The Game Plan 2.22.08: The Greatest Video Game Villains...EVER (Part 1)

Posted by James McGee on 02.22.2008

I kick off the next chapter in my "Greatest Characters" series by taking a look at gamings greatest villains

Who has not, a hundred times, found himself committing a vile or stupid action, for no other reason than because he knows he should not?—Edgar Allan Poe, "The Black Cat"

A hero is only as good as his villain. I mean, it's noble of Batman to lurk around rooftops, pouncing on muggers and jewel thieves, but it isn't all that interesting, is it? Those kind of small-time schmoes are no match for the Dark Knight. But when you square Bats off against a Joker, a Scarecrow, a Two-Face—someone with style and a twisted mind capable of giving the Caped Crusader a run for his money—that's the good stuff. And there's something charismatic about a great villain. Something admirable about a guy who has the guts to just do what he wants with no regard for authority. We all secretly want to emulate that kind of bravado from time to time. Ask any "kid" in his thirties if he'd rather be Luke Skywalker or Darth Vader, and see how tempting the Dark Side really is. (Incidentally, if anyone does choose Luke, feel free to push them down and steal their lunch money. It'll make you feel better).

So, after devoting some time to the great heroes of video games, it's only fair that I give the devil his due by spotlighting the great bad guys. My criteria for choosing villains for this list are a little different than the method I used for selecting heroes. Games are usually defined by the hero, and they tend to have a bigger influence on history and genres than their nefarious counterparts. While the evil characters I'll be covering over the next few weeks have influenced games that came afterwards, that wasn't my biggest sticking point when choosing them. I'm more interested in how well they complement their particular heroes, and most importantly, how deliciously, unapologetically, malevolently evil they are. I love storytelling in all its forms, so I appreciate complex characters, but I personally get a little sick of sympathetic bad guys and villains seeing the error of their ways. As our buddy Mr. Poe was saying earlier, sometimes you just want to be bad because it is bad. So, in keeping with that philosophy, our first subject is the video game epitome of evil for the sake of evil. He has no high minded goals, no great master plans, no warped sense of honor. He's just bad, period. That's the kind of villain I can get behind. I'm James McGee, and here's The Game Plan.


A classic showdown

Most people aren't going to argue with Mario being one of the greatest heroes of all time, but naming his arch-nemesis Bowser as one of the vilest villains might take a bit more convincing. The Mario titles are known for their family-friendly, light-hearted appeal, so the bad-guys don't have much dastardly wiggle-room. As a result, Bowser often comes off as a comic figure whose plans tend to blow up in his face. And what are his plans, exactly? Why does he keep kidnapping Princess Peach over and over again? Is he after the deed to the Mushroom Kingdom? Is he just lonely? And after all these years, he has to know that Mario is going to eventually save the day, right? Bowser just seems like a clueless buffoon, without direction, purpose, or any hope of actually accomplishing anything of note.

Ah, but remember, villainy doesn't get bogged down in little details like intelligence and effectiveness. You don't have to be a mastermind to be a bad guy. All you have to be is bad. And Bowser is bad, kids. Why does he keep kidnapping the princess? Doesn't matter, so long as it's wrong. What's his success ratio? A trivial consideration, because his intent is always 100% evil. What does he hope to accomplish with all this kidnappery and torment? Who cares?! The guy doesn't do anything—anything!—except sit in his castle, putt around in his clown cars and airships, and think up new (admittedly inept) ways of causing chaos in The Mushroom Kingdom. Seriously, his whole flippin' life revolves around being evil! If heroism were suddenly outlawed, Bowser would probably start kissing babies and pulling orphans out of burning buildings. The dude just cannot abide doing anything he's supposed to. Being bad is simply what he was born to do…how many of us can say, with such certainty, that we have truly found our calling?


Bowser's bad to the bone…get it? ‘Cause he's a skeleton, and…never mind.

While I started things off by saying a character's influence on the medium of games wasn't going to be my primary concern with villains, it certainly doesn't hurt Bowser's standing that he (like his rival, Mario) pretty much established the archetype platformer. Mario represents the classic platforming hero—he never gets tired of Peach getting kidnapped, never complains about constantly saving the Kingdom, never screams "Hey, I just finished cleaning up! Can't you keep it clean for just ten minutes!" On the other side is Bowser, who never tires of failure, never learns his lesson, and never stops being nasty. These types of games traditionally focus on gameplay instead of storytelling, so villains only need to spur the hero into action. Everyone from Sonic the Hedgehog's Dr. Robotnik, Mega Man's Dr. Wiley, the Lurkers from Jak and Daxter, and so on are only Jonny-Come-Latelys in Bowser's shadow. He's the original aimless, witless, bad guy.

So Lex Luthor wants to take over the world? How quaint. Magneto's all pouty because humans don't treat mutants with respect? Build a bridge and get over it, pal. You're all amateurs compared to the pure nastiness that is Bowser. In many ways, he's the classic radio-drama villain—the Snidely Whiplash of video games, always kidnapping the damsel in distress, always ultimately thwarted by the hero in the end. He's a bit dim-witted, easily laughed at, and not a serious threat in the grand scheme of things. But Bowser is rotten to the core, and no one is better at being bad just for the sake of being bad.

The Greatest Villians series continues next week…and I promise, it isn't a Nintendo character.