got skimpier, the sex got turned up, and more importantly, everyone began to know the game series ONLY for that. It didn't help that the game developers itself were beginning to let people know that the game was pretty much there to showcase boobs.
Did you play DOA2? Did you notice an emphasis on costumes then? Call me stupid, but I didn't. I remember plain as day that boobs acting somewhat realistically, but I figured that was just a bit of a bell thrown in to make the game more realistic. Kind of like how Twilight Princess are made just to remind us all that not every Zelda game is a guaranteed 9.0[DONG! UNF!]
Now, did you play DOA2 Ultimate? Did you notice an emphasis on costumes then? I'm sure you must've, now with almost every female in the game getting TWENTY PLUS costumes for no real reason other than to have them in less and less clothing. This, lady and gentlemen. Is where it began to get down right PATHETIC.
Since the beginning of time, it has been an almost fact that more men then women play games. Which surprises me due to the fact that for some reason a lot of men can't seem to handle a controller that is being used in the same manner than they have been using their genitalia throughout their teenage years[DONG!]. But whether we like to believe it or not, girls play games, too, and while I don't want to speak for our entire vagina owning counterparts out there. I am pretty sure they all don't take too kindly to the girls of DOA pretty much being turned into vessels for every teenage boy and old man's sexual fantasy.
The DOA girls, every single one of them, are card carrying badasses. If there was ever a Girl Power video game character besides Samus, it's going to be those girls. Developers know just as well as gamers that getting the casual female to play a video game is pretty hard, due to the fact that most games are geared towards men. Is having a game that pretty much takes all of the female leads who have personalities, back stories, passion, and most of all, the ability to hold their own against man and turning them into Barbie dolls that serve no other purpose than to just get men hotter than a line of people waiting outside of Best Buy for a PS3? [DONG!]. I'd think not.
Hell, I'll even do you one better. I have a quote from a REAL LIVE female on her views of this very topic...ignore the fact that this female IS a gamer...and it's Jis.
I think, when targeted to the right demographic, some fan service is okay; however, making a whole game out of it and hoping it sells as much as the rest of the franchise doesn't seem bright. Besides, if you're going to flaunt around hot women, could you at least flaunt around some hot men, too, please?
I agree, and not because she told me to. I agree because it makes sense. Fan service as a whole isn't bad. I understand the point behind showing a little skin to keep fans interested. I understand creating a whole physics engine purely for the use of making fake breasts move more realistically [DONG!]. But there is a point where too much is just too much. That point? Well. How about I use an example that ISN'T Dead or Alive?
When good fan service goes wrong
Believe it or not, there are games out there that abuse the right to a little fan service even MORESO than Dead or Alive. Let's look at one prime example.
BMX XXX. The game that was going to be so bad that Dave Mirra snatched his name from the title. What was this game? It was the would-be successor to Dave Mirra Freestyle BMX, with a little bit of an edge dropped in. Eventually that little bit of an edge turned into a whole lot of bullshit as it went from "BMX with topless girls" to "Topless girls, Stripper videos, sexual innuendo, and a dash of BMX" faster than the wrist strap on a Wiimote goes pop.[DONG!]
This, my friends, is an example of fan service gone wrong. Would I have minded if the game was a BMX game that tossed these fine little extras your way to give you a slight chuckle? Not really. But when it becomes the whole purpose of the game, there's a problem. A big problem. A problem that Dave Mirra thankfully noticed and got out of his life when he realized that the backlash he might've received from it was going to be none too pretty.
But, remember. Not ALL fan service is bad. Do you want an example? I'll give you an example.
God of War was one of the PS2's most successful games. It literally came out of NOWHERE and took the console by storm. It did so well that it garnered quite a few awards, a sequel, and believe it or not, a MOVIE.
Did you know this game also had fan service? Well. It did. At multiple points in the game, actually. A lot of female characters were shown topless, as well as Harpies and the like. Did they make a big deal out of it? Nope. Did they have some unlockable cheat to have the entire camera zoom in on every single boob and let you droll over it for a bit? Not at all. The game even had a sexually charged mini game that was there just for fun, but made sense none the less. Guess what? They did it tastefully. They did it to where it makes sense.
God of War showed that nudity and sex in game doesn't have to be there just for some low brow attempt at being edgy or to please some fans. It can set the tone; it can make everything more realistic, it can, believe it or not, make something less realistic SEEM more realistic.
In the same period that God of War is set in, doesn't it make sense for women to be walking around in togas and have their breasts exposed? It does.
Does it make sense for a ninja to engage in a fierce battle for her life dressed as a Japanese schoolgirl? Doesn't make any goddamn sense. Does it make even more sense for the character she is fighting against to be dressed up as a literal playboy bunny? Nope. It makes about as much sense as trying to sell your PS3 at a gas station at night and NOT expecting to get the holy hell beat out of you [DONG!].
The Part where I tell them how they can make it all better
You know, I find it hilarious that I am always ranting about video games and how they could be changed or be made better. It's like I actually think game developers read this column instead of feeling up their co-workers [DONG!].
Now, don't peg me as some anti-fan service Nazi because of this column. I understand that some games warrant, but people should also understand that some games just don't need that much of it. Especially when it isn't serving a purpose outside of being there for the sole reason of fan service. How could DOA keep its fan service and be cool in my book? Simple. Leave the Dead or Alive Xtreme stuff where it belongs; in Dead or Alive Xtreme. When I play Dead or Alive Xtreme 2, I know what I am getting into. I know that I am going to be bombarded with tits, bikinis, sex, and so much more. Why? It's because it's what I paid for. I'd be stupid NOT to expect it.
But when I am playing Dead or Alive? I want a fighting game. I want my combo system, I want my great cast of characters, I want to still be the only one who plays with Tina and Zack while everyone else plays with Hayabusa and Kasumi. I don't want 30 different fetish based costumes. I don't want extra bounce physics depending on whatever age I put it, I don't want to feel like I am playing a game where the developers forgot what the original purpose of it was. Fighting.
What can I say? I like grapplers.
Does that mean it has absolutely no room? FUCK no! That's like saying that people who exploit a poorly planned launch shouldn't be able to use Ebay to their advantage [DONG!]. Eye candy is fine, and I'm going to admit that the girls of DOA ARE easy on the eyes but remember that you made it a fighting game FIRST, eye candy SECOND. Not the other way around.
Well, that's it
The first ever Angry Title/Working Gamer comes to a close. This isn't the only one. We are DEFINATELY going to do this again. We figure if every other zone can have its staple, we need one, too. Maybe next time we get some more participants...
It was fun finally getting a chance to let loose and just rant on a topic. Sarcuni gets to do this shit every week? Hell. I might think of a change of format. Especially if it gets me farther away from Theo Fraser and his wacky Wiimote chucking fanboys [DONG!].
Next week, Working Title returns with HYPED as I take a look at Super Smash Brothers Brawl, will it live up to the hype? Or is it setting it's self up for a failure? We'll find out next week. Until next time, find me a title and embrace Damian's hatred. [Total Score: 27. It was a lot harder thanks to me avoiding T&A points.]
