The Hall of Shame 05.14.08: Fun with Taboo - The Sixth Sense

Posted by Vincent Chiucchi on 05.14.2008

A fortune telling time machine determines the fate of this writer!

The Tarot. For centuries mankind have used these cards to learn of their future, make a popular game out of it in France, and start 1-900 hotlines to scam people out of money. In 1989, Rare developed a game based around the art of Tarot reading, but since it wasn't really a game, most people just ignored it. Today, as we induct this Tarot reading game into the Hall of Shame, I decide to have some fun with it and see what kind of fortunes I would get based on three different questions. This is Taboo: The Sixth Sense.


That is on ugly-ass sun.

What is Taboo: The Sixth Sense?

It's hard to tell what Taboo: The Sixth Sense is supposed to be. Most people would assume it's a video game because it's on a video game console, but there's no actual gameplay to speak of. Others would consider it a fortune teller device considering that's what Taboo is supposed to do. Taboo itself thinks it's a time machine.

Seriously, this is the opening screenshot of Taboo:



Here's a more detailed description from the game's instruction manual:

TABOO is the Nintendo Entertainment System version of the occult and ancient tarot system of divination of future events. All that the tarot is and was has been incorporated into the depth of this cartridge. It's mysteries and untold riddles encoded in the minute electronic circuitry of today's high tech components. The meeting, if you like, of an ancient miracle together with the modern miracle of science and technology, to serve you, as a high priest would an emperor.

You know, between this and Hubie the Cube Master from last week, I'm starting to think that instruction manuals back then were really absurd.

The manual also warns you several times about how you can't use this game if you underaged and that Taboo accepts no responsibility for any influences this game may have had. Don't believe me? See for yourself:

TABOO is not intended for children for under the age of 14 yrs. and then may only be used if parental guidance and advice is freely available at all times during the product use.

TABOO is offered for curiosity value only, no mystical or magical claims are guaranteed or inferred. All possible care has been taken to ensure that TABOO incorporates all of the ancient magical symbolic references and traditions associated with this type of product and follows the authentic technique to our own knowledge and experience of the method of divination of the Kings.

No responsibility is accepted in any form whatsoever relating to TABOO and any such effects influences or miracles incurred divulged resulting or directly connected with TABOO whatsoever. For entertainment only.

USE TABOO AT YOUR OWN RISK

You know, at least this game warns you that it's part of the occult and not meant for minors, unlike those Grand Theft Autos and Mass Effects that are purposely marketed to children. [/sarcasm] The rest of the manual consists of the history and explanation of Tarot cards and tells you multiple times that this isn't a game, but rather a technique.

So how exactly does Taboo work? First, you input your name, birthdate, and gender. Next, you ask your question. Then the cards are shuffled as the background attempts to give you a seizure. The cards are then dealt into a Celtic Cross pattern, and your fortune is read. Afterwards you get a bunch of lucky numbers like in those fortune cookies. That's all there is to this "technique." So of course with limited playing value and that it can't be used by people under the age of 14, Taboo sold poorly.

But the most important question is: How accurate can it be in determining my fortune? I decided for this induction to ask Taboo the Time Machine three questions, then give my take on each of the cards mean, and what I believe I'm supposed to learn from it.

Question #1: What is my weekend going to be like?

This weekend I don't have a Saturday class, my aunt from Rhode Island is coming over for dinner, and Sunday I'm going to a cousin's baptism. This could be a good weekend, unless there's something horrible that I need to know about. Family not getting along? Church causing problems? I decided to ask Taboo what my weekend holds.

[Note: I can't skip the shuffling of the cards.]

Significator: My position is a conflict? I don't see how.
Crossing Card: I guess this means I need to feel more close to my family.
Crowning Card: Well I have no Saturday class as my final was moved to Thursday, and I'm pretty confident I'll do very well.
Base of the Matter: Is sitting through a baptism going to be difficult?
Past Influences: I don't understand this one, probably because it's written in Engrish.
Forthcoming Influences: Holy crap, that's true!
Where One Finds Oneself: My aunt?
Views of Others: I do have a cousin who likes to talk about Pokemon when I come over.
Hopes and Fears: What's that got to do with anything I asked?
Final Outcome: Is that supposed to be me?

My Take: Looks like my weekend will be pretty good since it's with the family and I have no class. My behavior apparently will make me look like a friendly educated gentleman.

Question #2: Is it worth having a feud with Mark Salmela?

Mark Salmela of B3yond the Report wanted to start a feud with fellow news reporters. I responded by making fun of his water cooler segment. He fired back by saying Gerstmann-Gate was irrelevant. Then I figured the feuding wasn't worth it and called it quits. Mark brags about how he achieved victory to this day. Should I restart the feud and duke it out with that Sony fanboy? Or should I just ignore him and wait until he disappears like the last two Sony news writers? What's your advice Taboo?

Significator: Apparently my feud is about change or lacking of growth.
Crossing Card: It was a new kind of relationship. One that involves feuding over supremacy of...something.
Crowning Card: This destiny was influenced by the troublemaker known as Mark Salmela.
Base of the Matter: I did sort of regret quitting and becoming the loser in this feud.
Past Influences: I really don't understand what that means.
Forthcoming Influences: I should forgive Mark Salmela for the feud?
Where One Finds Oneself: I gave up too early! I was a disgrace!
Views of Others: Mark gets to gloat because of the effort (or lack thereof) I put in.
Hopes and Fears: I am getting pretty bored with myself lately.
Final Outcome: I lost that feud.

My Take: Mark, sorry I didn't put up a real feud. But this time, I want a rematch, and this time, I will put up a fight! You and Me, in a battle over...um...battling! What do you say, you Sony fanboy?!

Question #3: Should I quit the website I write for?

I enjoy writing for 411Mania, but perhaps my time has come to take my leave. Is there something else I should be doing? Would the site be better off without me? Taboo...what does the future hold for me on this site?

Significator: So currently I have a secure position at 411.
Crossing Card: I have been told to improve a couple things.
Crowning Card: Learn better business?
Base of the Matter: Um...what?
Past Influences: I have been satisfied with my position.
Forthcoming Influences: I hope that's not supposed to be Ashish.
Where One Finds Oneself: So I'm a practical writer apparently.
Views of Others: Now here's where the Engrish gets me. Do people view me as making careful decisions or am I supposed to start making careful decisions because of how others are viewing me?
Hopes and Fears: I always hope I write a good column.
Final Outcome: Based on past events, I will become more mature and honest.

My Take: I've been doing a good job, but I must learn how to improve for the sake of others.

Overall, Taboo is stupid. The music is boring, the graphics are minimal, and there's virtually no gameplay. Also, the fortune number thing at the end has such confusing controls it becomes a chore just to get a bunch of numbers that sure as hell isn't going to help me win the lottery. I can't take the fortune too seriously considering it constantly says it's for entertainment purposes only, and entertainment wise, it sucks.

If you have the need to get your questions answered, you're better off using a magic 8-ball.

On a sidenote, I record wsthe movies using the NES emulator Nestopia. It records movies and then allows you to export it as an AVI file (which due to the size I later converted to WMV). Highly recommended if you want to do your own rom recordings.