Angry Gaming 04.09.07: The Gamer’s Diet

Posted by Damian Sarcuni on 04.09.2007

Work that body, work that body, make sure you don’t hurt nobody.

Welcome to Angry Gaming, the alcoholic beverage doused upon the brain cells of the gaming industry. I am your hate master, Damian Sarcuni, and I was fortunate enough to accept several bets in favor of Josh Koschek beating Diego Sanchez. I'M RICH BIATCH!!


The Gamer's Diet



I have mentioned on my blog here at 411mania that I work for IBM computers from my own home. My day generally consists of waking up, going through some sort of a morning ritual, sitting online for 8 hours, sitting on a phone conference meeting for another hour, driving to the gym if possible, or writing/playing games. During one session of the latter, I glanced over at the TV I had left on in the background and caught wind of yet another disturbing attack on the gaming public by mainstream society.

This time though, the attack didn't come in the form of a 30 minute special on video game violence or an old school sitcom. This time, the attack took on the guise of a commercial spot for Subway sandwich restaurants. Apparently, Subway's latest gimmick is that their sandwiches happen to be part of a "heart healthy diet" as dictated by the American Heart Association's latest eating guidelines. In order to illustrate the contrast between their ideal lifestyle and their potential customer's current lifestyle, Subway felt the need to display very particular image.

The image on this commercial spot was of a fat, geeky looking kid zoned out into a video game. Yes, the commercial kicks off with the old stereotypical "video game zombie" routine we've all come to know and despise. Subway kicked the imagery up a notch however, as the particular game our nerd zombie was playing also just happened to be a sort of fictional mesh between Pac-Man and Burger Time. The game itself depicted a fatter, 8-bit kid running around a screen devouring all the food he could in the shortest amount of time. Each time the game character ate a piece of food, he would get fatter and fatter, until he was so large that he could not fit into the passage way leading to the center of the screen (which would supposedly win the game). With our fictional game character now too large to continue, the screen suddenly flashed "GAME OVER", and the commercial cut to a picture of our nerd zombie friend doing exactly what nerd zombies are hyped to do: stare at the screen in confusion.

While all this went on, a Subway announcer went on about kids with bad eating habits and after the sequence was over a huge, detailed visual of an over-stacked Subway club sandwich hit the screen. The announcer changed his voice to start selling the advantages of eating Subway sandwiches like it was written in every holy book known to man.

There was no mention about how kids today spend boat loads of time on the internet, or that most of today's best jobs involve sitting in a chair and typing on a computer. There was no mention that most people today drive to work as opposed to any other form of transportation, or that little kids are often socially ostracized from their peers for damn near any given reason these days to the point where many make more friends over their Xbox 360 than in real life.

People like to talk about keeping an active lifestyle and advertise the way things SHOULD be, but the reality is it's not all that easy. Nobody wants to go to the park and play sports like you see on TV and very few people have time to actively do so. Even I go to a kickboxing gym and I have to drive there simply because of a lack of gyms. Yet Subway would have you (or more likely some half ass, misguided parent) believe that video games are the cause of the world's health problems and that their sandwiches are the only cure. Don't get me wrong, Subway makes some damn good sandwiches, but the commercial I'm talking about just depicts a situation that does not exist.

So once again, its time for Angry Gaming to dispel some video game myths for the public. The gaming industry has done quite a few things to help gamers get in shape, but I submit that it is the mainstream public that is preventing us from using these game based exercises to our full advantage. Here are three ways you can get in shape with games, and three reasons why non-gamers will discourage it.


Dance Dance Revolution



Probably the most obvious and well documented connection between video games and exercise is Konami's Dance Dance Revolution series, which requires players to engage in some serious cardiovascular exercise to win. The idea is simple but effective. Four arrows are at the top of the screen, and images of these arrows float up to the top in time with the music. When an arrow lines up, push the corresponding arrow, also in time with the music.

A skilled DDR player can read a fast scrolling series of arrows like a language, and it's also possible to throw in several flashy maneuvers to make the workout even more intense. Since there is so much going on and the music keeps things intense, players almost forget about the strain of the workout itself and push their bodies that much harder all for the sake of hitting those key arrows.



Yet the mainstream media often likes to make fun of DDR and the people who play it. In the arcades, it's not uncommon to see a group of curious friends cautiously approach the game, while joking about their inability to play. Its obvious when someone is interested in the game, but people fear what they do not understand and quite often potential DDR players miss out on a serious exercise opportunity just for the sake of keeping their "image", that of someone who can supposedly dance socially at a club and does not need some hokey Japanese game filled with anime music and flashing lights to get their groove on.

In society's eyes, if you are a gamer you are an instant loser. If you play DDR, you are an instant loser who is struggling to look like a winner and thus are even more pathetic. This is why many DDR players often have to deal with assholes in public, jumping on the game, yelling out random comments are just starting trouble and trying to room a DDR player's good time. As such, it's generally recommended you watch where you play, even if it means playing at home. This is to your advantage as well, since the home version of DDR also feature calorie counting exercise modes.


The Wii Diet



Several sites have reported that Nintendo will soon be releasing a new diet game, which is rumored to be similar to Brain Age for the DS. Although few details have been released about the game, it stands to reason that this game will fit in with the rumored Wii based diet that has been popping up on the internet as well. The theory behind the Wii diet is that gamers use the Nintendo Wii as normal, but make a conscious effort to perform complete, life like motions while playing. For example, swinging a golf club in Wii Sports would require gamers to actually get up off the couch and use their Wiimote to actually mimic swinging a golf club in a full lifelike motion.

Here is a link to the original article documenting the diet's supposed results: Rather than socially attacking this particular exercise, mainstream non-gamers have instead pulled their support by simply writing the diet off as a potential hoax. No one has been able to verify the results of the Wii diet and few have tried. It stands to reason that it could work, if only from the motions of the actual users. Regardless of whether you believe the Wii diet works or not, you can bet that Nintendo has all the elite Japanese scientists they can get their hands on working on the new diet game to make the Wii diet into a reality. The question is will it be enough to convince the public?


Gamerunner



A new invention you may not have heard about is the Gamerunner, a device that links to various console controllers to a treadmill system. Designed for first person shooters, the Gamerunner has all the features of your standard mouse and console controller, but requires players to move on the actual treadmill to move about the game world. The controller debuted at CES 2006, and according to several sites, met with rave results from gamers who even had trouble manipulating console based first person shooters in the past.



You can bet the mainstream won't back the Gamerunner at all though. Hand made Gamerunner units cost several thousands of dollars to make, and mass produced units would still likely cost about $400 in stores. Although you can bet that Sony and arcades the world over could probably get the mass production costs further down, but where's the fun in actually allowing gamers to get a little work in on the treadmill while enjoying it? To be fair, arcade games like Mocap Boxing already use player based controls, but the Gamerunner's attachment to consoles is what makes it a viable option. Mainstreamers and corporations, however, don't see it that way. How unfortunate.


The Anger

For gamers, you're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't. Society seems to have some hard work ethic stuck into their collective heads that exercise has to be difficult and mundane, and that games have to be unhealthy and mind numbing. People definitely don't like to have their realities changed or disturbed, and if only for that reason alone, you can tell yourself with confidence that the same society telling you to put the Xbox controller down does not have your best interests at heart. Until next time, embrace the hatred.