The Checkpoint 04.21.08: 5 Things that Really Piss Me Off About Games…This Week

Posted by John Curry on 04.21.2008

After experiencing several horrible issues in a couple different games this week, The Checkpoint’s John Curry takes a look at 5 things that piss him off about games, starting with Army of Two.




This week I decided that as I had a long weekend with nothing to do other than watch the UFC pay per view and review Ikaruga for XBLA (which will be up on later today as it was just downright hard), I would rent several games. I bought Army of Two and rented Viking, Sega Superstars Tennis, and Jericho. When I rented these games I thought that at minimum I was in for an enjoyable three day weekend filled with the bliss of game playing. Instead I found myself picking out things about games that absolutely piss me off. The small things that often go unnoticed, especially if the graphics are stunning, started to eat away at my gamer soul. The dust of my vast collection of games played began to fall off the file cabinet in my mind and out poured the things about games that really stuck out in my mind as being detrimental to gamers.

1. Games that have poor, and I mean POOR, AI

There is nothing worse than a game that promotes itself as being innovative and challenging yet provides you with some of the absolute dumbest AI you could ever imagine. For example, Army of Two prides itself on the concept that in order to complete levels and ultimately beat the game, not only do you have to survive the level but your partner must survive as well. While this would seem to present a challenge in itself, the fact that your partner in the game fights as if he has never held a gun in his life. I mean for the love of Krul, you actually have to shoot him in the leg yourself occasionally just to get him to move out of you way. Another example of poor AI can be seen in the Medal of Honor series, and almost any other military FPS. The misery of the AI in these games lies solely on the fact that the enemies are often dumb as the viewers of American Idol. If you don't believe me, next time grab yourself a sniper rifle and just sit in one spot. Every time you kill an enemy another one will make a run to the exact same location. You can rack up as many kills as you want simply by staying in one location. If game production companies are going to put so much emphasis on the game's innovation such as Army of Two, then I believe they should at least make an attempt to make the AI of the game to such a level that it does not hinder your game play but promotes it instead. A good example of this, although it is found in not such a great game, was Jericho. While like I said the game is not exactly anything to write home about, the AI is actually above par compared to games such as Army of Two.

2.Games that try to rip off a more popular game and do it miserably
In the capitalistic world of gaming and entertainment it almost a given that anytime something is successful someone will make an attempt to copy the game/movie in hopes of capturing some of that lighting in a bottle for themselves. To try to name all of them would be almost impossible as everything is a derivative of something that set the precedent before them. However, when a game tries to mimic the entire game of their competitors and in turn does it poorly someone has to say something. One example of this is the new Sega Superstars Tennis. Before I go any further I will admit that I was and still am a big fan of Mario Tennis for the Gamecube system. I found it challenging yet fun. The characters were actually enjoyable to play and more importantly recognizable. Sega Tennis on the other hand was everything that Mario Tennis was not. Boring game play with little to no challenge, poor environments, and very little "special" items to make the game different is just the start of the problems with this game. The largest problem isn't so much an issue most people who are hardcore gamers will have, but the lack of general household commonality of the names Sega brings to the table here will prevent a large portion of the market from checking this game out which in this case is a good thing. If you are going to make a game where you attempt to market you brands main characters you should at least use the characters that are well known and if you do not have enough well known characters to create a game then at least try to collaborate with another game company to create a better game.

3. Captions and Subtitles that are so small you need a magnifying glass to read them

I am deaf. Let's get this out of the way from the get go. I use a Bluetooth box that hooks up to my television and broadcasts the sounds directly into my hearing aids. I rely on captions to assist in my hearing of the game as well as television and movies. With this being said, when I sit down to play a game that has captions less than an 1/8 of an inch tall on a 32 inch flat panel screen and cannot make out a damn word, we have a problem (Ikaruga). Sometimes a game excels in their captioning, i.e. Saints Row or Elder Scrolls: Oblivion, which makes the game that much more enjoyable to play. But the captioning is a hit or miss when it comes to games. Hell some games and even movies still do not provide captioning at all, which absolutely blows my mind in this day and age. I understand that captioning is not solely for the deaf communities as many people enjoy having them there to make the games and movies a little easier to understand. I don't know many people who weren't praying for captioning at some points during Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End. Maybe I am just too picky but I believe that if you are going to add captioning and subtitles to a game, at least put the effort into it that they are readable without having to go to the local movie theater to see if they will let you hook up your Xbox 360 so that you can see the dam words.

4. The total Lack of Innovation coming to games now.

With games coming out almost constantly, I am beginning to have a hard time finding that one new game that absolutely changes the market. Games like Guitar Hero and RockBand who, while not a new idea, created a new way to play the game in a fashion that was enjoyable. You know what game I want to see? I want to play as a serial killer, give me a Dexter-type game for my 360 or a Saw type game where you play the role of a serial killer. Give me a game where you have to build your own criminal organization from a logistics point, a Mob Life type game where you aren't just the enforcer but the consigliore. Some of these games would be absolute hits. I have to admit that as much as I love FPS games and am already drooling over Gears 2, I have to quote a great man when he said " I need a new drug." I understand that games are made to appease the popularity of the masses but how can you create a new frenzy towards games if you don't take risks. I mean look at Sid Meier's and his Sims creations and Civilization series. Did they sound good on paper, probably not but did they create their own market as a result, Hell yeah. I don't know a single person who has not played one or the other of these games. Give me something people. I don't need another Quake ripoff or the 32nd episode in the Final Fantasy series. Show me something new. Reach into the world of Taboo and bring something new to the table.

5. Spending $60 FREAKING DOLLARS OR MORE ON A GAME!!!

This is just getting ridiculous. Sixty dollars or more for a game, what the hell is the deal with this? I don't understand this at all. I know as soon as people read this, I will hear a wills worth of reasons why game companies have to charge this much for a game. Marketing, licensure, shipping, creation, blah blah blah. This is just getting preposterous. You have to spend three hundred or more dollars just to get a system which 90% of the time doesn't include a game or a second controller. Then you have to turn around and buy a sixty dollar game, a fifty dollar controller, and a memory card. Before it's said and done you have dropped a whole two week paycheck to buy a freaking system and ONE game. Sure you can go down to your local game crazy and buy a used game for slightly less money or wait months in hopes that the price goes down, but do you really want to support a company that when you try to trade your games in they give you about 35% of the value regardless of how new it is? Come on game makers, I don't want a freaking bobblehead with my game, I don't need a limited edition coin and collectors tin with my game for an extra thirty bucks. Ask anyone if they want a bobblehead or the price of the game to go down by twenty bucks and I promise aside from the uber nerds they will want the damn game to be cheaper. There is no reason a game should be more than 40 bucks. The game doesn't cost any more to produce when it is sold for 40 bucks than it does when it sells for 60 bucks. The profits are still there. So for all that is holy in the world LOWER YOUR DAMN PRICES!

All in all my love for gaming outweighs the shit that just keeps making me mad, but sometimes I have to sound off on these problems. Will they ever be fixed? Probably not, but that doesn't stop me for grilling them on the Checkpoint.

Be sure to check back on later tonight to see how what could possibly be the best 800 MS points you have ever spent turns out when Ikaruga's review is posted. In the meantime, check out Derek Robinson's the 10th Hour to see his top 10 most memorable game moments, Master Gamer Rod Oracheski's new sand reviews, and Jordan Williams social commentary on whether Resident Evil 5 is racist or are we just too damn sensitive to being politically correct.