The Wonder Years: Week 10 - memorable characters
Posted by Owain J. Brimfield on 06.28.2007
The most memorable characters of the Wonder Years!
Welcome to the column where all gamers of a certain age come to wallow in 16-bit nostalgia. I'm your host, Owain J. Brimfield, and I'll be discussing some of the hidden gems and instant classics of gaming's golden era.
This week, we have something a little different to celebrate the 10th week of the column, a concept I'll hopefully be doing every 10th week (because I love the decimal system, y'see). Anyway, this week's special feature is:
The most memorable characters of The Wonder Years
Now I shall introduce a little caveat here - I'm going to avoid mentioning the obvious heroes of the 16-bit era, such as Mario, Sonic and Mega Man (much as I love the little blue armoured guy). What this column is all about is the unsung guys and gals you may not have heard of, but deserve all the recognition they can get. I should also mention that this isn't going to be in any order of preference, just as they come to me. So let's kick off with:
Frog, from Chrono Trigger
Possessing quite frankly the best theme tune of any individual RPG character in existence, Frog is the ultimate noble hero, even if he does play only a secondary role to mute gingerboy Crono in this legendary RPG. A medieval knight named Glenn cursed by the dark wizard Magus to live in the body of a walking, talking frog, he dedicates his life to defending his queen and avenging his fallen king. Wielding the broadsword Masamune he is the most powerful character in the game, and for a good reason - he represents a truly heroic fantasy archetype. And that theme tune, if I hadn't mentioned, is absolutely, epic-ly kick-ass.
ToeJam & Earl, from the TJ & E games
And already I'm going against my remit by including two characters for the price of one. But of course, ToeJam & Earl can't work when separated! With some outrageous character design that dates the duo slap bang in the middle of the early 90s, the two became cult favourites in their eponymous debut and its sequel, Panic on Funkotron. Even an appearance in light-gun travesty Ready-Aim-Tomatoes! couldn't derail their appeal to the Fresh Prince of Bel Air demographic - and yes, I do include myself in that particularly nerdy group of young white males. Personifying everything that was cool about 1991 American street culture, TJ & E funked themselves up real nice and provided one of the finest platform games on Sega's platform.
James Pond, from the James Pond games
Appalling character? You betcha - the guy is a poorly designed fish-human hybrid. But the James Pond series, originally developed for the Amiga but achieving prominence on the 16-bit consoles, provides a masterclass in cheesy wordplay. As longtime readers know, I am a big fan of the pune (or play on words), and Pond delivers them in abundance. Robocod? Dr. Maybe? Level titles like ‘Leak and Let Die'? Ooooh, it's just delicious. While Pond himself may have been responsible for some rather average platformers at the hands of developers Millennium Interactive, there is no way I'll forget his contribution to the world of bargain-basement humour.
Cranky Kong, from the Donkey Kong Country games
As far as I remember, Cranky was supposedly the original Donkey Kong of arcade fame, with the hero in the DKC games actually being Donkey Kong Jr. Sadly the series - and Nintendo - didn't really maintain that continuity, but his appearances are still entirely noteworthy. Holding forth with his opinions on the state of modern gaming, Cranky not only breaks but outright destroys the fourth wall with a biting humour that was certainly "rare" at the time ]oh God… the puns continue!], and elevates him above the many, many other forgettable Kongs in the milieu.
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Goro, from Mortal Kombat / Blanka, from Street Fighter
Proving that grotesque mutants could do it for themselves, Goro and Blanka proved to be two of the most powerful combatants in their respective fighting games. Although the two couldn't be more different under the surface - Goro an evil, four-armed beast from another dimension, Blanka the freak result of prisoner-of-war genetic experiments gone horribly wrong - on the outside, they paved the way for the ever more outlandish fighters taking part in console beat'em-ups.
Pulseman, from Pulseman
A moment of truly brilliant, old school science fiction from Pulseman, a title regretfully only released in Japan. Allow me to quote the main plot from Wikipedia (the fount of all knowledge):
"In the 21st century, noted scientist and computer engineer Doc Yoshiyama had succeeded in creating the world's most advanced Artificial Intelligence. He called his creation "C-Life" and managed to make her aware, thinking, and feeling. However, he soon found himself in love with this C-Life girl and wanted to be closer to her, so he digitized and uploaded himself into his computer core, where the two "made love" by combining his DNA and her program core. The end result of their love was the birth of a half-human, half C-Life boy named "Pulseman". Pulseman was unique in that he didn't need to remain inside a computer to survive, and had the power to channel electricity through his body, using it both as a weapon and as a means of quick transport through the power of "Volteccer".
"Unfortunately, living in the computer world for so long twisted Doc Yoshiyama's mind, corrupting his brainwaves and his body. Doc Yoshiyama emerged back into the human world, but twisted and changed into the evil Doc Waruyama. Now, Doc Waruyama establishes the Galaxy Gang, spreading a new wave of cyber-terrorism across the world, and Pulseman must fight his own father and put an end to his gang for the sake of the free world."
Absolutely genius. Pulseman's character and story arc combine a multitude of the classic SF elements, and although the game was merely ‘good' as opposed to ‘very good', it's worth tracking down just to revel in the presence of one of the genre's pinnacle characters.
Dungeon Man, from EarthBound
Perhaps the ultimate in post-ironic elements ever found within a game. Dungeon Man is first encountered early in the game as a bearded hermit, dispensing advice to help Jeff with one of the simpler dungeons. However, he promises to return… and does so in style, late on in the game, as an actual dungeon! Although the transformation is never really explained, entering Dungeon Man's nether regions (ooer) brings the player into a very funny, but very accurate, 101 refresher course in how to design an RPG dungeon. Many signs are scattered around explaining the design principles behind Dungeon Man's layout, and EarthBound's fourth wall was obliterated forever in a sublimely satisfying moment.
Kefka, from Final Fantasy VI
Concession to the masses time. Now personally, I don't really rate Kefka as a character, but there really is no denying that he is by far the evillest of evil villains in any console game one cares to mention. No one who ever played FF6 (or FF3 as it was no doubt called) is likely to erase that maniacal laugh from their minds, nor his absolutely ridiculous costume choice. He's also one of the most satisfying bosses to beat in any 16-bit game, as it really does feel like Sabin and co. have triumphed over the most heinous baddie they - or we - could ever possible encounter.
Tails, from the Sonic series
Oh, ok, Tails doesn't really belong here. He's not especially memorable, or a particularly good bit of character design. But what he isn't, is the piece of crap most fans make him out to be. He's just a decent fox, trying to make a living in this crazy world, and trying to live with the fact that his best friend is a world-renowned hero. He just isn't deserving of the scorn poured upon him, so stop it now, okay? You know who you are, fanboys.
Tangential musings
Along with probably all of the writers on the site, I am a fan of wrestling as you're no doubt aware. I've only just heard about the Benoit situation as I'm finishing off the column, so I'm going to hold comment until next week.
In the meantime, if anyone knows how to effectively clean rust from guitar pickups without damaging them, let me know. It's getting out of control I tells ya!
Having just finished watching the final DVD of classic British show Bottom, I really have to recommend it to anyone with a penchant for crude, violent slapstick - or, if you're easily offended, watch a few minutes then write in to your local newspaper about the proliferation of violence in TV shows.
Normal service resumes next week, but if anyone has any ideas about future 10th column editions, please let me know, I do crave the feedback.
And finally…
As always, reader feedback and suggestions are welcome, I respond to everything so just drop me a line. Next week in "The Wonder Years" we're back to normal, with a legendary multiplayer annelid-fest. Until then - keep it real, keep it retro.
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