Working Title 5.02.08: Working Mythbusters

Posted by Jordan Williams on 05.02.2008

Just how many of those videogame myths are true? It's about time for someone to put them to the test...and that someone is me.

Note: I apologize in advance for the lack of pictures. I'm currently typing this in a place that doesn't have that great of web access outside of the WT banner which is hosted here. I'll try to fix it later

Welcome back to the #1 column to NOT get all apeshit over GTAIV, WORKING TITLE. It's true, while I have no doubts that GTA will be a great game, I really don't feel like blowing a load in my pants over it. Therefore you won't see too many GTA gasming in this column at least.

And before we go any further I want to let you all know that right now there's a bit of a personal problem going on in my not-vidya game life. So next week there most likely will NOT be a column because I have to take care of it. Hopefully, this will be the last column I miss due to this problem for a long time.

Due to last week's resounding success with Gaming's Unsolved Mysteries, I have decided to take on another big aspect of the gaming universe.

Myths.

We've all heard them. These wonderful little lies and half-truths we hear about. Bigfoot in GTA: SA? How about that one about the lost hydralisk in Warcraft III? Bringing General Leo back from the dead in FFVI?

I'm sure we've all heard of these wonderful little tales, but now it's time to put them to the test. Will they turn out to be true or are they a bunch of fuckin' lies?

Let's find out RIGHT NOW.

Working Mythbusters

Myth: Holding Up on the D-pad and the B button ensures a higher capture rate on Pokemon (Red and Blue).

I don't know if this was just a local thing, but it was always reported that if you held Up/B while trying to catch a Pokemon that it would increase your capture rate by 90%. Yes, I just made that number up. Either way it became almost a habit that I HAD to hold these two buttons down in order to catch a defenseless little animal just to do my bidding. But the real question is did any of that really work or was it just some sort of a digital placebo?

Experiment : To conduct this experiment I decided to try to recreate the exact conditions. Seeing how I couldn't regress to being 11 and in middle school. But it I was able to get my hands on an old skool Gameboy Pocket as well as an ORIGINAL copy of Pokemon Red. I decided the best place to test this myth would be in a place with a high encounter rate, but early in the game. Viridian Forest. I also didn't grind at all, whatever levels I got I gained through Gary/Rival and whatever battles I found en route.

While walking around you and playing this game old skool style you actually see just how little Pokemon has changed. Sure, they have added berries, items, and contests but the core gameplay and its elements really haven't changed much. You still walk around and wait for a battle to ha---

HOLY FUCKING SHIT A WEEDLE!

Alright, it's time to put this myth to the test. After I beat the crap out of this bug with the best starting pokemon ever (Bulbasaur, fuck you if you disagree) and I ready the catch I go ahead and hold down the buttons and whammo! It's caught. Now I will do the same thing without holding the buttons and I got the same exact result.

But then again, catching a low-level Weedle is easy. Let's try to make this a bit harder.

I decided to kick it up a bit by only lowering the health to about half way before trying to capture. The results were a bit surprising. I didn't catch the pokemon on either try, but there were some notable differences between the two.

While the Pokemon would constantly break out of the ball either way, it seemed to do it almost instantly when I threw the ball without the buttons. However when I held the buttons I at least got a couple of shakes out of it (as well as a tease) before it broke out. Could this really be true?

Well, I don't know. While it does seem that I have a better chance with the magic buttons, it doesn't seem like it helped me catch more Pokemon when I really put it to the test. I can't accurately tell if there was any chance in the catching of the Pokemon. Can't confirm it, can't deny it.

Does holding Up and B help you catch more Pokemon?

PLAUSIBLE


Myth: Paintbrushes in Oblivion are weightless

This one might be old to those who have played Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, but to those who haven't played it it's a pretty obscure one. Due to Oblivion running on the Havoc Engine, a LOT of little things in the game are able to be moved and manipulated. Lots of these things happen to be useless items like brooms, rakes, knifes, and paintbrushes. However there is a myth surrounding the latter on the list. It has been reported that for whatever reason, be it a programming error or a funny joke, that paintbrushes defy gravity when dropped. Meaning they will just hover in front of your face for all eternity.

Let's see if this is true.

Experiment : First things first I actually had to FIND a paintbrush. Sure, it might SOUND easy but with the many places you can go on Oblivion and the tons of houses you can walk into (see: All) it actually is quite a task to hunt down one of these pesky little things. What also doesn't help that if you take ANYTHING that doesn't belong to you, be it gold or a carrot the guards will hunt you to the ends of the earth. This makes finding a paintbrush even HARDER due to the fact that I was in the Imperial City.

Anyone with the game can tell you that if you make a violent FART that the Imp Guards will be on you faster than a middle school teacher on a teenage boy.

Oooo. Look at me getting all current event-y and shit.

Either way, after a lot of clanking around I finally managed to wrangle up a paintbrush. Sadly, I wasn't quite as stealthy as a giant orc in heavy armor SHOULD be so I ended up gaining the attention of a lot of town guards. After I fought them to an epic battle and managed to run deep enough into the woods so that they would stop screwing with me, I decided to go ahead and give this a try. I choose the paintbrush from my inventory and dropped it.

I exited the window and looked on the ground and there was no paintbrush to be seen. I even lit a torch and looked around and it simply wasn't there. But when I tried to walk forward, there it was.

Hovering directly in front of my face. Even creepier was that I actually jumped ONTO the paintbrush and was able to stand in midair. After looking online I've heard that it's possible to get to STUPID heights doing this trick, but I didn't really want to try it.

Although it seems like it would come in handy on those damned Oblivion Gates. Screw going inside, just climb all the way to the topmost door you can reach.

Are the paintbrushes in Oblivion weightless?

CONFIRMED


Myth: It is possible to UN-petrify Porom and Palom in Final Fantasy IV

We've all had our share of tears spelled over the selfless sacrifice of everyone's favorite twins in FFIV, but we couldn't help but wonder if it was possible to reverse the supposedly irreversible.

Experiment : I mean, they did give you an item box to work with. That obviously means that there is an item that needs to go there, right? Well. I went ahead and scoured the interwebs for this one and it turns out that the answer might be a resounding HELL NAW.

But that's not how we do shit around here. I actually booted up a ROM of the game and found an old save that was pretty close to where I needed to be. Nothing that a turbo controller and running it at 10X speed couldn't fix. After I reached that point I started putting all of the little items to the test, and even started doing some of the lamer attempts.

Such as: Fighting basilisks with only Cecil alive to obtain the Basilisk's eye. Going through the Magnet Cave with wooden weapons a second time, giving all of your items to the Fat Chocobo and taking them out again so he'd cough up the magic item.

None of them worked.

I mean if there's just a definition of cut and dry, this one is it.

Is there a way to unpetrify Porom and Palom?

BUSTED

And now for something special...

You've all asked for it.

You've all e-mailed me about it.

You've sent me declarations of love and sexual favors for it...

Gaming's Unsolved Mysteries is now a weekly feature

See? I actually DO read that comment section down there.

Gaming's Unsolved Mysteries

Despite what I said earlier, it IS GTA week here so I might as well use a Grand Theft Auto related mystery.

Case #4: They See Me Ridin' Woozy
Subject : Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas

Question : How does Woozy drive during the back country races?

I know you've all wondered how the hell the blind triad member fucking drove himself around during those races. The game takes every single chance possible to point out that Woozy is blind as fuck, even having him run into walls and talk to plants. So just how the hell does he end up being an above-average driver?

I remember getting my non-driving ass HANDED to me during all of the races, especially against Claude and Woozy. Yeah, I sucked at driving in GTA: SA but that's only because I preferred using bikes/motorcycles as my main mode of transport. Either way, it's always been a mystery of just Woozy got so good at something that he has no right doing in the first place...ESPECIALLY with a passenger.

But then again...maybe it IS the passenger who helps him?

Answer : Woozy is a goddamn liar.

Yeah, that's right. You THOUGHT it might be that everyone else cheats for him or that maybe the girl on his arm was driving for him. Nope. Woozy is just a fuckin' liar. How else do you think someone so young and so obviously stupid managed to rise to the top of The Triad only to let some thuggish negro from the street slide right on in? Woozy faked the whole thing.

Just look at the clues and how the little liar tries to cover everything up. Notice he's a GOD at driving and shooting, yet he sucks at the simple things that are easy to fake. He drops the act whenever his life is in danger. Plus whenever your boss gets angry at you, the first thing you can spout is "I didn't see anything!" Now that Woozy (if that IS his real name) is 'blind' he can use that excuse and people will BELEIVE him!

Sure, he tries to cover it up with video games and blackjack, but we all know behind those darkened shades are the eyes of a liar.

Fuck you, Woozy. Fuck. You.

Working Question: I Hate You So Much

Did you ever have a video game character that you completely and utterly hated? I don't mean the ones that you are SUPPOSED to hate, I mean the ones that you are supposed to LIKE bit you just didn't like them at all. For me it is Mr. Nick Kang of True Crime: Streets of LA.

I seriously did NOT like this guy. It's okay that he was the character I was supposed to play as, but I wanted to kick him in the nuts for being such a smarmy douche. I'm glad he wasn't in the sequel.

...Not to say that I'm glad there WAS a sequel. How do you all stand on this?

Oh, after tabulating it all up. Birdo beat Barret. Wow.

Until next time, I'm Jordan Williams...and SAINTS ROW 2 MEANS MORE TO ME THAN GTA!