Working Title 05.31.07: Working Rant - The Computer Cheats

Posted by Jordan Williams on 05.31.2007

We've all heard it. We've all accused games of doing it...but is it true?

Welcome back to the #1 Column to completely ignore this new "Video Game Style Guide" dealie, WORKING TITLE. So, after all of that excitement last week with the announcement of Starcraft II. I got back into my old RTS habit and started to play Starcraft I again...and I remembered exactly why I stopped playing the computer in skirmish matches.


The Computer cheats.

No, this isn't the mantra of every sucky player out there. This isn't the excuse people use when they just aren't trying. It's legit. The computer cheats.

You can't honestly tell me you haven't wondered how come the computer somehow always knows where your bases and outposts are on Starcraft. Or how come the computer can seem to always pull out these 38-button combos in SNK fighting games. When you use evidence like that, it's obvious that the computer cheats.

That is why this weeks Working Title is completely devoted to games that are commonly accused of cheating. It's a short column for a pretty busy week, so please excuse the length.


F#&@ing Computer!

How many times have you yelled that in a fit of anger and then proceeded to hit ALT + F4 or throw the controller at the nearest wall. If you say you never have, then you must either be the best gamer in the free world or a lying bastard. I'm going to go with the latter. It's just a common thing. The Computer is always the cheapest obstacle you have to overcome if you want to master a game.

Although now with gaming consoles and AI getting batter all the time. It's not that true anymore. AI is getting more lifelike, it now thinks like a human instead of a machine. Instead of knowing exactly where you are on the map, it will actually send out scouting parties to find you before it commits to an attack. Instead of scoring a headshot on you automatically, it will miss, or even try to run away.

But for those games that were released back in the day, the AI was just so damn cheap that sometimes the only recourse was to cheat yourself. So let's get this little shindig on the road.



Rock, Paper, Scissors

SNK, I hate your AI.

Fighting games in general have always been known to be AMAZINGLY cheap in its dealings, but if there is one company I have to give the cake to, it'd be SNK.

Have you ever gotten to the end of a King of Fighters game? How many times did Rugal bend you over and make you his bitch wit his insanely fast moves, his super reflexes, and his magical way of pulling off those giant SNK-styled button inputs in a blink of an eye?



I'm going to wager it was A LOT. A WHOLE LOT.

That's the main reason The King of Fighters series has been called for Computer Cheating. It's almost like the game is reading your mind. You block, they throw an unblock able, you jump, it busts out that Genocide Cutter that'll juggle you for about eight hits and then it'll kill the crap out of you before you land. It's like the hardest game of Rock, Paper, and Scissors ever.

This doesn't necessarily mean that the SNK games are bad. They are GREAT games, but sometimes it just gives you to the feeling that you just can't win when you have Rugal(or the final boss equivalent) completely owning you in 30 seconds. And if you have an ounce a pride, the best way to beat these bosses is by turtling up, but that's usually frowned upon by others and really doesn't take that much skill...well, at least not as much skill as it would take to out guess that genius of a computer.

So when it comes to the King of Fighters Series: The Computer Cheats


Where the hell did you get that from!?

Mario Kart. Quite possibly one of the best kart racing games on the planet...I only say that because there are only like...5 different kart racing games on the planet. Either way, although Mario Kart DS is pretty much perfect, we all remember blatant cheating that went on in Super Mario Kart for the SNES.

You don't remember? Let me refresh your memory.

You're Toad, it's the last lap of Bowser's Castle 3 and the only person who stands in your way is Mario. You've been tailing him for the whole lap with a red shell, waiting for the perfect time to strike. You launch that red shell...and he jumps over it.

That's okay, though. You figure he just had a feather left in stock and you think nothing of it. As you ponder this that rat bastard DK Jr. is able to throw a banana with pinpoint accuracy DIRECTLY in front of you and you have no choice but to take it full on. As the rest of the pack chase you, Bowser sees fit to bum rush you relentlessly into the wall. Luckily you pick up a mushroom along the way and are able to boost back to your second place spot. You see Mario use his super feather to jump over yet another rogue green shell, it slowed him down a bit so you begin to catch up. The finish line is in sight...you're right behind Mario...and he suddenly activates the power star.



Mario cheated.

This is something that happened all too much in the latter difficulties of Super Mario Kart. You'd get an inch behind Luigi and all of the sudden he'd pop off a power star. Or DK Jr. seemingly had an endless supply of Bananas that he could fling with the accuracy of a marksman. Let's not forget about Yoshi Eggs, Bowser Fireballs, or Toad and Peach's mushrooms. All items you the player could not get.

So, is this just a case of giving the CPU an advantage over a good player (which you pretty much had to be to hang at 150cc) or is it a case of the computer cheating.

I'm all for the computer getting really cheap and strong in the harder levels, it makes the game challenging, but it's sort of a crap shoot when all of the advantages the computer has are things you just CAN'T do. In a fighting game you will eventually get good enough to the point where you can actually pull off those monster button combos out of thin air, or switch your counters around. Don't believe me? Go to Youtube and type in "Daigo" and see for yourself. But when the computer has an advantages like they did in Mario Kart, things you just can't do no matter how good you are, it begins to sour the experience a little bit. It doesn't ruin the game by any means; in fact it just feels a lot better when you finally beat it. But it does make those first few initial runs VERY irritating and I am sure there have been plenty of broken controllers due to it.

At least now the computer doesn't blatantly cheat in Mario Kart DS...now you just have to worry about the snakers.

When it comes to Super Mario Kart (SNES): The Computer Cheats


Cheating...TO THE EXTREME!

We got a twofer here. When you think of EXTREME games that revolve around you being on a board. The main two that should pop into your head should be SSX and Tony Hawk Pro Skater. For the sake of this argument however, we are going to use the Tony Hawk Underground games, including American Wasteland and Project 8.

Both of these games have similar things in common. You can play through the game arcade style and just rip it up at your own pace. Or you can do certain objectives that require a lot of skill.


And I mean A LOT of skill. Some of these range from beating a super fast opponent (in SSX) or rack of a lot of points in a lot of different and difficult ways (Tony Hawk). Some of these are damn near impossible, but does it mean the computer is cheating?



For once, I don't think it does. It's really hard for the computer get away with much blatant cheating nowadays. AI has been more tooled to play LIKE a human instead of like a computer playing a human. These little goals they set for you in their respective games don't really look like cheating, it just looks like it's a hard goal that only a master at the game could do once they got good enough.

Impossible as it seems at time, setting a REALLY hard goal doesn't mean the game is cheating, it just means the game has jumped from painfully hard to mind numbingly hard in one fell swoop.

SSX Series and Tony Hawk Series: Computer does not cheat


WHAT THE HELL!?

Now it's time for my personal greatest offender. Starcraft. I mentioned earlier that due to all of the hype around Starcraft II has forced me to start playing Starcraft I again. And I didn't notice it before, but jumping back from Warcraft II to Starcraft shows just how better the AI in that game has gotten.

Don't believe me? If you own both Warcraft 3 and Starcraft. Go play a skirmish game in Warcraft 3 and enter the cheat that enables you to view the whole map.

Notice how the computer will actually send out scouting parties? How it will look for you before committing an attack? It's playing like a human. It's still a computer for the most part, but at least now it isn't acting like one.

Now, boot up Starcraft and do the same thing. Odds are within 5 minutes the computer is sending a full force attack unit right at your front door. No scouting, not looking around. Right at you.



The Computer already knows where you are. It already knows what units you have and how to counter them, and odds are; before you even THINK about creating an outpost it already has two. Why is this?

The Computer in Starcraft cheats. Plain and simple.

The Computer is able to multitask way faster than a player would, it can easily direct units to build, attack, mine, and move in one fluid motion. Where as a human could only achieve that feat with a ton of Red Bull sloshing around his system. It's just NOT POSSIBLE.

I was just astounded that I was getting my ass handed to me all this week because I was still playing it Warcraft III style. I was taking my time, building up. I forgot that with the Starcraft AI you can't do that. You need to rush, and I mean rush fast.

Needless to say four zerg rushes later I got my skill back, but it's still maddening to know that no matter what you do, the computer knows exactly how to counter you. One game I was building to completely zerg rush them. The enemy Terran AI showed up to attack me with NOTHING BUT FIREBATS. How would he even know I had nothing but zerglings? He didn't even know I was ZERG at that point.

Now, I understand that Starcraft is usually just played on Battle.net. Which is awesome, but if you're like me and just want to sit back and go against the computer once in awhile, getting screwed over like this really does the trick of making someone hit Alt + F4 really fast.

When it comes to Starcraft: The Computer Cheats


There you have it. As whiny and lame as it sounds, in some cases the Computer DOES cheat. Sometimes, though. It just means you need to try a little bit harder, even it if means becoming a God at the game.


Working Feedback


This week we have a special Working Feedback. I know a few people read this column week in and week out, and I actually know one of them on a personal level. He's my older brother Michael Williams, he writes:



This is Mike, and I'm a HUGE fan!



I've been hearing rumors *cough cough* about Starcraft II. I've been waiting for this…well…since the end of Starcraft I. I've been seeing lots of extreme gaming events on Spike and ESPN for games such as Halo and Rainbow Six. You and I have both played Battle.net, and we know there are some hardcore gamers who'd love to play on televised events. If Starcraft II breaks wide (and if it doesn't, that means the gaming population of the world has suddenly gone blind and/or gotten full time jobs), do you foresee gaming events for this game similar to those for other gaming genres?



Keep up the good writing!


Yes, my older brother is my biggest fan. Stop laughing; I think it's fuckin' AWESOME. Anyway, to get to the question at hand.

I don't think televised gaming will ever break big outside of niche channels and markets. We won't be seeing Spike TV or someone covering a gaming event without a tongue-in-cheek jab in a long time. Most mainstream media still views gaming as a child's waste of time and not a legit hobby, or to some people, a profession. I'm sure we'll see these sorts of things on G4 or maybe on ESPN2 at some dead hour, but as for it crossing over into other genres and then breaking big? I doubt it.

Thanks for the email, bro.



Next week...

I know for a bit it just seems like the column has just been on an endless treadmill of rants, but next week our tried and true form will return. The topic is still in development, but my little stint of off-week rants is over. Next week get ready for the return of a series.

Until next time, I'm Jordan Williams and I HATE Siege Tanks