The Select and Start News Report: 04.14.08
Posted by Vincent Chiucchi on 04.14.2008
Homestar Runner coming to WiiWare, turns out there are no black people at Capcom, Uwe Boll thinks Michael Bay is retarded, more rumors of Nintendo's E3 Announcement, and guess what got voted as America's favorite book! All that and more.
Welcome to the Select and Start News Report. Nothing much happened this week, so it's a short one.
Big News
STRONG BAD'S COOL GAME FOR ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE [credit: Joystiq, Gamasutra, 1UP, GameDaily]
Telltale Games has announced they'll be doing an episodic adventure series of WiiWare games (and the PC) based on the popular internet cartoon Homestar Runner. The five episode series entitled "Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People" will also feature checking Strong Bad's e-mails, making prank calls, and mini-games similar to the ones on the website. Thousandaire gadabout Strong Bad had this to say:
"Telltale has been rejecting my ideas for green text adventures for years, but we finally reached a compromise with this puffy 3D point-and-click-em-up adventure. They claim all the coding was done with green text, so I guess that's pretty cool."
As a big fan of Homestar Runner, I'm really excited for this one, and since it's from the guys who make the successful Sam and Max episodes, I don't have to worry about being extremely disappointed with this one.
THE NEGRO COMMUNITY FROWNS UPON CAPCOM'S SHENANIGANS [credit: Kotaku, GamePolitics]
Newsweek writer N'Gai Croal recently wrote an opinion piece about how Resident Evil 5 has racist imagery, all because Chris Redfield happens to be white and the people he is shooting happen to be black. If you think the old "Well Resident Evil 4 had you killing Spanish people but it wasn't racist" reason is vaild, N'Gai (holy shit is that a terrible name for a black person) says you're wrong:
I was like, "Wow, clearly no one black worked on this game." ...The point isn't that you can't have black zombies. There was a lot of imagery in that trailer that dovetailed with classic racist imagery. What was not funny, but sort of interesting [about the controversy], was that there were so many gamers who could not at all see it. Like literally couldn't see it. So how could you have a conversation with people who don't understand what you're talking about and think that you're sort of seeing race where nothing exists?
It's not as simple as saying, "Oh, they shot Spanish zombies in ‘Resident Evil 4,' and now ‘black zombies and that's why people are getting upset." The imagery is not the same. It doesn't carry the same history, it doesn't carry the same weight...
And why does it not carry the same weight Croal? Because you think Black people suffered more then Spanish people? Because Black people are more important then Spanish people? Or maybe because YOU'RE actually racist against the Spanish! Whatever the case, seriously Croal, get over yourself. You're exactly like those nappy-headed hoes who turned a minor comment into a national crisis and somehow got the same or even more attention then the 32 people that died at Virginia Tech.
Speaking of which, it was exactly one year ago those two incidents happened. Don Imus is back on radio, people still shop at Staples or whatever the fuck they were protesting over, some idiots STILL think Virginia Tech was caused by Counter-Strike, and this guy is seeing racism where this is none. NOTHING has actually changed!
UWE BOLL DOESN'T SUCK, HE'S JUST MISUNDERSTOOD [credit: Kotaku]
In response to an online petition (does anybody take those seriously?) to get Uwe Boll to stop making movies, Uwe Boll wants someone to create a pro-Uwe petition, and here's why:
"I'm not a fucking retard like Michael Bay or other people running around in the business or Eli Roth making the same shitty movies over and over again. If you really look at my movies you will see my real genius you know, and if you go on May 23 on Postal you will see that I deliver a movie what nobody else delivered in the last 10 years, what is way better as all that social critic George Clooney bullshit what you get every fucking weekend. So, you have to really wake up and you have to see me what I am. I am the only genius in the whole fucking business."
When asked about what he thought about being called a fucking retard by Uwe Boll, Michael Bay said this:
"I find people who rant like that - calling shit about both me, and George Clooney - comes from someone screaming because he is not being heard. He is obviously a sad being. When you ask 'do I care?' Not in the slightest."
Thank heavens Uwe Boll isn't like everybody's favorite lawyer, or else Michael Bay would've been sued by now. Oh Uwe Boll, what hilariously insane thing will you do next?
NINTENDO'S E3 ANNOUNCEMENT: A NEW DS? [credit: GameSpot, 1UP]
Ever since Nintendo said they were going to announce something big at E3, people thought it would be a new Wii game based on one of their many franchises such as Animal Crossing or F-Zero. But now rumors are going around that instead of a new console, it would be a new handheld system. According to an interview with Enterbrain (the company that publishes Famitsu) President Hirokazu Hamamura with Bloomberg Japan, he says that it's a possibility that Nintendo will be unvieling a new version of the DS at E3.
A new DS model? I hope not. The DS is reaching the 70 Million mark in worldwide sales, and to make another DS model just seems pointless to me. However, I wouldn't be surprised if it was actually an entirely new handheld, a "DS Advance" if you will. The original DS came out in Fall 2004, and the GBA before that came out in Summer 2001, so I figured a new handheld must be around the corner by now. Despite that, I'm thinking it's going to be an update to a game franchise rather then a new handheld.
Tidbit News
-Award-winning author Stephen King wrote an opinion piece bashing the Massachusetts bill (HB 1423) that would categorize video games along with pornography and would fine underage buyers. King points out how with this bill, a 17-year-old can watch Hostel: Part II with no problem, but then get fined for buying the less graphic GTA: San Andreas, and it drives him crazy to see politicians use pop culture as a whipping boy. [credit: GameDaily]
-Speaking of ridiculous video game bills, Arizona Senate Judiciary Committee held a hearing on HB2660, which would hold producers of violent content liable if consumers of their products such as TV, movies, or books commit crimes, because as we all know parents suck horrbly at their jobs. With a 4-2 vote, the bill was rejected, but Rep. Warde Nichols (R) will create a new version of the bill for 2009. [credit: GamePolitics]
-It's not been a good week for Ziff Davis. First, Games for Windows magazine will now only be a PC publication. 1UP Network content VP Simon Cox said that this has nothing to do with Ziff Davis recently filing for Chapter 11. Then on top of that, after recently being promoted at Ziff Davis, former EGM editor-in-chief Dan "Shoe" Hsu has decided to leave the company come April 25th. In his blog post, Shoe says it's time for him to move on, but we'll see him again soon in the future. [credit: Joystiq, Gamasutra]
-Sega has closed down it's UK Racing Studio due to the studio being financially unsuccessful. The studio only made one game; Sega Rally Revo for Xbox 360 and PS3. The people at the studio will likely find new work in one of the many other racing studios in the UK. [credit: Gamasutra, GameDaily]
-Harmonix says there won't be any downloadable content for the Wii because the console lacks a hard drive. People are really demanding for Wii to get a hard drive. [credit: GameDaily]
-For reasons I can never understand, Ikaruga is coming to Xbox Live Arcade, and people are excited about it. What do people actually see in this game? [credit: Gamasutra]
-Sonic Unleashed's lead designer Yoshihisa Hashimoto says the latest Sonic game will have no relation to the abysmal Sonic 2K6. From what I've seen of the trailer, it looks to be more related to Zelda: Twilight Princess if you know what I mean. [credit: CVG]
Gaming Calendar
April 15th - Okami gets ported to the Wii
April 20th - Pokemon Mystery Dungeon games to be released
April 22nd - The World Ends With You to be released
April 27th - Mario Kart Wii to be released
April 29th - Grand Theft Auto IV to be released
May 12th - WiiWare Service to be launched
May 19th - Wii Fit to be released
May 2008
-Mass Effect gets ported to the PC
-R-Type Command to be released
-Haze to be released
Spring 2008:
-Heroes of Might and Magic Kingdoms to be released
-Death Jr.: Root of Evil to be released
June 3rd - Ninja Gaiden II to be released
June 12th - Metal Gear Solid 4 to be released
June 28-29 - Blizzard's Worldwide Invitational convention to be held
June 2008 - Guitar Hero: Aerosmith to be released
July 8th - Final Fantasy Fables: Chocobo's Dungeon to be released
NEW: July 22nd - Final Fantasy IV DS to be released
September 7th - Spore to be released
September 2008 - LittleBigPlanet to be released
October 3-5 - E for All 2008 to be held
October 9-13 - The Tokyo Game Show 2008 to be held
November 2008 - Gears of War 2 to be released
Fall 2008 - Resistance: Fall of Man 2 to be released
The Bible is worse then Grand Theft Auto
According to Yahoo news, the most popular book in America is the Bible. Amazing how America will try to ban Grand Theft Auto at the drop of a hat yet fully embrace a book that is far worse then Grand Theft Auto can ever be. As stated above, Stephen King thinks it's ridiculous that violent video games should be treated like pornography. So with that, this week I will read a pornographic passage from the Bible. This week's passage comes from Genesis 19, where two angels are visiting the city of Sodom. Lot asks them to stay at his house, but the angels refuse. Lot insists, they go, and suddenly the angels are surrounded by men that want to have sex with them.
19:8 Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes: only unto these men do nothing; for therefore came they under the shadow of my roof.
Offering up his virgin daughters to men wanting to have sex? I think that's called "Prostitution." But wait, there's more! The men refuse and want the angels, so the angels warn Lot to take his family and get out of the village as the LORD destroys it. As the city is getting destroyed, Lot's wife gets turned into salt because she happens to look back at the place getting destroyed. Lot and his daughters camp on a mountain, and what do the daughters decide to do?
19:30 And Lot went up out of Zoar, and dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him; for he feared to dwell in Zoar: and he dwelt in a cave, he and his two daughters.
19:31 And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth:
19:32 Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.
19:33 And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.
19:34 And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.
19:35 And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.
19:36 Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father.
HO-LY CRAP! The Bible has incest! And apparently it was perfectly okay because Lot is never smitten or executed or turned into a pillar of salt and such! How can a book with such filth be America's favorite?! What a country.
The Video of the Day
Final Destination: By tourny tards don't deserve Brawl.
Pfft no rebuttal? I take this as unconditional surrender. I remain undefeated (1-0).
Posted By: Mark Salmela (Registered) on April 14, 2008 at 12:48 AM
To hell with the morons complaining about racism in the game. They're just looking for their 15min in the spotlight. I'm just ready for the game to come out so I can get my copy.
Posted By: TWilliams (Guest) on April 14, 2008 at 01:32 AM
Micheal Bay is a retard..but Uwe Boll isn't much better.
Posted By: Drew (Guest) on April 14, 2008 at 08:06 AM
So... it's not racist to shoot hispanic zombies, but it is racist to shoot a black zombie? Not seeing the logic in this. Also can someone please explain that video! I didn't quite get it.
Posted By: Todd (Guest) on April 14, 2008 at 12:21 PM
"What was not funny, but sort of interesting [about the controversy], was that there were so many gamers who could not at all see it. Like literally couldn't see it. So how could you have a conversation with people who don't understand what you're talking about and think that you're sort of seeing race where nothing exists?"
I'm sorry, maybe I'm a little off here. But if nobody else sees it, it looks like your looking for racism where it isn't. And that makes you the racist. Just my take on it.
Posted By: G-Walla (Guest) on April 14, 2008 at 03:37 PM
Good call G-Walla
Posted By: Toddo (Guest) on April 14, 2008 at 05:56 PM
Why can't we just agree that ALL Zombies are objectified, victimized and are the victims of racism! Zombie Equality!
Posted By: Matthew M (Guest) on April 14, 2008 at 06:35 PM
"Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People"
Does this mean we can expect another title featuring the "ricky fighters"??
-for those people who are not my brother,the strong bads and ricky fighters were the names of the wrestlers from "tag team wrestling" for NES-
Posted By: shamrock77 (Registered) on April 15, 2008 at 08:02 AM
