Working Title 7.10.08: DOA: Dead or Alive is AWESOME

Posted by Jordan Williams on 07.10.2008

Last week I was challenged. This week...I accept. DOA: Dead or Alive flew a bit under the radar in terms of the box office, but everyone who played the game had something to say about this 'bad' movie. But you know what? I think it was...AWESOME.

Welcome back to the #1 Column to stand up and accept your open challenges, WORKING TITLE.

That's right, last week I as openly challenged on my views of Street Fighter: The Movie. I was told to prove that DOA: Dead or Alive was awesome and guess what Travis, I accept. Short column ahoy!

Now if there was a video game movie that flew under the radar a bit, it was Wing Commander. If there is a video game that blew up the fucking radar as it flew under it, it was Dead or Alive. The movie didn't really have high hopes seeing as the franchise it is based off of is (sadly) known for two things; The Left and Right Breast and how they jiggle independently of each other.

Needless to say that a movie based on the franchise was already going to be under a lot of scrutiny, but who would've thought that a movie about a game with such a thin plot and an even thinner sense of maturity would be....AWESOME?

DOA: Dead or Alive is AWESOME


See what happens when you think I don't read the comments? I end up making a full fucking column about a single one.

So, was the DOA movie awesome? You bet your sweet ass it was...but not for the reasons you'd think it was. There were so many things completely wrong and different from the games that it's even impossible for ME to defend it.

But that doesn't mean the movie wasn't awesome. Oh quite the contraire...if anything it makes the movie MORE awesome.

Bitches can FIGHT.

While they might not have been picture perfect recreations of the characters or their fighting style, DOA did show that chick fights are a wonderful thing to behold. I can't remember the last time I saw such a smattering of brutal girl-on-girl slugfests. Christie vs. Helena is actually one of the better fight scenes I have seen in a LONG time, and that's not because of the bikinis or the rain. Then you have Helena vs. the 50 jerbillion ninja people, Zack vs. Tina, and Leon vs. Kasumi. The plot didn't really follow the game all that closely but it did NOT skimp on the reasons just to have random characters pummel each other. What I loved is that usual the chick fights in most action movies are always the same type of shit, it's the damsel in distress getting her little moment to shine while the hero handles the big baddie somewhere else. In this movie (and much like in the game) the females were handling the job themselves and weren't using any dainty moves either. Clinched fists and sucker punches all the way.




Males Get Their Time to Shine

Now the casual player might know that there are actually GUYS in the DOA series. Would you believe that? Hell, I wouldn't either if all I ever saw were advertisements for the game. What I think is AWESOME is that the movie didn't lose focus of its original intent (show chicks kicking ass), but they did managed to shine a bit of a spotlight on the guys of DOA as well. Zack was perfect comic relief and Bass (played by none other than Kevin Nash) played his character and role to a motherfucking T. Couple that with the whole fight montage dedicated to Hayabusa and the awesomeness that is ERIC ROBERTS kicking Devon Aoki's ass and you have me pretty much hooked.

Of course with movies like this some characters fell by the wayside, Leon and Bayman going out like complete and utter bitches just isn't excusable given how painfully hard they are in the actual game. But I do like how even then they each go their own time to shine and were actually played up as threats. The movie did a good job of at least showing you that there were more characters than the boobs and the ass despite what the promotional material would like you to think.




Fuck Canon

A big gripe you usually here from video game movie critics is that the movie didn't follow the plot of the game. You know what? Fuck Canon. That's right, fuck it in the neck. Sometimes in order to make an entertaining and good movie you have to bend the rules a bit. The plot of DOA: The Movie and DOA: The Game differed a lot, but sometimes you have to adapt certain things to make the overall movie going experience a bit more likeable.

Is Spider-Man able to shoot webs from his wrists in the comics?
Were Guile and Chun-Li ever romantically involved?
Were Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet actually on the Titanic?

No, No, and No. These are all things that were changed in order to make shit make sense. Now I'm not going to say that EITHER DOA plot makes sense, but a story about a bunch of Girl Power females going into a fighting tournament to test their strength is a lot easier to bank on than the convoluted and contrived mess that is DOA's actual plot. Another thing is that with fighting games ESPECIALLY it's very hard to keep canon going. Every character has their own reasons for existing, and their own endings. Whose do you choose? Easy, you just make one up and hope it sticks. It might have stuck as well as they hoped it would but it did paint a nice backdrop for the fights at least.


Zack = AWESOME

Nuff said.

You Can't Say They Didn't Try

Remember that saying 'It's the thought that counts"? Well I think that applies to this movie more than anything. People can bash these types of movies until the cows come home, but it's really the thought that counts.

Like I said last week if a movie entertained me then it's a good movie and it's pretty goddamn true. I was entertained watching people kick each other in the heads and beat each other shitless. I was entertained watching Zack be a complete and total fucking tool while trying to bone Tina, I was entertained at the over the top fight scenes with wire kung fu. Yep, I liked this fucking movie. Was it a bad movie? Of course, but who says a movie has to be 'good' for you to like it? Given that this website gets a HUGE chunk of its hits due to Wrestling and MMA which are widely regarded as 'bad' forms of entertainment, I think we can all agree that there's no reason we can't like bad things.



So embrace the campy badness that is DOA: Dead or Alive! It might be bad, it might have horrible casting, it might have the HIDEOUS Devon Aoki, but you know what? It was AWESOME!

Working Feedback

you cry about snake211's non existent fanboy bullshit and yet post a thread about a disgusting sin against the legendary street fighter series? you have no balls and no honor. ~ Mike Shinobi.

I can assure you that my balls are indeed intact, Snake Mikey.

"After all any movie that can entertain you is a good movie in my book." Amen. Why does every movie have to be award winning? The movie was entertaining, therefore, good. ~ David

Well said, sir. Well said.

Street Fighter: The Movie was bad ass for one reason and one reason alone. Raul Julia was friggin' amazing.

Proof? Here's the greatest stab of all time:

"For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for me... it was Tuesday." Can we say "ouch?" Ty Huston

Damn right. That was a pretty great line, it's a shame people look at Raul's final performance as a bad thing because it was in this movie.

Working Question

If you're looking for Gaming's Unsolved Mysteries (all 4 of you who care) I decided in order not to run it into the ground that I will only do a case every other week. You'd be surprised at how hard it is to come up with those things.

Either way, we have a new Working Question to sign everyone off with today.

Games of 'skill' such as WiiSports, Guitar Hero, and DDR. Should players who are exceptionally good at them be looked down upon or congratulated?

I ask this question because last week this video was posted here at 411mania. It's of that kid who broke his own record on GH three by playing a perfect "Through the Fire and Flames". This is all well and good, but then you get down to the comments (not just here, but EVERYWHERE the video has been posted) and you see shit like "I bet you this kid has never touched a boob in his life" and the usual "PLAY A REAL GUITAR" shit.

Why can't people just congratulate him for doing something that is actually challenging? You don't hear people telling champions at Starcraft or an FPS game to go fire a real gun. You don't see people telling winners of fighting game tournaments to go kick someone else's ass in real life do you?

It seems like games like DDR, GH, and Rockband get a bad rap from the bitter folks who 'can play real instruments' and they forget it's a game. Now I will admit that there are quite a few players who think the in-game skills translate over to real life expertise. But for the most part I don't think ANYONE who has ever held a guitar controller thought for a split second that it's the same thing as a guitar. I don't think anyone who's step on a DDR pad thought that all of the sudden they were the next Lord of the Dance. It just seems a little lame that you just can't be congratulated anymore for doing something awesome (I'm getting all of the mileage I can out of that word, damn it.)

How do feel about it? Are those guys at the top of the leaderboard's lame basement dwelling virgins or should they get a tip of the hat and a 'good job' from the gaming community?

Go ahead and answer in the comments section, I'm going to go back to playing Space Invaders...although I guess it doesn't mean shit being ranked 50th on the high score for level 1 (at the time of this typing) unless I really pilot a spaceship and take out aliens in real life. amirite?

Until next time, I'm Jordan Williams and....Man I wish I could find a good server to play PSO on!