The Wonder Years: Week 15 - Clayfighter
Posted by Owain J. Brimfield on 07.31.2007
What you wished you could really make in art class.
Welcome to the column where all gamers of a certain age come to wallow in 16-bit nostalgia. I'm your host, Owain J. Brimfield, and I'll be discussing some of the hidden gems and instant classics of gaming's golden era. Some of these games may crop up on the Wii's Virtual Console at some point, some may be consigned to the annals of history. Either way, they're worth tracking down if you missed them first time round, or replaying if you were lucky enough to catch them. Let's take a trip to:
CLAYFIGHTER
(Interplay, Genesis & Super NES, 1993)
Okay, I'll admit it up front - Clayfighter isn't a great game. Come to think of it, I've had some heated arguments in the past with people who have questioned its status as a good game. And it certainly won't win any technical awards. So why on earth am I dedicating a whole week's column to this archaic and limited 2D beat ‘em up? Well, apart from the obvious "it's my column, dag nabbit" (which it is... and don't you forget it), the game was a bit of a favourite of my friend AJ's back in the day, and as he was a bit of a messy chap it was often the only cartridge we could actually find whenever we were gaming in his room. Lesser men may have balked and retreated to the warmth and comfort of Street Fighter, but I soldiered on and got a surprising amount of enjoyment out of the game.
The setup is a very typical middle-of-the-road conceit - a stereotypical fighting game with a wacky gimmick. Said gimmick, in this case, is that all the characters are made out of clay (the game tries to justify this with some nonsense about a radioactive meteor colliding with a circus and infecting the performers... Ernest Hemingway this most definitely is not). This, naturally, leads to all sorts of shenanigans and goofy special attacks, some genuinely funny and some genuinely not. Although I submit that the character name ‘Blue Suede Goo' lands firmly in the first camp. Characters range from series mascot Frosty the Evil Snowman (who may well have inspired the character design of Glacier in Killer Instinct years later) to everyone's favourite, The Blob, who is almost as cool as the Irvin Yeaworth B-movie of the same name.
It's all very basic - you takes your characters and you fights a bit. There are no special options or game modes, other than the requisite single player tournament and two-player fighting. The only real draw is the ridiculous nature of the attacks, from Blue Suede Goo's overwhelming quiff-slap and musical-note projectile to the Blob's absolutely fantastic buzzsaw impersonation (complete with a genuinely classic annoying sound effect). In fact, now that I mention the sound effects I'm reminded that they are actually pretty good, especially Goo's Elvis-esque "thangyouveramuch" soundbite. The soundtrack, too, is memorably jaunty, especially the main theme song; it's all quite a nice change compared to the many po-faced beat 'em ups of the era.
There are, of course, many criticisms which have been thrown Clayfighter's way over the years - it's horrendously slow, there's very little variety, the end boss is little more than an afterthought (the end boss being a certain ‘N. Boss' - which cunning linguist thought that one up?) - and, to a degree, these and more are probably all valid criticisms. If I had to justify my liking of this game, I think I'd probably appeal to a common sense of nostalgia. Everyone has dark secrets in their gaming past - heck, I know a guy who used to love American Gladiators - but I think we're all allowed a second chance.
The Clayfighter franchise has been dormant for a number of years, and despite its relatively underwhelming reception it's the original that remains the easiest to find, with a fair few copies showing up in second-hand game stores at relatively cheap prices. Given the series' reputation it is perhaps unlikely to expect a showing on the Virtual Console, but that's not really a bad thing - the game was very much a product of its time and hasn't aged well at all. But you know what? I have fond memories of it all the same, and maybe some of you do as well. At least it was no Primal Rage or *shudder* Rise of the Robots. So if you ever come across a copy going cheap, pick it up if you're feeling easy to please, and you never know, you may be won over.
Clayfighter trivia
Interplay also released that year a pseudo-sequel-spinoff thing entitled Claymates, a resoundingly average platformer which could have been a lot better than it was.
The franchise's most recent outing, Clayfighter 63 1/3 on the N64, was unfortunately one of the worst games on that system.
The game was, shockingly and perhaps a little embarrassingly, my most played multiplayer beat ‘em up of the Wonder Years.
Clayfighter is an honourable mention in my official all-time Top 100 games.
Splendid visitation possibilities
The place to come for random retro gaming tidbits, links and videos, and general amusing games-related stuff collated from the interweb.
It's speedrun central this week, with some classics that the more dedicated among you have probably already seen and attempted to emulate. First up is the infamous Super Mario Bros. in 5:00 (for the record, my own personal best at this is in the region of nine minutes).
Next up, possibly the most insane gaming feat imaginable - Contra 3, completed on Hard without being hit, in the region of twenty minutes. This is mighty impressive to watch even if you haven't played the game, but if you have, you should bow down before this guy and worship him as your new god.
And finally, the game that was made for speedrunning: Sonic the Hedgehog 2. This video really shows off how good Sega's technology was over 15 years ago. Just try and pick your eyes up off the floor.
Every week in this section I'll endeavour to provide you, the faithful readers, with a fascinating insight into the various forms of entertainment currently dominating my spare time.
This week, I have been mostly enjoying:
Blade Runner on the PC, a rather old Westwood title available in the EA Classics range - a nicely original point n' click foray into the BR universe that's worth a play to celebrate the movie's 25th anniversary this year.
Systematic Chaos by Dream Theater, which I've badmouthed previously in this column but has actually grown on me after a fair few listens.
Heroes, which has fiiiiiiiiinally appeared on terrestrial TV here in the UK. I'm probably behind the times, but the opening double-bill has prompted me to catch up with the Yanks and download the rest of the series.
and I am Legend, the classic Richard Matheson novel of vampires and űber-paranoia, which I thought I'd better read again before the next movie adaptation with Will Smith turns up in December.
Tangential musings
Good old Britain. I've just been threatened with a court summons for £5.02 I apparently owe some council or other. Thank heavens for the Isle of Man's permissive tax laws.
It seems as though the local cinemas (of which, appallingly, there are only two) aren't going to be showing the Transformers flick. I smell the uprising of a generation of 80s kids...
Apparently Wal-Mart are now stocking a talking Jesus action figure. That is beyond awesome, and would be a great conversation piece next time some Jehovah's Witnesses turn up on your doorstep.
And just a warning, if you ever feel like headbanging so hard to a band that you can't feel your face when you stop, it might hurt a little in the morning. I'm just sayin'.
And finally…
As always, reader feedback and suggestions are welcome, I respond to everything so just drop me a line. Next week in "The Wonder Years" - take a trip to a galaxy far, far away. Until then - keep it real, keep it retro.
