Coming Attractions 09.01.08: Mercenaries 2 - World in Flames (PS3, 360)
Posted by Mark Salmela on 09.01.2008
Coming B3yond the Attractions? Hmmm…
Welcome everyone to another edition of B3yo…
Oh shit, not again…
That's right, apparently I can't even find my own column anymore, and get stuck writing random columns! First I wrote the 10th Hour *which can be found here* and now I'm writing Coming Attractions. Well I guess it fits into a pattern since Drew and Derek Robbins are the same person. Ok, well they're actually not, but they both recognize that I make the best fill-in when their internet goes down *I have to be the best, because I was the only available fill-in*. But don't worry, Drew will *hopefully* be back next week, and Derek says he'll be back tomorrow for B3yond *so don't come after me if there's no B3yond tomorrow, Derek said he was gonna do it*.
Anyways, it's time to get on with the column. I'd cover reader feedback, but naturally I don't have any *I could make up my own feedback for myself, but I think it'd get repetitive saying "you rule" and "can I have your babies?" over and over again*. So with that said *I immediately regret writing this column*, let's get on with the show!
They don't make banners this shitty anymore…
Coming Attractions – Week 8
That's right Drew, you'll never get to know how sweet it was to right the 8th week of Coming Attractions… mwuahahaha…
Mercenaries 2: World in Flames (PS3, 360, PS2) - Well if you haven't already seen the sweet commercial for Mercs 2 *Oh no you didn't*, then let me explain the point of the game for a second. You are a Mercenary. You want money, and other people have money. You obtain money by blowing shit up. The end. While Mercs 2 tries to include a storyline about revenge, it isn't important nor is it needed. Mercs 2 is all about blowing shit up in your sandbox and nothing more. If you've ever played the original Mercenaries than you probably already know what I'm talking about. You can gain all sorts of cool weapons and vehicles *including nuclear missiles*, and go out on a terrorist hunt. The game can be played cooperatively, which I highly recommend *for those "did you see that?!" moments*. While I have been hearing a lot of negatives such as terrible bugs and AI problems, I wouldn't let that detract from the awesome gameplay. Mercs 2 is all about destruction, and pure, mindless fun. My rating: Thumbs up. Every sandbox style game has bugs and other issues, so don't let that stop you from having a tremendous time with Mercs 2. Blow some shit up for me, will ya?
The insurance company is never going to believe this…
Facebreaker (PS3, 360) - Facebreaker is an arcade style boxing game developed using a new "real time facial deformation" engine. Now this would be really cool, if it wasn't for the cartoony graphics. Don't get me wrong, I love the cartoony art style when done right *WarHawk, Hot Shots Golf*, but it doesn't belong here. I don't want to come off as a complete Facebreaker hater, but I just can't find anything to recommend about it. There's a demo everyone can try out right now on the Xbox Live Marketplace as well as the PlayStation Network, and the game just plays like crap. It's basically a button masher with the occasional counter thrown in for good measure. For me this just feels like a complete step backward from the Fight Night series, which used actual depth and strategy to make for a compelling gameplay experience. I love Punch-out, and I love arcade style games, but Facebreaker has no redeeming qualities in my opinion, and should be avoided. My rating: Thumbs down. The game gets old after 5 minutes, and I see no real skill involved besides turtling and then button mashing. Punch-out this is not.
There's me knocking out whoever ok'd this game for production.
Defendin' De Penguin (Wii) - Developed by Crave Entertainment, Defendin' De Penguin appears to be "my first RTS" for kids. The graphics and presentation were obviously developed with kids in mind. Normally one *such as myself* would be quick to claim "oh another shovelware kids game thrown onto Wii" but I've actually been hearing a few decent things about this game. While Defendin' De Penguin apparently is very shallow and will do nothing to please hardcore fans of the genre, if you have a kid who you're trying to introduce into video games, this may be a good "introduction" into RTS' for him *or I guess her*. The gameplay is apparently a lot like a tower defender like Pixel Junk Monsters, which is only a good thing. My rating: Ehh… Wait for a few reviews to hit the internet. If the game turns out alright like some of the previews, than by all means go ahead and pick it up.
This is probably what people in Mississippi imagine Minnesota is like.
Infinite Undiscovery (360) - Yawn, another mediocre JRPG. Apparently Infinite Undiscovery is very short, and very similar to every PS2 JRPG we've been seeing since 2001. Well considering normal writer Drew Robbins hates RPG's, you guys should be used to RPG hate in this column. And trust me, I hate RPG's. It's a 20 year old concept that should have died off. There's nothing fun nor interesting about "you stand there while I hit you, then I stand while you hit me". So yeah, I'm a biased hater, I'm sorry. You can try to argue against me all you want, but I'd rather have diarrhea than play an RPG. The only positive thing I can say about this game is the short length, as RPG's are ridiculously long. And before you argue "oh so you hate getting value for you money" please realize how idiotic of an argument that is. Quality is always greater than quantity. Movies can drag on too long, songs can drag on too long, and video games can drag on too long. There's nothing fun nor exciting about RPG's that go 100 plus hours. My rating: Can my thumbs go any lower? Seriously, I don't get why people still play RPG's.
What a masterpiece! The bar has been raised people!
Viva Piñata: Trouble in Paradise (360) - You know, sometimes I can't figure out Rare. They refuse to make sequels to Killer Instinct and Battletoads, yet they rush out Viva Piñata title after Viva Piñata title. I just don't get it. Viva Pinata wasn't a bad game, but it wasn't the "Pokemon killer" that Microsoft wanted it to be. You make a garden, raise smaller animals, build your garden up to attract bigger animals, and repeat the process until you have the best animals. I just don't get why this game needed a sequel, especially since the first game didn't sell well and the party game that they made last year was a disaster. What do they see in the Viva Piñata franchise that I don't? Anyways if you liked the original Viva Piñata and don't mind that this game is very similar to the original, than be all means pick it up. But if you're on a tight budget like everyone else, hold off for better titles. October is going to be a blood bath with games like Fallout 3, Fable 2, Midnight Club, Little Big Planet, SOCOM, Motorstorm, ect. Hell, I'd recommend Banjo Nuts and Bolts over this game. My rating: Thumbs in the middle. If you liked the original, than feel free to check this out. For everyone else, try the demo of the original *both games are very similar*, and if you don't love it than pass.
He's not going to be smiling when I eat out his insides!
Pain: Amusement Park (PSN) - Finally, the first real new level to Pain comes out this week, and it looks like it'll be awesome. For those who don't know Pain is basically all about launching your character into an area and causing as much pain *get it?* as possible to your character while collection points and combo's for hitting numerous objects in one toss. There's actually a surprising amount of strategy involved in getting really high scores, which makes the game both fun and addicting. The Amusement Park will bring Trophies, a bunch of new game modes, and of course the new level, which as long as the price isn't outrageous, will be a definite recommendation for Pain users. I believe there'll be online multiplayer as well, but don't quote me on that *I've grown rusty on my PS3 knowledge since leaving B3yond*. My rating: As long as it isn't overpriced *should not be more than like $8 at most*, thumbs up.
There he is just clowning around again… Oh yeah, I said it…
Everything else for the week of September 2
Rapala Fishing Frenzy: Standard fishing game. For fans of the genre only! Otherwise stay away at all costs. Warhammer: Battle March: RTS game for 360 *and I assume PC*. I know little about this game, so I don't feel qualified giving it a pass or recommendation. Could be good, could be bad. Pirates vs. Ninjas Dodgeball: Dodgeball game coming to XBLA. Try out the demo first. NFL Head Coach 09: So much for being exclusive to the Special Edition of Madden. Anyways I hate Head Coach, it's boring. Feel free to pass. Shred Nebula: Top down space shooter, could be good, but be sure to try out the demo on XBLA first.
This Week's #1 Pick:
Mercenaries 2: World in Flames. It was between Mercenaries 2 and Pain: Amusement Park for the win, but I'd go with Mercs 2 over Pain. I'd make a tally on the console wars scoreboard, but I don't know how Drew does it when a multiplatform title wins. Oh well, I'll let him sort it out and just play dumb. What scoreboard?
Maybe they wouldn't shoot you in the ass if you weren't constantly running away!
Yesterday's Attractions:
They don't make covers this awesome anymore
General Chaos (Genesis): Why General Chaos? Because it's awesome, that's why! I've heard some people try and relate Mercs to a modern day General Chaos *which is absurd*, but both games were published by EA, which is enough for me. Now regular readers of Coming Attractions will know that both of the Robbins and I all have hard-ons for this game, and that's because of the tremendous amount of strategy and fun this game possesses. General Chaos is a strategy game that involved players taking control of either a team of 5 or two Mercenaries *I never figured out why so many people preferred the two Mercs over 5 dudes, but they're dumb* and went up against another team of either 2 or 5.
The characters consisted of a Rocket launcher guy *who was ridiculously powerful but didn't fire as often and was often inaccurate*, a machine gunner *standard dude, fast rate of fire, but can jam his gun if overused*, a flamethrower *short range of fire and useless if you travel him across water, but deadly close range*, a grenade thrower *long range of fire, but sucks otherwise*, and a TNT guy *short range of fire, doesn't throw too often, but can hit multiple dudes and can repeatedly hit enemies if caught in the blast*. Personally I love the TNT guys for the fact that if you capture a couple of guys in your blast radius and there's no one on the other team to stop your TNT guy, you can repeatedly hit the enemy with TNT until they die *although they can call a medic*. Most people prefer the flamethrower for his sometimes instant death by fire *pretty much determined at random if your player burns to death or just gets injured*, but I have no problem running away from the flamethrower guys and hitting them with my machine gunners or rocket launchers. As a matter of fact, if you're pro like me, you can strategically plant your 5 machine gunners around the map, effectively trapping the enemy in the middle, and rain hell with your lead bullets and win easily. Although at maximum you can only use that team of 5 machine gunners every other battle, there are plenty other combinations of soldiers that you can choose from that will give you a heavy advantage if you know how to use them right.
Anyways General Chaos is pure awesome, and if you've never played this Genesis classic than you're crazy. Besides, in what other games now days can you get into fights and repeatedly mash the other player's nads into submission before burning them alive? There are two games I want EA to make sequels for. One of them is Road Rash, and the other is General Chaos *although a Mutant League football sequel would be awesome too*. But Road Rash for sure has to happen. The bike update for Burnout Paradise better be the testing grounds for how a Road Rash sequel would handle!
Come get some!
The 411mania Empire~!
The Full Circle by Joe Roche. Pfft sure you're getting married Joe, married to Marcus Phoenix! Mwuahaha… In all seriousness, here's hoping your marriage is a happy one, and doesn't fall victim to the 3rd red lights of divorce *wait… that wasn't serious at all*. Nintendophiles by Theo Fraser. The PC Centric Extravaganza by Chris Evans. The Select and Start News by Vincent Chiucchi.
What do you know… I finally write a column and Tommy Coloma goes mysteriously absent? Just like old times… The Exploding Barrel Podcast by Aj and Mike Minotti. I've never actually heard of this podcast, but I hear they've got a great website, so go check it out! Coming Attractions by Drew Robbins.
And yeah I get to copy and paste, because there haven't been any new articles since I did the 10th hour on Friday! So take that!
Signing off!
Alright everyone that's it for me. If you'll excuse me I'm going to go get Drew Robbins out of Detox *man that kid is a lightweight, one Mountain Dew and he's peeing naked in the street*. My older brother Derek Robbins will be back tomorrow *that's right, I am Drew Robbins! Swerved! Except not really.* with B3yond the Report if he knows what's good for him, and things should return to normalcy next week. I'll be back in alcoholics anonymous, Drew will be writing coming attractions, and Derek will suck at life. Cya in margaritaville!
Crap my internet is fixed Mark, I was just in Chicago. Anyways, thanks for filling in (and thanks for putting graffiti on my already lousy banner).
Where do you get the release dates for those down loadable games? That would really help my article, considering I missed the weeks that Braid and Bionic Commando came out.
If you didn't put your name on it, people would have thought it was me with all of the hate for RPGs. I guess I'll wait till next week to respond to the criticism for my Disgaea opinions.
One last thing, heck yeah General Chaos. I don't know how that relates to this week's release but...ehh, I'll allow it. I'll just pretend it relates to Mercenaries.
Posted By: Drew Robbins (Registered) on September 01, 2008 at 12:15 AM
Drew,
Both of your criticisms are warrented. If you hate JRPGs, you'd loathe a much longer game. The game is still turn-based (like a JRPG); so, playing a game on a larger map isn't going to fix anything. Truthfully, I would see Command & Conquer being more up your ally.
However, if you like the Advance Wars series, you are a hypocrite... Just sayin'....
Posted By: lateralus81 (Registered) on September 01, 2008 at 04:41 AM
Wow.....this column is usually bad enough with just the ignorance of Drew behind....but this week actually managed to suck harder.
Inaccuracies, fanboy rants and a lack of appreciation for the variation that exists with gaming, all the things any credible writer should try and avoid.
I hope that this column is not what we can expect from future columns on 411.
Posted By: Triple J (Guest) on September 01, 2008 at 06:38 AM
Shouldn't you at least do a little bit of research into games before commenting on them? Infinite Undiscovery uses a real-time combat system, so "you stand there while I hit you, then I stand while you hit me" is pretty far off the mark. What a tit.
Posted By: Creek (Guest) on September 01, 2008 at 07:55 AM
Shouldn't you at least do a little bit of research into games before commenting on them? Infinite Undiscovery uses a real-time combat system, so "you stand there while I hit you, then I stand while you hit me" is pretty far off the mark.
Posted By: Creek (Guest) on September 01, 2008 at 07:57 AM
Were you talking to Drew or me there? Because I think those were my arguements.
Any who no I don't really like Advance Wars, although I haven't played enough to give a review or anything. And I've always wanted to try C&C, but just kinda lack the time. I love Pokemon Blue lol, somehow that kept my attention *it is technically an RPG I guess*.
Posted By: Mark Salmela (Registered) on September 01, 2008 at 10:06 AM
Hey Triple J, what is up with you hating writers just because they dislike ONE genre.
You are probably the same kind of person who says I'm horrible for saying crap about RPGs, and then goes into the Full Circle and complains that FPS games are stupid and that is all the 360 does.
Get off your high horse and stop acting like you could actually write a good column. Real writers aren't afraid to hurt people by showing their true opinion. I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I like RPGs just to appeal to people like you, who honestly don't deserve my time anyways.
By the way, I'd love to see proof of my ignorance. Just because I said Disgaea was "not up my alley" last week? JESUS CHRIST?! I don't love every game ever made?!
So lets hear it, since you are obviously a genius, prove my ignorance. And if it has anything to do with Fact or Fiction, look back at what I said about Disgaea in this column last week and call me ignorant.
Posted By: Drew Robbins (Registered) on September 01, 2008 at 10:30 AM
"Other than characters and story, I can't say many bad things about the series as a whole. It offers up tactical gameplay, which I've heard from many people (3) rivals Final Fantasy Tactics. Of course, I'm stubborn and refuse to look past the story and the character design. I had the same problem with Persona 3, a game I haven't ever played, but just by seeing the cover, I knew that this game was not for me. I am way out of the target radius of both of these games, but I understand that if you are in that radius, that these games are delicious."
-Drew Robbins: Last week's Coming Attractions
Yeah real ignorant there Triple J. I said bad things in Fact or Fiction because I was relatively sure that it was ABOUT MY OPINION, and not the cookie-cutter media's opinion. Why should I be afraid to say what I think?
Posted By: Drew Robbins (Registered) on September 01, 2008 at 10:43 AM
Quote from Drew.....
"You are probably the same kind of person who says I'm horrible for saying crap about RPGs, and then goes into the Full Circle and complains that FPS games are stupid and that is all the 360 does. "
What???
I rarely hate any genre of game so long as the core aspects of said genre are well executed and the game is fun to play.
I don't think I have ever commented in the Full Circle article, and have never stated any negative comments regarding FPS games on the 360.
As much as you have a right to state your opinion in any column or feature you desire, the readers of said column also have the right to reply. You offered your opinion, and others responded.
Perhaps any column you write should have comments disabled so no-one dares to disagree with you again and hurt your feelings.
Posted By: Triple J (Guest) on September 01, 2008 at 11:07 AM
Creek I was using that as an example for all RPGS, and it's stil not too far off the mark for Infinite. All RPG's are very similar. Hell I honestly couldn't tell the difference between someone playing FF12 and someone playing Infinite.
And as for Triple J, whatever keeps you reading our work is considered a positive in my book. Hell how many times are you clicking this column just to see our responses? That's money for advertisements, baby. See you next week Triple J, same time, same place.
Posted By: Mark Salmela (Registered) on September 01, 2008 at 11:28 AM
I apologize Mark. Both of you hate the JRPG/WRPG genre. With you taking over Coming Attractions for one week, I forgot that you were not Drew. However, my point is still the same with Drew because your taste appears to be the same, in some respects.
I apologize for the error.
Posted By: lateralus81 (Registered) on September 01, 2008 at 11:28 AM
" Hell how many times are you clicking this column just to see our responses? That's money for advertisements, baby. See you next week Triple J, same time, same place."
I have no problem with 411 getting extra revenue form ads.....some of the sections in 411 are very good and interesting to read.
Posted By: Triple J (Guest) on September 01, 2008 at 11:52 AM
Eh, fair point Triple J. I wish you would've said that...when I woke up at like 6 in the morning I was kind of grumpy as it was, then I saw someone said I was ignorant....yeah it was my bad.
Just next time try to post your second point into your first post...then all will be good.
Posted By: Drew Robbins (Registered) on September 01, 2008 at 12:06 PM
"Seriously, I don't get why people still play RPG's."
Because of the fact that out of all the people in the world, we all have different interests?
Posted By: Guest#1288 (Guest) on September 01, 2008 at 06:23 PM
****ing SUPER MARIO RPG! IT IS FINALLY OUT ON VC!
Posted By: lateralus81 (Registered) on September 01, 2008 at 08:47 PM
I'm all for an article highlighting releases for the upcoming week but can we tone down the bias.
I understand that you don't like RPG's. No problem there. But at least try to approach your recommendation from a more neutral standpoint. Something like "If you like RPG's you'll like this game but otherwise avoid this game."
Also helpful would be links to the gamerankings page for each release so we can get press reviews for the games to help make a decision for buying. This article should be a one stop shop for making a decision about buying a game.
Posted By: Reality (Guest) on September 02, 2008 at 12:12 PM
Reality, being the usual writer for this I'll answer your questions.
Well first, I try not to bias my decision, and if you look back at my previews for both Infinite Undiscovery (which I will admit...looks pretty darn good), and Disgaea 3, you will see that I try to give unbiased opinions.
Next, Gamerankings...well, maybe? I'm not sure, when I write this column on Fridays, the games usually don't have reviews up outside of a few small websites.
Posted By: Drew Robbins (Registered) on September 02, 2008 at 05:07 PM
This is a column. Columns are supposed to be biased. It's not plain like a news report. If the 10th hour was totally un-biased it would be lame as hell. Even though it already kind of is.
Personally I think Drew and Mark should be showing MORE bias. I hope Drew puts a section in next week that details why Microsoft sucks and why SRPGs should be delegated to the X-Box because shit combines with shit so perfectly.
Posted By: Derek Robbins (Registered) on September 04, 2008 at 05:54 PM
