The Digital Pulse 07.09.07: My First WoW Experience
Posted by Joshua Richey on 07.09.2007
Joshua Richey has made fun of World of Warcraft players for years.... what happens when he dedicated an entire day to just playing it?
World of Warcraft – Odds are that you either play it or you know of someone that does. Blizzard says that there are over 8 million people playing this game, and that should be enough to impress just about everyone. WoW players are the butt of a lot of jokes though – especially from me. South Park and the Simpsons just recently did not-so-kind parodies of the game in their episodes. Myself, I've never played it. Being that so many of my close friends do play it, and the fact that I have to listen to them brag about being level 70 warriors and all, I decided that I was finally going to give it a try. I figure that in order to be a credible Video Game Journalist, I needed to at least see what the fuss was all about. Right?
I, like so many other people, take much enjoyment in making fun of those that play World of Warcraft. I don't mean any harm… it's just that it's kind of a natural response. I've always been a much more hands-on type of guy. I dig games that allow me to run around and blow shit up, not games that require potions and leveling up. I've also never been big on ‘fantasy'. I didn't buy into the Lord of the Rings hype, and I hate traditional RPG's. So World of Warcraft basically is a collection of everything that I hate. Some people try to discredit me for making fun of WoW even though I've never played it. But to them, I say this: It's sort of like making fun of crack-heads. Now I'm not a crack head. It's just fun to make fun of them. I don't have to have done crack in order to justify my making fun of crack heads… much like I don't have to have played World of Warcraft to make fun of those that do. (Like this kid, for example)
It was Wednesday afternoon when I first began to download WoW… I went to bed that night with the download still at a measly 68%. It wasn't until the next morning that it finished. To say that that it downloaded slowly would be an understatement of epic proportions. Part of the reason for the incredibly long download time was the fact that Blizzard makes you download the entire game. Then, once the trail has run its course, you can easily just keep playing… if you want. The game is 3.16 GB's… so warning, it's going to take quite a while.
At 6:20 PM, I got home from work and the time had finally come to pop my WoW cherry... which surprisingly enough, not many WoW players have popped that other monumental cherry in their lives. I had come to a screen that said "Installation Complete". I click ‘Play World of Warcraft' and we're off and running. I'm treated to an intro that I can only classify as "fucking kickass". To be honest with you, I did kind of get goose bumps watching it… and, of course, by goose bumps I really mean a boner. Then again, it was only an intro; lots of games have had nice intros and then produced suck ass games.
The Bonerific Intro
There is a slight delay in the action. I entered my account information, and then the game told me that it needed to download a patch. Awesome. The patch isn't going as slow as the original download (which was 3 gigs – 13 hours) – but it is moving at a snail's pace itself. Alright, so after waiting for about 40 or so minutes for that patch to download, it's now completed… and now… I get to download yet another patch. This game had better be worth it.
Eventually all of the patch downloads complete and I appear to be ready to go. I sign in and select a character. I chose to join the Horde (evil guys) because from what I'm told, I'd get to fuck with some 12 year olds – who usually go with the noble Alliance (good guys). I enjoy making little kids cry, so I went with the Horde. From there I elected to be an Undead Rouge – for no reason in particular; but I did get to give him a cool green Mohawk… which completely justifies my choice. I seek out some of my friends that are far more knowledgeable on this than they'd ever let on prior and have them give me suggestions on which realm (server) to join. So I go to this place called ‘Blackwing Lair' – which isn't all that impressive at first. Walking around, I can't help but to feel that this looks a lot like Medievil for the Playstation – anyone remember that game?
My Undead Baby w/ Mohawk
So here I am, a complete N00b, just running around not knowing what in the hell I'm doing. There are these large, red, bat/dragon things flying around… since I have nothing better to do… I kill everyone I see. This feels pretty useless. It's a lot like your typical RPG. I'd hit the dragon/bat and he'd hit me back. We exchange these pleasantries for about 20 seconds and then he dies. You walk around the world using your W, A, S, and D buttons on your keyboard – which works very well actually. On the mouse, clicking on the right button selects a target – whereas pressing on the left attacks. I'm sure I'll get more than a few e-mails from people that explains this, but there doesn't seem to be a system in my attacking. I mean, I'm attacking this dragon/bat, and sometimes it does 8 points of damage… sometimes it does 4. I don't get it, I didn't do anything different. Sometimes it even says ‘MISS'… which I also don't get. Anyway, I kill a few of these dragon/bat things and loot their bodies – which includes money for some strange reason.
A few more minutes go by and a few more dragon/bats die by my Undead hands. Just to spice it up a little bit, I take out a few wolves too – cause I'm crazy like that. Those stupid wolves don't have any cash though. The only items that they leave behind are teeth… and boots. Boots? I'm still trying to figure that one out. Then, after killing my fair share of animals, I head into a nearby village. That's when things finally begin to pick up. The town is crawling with people. Unfortunately, none of them are other WoW players. There are over 8 million people playing this game… where are they all at? They are just these mystical-looking skeleton warriors that still look like that Medievil game. These Dooders don't attack me, so I'm assuming that were on the same side. There's a pretty funny moment that occurs at that time.
I'm walking around this village, just minding my own business… just checking out the sites… when out of nowhere, this huge Fucker runs up and starts killing one of those Skeleton/Medievil guys. WTF, right? I'm still not sure how the entire dyeing aspect of this game works, and I don't want this giant Fucker to kill me and steal what little shit that I've obtained thus far. So I run. I run as fast as those little bones legs will allow me to run. Then I stop, turn around, see nothing behind me, and feel like a complete jackass. I regain my composure, and in doing so, also try and find what little balls that I have left. I go back to the village, and that big guy is gone. However, my short attention span begins to get the best of me and I decide to kill some of these skeleton fuckers. In doing so, I level up. Wow, I'm now a Level 2 Undead Rouge… I can feel my chances of getting laid decrease just saying that.
Now that I've leveled up, I'm beginning to feel a bit more confident in myself. You might say that I'm almost getting a bit arrogant. Not far from our little village, I see a camp full of humans. I don't know if they are Alliance members, or just innocent bystanders that are caught in the middle of this war… but I do know one thing… I'm fucking killing those bitches.
I sat back and studied these humans' tendencies and the setup of their camp. They had a few tents, and the women outnumbered the men. I had watched a Ted Bundy movie on TV not that long ago… I never imagined that I'd be using the techniques that Ted used in that movie in an MMO a week later. I observed the females of the tribe, found the weak link, secluded her from others… and I hopped on her and daggered her to death! God, I fucking love Video Games. It was actually easier to kill a defenseless woman than it was killing the bone-Man, the wolf, and that dragon/bat. None of her fellow Amish members attempted to help her either. The sense of accomplishment was so great at that moment that I decided I needed to take a break. I exit my game, and my little Undead Rouge – with green Mohawk – sits down, Indian-style, of course. The game goes back to the main menu, and I go grab a Hot Pocket from the kitchen. (Meatball and Marinara… that's how I roll)
After grabbing some food, checking some stocks, and downloading some porn, I go back to my game. I click my character and enter the world again; and just like that… shit gets real. As soon as I enter the world (and I do mean AS SOON) I'm getting my Undead ass handed to me. I'm getting an Amish beatdown by the other humans from that camp. Apparently they're kind of pissed that I killed their bitch. Who knew? I try to do the manly thing, which is to run away, but I can't; they chase me. My 12-inch dagger is useless in battling three men at the same time. I'm running, and I'm surprisingly faster than they are. Yet, for some reason, I continue to lose health. They are fucking five feet behind me, yet they still manage to hit me. DOUBLE YOU TEE EFF!!! Eventually I die. I go into Ghost Mode and have to go retrieve my body… which is like 4 miles away. Fuck that noise. I'm done.
Sadly you cannot kill the school kids. :(
It's pretty safe to say that my first impression of World of Warcraft wasn't too pleasant. It was about that time that I had completely written off World of Warcraft. I knew that I was going to write this article about my displeasure with it, but for some reason, I decided to play again. The next time I played, I created an Alliance character, and suddenly, the game felt completely different right off of the bat; in a good way. Instead of being confused and laughing at how boring the game was… I was intrigued. I was walking around and doing quests and I was coming across hundreds of other players. It was amazing. You would go into a city and there would be Taverns, Inn's, and people just hanging out and showing off their powers. I found myself really enjoying it. I was having so much fun that before I knew it; I had been playing for 4 hours and had already leveled up my character more than just a few times.
It is really quite bizarre how my impression of this game changed so quickly. I went from hating it to loving it in a matter of 24 hours. I won't go as far as to say that I'm hooked yet, but I do think that it's just a matter of time before I am. This was the first MMO that I've ever played, and now I see why it gets so much recognition now. I'm as stubborn of a person as you'll ever see when it comes to video games. This time last week, there would be no way in hell that you could have told me that I would be playing World of Warcraft… but once I did, I finally seen why it's put on such a high pedestal.
