Working Title 10.16.08: Pet Peeves
Posted by Jordan Williams on 10.16.2008
What REALLY bugs you when it comes to gaming? I'm not talking stuff that can't be fixed like high prices, but I mean things that CAN be fixed that never are. How about how gaming is portrayed in the media? Gaming stereotypes. It's time for me to let it all out.
Welcome back to the #1 Column in the WORLD to be pleased as fucking punch that Saints Row 2 is coming out this week, WORKING TITLE. Seriously, at the expense of sounding like that guy, you know...the one who hates EVERYTHING popular just to be a douche. GTAIV was alright and all, but in the end it left me feeling a little bit disappointing. I got spoiled by San Andreas' over the top nature and action and just wasn't too thrilled by all of the HEART STRING TUGGING DRAMA that GTAIV gave me. So to see a game like Saints Row 2 which kindly says "Fuck all of that. I wanna act stupid" coming out just makes my heart swell with joy.
Last week we discussed The Skate Effect and Smackdown Killers and while I did indeed have another column all ready to go in regards to killers (Goldeneye Killers) I decided not to do it this week because I honestly couldn't think of more games to write about...something I have NO DOUBT that you all will clue me in on.
So this week I decided to take a break from writing a big long informative column and just go back to me roots about just ranting about a topic that really gets to me. I have a few pet peeves when it comes to gaming. There are just some things in the gaming world and how gaming is portrayed that just irk the shit out of me. So I decided to compile a list of the top three things and let you all into my world to see if maybe I am alone in this discussion or do maybe any of you out there feel the same way about it.
Working Title: Pet Peeves
Alright, so just to make this clear before I get stuck into this. This isn't a column about RAGE-worthy things; this is just a column about things related to gaming that personally irk me that I see on an everyday basis. Things that can be easily fixed but for some reason they never are. So don't spam a whole bunch of comments saying I should've done this or I should've done that...save that for The 10th Hour.
Anyway, let's just get right into it with something that should even be a fucking issue nowadays, yet it still his.
Co-Op in Madden.
I'm not that big of a Madden fan, but I'm not going to lie and say I don't enjoy playing the game every now and then. But one thing that is pissing me off YEAR AFTER YEAR with this damn game is that you can only have two players per team. Me and my gaming crew love co-op gaming, and we are saddened that sit-in/split screen gaming is taking a fucking nosedive, but we always expected games like Madden to always keep that alive. So tell me why...in the SEVENTH generation where we have all of this stuff like Player DNA, and Customizable teams and all the rest of this useless shit why in the hell do we not have the ability to have four players on one team in a simple game of Madden? Time and time again we are forced to play against each other, which are fun for awhile, but ultimately end up with one of us losing. I cannot tell you how much fun it would be to have four brains working at once in the same room on the same time organizing plays and what not. The thing is this seems to ONLY be affecting Madden/Football games. Off the top of my head I know some Basketball games and most Hockey Games still allow for four-player same team Co-Op. So why in the blue fuck can't we have it in a game that could benefit from it GREATLY? Just imagine being on a team with three of your buddies. You're the QB and when you look for a receiver you look out and know that all three of your buddies are open and controlled by the computer. Or you know you have three people with actual smart A.I. (or would that just be I?) hanging back to protect you from that blitz?
But no, like a prude on prom night Madden ceases to let us have our fun and play with our fantasy, instead we have to keep it a 2 on 2 affair that just gets boring for everyone involved. Damn you, Madden. Damn you.
Bleep. Bloop. YAY, LEVEL 5
Alright, video games usually never get a fair trial when it comes to the media. This is a common known fact and something we've all come to just brush off. But there is one pet peeve that just irks the shit out of me whenever I see it on TV.
Why in the hell does every game always have to be portrayed in such a fucking cliché way? Look at any movie, sitcom, or cartoon where a video game is mentioned. Now think of how many of those have names like "Space Zombie Killer X" or "Vampire Blasters" or, my personal favorite "Space Zombie Vampire Killer Blaster X". Why can't these writers think of ANYTHING remotely clever to go with their sometimes clever scripts?
And then there's the video game sounds. A game hasn't had a soundtrack the consisted of just bleeps and boops for damn near 15 years! Why the hell does every game always have the same goddamn beeps and bloops and other nonsensical sound whenever they have to show the sound of someone playing a game? I know recently I have been on this big Big Bang Theory kick, but it's actually relevant to my interests this time.
FINALLY someone got it right
An episode that came on about a week ago had a character playing a Mario game, and for the first time in recent memory there were no stupid bleep poop sounds and get this...when he paused it EVEN HAD THE REAL MARIO PAUSE SOUND. For once someone got some fucking detail work done and we weren't stuck with the never ending reel of bleepy boops.
Also, for those of you who can keep count. Go ahead and name the last game you played that actually had levels? Go for it. Apparently as far as TV land and Movie land is concerned every game in the world has levels with level five being the hardest level this side of the fucking galaxy.
And don't get me started on how they pantomime playing video games. Why are they always fucking tapping every single button on the controller as if they are trying to beat it into submission? Outside of a fighting game what game do you know of that requires such rapid motion and button mashing? What they HELL could they possibly be doi--
FUCK! RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN
Girl Gamers
Oh boy, this might be a shit storm if I don't word this right. If you happen to have a vagina and you play video games, I don't have a beef with that fact. The fact that I have a beef with are the girl gamers who find the need to remind us EVERY SINGLE MOMENT that they are girls. For a group that so desperately wants to hang with the 'guys' online and in games, why do you need to point out all the time that you are a girl?
I hear it almost all the time online "Yes, I'm good at this game and I'M A GIRL!" "Yeah, you just got beat BY A GIRL" or some name that always ends in girl or something. The lot of you can't seem to find a healthy medium, you all either get pissed off because guys always disrespect the girls who play video games by being dismissive of their skill and making terribly easy games for them, but then you'll get turned off by the community because they fall all over themselves trying to get into your digital panties.
One might be inclined to think that maybe if you didn't constantly remind us online that you had a vagina, the 12 year old boys on Xbox Live wouldn't shit their breeches trying to talk to you. I'm not saying don't play the game if you're a chick, I'm just saying that if you throw it all out there like that then you are bound to get the response you're looking for. If you walk around flaunting the fact that you're a girl the entire time someone is going to give you a reaction one way or another. In an age where being a geek is considered cool in most markets, one can argue that maybe you don't NEED to point out the gender anymore; you could just be a gamer.
This is the THIRD TIME I have used this image. It's so goddamn useful!
Yeah, I like the sound of that. Back in the 90s and early 00's everyone was all about destroying labels. Why do they still label games? I'm not just talking about the 'hardcore' and 'casual' shit, but even deeper to PC Gamer vs. Console Gamer, RPG Gamer to FPS Gamer, and Boy Gamer vs. Girl Gamer. Can't we all just be gamers?
Working Feedback
SD vs. Raw '09 IS going to be the best WWE game since Here Comes The Pain. I think people don't fully realize how much they've improved the little things and how they've added some really great modes a lot of people have been dreaming about for a while now (Create a Finisher). You get both a story mode for certain characters and a career mode for everyone, a new match type (inferno, not my favorite but hey it's new and different and worth a shot). I've read interviewers where they said they were fired up to worked harder this year because of the competition from Impact and frankly, I think the results will blow the former game away. ~Ari Berenstein
Being one of the people who actually liked SvR (sans 08) I am very excited about 09. One of the biggest editions for me is CAF, because for the longest time I've wanted to see some of the fucked up moves me and my friends can come up with. As far as being the best WWE game since HCTP, I think they have a fair shot as well. Hell, as long as they outdo 08 and TNA Impact they'll be fine and dandy in my book.
is it possible for one to create better product when any widely known rival product just pales in comparison? having comparable product creates a motivational effect, but if the rival product just plain sucks, there's still no motivation to innovate, as the current product still blows the new rival out of the water anyways. ~Anthler
See: Soul Calibur
Working Question
...Since none of you bastards (not even you, Toddo) discussed it last time.
*ahem*
Thoughts?
Also, for those who have no love for the DSi, what are YOUR gaming pet peeves?
Until next time, I'm Jordan Williams....and add Sons of Anarchy to that list of TV shows that need their own looping channel. Also, if anyone has any ideas for a ____ Killer or even wants to write something up for it (ala Toddo) drop me an email or comment.
I hope to fucking GOD that that picture from Big Bang Theory is not the episode where they were playing Mario. If so, your talk about them doing detail work is complete and utter bullshit. There is NO POSSIBLE WAY they are playing Mario. Those are XBOX 360 controllers. Fucking details my ass.
Posted By: Duncan (Guest) on October 16, 2008 at 01:23 AM
No, he was talking about Sheldon playing a ROM while on the stairs. That shot is probably from a Halo night.
Posted By: Rod Oracheski (Registered) on October 16, 2008 at 01:59 AM
On the topic of labels:
Why is it a necessity to call me anything but my name? I know it's a common and lazy thing to do to try and group people all sorts of meaningless ways but count me out. I don't need to be reinforced by marketing and stereotypes. Rest assured, if we were to ever meet I wouldn't call you a Hardcore Gamer, an FPS Gamer, or a Guy Gamer. I'd call you Jordan.
Posted By: Andy (Guest) on October 16, 2008 at 03:54 AM
I understand your anger about video games displayed on TV. However, there is an exception to the rule. On the TV series Chuck (NBC 7pm on Mondays), they displayed Call of Duty 4 and recently Madden '09. They actually displayed the gameplay and stuff....
I think it goes more into product placement than anything else. It seems that show has some pretty nifty product placement. But, Chuck is a show that doesn't follow the convention.
About the DSi, I may skip the thing. I may actually break down and buy it. Since it is not coming out until 2009, I have a long period of time to think about my choices.
I am buying the PSP-3000. So, I think I like to stay cutting edge with my gaming (mostly handheld). Consoles seem to be immune to this....
Posted By: David (Guest) on October 16, 2008 at 04:42 AM
Here is an idea of working title, you break up the amount of time you play games and the pros and cons of that situation....*shrugs*
Posted By: David (Guest) on October 16, 2008 at 04:50 AM
haha. Sorry man. Never been much of a portable gamer. Not since the days of the green screen Game Boy anyway. So I didn't really have much to say on the subject of the DSI. My portable gaming now consists of a Gamecube with a tv screen and car lighter adapter for long road trips... Not exactly pocket sized. Now that Jessica Chobot... That is a working question I could get behind... or in front of... MMMMM. waffles.. Wait where was I?
Oh yeah, gaming pet peeves: Another great one from movies and TV, how about when the person playing is holding say... a nintendo 64 controller, and you get a glimpse of the game they are playing... and lo and behold, it is clearly not a N64 title, but like a Crash Bandicoot or something like that.
Oh, and how about the assholes in online games like Smackdown, who are clearly better at the game than you. they beat your ass from piller to post, non-stop, but they won't pin you or end the game. No matter what they just continue the beat down. So you put your controller down for a few minutes figuring they will get bored eventually. But they don't, so you pick your controller back up and by now you couldn't win the match if you wanted to but you are getting majorly pissed off. So you try to fight back, and get in a move or two, before the person you are playing finally decides, after you hurl mulitiple insults in the directions of their mothers and grandmothers that you have had enough, and end the match, not by pinfall, but by leaving the game, WTF!?! Still stuck on Smackdown, Your entire body is red from being tossed off the Hell in The Cell cage by some little bitch who climbs up there and waits. He doesn't go up there to dive off, or to put you rthrough the cage, no.. He goes up there because if he waits up there you eventually have to climb to get him. So as soon you reach the top, he stomps ya and throws you off, just to wait and repeat the process. He doesn't try to win the match instead he just wants to throw people off the cage. Both of these happened to me once when I was actively pursuing the jobber achievement, for losing matches online.
Now onto girl gamers. I can see your point about girl gamers drawing attention to themselves, but on the opposite side of the fence, even if they don't draw attention to that fact, once the pubescent bunch get hint of her voice, it's still on. I love the way that all the virgins seem to think that the only girls who play games.... Ah, Jesicca Chobot, licking PSP... sorry again, got off track, I hate how the virgins online seem to think that every girl who plays games has to be a fat lard of a chick, or extremely ugly..
Posted By: Toddo (Guest) on October 16, 2008 at 10:55 AM
The DSi is a paedophiles best friend. "I didn't notice the pictures of all the little kids on my console your honor, Must have been taken by the last owner." *fap*
Posted By: A large duck with a bandana on (Guest) on October 16, 2008 at 11:22 AM
Here is an idea of working title, you break up the amount of time you play games and the pros and cons of that situation....*shrugs* - David
Elaborate?
Posted By: Jordan Williams (Registered) on October 16, 2008 at 11:55 AM
Mostly agree with you... ESPECIALLY about the labels & the chick gamer thing.
HOWEVER
Just calling it a "chapter" or "Mission" doesn't make it not a level (thinking specifically about MGS4)
Posted By: M:-X (Guest) on October 16, 2008 at 12:13 PM
Spaced did the video games juastice that they played on the show.
Posted By: mike (Guest) on October 16, 2008 at 01:03 PM
Mike got her before me with the Spaced comment, they did a few homages to Tomb Raider and Resident Evil that were pretty nicely done.
Posted By: allgames (Guest) on October 16, 2008 at 05:28 PM
Glad to see that I'm not the only person here who hates Girl Gamers. Okay, we get it! You're a girl! You play games! WHOOPIE! If they just didn't mention how they lacked a penis all the time, I'd be cool with it but come on.
Posted By: Derek Robbins (Guest) on October 16, 2008 at 06:04 PM
" one can argue that maybe you don't NEED to point out the gender anymore; you could just be a gamer."
I agree. They're only telling people because they want the attention. Wouldn't surprise me if half of them were guys pretending.
Posted By: Guest#5146 (Guest) on October 16, 2008 at 10:03 PM
My pet peeves about gaming?
Lack of a 3rd Chrono game. WHERE THE FUCK IS MY CHRONO BREAK!?
Posted By: m8 (Guest) on October 16, 2008 at 10:43 PM
what game on the 360 supports 5 controllers?
Posted By: mike (Guest) on October 17, 2008 at 12:52 PM
I know what my pet peeve is. Now that's easy: Kingdom Hearts. It angers me when people love it so much that it reeks. Even worse is that their obsession with the original characters from the game go too far that they start to write dirty stories about them and post them online somewhere. Nobody wants to read a comic about each Organization XIII member's butt. Please, people, have some sanity! Geez.
Posted By: Fox (Guest) on January 30, 2009 at 02:50 AM
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