Working Title 7.04.08: Street Fighter: The Movie is AWESOME

Posted by Jordan Williams on 07.03.2008

Street Fighter is widely regarded as one of the worst video game movies of all time. But is there actually something there that's worth it? Could it be that Street Fighter was actually...AWESOME?

Welcome back to the #1 colu--

You know what, fuck the intro.

WELCOME TO THE FUCKING COLUMN THAT IS CELEBRATING IT'S WRITER'S 22ND MOTHERFUCKING BIRTHDAY, WORKING TITLE

22 years ago today, I was birthed into this world. It was a glorious occasion that I'm sure my mother and her hernia will never forget. That's what happens when you have an 11lbs baby naturally, ladies. Expect a short column because I'm typing this the day before my birthday and there is still much preparing to do. Those hookers won't buy themselves.

What's even better is tomorrow is AMERICA'S BIRTHDAY. WHOOO!

Okay, now we get down to business. Last week I cast some actors into video game movies and it actually got me to thinking about bad video game movies. So happens I was flipping channels this weekend and this was on...



Yep. Widely considered one of the worst video game movies of all time, Street Fighter.

So I actually sat down and watched the whole movie from beginning to end and actually started to LIKE it. Like...REALLY like it. It wasn't because of acting, the subject matter, or the casting. I started to like it because of all the little things. Say what you want about the movie as a whole, but obviously somebody somewhere had to have played the game because there were a TON of little details that people wouldn't have gotten if they had never played the game. So I decided to show some love to the bastard child of video game movies with a special addition of "___ Was Awesome"

Street Fighter: The Movie was AWESOME

That's right, you heard me. This movie was AWESOME. As I mentioned above there were a lot of things about this film that got overlooked due to all of the things the movie just did painfully and unforgivably wrong.

What were these things you ask? Well, I'm sure none of you actually asked this...but fuck you; I'm going to answer it anyway

Despite how they look, the characters were still characters

Sure, we know Ken and Ryu were quite possibly the worst casting job this side of Pluto. And that casting a Belgian as THE stereotypical American was a bad move, but even throughout all of the bad casting the actors still managed to ACT like their characters for the most part. Ken was still this suave wannabe ladies man who thought he was the shit. Ryu was obviously dissatisfied by how far they had fallen and wanted to get back to his training and traveling roots. Now, I am not going to say EVERY character embraced their digital counterpart. Dhalsim being a scientist is a bit of a stretch, as well as Balrog suddenly siding with Chun Li and E. Honda of all people. But it doesn't change the fact that even THEN they still managed to embrace their characters (albeit in the campiest way possible.).



Acting = Sucked, Fighting = Good

It's common knowledge that the acting in this movie was horrible, but if you look at it from the standpoint of the FIGHTS, it was actually pretty good. None of it is as memorable as some of the other actions scenes from similar movies but the fights did have a nice little flow to them. Memorable battles include Ken and Ryu vs. Sagat and Vega. Namely the Ryu/Vega portion of it because it is a pretty good knock-down drag-out brawl. Another good fight for a completely different reason was Guile vs. M. Bison. This fight was horrible from the brawling standpoint, but it actually makes a lot of sense if you played the games. The AI in fighting games has changed and evolved quite a bit, but if you think to about 15 years ago you'd remember how downright fucking CHEAP it used to be.

So having Bison flying around the screen tossing Psycho Crushers out like they were just candy is actually a pretty good representation of how a fight with Bison was on the highest difficulty back then. Ditto for Guile, who if you are a Guile player (like myself) you spend a fair amount of time having to wait for that one point to attack rather than just rush in and fuck someone up.

It gave Guile a reason to be awesome

It's no real secret that I love Guile. Any character who can still be so awesome without ever gaining a new move is A-OK in my book. But one main gripe I hear a lot of people go on about isn't necessarily the fact that Guile is played by Jean Claude Van-Damme, it's the fact that the movie made him the main character. I can understand how people always group Ken and Ryu as the main characters of the game, but a lot of people tend to overlook the fact that Guile is actually pretty important as well. Guile is one of the few characters who actually have a legit beef with the main 'boss' of the series. Sure, Ken and Ryu tussle with Bison from time to time, but their main goal and reason for fighting is to become the strongest fighter. They could care less about Bison. Guile, on the other hand DOES care about Bison. Not only did he kill his best friend, but he's also a giant terrorist threat to the world and someone that doesn't need to be around.


I'll defend the movie, but no way in fuck am I defending this game

This gives Guile reason, this ties him right up into a plot with a safe Good vs. Evil story that everyone can relate to. This movie actually played that up. Sure, it was a bit over the top and the portrayal of Guile was a bit too cocky for my tastes, but in the confine of a movie script it's a lot easier to tell a Good vs. Evil story versus a "These two guys want to just travel and beat people up to become STRAWNG". Hell, even the ANIMATED movie, the better of the two, used Guile in the same fashion.

The little things we love

I'm going to invent a new game right now. The Street Fighter II drinking game. Every time you see a small little throwback to the actual series, you take a drink. You'd be smashed by the time to get to the end of the movie. Just to name a few...did you notice how many times an actor did the taunt of the character they were trying to portray? How about how many times they (attempted) to do a signature move for a character? I know off the top of my head I saw a two flash kicks, a hundred hand slaps, a hadouken, a psycho crusher, Cammy's leg throw, and the worst shoryuken I've ever seen in my life.

And let's not forget about all of the stage set ups, Vega's Cage, Ken's Dock, and E.Honda's Bathroom? All of the details were endless. Even if the cast sucked, the crew should get SOME kind of an award for putting that much detail into it.

It's like a turd wrapped in gold and diamonds.


Genius.

So all in all, Street Fighter was still a bad movie, but if you managed to look passed the bad there was a small bright spot. The movie gets a lot worse rap that it deserves. After all any movie that can entertain you is a good movie in my book. The movie might've been a bad VIDEO GAME movie, but hey I dug it.

And that is what makes Street Fighter: The Movie AWESOME

Working Feedback

Jordan please tell me you don't agree with Jake Gylenhal being Prince of Persia?

That really makes me not want to even see the film. Even if they gave him a tan he still wouldn't look right. ~ Sean Garmer

No, I do not agree. I don't even really agree with them doing a PoP movie in the first place. But if they absolutely HAVE to I would probably cast someone a bit more…ethnic than Whitebread Gyllenhal.


I can dig Batista as Marcus, and I totally agree with the comment about Devon Aoki... Ugly as sin. When she fell, the bitch broke the ugly tree.
As far as GTA4 not offering as much as San Andreas, I offer that it is not so much going for a more realistic approach, as much as it was a first attempt on a new generation of consoles. Look at what Saints Row two offers up as opposed to its first attempt. ~ Comment King Toddo

I can understand what you mean by a first attempt at new generation consoles, but then again if this is the next generation it just seems like so much more could've been offered. Even comparing Saints Row to Saints Row II you can see that what they did was expand on what was offered and available in the way of side missions where as in GTA it seems like they scaled everything back to keep it more contained. The elimination of wide open expanses, flyable planes (although I understand why these weren't exactly needed), side missions such as fire fighting and the various schools. These are all things that should not have proved to be a problem to include, but for some reason Rockstar decided against them and I think it hurt the game a teensy bit.

Gaming's Unsolved Mysteries

Case #6 : One in the Pink, None in the Stink
Subject: Kirby
Question: Where does all of the good Kirby ingest actually GO?

If there's anyone that's famous in this world for being a pink glutton, than its HAL Labs own Kirby. He's been in tons of games now where the central focus and subject matter might change, but if there's one thing that always stays the same it's that the little fucker loves to eat.

The big question is, on top of all the food and enemies he eats, he never grows in size, nor does he ever seem to get rid of it without the sporadic case of bulimia he seems to have.

So where does all of the good actually GO?

Or crack team of investigators have finally tracked down the real answer, I'm it makes about as much sense the character itself.

Answer:Kirby is a black hole

Yes, it seems so obvious and lame…but it goes deeper, Kirby is a wormhole to another galaxy where shit is just fucking weird. Up is down. Down is up. Cats and Dogs get along and the XFL is the most watched sport in the world.

This would sound alien to us, but we do know of this world a bit. You see, with all of the junk and useless items Kirby eats, there must be someone in there cleaning it all up and making sure it's neat and tidy. Someone to gather all of the useless debris and turn them into something pretty…something that makes a little bit more sense in that wacky world…

Did you get it yet?

Let me help you out.



Kirby's stomach contains the Katamari Universe. How about that for a fucking mystery. If you think about it all makes sense now doesn't it.


Working Question

So, E3 is right around the corner folks. Sure, it might not be the same expo we have been used to with seemingly everyone finding an excuse to get the fuck out of there. But nonetheless there always seems to be some sort of drama surrounding E3 and the thought of some big new announcement.

My question is a two parter actually.

First off, out of the Big 3 who are you looking forward to hearing from the most. And secondly, what game are you looking forward to hearing more information about?

For me, I'm actually going to say I'm looking forward to hearing from Sony. Sure, I've been down on them for quite awhile but with the release of Metal Gear Solid 4 they are rolling into E3 with all of the momentum in the fucking world. No, Snake211 this does NOT give you permission to spread your fan boy bullshit all over my comments section.

As for the second part, I think I'm actually looking forward to hearing more info on Resident Evil 5 and the Chrono Trigger DS remake. Maybe if they remake it I will actually get around to beating it. Only time will tell.

How about you?

Until next time, my name is Jordan Williams…AND HAPPY MOTHERFUCKING BIRTHDAY TO ME.