Hardcore Gaming 04.17.07: Throwing a Gaming Party
Posted by Mark Cwalinski on 04.17.2007
Learn how to throw a gaming party... Hardcore style!
Video game parties are what hardcore gaming is all about. However, not everyone knows how to throw a badass party. Don't worry though; Hardcore Gaming has got your back, and we'll show you how to throw the ultimate gaming party.
The Place:
First and foremost, the most important aspect of a gaming party is where you decide to throw it. Make sure you have a place to crash where you can be as loud, obnoxious, and belligerent as you want. If you trash the place, throw the blame on the biggest prick you invited. Because we all know that it ain't a party if something isn‘t broken by the end of the night. Try to have a big room available with plenty of places to sit. An empty house or apartment is desired for this. Better yet, just buy a house especially for video game parties.
HARDCORE TIP: Have the party take place in the woods at night and use 400 feet extension cords. To really spice things up, go bear hunting with NES zapper guns.
The Time:
As the saying goes, timing is pretty important. If people are planning to stay the night (which I suggest if there is to be alcohol), then don't start until after everyone‘s buzzed, it‘ll be more interesting and they can‘t leave anyways. If people are going home afterwards, try starting it around 7 or 8 if everyone's available. These gatherings might last for days if you lose track of time, so make sure no one has anything in their busy schedules to take care of.
HARDCORE TIP: When people start forgetting what time it is, change all the clocks so they're all 5 hours behind, it'll make the party last longer. If they can't stay up for a video game party, drag them out into your backyard and leave them there, that's where they belong.
The Games:
Obviously, you need the right games to keep the party going long into the night. Choose games that have short, but fun, multiplayer modes to make sure nobody gets left out for too long. Super Smash Bros. and Mortal Kombat: Armageddon are two of my personal favorites. Halo and Halo 2 are nice if everyone is familiar with them. Also, sports games can be great, as long as you set the quarters to something short. 2 minute quarters are good for football and basketball, and 5 minute halves are good for soccer games. Finally, party games like Guitar Hero are also fun and easy to pick up for beginners.
When you do begin to play, make sure to play so that the one or two winners stay on. This adds a competitive edge to all of the games, and this way everyone gets a chance to play. If one person continues to win, cheat and kick him off. Tournaments can be fun, but once you get out there's not much to do. This is why "winner stays on" style of game play is best for these situations
HARDCORE TIP: Make things interesting; have the loser wear a skirt and ask a random guy out to a date. If it's a girl, then use her skirt to make the winner do something.
The Equipment:
When it comes to equipment, it never hurts to be safe. Bring at least two extra controllers and plenty of batteries if you need them. Also, if you're playing a game like Guitar Hero or Dance Dance Revolution, make sure to have the proper peripherals for that. If you want to be extra safe, bring a few extra copies of a game if people have them. Most importantly, play on the biggest TV available with High Definition if the console supports it. Don't forget a couch within playing distance as well; no one likes to sit on the floor for too long.
HARDCORE TIP: Sever off one of your feet for a DDR game you'll never forget!
The Music:
Although video game music is nice, real music is much better. Classic Rock is the quintessential genre to be played. You can never go wrong with Led Zeppelin or Pink Floyd. If you want N*SYNC, I'm not going to stop you, choose whatever you want so long as you enjoy it. No matter what you choose, make sure to keep it light and entertaining. If you're worried about what to choose, have everyone bring a CD and just cycle through them all. If you have a computer near your TV, load them all up and put them on shuffle. This way everyone's happy.
HARDCORE TIP: No party is complete without the Mortal Kombat theme song. Stick it in there somewhere if you have the chance. Bonus points if you rip out someone's spine while it's playing and yell "FATALITY!!!"*
The Food:
Make sure to order plenty of pizza for everyone at the party. The last thing you want to do is run out. Have everyone chip in about 5 dollars for it and you should be good to go. Timing is also important. Order it too soon and people will get bored with it quick. Order it too late and people will already be full on chips and popcorn. I suggest ordering it so it will arrive about an hour or two after the party's begun. As mentioned above, have a few bags of Tostitos, or some other kind of chip everyone can enjoy. If you do choose Tostitos, bring plenty of salsa. If you go the popcorn route, microwave popcorn is the way to go. It tastes much better than bagged popcorn, and you can always cook it later if no one wants it.
HARDCORE TIP: Sneak laxatives into two of the party-goers' drinks. Then take bets with others on who will take a visit to the bathroom first.
The Drinks:
If you're of age, beer is obviously the first choice. If you're too young, or just want to keep things on the light side, then get a few varieties of soda. Coke, Sprite, Mountain Dew, Doctor Pepper, and Sunkist are the prime choices. You can try Vault or Jolt if everyone's up to it. Try to get one or more of each, this way everyone's happy. If you have Kool-Aid lying around, mix a pitcher of that up as well.
HARDCORE TIP: If anyone asks for water, spit in it.
The People:
The people who you invite can make or break the party. Invite a group of friends where everyone knows everyone. Try to invite people who are familiar with the games that you plan to play. Also try to keep the number of people you invite manageable. Any less than 6 and it could get boring rather quick, any more than 10 and it can get out of hand. Remember not to invite two people who hate each other. Fights can be amusing, but they can also break up the party before it's even started.
HARDCORE TIP: Convince one person that everyone will be wearing costumes and that he should too. Of course, don't tell anyone else this, and laugh at him when he's the only one.
The Alternatives:
To keep things from getting repetitive, plan a few alternatives. Instead of playing for 10 hours straight, break it up with games of Frisbee, football, or manhunt if you have a nice area. Also, have a few things inside to do while waiting for your turn. Whether it's cards, ping pong, or the always fun game of "who would have the funniest orgasm" it's always nice to have a backup plan. When you've had enough video games, if that's possible, a good comedy movie is a perfect way to end the night.
HARDCORE TIP: Create an empty area and have MMA matches right there. Make it so the only way to win is by drawing first blood.
The Don'ts:
For all of the dos that are listed, there are plenty of don'ts as well. As mentioned above, do not fall asleep first. You're only asking for torture the moment you close your eyes. Another important thing to keep in mind is not to throw controllers. This can get people VERY angry, as they don't like to get an "X" or PS2 engraved on their forehead. For the sake of your dignity, don't cry when you lose. Just be a man about it, there's no reason to bitch and moan. Last but not least, don't invite someone who hates video games, they'll only ruin the party.
HARDCORE TIP: Don't wear pants. Actually, just come naked.
If you take care of those 10 things, your gaming party should turn out perfect. You get bonus points if you follow all or some of the hardcore tips. There is one thing that you should keep in mind that I didn't mention. Have fun. That's what you're there for, so try not to take the whole thing too seriously. Gaming parties were made to get together with friends and have a hell of a lot of fun, so keep them that way.
*NOTE: Ripping out someone's spine can be hazardous to their health; do so at your own risk.
