The 10th Hour 12.05.08: The 10 Worst Sonic Games

Posted by Derek Robbins on 12.05.2008

It's no secret that the Sonic franchise has seen better days. Seeing as Sonic Unleashed doesn't deliver those better days, 411's Derek Robbins delivers his top 10 least favorite Sonic the Hedgehog titles. Surely one of your favorites didn't make the list...did it? Check out the full article to see which games made the list and why!

Hello and welcome to the 10th hour. As always, there are a couple of tangents I would like to go off on before I get this thing started.

-So right now my Death Knight is level 73. I'm enjoying the progression, but I have to be honest – leveling this character is taking longer than I had originally anticipated. Perhaps it's been too long, but my original trek through the outlands didn't take this long. I guess there's a lot to explore at least. My only complaint to this point is that the Howling Fjord, while beautiful, is a bit complex and can come off as a mess. I'm trying to get the achievement for quests in that zone and it feels like it is taking ages.

-I'm still not any good at Street Fighter II Turbo HD. I thought I was getting better as Guile, but turns out I'm not. I'm only able to use his moves, but I'm not able to do it effectively. I seem to be able to pull off his super special move in practice, when it comes to actual execution though? Oh lord. In battle I just can't pull it off.

-Defying all logic I am writing the 10th hour on a day that I've also got to write two different research papers in preparation for finals. Man…I'm crazy. IT'S ALL FOR YOU, THOUGH.

Reader Feedback

Well, I talked about the top-10 worst games affiliated with Street Fighter. I'm sure some of you had something to say:

Duncan catches me off guard!

you forgot about Eagle in SF1. He made a return in your favorite, Capcom vs. SNK 2, and he was an extra character in the PSP version of Alpha 3.

I like Adon, Gen, and Birdie. I do not like Eagle. I figure that is the main difference. Yeah though, it was neat to see him brought back. I wonder if everyone will receive a resurrection at some point in time? What makes some of that cast more special than others?

Aussiegamer remembers those crappy Tiger LED games:

ok list, I don't think SFI deserves to be at number one spot though, it was just too ahead of its time for its own good but it had a lot of the SF concepts already down.

Two I'd add to the list. I remember I had one of those ''Tiger'' LED handheld versions of SFII as a kid, it was worse then any of the game on your list.

Also when I got a NES rom set awhile ago I was surprised to see SFII in the list. I played it and it was indeed SFII but everything was totally downgraded. It may not count though because I doubt it was licensed by Capcom. I also think there was a Sega Master System version as well, the SMS was very popular in Brazil so it got a release there.

Usually when I compile lists, I don't look at the importance of a game. You're right, SF I was important. Without it, there wouldn't have been a Street Fighter II. That said, it was still pretty much garbage.

Interesting story behind that Tiger LED. Not only did I own it, but I totally wanted to include it in my list. The problem was, I kept telling myself not to forget about it…and by the time I remembered it, it was too late. The column was already posted and it had comments. I wasn't about to alter my list again like I did with my RARE list! You got lucky this time, Tiger!

…SF II NES huh…wow. Now I'm gonna have to download it.

Did this guy leave a comment? Yes.

You know what I find irritating? When a writer keeps answering his own questions. Is it even more annoying when they do it over and over again? Hell yes it is. How annoying is it? Very. Do I think it will eventually stop? Not really.

Sorry, but that gets on my nerves. Other than that, I always enjoy reading
this column.

Do I try to stop doing it? Yes. Do I always catch myself? No. I'm like that one guy from Seinfeld. I forget what they called him, but totally. That's me. Thanks for pointing it out though because I'm gonna try to keep an even keener eye on it.

Long time no see Mr. SWC.

I'd settle for marrying a decent Chun-Li cosplayer... What?
I rocked so hard at the Game Boy Street Fighter. I dunno why I even had it, but I didn't hate it.
Thanks for the heads up on Card Fighters. I had considered hunting it down at one point, before I got distracted by something shiny. Oh yeah, that there uncanny lack of focus and perpetual distractedness is why I've still never tried to land a gig here, if you've ever wondered about that.
I remember the original Street Fighter being at a restaurant here in the late 1990s/early 2000s, though I couldn't pinpoint exactly when. Stupid having the combined memory capabilities of my parents written into my DNA... heh.

Random notes:
Kevin Gregg? Seriously? Why?!?! ;_;
Microwaved turkey pizza... FTW!
Pending the returns from a pair of trades to be sent soon, I might actually get those Cubs dupes promised literally months ago sent to you before Christmas.
Properly functioning equipment permitting, Gurren Lagann starts next week.
Hope you had a great Thanksgiving, D-Train.

Just apply already! You and I can be column buddies. I can write your column one day, you can write mine. It'll just be a grand ‘ol time. As for not hating the GB SF? Maybe you were just young and naïve? Perhaps some day you will come to see the light.

Kevin Gregg, yeah, that bothers me too. I'll miss Wood so much. Turkey Pizza sounds nasty. Ooh hoo, hope the trades come through soon. I'd love to see them arrive! You wouldn't want to be a liar would you? You better enjoy Gurren Lagann. It's one of my favorite anime series ever. As for my Thanksgiving? It was pretty good. How about yours?

Guest piques my interest

Balrog isn't Mike. Check out the SF Canon Guide on GameFAQS. (the same one with shocking revelations like...Zangief is GAY!)

Is this factual? I mean, the GameFAQs thing kind of makes me think otherwise, but if it is…I'll check it out. I am such a geek for that kind of thing.

A different (?) guest has this to say:

"Usually, when you ask a gamer, the first iteration of a game is always the best. I mean, if you look at cookie-cutter top-10 games of all time list you'll see Zelda 1, Mario 1, Metroid 1, various other "1's"."

Not really, I disagree with this.

I'm not a big fan of the Zelda series, but most people pick Ocarina or the SNES Zelda (can't remember the name) over the first.

You could make an argument for the original Super Mario Bros being the best, but again, most people would take Super Mario World or SMB 3.

Super Metroid is WAY better than the first Metroid.

etc

Games are one of the few mediums where the sequel is often better than the original.

I agree with what you have to say, but I was reading an EGM lately where they listed like the top-10 games of all time (not to be confused with their two different top-100 list) and it was the most vanilla thing I've ever seen. Mario 1, Zelda 1, Super Metroid (or was it metroid 1?), Adventure for the Atari, Tetris. Honestly? I was kind of embarrassed to be reading it. I may not have a conventional opinion, but at least I don't phone it in. I honestly feel some people do think the original games are better…when in reality, games progress a lot after their initial release.

You're definitely right though. I prefer Mario 3 to Mario 1, Super Metroid to Metroid and OoT (along with several others) to the original. I just don't know if everyone else feels the same way.

Matthew M fills me in on some SF I info I missed:

you missed a really big piece of the SF 1 puzzle. The reason SF is such a phenom now, is not for the graphics, the fighting styles or the character selection, SF is the defining fighting game for one major reason.

Special Moves.

I was just a kid when SF 1 was in the arcade, and it was THE game. and the reason it was, other than the oversize cabnit and screen, was that for the first time hidden moves existed. Up until this point a video game had a buttonfor everything you could do, shoot, flip, bomb, whatever. on some games pressing two or three buttons at once gave a second reaction. but NEVER was a combination of controller move and button press required to perform a special move.

And if you KNEW the special move, you did NOT tell anyone. teenagers would never explain how to actually pull off the moves. and if you really think about it, with no knowledge of stick/button combinations, you couldn't even watch their hands and figure it out. THAT was the hook, that made SF so interesting, and then led to massive success for SF 2. you HAD to know the special moves. Ever try to teach someone how to throw a dragon upercut? that's why gamers love SF, because for the first time skill was rewarded with the ability to do something a novice could NOT do.

I was reading about this when researching Street Fighter I. I never played the game in arcades and had to rely on a MAME rom in order to experience it in total. I actually had no idea that people actually liked that they didn't include the special move instructions on the cabinet. It made it interesting though, you really did have to tinker around with the controls in order to pull off a special move. As for teaching someone a shoryuken? …I don't think I could ever do it. My fingers are so big and awkward, it would probably look like a reverse quarter-circle forward.

I do love that the game required you to know what you're doing. You can mash in Street Fighter, but a skilled player will always win. Something that many 3D fighters, in my opinion, lack.

Ryan Mancuso caught a reference I placed in:

Nice use of the Nostalgia Critic catchphrase there

Good catch. Am I the only one who prefers him to the AVGN? Both are talented and hilarious…I just feel that the Nostalgia Critic is slightly more witty.

Finally Andrew Breckenridge closes us out. He's a good friend of mine:

The worst is the fucking Street Fighter II application on Facebook. Jesus. The thing's slow as shit and is hard to download, so I'm fucking waiting for the lag and my boss is yelling at me to "quit dicking around" and I'm telling her that I'm "not dicking around - I'm Trying to dick around, but your fucking company work filters won't let me play flash games. Nazi Bitch!"

As for the rest of your list, Senor Robbins, you in your lack of understanding have failed to note that without Street Fighter 1, there would be no sequel.

And you're saying to yourself, "Andrew, I didn't pay $49.99 for my Genius Certificate for nothing!" Right, but ...

When getting ready to develop their sequel, the good folks at Capcom wanted to see how kids played the first in order to help develop the second and that's when they found out that us youth were playing the game using "unofficial combos".
This means that we learned certain patterns to destroy the other person, since that was essentially the only way to make the game fun, and that's when they decided to program ACTUAL COMBOS into Street Fighter II and it gave birth to a new breed of fighting games - those with combos.

But yeah, Street Fighter 1 ... it's like Lindsey Lohan's career - fucking lifeless. Then you take out the cocaine, and the "Daddy Pay Attention to me" Bisexuality and what are you left with? A lifeless hooker. And those are no fun. Fuck Street Fighter 1, that game blows.

I barely use facebook and only really hop on when I'm too lazy to call someone but wish to say hello anyhow. I use steam or MSN for a lot of my internet conversation, so I guess I never really saw a need for Facebook. I didn't even know that a SF II app existed, but I guess it makes sense.

You're right though, SF I was an important game, but as I mentioned before important doesn't necessarily mean it should be exempt from this list. Luckily, you admitted the game sucked. So good for you.

As for my genius certificate, it cost significantly more than 49.99. To be fair, I've gotten more usage out of that than the monetary value suggests.



Top-10 Worst Sonic games

Well, Sonic Unleashed is out. I haven't played it yet, but according to two guys who appreciate Sonic as much as I do – AJ and Mike Minotti – the game is pure garbage and not worth our time. So, naturally, I'm going to compile a list of the top-10 worst Sonic games ever just to show you how far the hedgehog has fallen. When you see this list, when you see the absolute shovelware on this list…you may feel the urge to cry. It's been a rough road for our precious hedgehog.

Here are some rules though. First, it cannot be a crossover. Sonic and Mario at the Olympics lucks out. Secondly, it can'd be a Tiger LED game (BWAH HA HA, I remember the Sonic one! I just don't remember how it played). Thirdly, it can't be educational shovelware ala Sonic X for the Leapster. Then again, who knows if that actually would have made the list. At least it had a use.

So fellow Sonic fans, lets tread this trail of despair.

10-) Sonic Spinball - Sonic meets Pinball. Sonic Spinball. Being a Sonic fan, I have tolerance for certain crappy games. This game is certainly not one of those. I love Sonic and I hate pinball. It just wasn't going to work for me. I like that it was a different sort of game. Like, it wasn't necessarily like Sonic and it wasn't like your typical pinball game. It was something else and…I just didn't like it. How was it different than your typical pinball game? You had minimal control of Sonic. I mean, you couldn't exactly have the hedgehog rolling wherever the hell you wanted…but every once in a while you were able to influence where you dropped.

Generally, your main objective is to collect the chaos emeralds. There are three chaos emeralds in the first two levels and two in the last two levels. Damned if I know how to manipulate pinball in order to win the game. Look, I know there are people that are actually good at pinball and can work the machines…but I'm not one of those. This game always baffled me, I could never make it past the second zone of the second level. I have miserable luck and can't pinball to save my life.

I guess that's my main problem with this game. While it's not a traditional pinball game it is still a pinball game. You still use bumpers and you still have very little control as to what your ball does. I honestly have a problem with playing pinball on a home console as is. Like, if I wanted to waste my time and watch a game play itself I would play Final Fantasy XII I would go to the arcade and play pinball. Sonic Spinball in the end feels like a waste of time.

I guess I can see how people could like it. I've seen people actually heap praise on it. I figure if you like pinball or if you find the mechanics interesting this game may be interesting for you. If you're like me though and you hate pinball…this probably won't be your bag. Is it a good pinball game? I have no idea. Maybe? Is it a good Sonic game? No.



9-) Sonic R - Remember when I mentioned how I can tolerate certain crappy Sonic games? I can tolerate this one. Not only can I tolerate this game, I'd venture to say that it holds a tiny place in my jet-black heart. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely do not like this game. It's very awkward controlling and doesn't offer near the number of levels a racing game should have. It's just that this game has some sort of charm that I find irresistible.

What charm is it that I'm talking about? My God, the soundtrack to Sonic R is one of the most excellent soundtracks of all time. You may be thinking: "Derek, Sonic R's music is super cheesy and lame." I would respond with a resounding: "You don't know what you're talking about!" Seriously, listen to "Living in the City" or "Super Sonic Racing" and try not to crack a smile. Sonic R is an absolutely horrible game that is bordering on unplayable, but for some reason…I kept coming back for the music. It's just a charming experience.

Of course, I'm talking about Sonic R without really saying what makes it bad. Don't worry, there's plenty of that. There are only five racers per race, which isn't bad. The problem is? Certain racers have advantages over others no matter what. It doesn't even pretend to be balanced. The reason for this? Each character has their own special ability. This is an interesting gameplay feature and with some proper level design I think it could have been pulled off rather well. Too bad the level design is putrid and the game can feel down right broken at time. Once you unlock all of the characters, there is absolutely no point in playing anyone whose name isn't Super Sonic. He's the best racer in the game. Nobody else can even come close.

Of course, that's not the only problem. Everyone knows that racing in Sonic 2 and Sonic 3 was fun. It was sidescrolling through well-developed levels. It wasn't anything different than the single player, really. You just had to motor through levels faster than your opponent. Sonic R takes a different approach as a 3D racer. The turning is horrible. Like, the controls feel so awkward at times I almost feel like I am playing a drift racing game without the option to drift. It's baffling. I'm not kidding around, unless you have a high tolerance for shit, don't even touch Sonic R.

Screw Attack ranked this as the worst Sonic game which is a little bit harsh. Some guy from Gamepro got fired for giving this game a 1.5. It's not that bad, but him getting fired over this was harsh. It's a 3/10 game (in my opinion). It's not the dirge of humanity, it's just not good. Err, even if it does have a pretty awesome soundtrack. I mean, I gotta keep my feet right on the ground.



8-) Tails' Sky Patrol - You notice a trend in the first three games listed here? I'll give you an immediate hint: all three of them deviate from what makes Sonic a success. Sonic is a fast platformer. Without the speed, would it really be that impressive? Every single time they've taken the speed out of Sonic, the result has been absolutely cataclysmic. This is a further example of why you don't fuck with what makes Sonic a success.

This game is at least a side-scrolling platformer. That's a start. Of course, the character a lot of us come to Sonic games for – Sonic – is nowhere to be seen. You play the role of Tails and you go through each level flying from start to finish. You don't collect rings, you don't collect emeralds, you just fly from start to finish at a relatively plodding pace. Of course, if you've played a Sonic game, you know that Tails can't fly forever. So how does Tail stay afloat? Not by collecting power rings, but by collecting candy bars! The power of chocolate keeps the fox in the air! Amazing!

Agh, that doesn't make any sense. So you just fly left to right to collect chocolate bars? Yes, while doing that, Tails carries a ring that he can throw to defeat enemies. He can also use that ring to grab things and interact with the level. It's not that this plays that poorly, it's just that it's horribly run of the mill and doesn't feel in place with a Sonic game. Honestly, when I was playing this, I wondered why they even bothered to attach Tails to this product? Why drag the character down?

Money. Money is pretty much the answer to the question: "Why does this exist?" regarding every single piece of shit game on this list. They could have attached any run of the mill generic character to the project and it would have been an equally dull game. Why didn't they just do that? Argh, it just enrages me to no extent. I know they wanted to move more copies of their game, but was there a reason to bring Sonic into the equation? This game lacks all the charm a Sonic game should have. It doesn't have interesting characters, it has shitty music, it has horrible gameplay. It's just a bad game and honestly one of the worst games on the game gear and that is saying a whole fucking lot.

There was a reason why this game was never released in the states until Sonic Mega Collection was released. It was complete trash and you'd be pretty well advised to avoid this one like the plague.



7-) Sonic Heroes - Sonic Heroes is number 7 on a list of the top-10 worst Sonic game. Let me repeat that SONIC HEROES IS NUMBER 7 ON THIS LIST. Do you understand what that means? Sonic games have been so shitty as of late that this steaming pile of shovelware manages to rank in at number 7. SEVEN. This game was such a disappointment. Every single trailer I saw for the game coming up made it seem really interesting. It looked like it would be a new style of game, something that I might not have seen in a long time. I liked the Adventure series quite a lot, but…could this game measure up to the lofty standards of the Genesis versions of the game?

Of course not. No. The game advertises four different campaigns, but what they don't tell you is that every campaign takes you through different variations of the same levels. I mean, it's nice that they at least change them up…but for the most part the levels are so generic and bland why would anyone wish to play through them again? By generic and bland, I literally mean that. The levels are levels you've played in platformers a billion times before and were probably better executed there. It just feels like a total mess and if it wasn't for the very first level nothing would be salvageable.

As if that wasn't enough, Sonic Heroes decided to make the move in bringing Shadow the Hedgehog back. If you don't remember, Shadow died a dramatic death at the end of Sonic Adventure 2 and should have stayed dead then. I don't know about you, but when I first played the game I actually liked him quite a lot. He was interesting and different. He wasn't super generically dark and mysterious. He was a welcome addition to the Sonic world. I was not ashamed to see him. The fans though wanted more. They begged and pleased Sega to bring Shadow back. I believe this was his first appearance since Sonic Adventure 2. It started a horrible trend for Sega and has sent Sonic into the downward spiral that they are in today.

Believe it or not, Shadow coming back isn't my least favorite part of the game. As much as I think Shadow has raped the franchise, another thing was introduced in this game that raped it equally hard. When you're playing through Sonic 3 and you hit a regular enemy, do they die in one hit or do they die after three hits repeatedly!? Let me give you a hint, Sega. REPEATEDLY HONING ONTO AN ENEMY TO KILL THEM IS NOT FUN. I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU KEEP BRINGING THIS BACK BUT IT'S HORRIBLE. This game is where it all started. You could power up to bring them down, but most of the time you needed to hone onto the targets multiple times to kill them. It slowed Sonic down a whole hell of a lot. This trend would continue into Sonic 2006 and featured like 16 minute long levels, but believe me, there will be more on this later. Let me put it this way: I fucking hate having to hit baddies multiple times in a Sonic game to kill them.

Sonic Heroes was the harbinger of destruction. When I played it the first time, I didn't have much hatred towards it…but now when I look back on it, all I see is a miserable pile of shit that turned my beloved hedgehog into a bum. A bummmmmm.



6-) Knuckles Chaotix - So this is entry number six, and you may have noticed by now that not a single game plays like a traditional Sonic title. Every one takes the focus away from quick gameplay for some reason. So, surprise, surprise…here is ANOTHER one that does it. This time, gameplay is done through a tag-team. What you need to do is use teamwork between your two characters in order to reach the goal. You had to think a bit more about how to do things.

What do I mean by that? Well you had to throw your partner from time-to-time, you had to latch onto them, and you had to use your partner to speed up. In order to unleash these moves, you had to pay rings. This marks the first time in a Sonic game that you could go below zero rings. I believe you can go up to -99. This seems like a pretty odd move to me. You're telling the people that play your game to not only go after a lower score, but to avoid using the moves in their arsenal because they could inadvertently cause them to die? That seem wonky to me.

The cast of characters was also kind of an oddball choice. The Sonic comic book series made me quite enjoy the chaotix, but I never thought they were suited for an in-game appearance (before you correct me, I know the game came first. When I was growing up, I had no idea). I figured someone like Princess Sally or Antoine would make a much more suitable entrant. Mighty the Armadillo, Espio the Chameleon, Charmy the Bee, and Vector the alligator were all interesting looking guys, but come on. Are you telling me you wouldn't rather have played a game where Sonic and Knuckles team up to beat Robotnik? It still would have been bad due to the weird gameplay, but Sonic and Knuckles teaming up! Come on now!

What I liked about this is at least Knuckles is running through a 2D stage. There isn't any of that third dimension. You still need to make it to the end of the stage by the ten minute mark, you still needed to collect rings, and you still needed to stop Robotnik. Even though it was so different, at least it pretended to be a Sonic game that you might like. A matter of fact, when I was younger I wanted a 32X just so I could play this game. I ended up getting it for Christmas, but since I had no 32X I couldn't play it. Of course…it turns out it was a good usage of foresight for my parents not to purchase that hunk of garbage.

This game is considered the fore-father to Sonic Heroes and Sonic Advance 3, two of my least favorite Sonic titles of all time. (SA 3 doesn't appear on this list, but believe you me. I hate it.) A lot of the tag-team elements were later brought back or worked upon from this game into those games. I blame it for being the game that helped usher in a whole new era of suck into the Sonic franchise. People say this was one of the best games on the 32x. I guess I can't argue that. On a steaming pile of shit console, its probably the game that sucks the least. For what it's worth.

If you want to maintain your respect of the echidna, avoid this game. It hurts to see Sonic's friendly nemesis treated so badly.



5-) Sonic Riders - I wonder what the executive meeting for this title was like?
Producer 1: "Well guys, we want to make a new Sonic game. Let's try to fix the series this time!"
Producer 2: "How could we do that? We've been a laughing stock for a while…I mean, we could use the good publicity."
Producer 1: "Oh I know!"
Producer 2: "What? What!?"
Producer 1: "We could make another racing game because we all know how much the public LOVED Sonic R"
Producer 2: "GENIUS!! AND WE COULD KEEP ADDING NEW CHARACTERS, WE KNOW HOW MUCH OUR FANS LIKE THAT!"
Producer 1: "Oh fuck yeah! And get this, we'll throw in a story! A Sonic racer with a story? AND NEW characters!? How could this go wrong."
Producer 2: "I can see the headlines now: "Mario Kart gets blue shelled, Sonic Riders the new top dog."
Producer 1: "Hrm, Mario Kart? They have vehicles. Sonic runs on his feet though…well, I guess people really liked those boarding sequences in Sonic Adventures 1 and 2, perhaps we could throw boards in the game too!"
Producer 2: "Genius! We'll take the fast hedgehog and put him on a board!"

I seriously could not begin to fathom what they were thinking for this game. I mean look, at least they have more levels and characters this go around…and it's not quite as broken as Sonic R. That's good. The problem is that the controls are just plain horrible (again), and the story they decided to throw in was just putrid, even by kiddie racing game standards. Don't believe me? Well, here we go: The reason why you're racing according to wikipedia:

Sonic, Tails and Knuckles are walking across a bridge in Future City, searching once again for the Chaos Emeralds, when Tails' radar goes off. At that point, three mysterious riders on hoverboards smash through a nearby sign, and drop into the highway below. The trio realize that the Emerald's signal is coming from one of the three riders. Sonic begins pursuit on foot. He catches up with one of the riders, knocks him off his board, and hops on it. He quickly catches up with the lead rider, but is outmaneuvered. Sonic is thrown off his board, and the three mysterious riders disappears into the distance. The next day, Sonic's arch-nemesis, Doctor Eggman, appears on a giant screen in the city, and announces to the public that he is holding a World Grand Prix, in which racers will compete on Extreme Gear (the hoverboards used by the three previously encountered riders) to claim the title of champion. He also states that all entrants must pay a fee of one Chaos Emerald, and that "the winner takes all!" It is unclear whether or not he means that he winner will receive all seven Emeralds or not. Three racers are shown on the screen, and Sonic recognized them as the three mysterious riders they had encountered the night before. They are later discovered to be a group of outlaws, called "The Babylon Rogues".

I mean, like, what's the need for all of this? I am all for branching out the franchise and trying racing again, but hoverboards? Seriously? You're taking one of the fastest characters in video game history and turning him into a boarder? What the hell next, are you gonna take Mario and give him a flamethrower? Are you going to give Kirby a vacuum cleaner? This is just…ugh. They could have tinkered with Sonic's foot-racin' action and tried to make a decent game out of that – I assume it's not impossible – but they ended up making this pile of waste.

I'm always baffled when I see people who like this game. There are dedicated fans of the game and I just don't get it. You like this horribly controlling generic racer that couldn't even replicate the music of Sonic R? I mean, look, the music is at least tolerable but you won't be humming the songs for hours. This game is further proof that you should just leave the simple Sonic mechanics alone and let him run around in a 2D plane. I never thought I would say this, but Sonic R isn't the worst Sonic racing game.

AND to make matters worse, this game spawned a SEQUEL!? What the hell is wrong with you people for buying this game!? Argh. I haven't touched that pile of excrement yet, so it gets to be exempt from the list.



4-) Sonic Shuffle - First let me say this: I think Sonic Shuffle looks quite nice. It has a cartoony style that I really dig and is what initially attracted me to the game. Growing up I was a huge Sonic fan, and seeing a beautiful looking Sonic Mario Party-style game grabbed me hook-line-and-sinker. Mari Party was one of the best multiplayer games I had played at that point and it wasn't until the fourth installment of that franchise did the series start to ware thin on me. Sony tried to capture this success with the putrid Crash Bash, so it was Sega's turn to cash in on this fad with Sonic Shuffle.

Okay, first, Sonic Shuffle has horrid load times. You know when you're playing a board game and your turn is right next but the doofus in front of you won't end their turn because they are thinking so hard about it. I know you're trying to look one-hundred moves into the future, but in board games it's rather hard. Well, just picture if everyone else on the board was just like that and you'll know exactly how this game plays. It's a slow, tedious adventure.

Another thing this game does absolutely wrong is the way mini-games are done. In Mario Party, at the end of each turn you play a mini-game. Period. When your characters finish rolling their die, you play a game. It's fun! In Sonic Shuffle, you each draw cards (at the same time), when everyone has drawn they move with whatever number is shown on the cards. Unless someone lands on a minigame space, you don't play a game. You just keep playing a dull boardgame. I don't need to tell you that playing a console board game is boring…so just picture going around the game board and waiting for a minigame. That'd just be maddening.

When I play a Sonic game, the very first thing I expect, no matter how bad the game is, is for the sound to be good. Even Sonic 2006 has a soundtrack which is admirable. This game has an absolutely pathetic soundtrack that would only be topped several years later with Sonic: Dark Brotherhood on the DS. It just compounds things because now not only are you meandering around a board waiting for a game to start but you're also listening to terrible music. Oh, but in between turns you're also dealing with load times! Sounds like a torture test, not a game.

So what happens when you finally get to play a game? Well, in Mario Party when you play a minigame you could generally expect them to be pretty simplistic. Anyone could understand them in one play. It was that simplicity that made the game as popular as it was. Sonic Shuffle on the other hand introduced overly complex minigames that would drive most normal people insane. Complex or bad, for the most part the minigames were just not fun. So now you have the already limited minigames as being not that enjoyable. You have a real problem here.

Sonic Shuffle was a poorly executed copy of a fun game. If they had managed to do what Mario Party had done well and added some new minigames, we could have had a really fun Sonic Party game. What we got instead was a miserable experience that I think was designed to test my patience more than my enjoyment. This game could have been so much more…but it flopped. Bah.



3-) Sonic 3D Blast (Genesis) - Speed. When you think of a Sonic game, the first thing that should come to your mind is speed. If you want a plodding platformer, you would probably go out and play Mario. When I was playing Sonic 2, I didn't wish for my character to slow down. I didn't want my experience to change at all. So why, in a game billed as Sonic's 3D debut (it wasn't), is Sonic slow? WHY ISN'T SONIC RUNNING AT HIGH SPEED? For God's sake, Traveler's Tales (who made two of the games on this list), don't you understand what makes Sonic Sonic?

I really, really wish that this was the only problem with Sonic 3D Blast though. You play the game via an isometric point of view and you have 3D sprites. The game is not true 3D, but it looks rather pretty. To be honest, it's easily the best looking game on the Genesis (in my opine at least). The thing is, unlike the traditional Sonic games you aren't simply running from one side of a level to the other. You're killing enemies, getting flickies – bird creatures – and advancing. This makes gameplay horribly repetitive as the only thing you ever do in the game is kill badguys and return flickies to a sort of master ring. It's very, very boring and doesn't feel much like Sonic.

Similar to Tails' Sky Patrol, why did they feel the need to put Sonic in this game? If this had been a new character I would have been okay with it. You know, because I wouldn't have played it. It still would be a steaming pile of shit, but it would have been a steaming pile I could have avoided. This is another case of someone attaching Sonic to a title simply because they can better sell it that way. This does not feel like a Sonic game, this does not play like a Sonic game, this just isn't a Sonic game. Yet there's the hedgehog. Yech.

To compound this repetitive nature, Sonic controlled absolutely horrendously. Now listen, I understand given that with the isometric view point it would be hard to make it control well with a D-Pad, but it's kind of awkward controlling Sonic when he's sliding around. It's sometimes hard to hit enemies as well…and it just comes off – to me – as an entirely awkward experience. Even the given break to this tedium – the special stages – were far too easy and could even be completed in full before getting too far into the game. I'm sorry, but if I've unlocked the special hidden final level before the end of the third zone…there's a problem.

I really wish the game had some redeeming characteristics. I mean, I don't like to out-right hate Sonic titles but this game is just bad. I would have been fine if this was the worst Sonic title of all time though. It's perfectly acceptable, even Mario has his occasional gaffe. The problem is, these next two titles are…so bad, that they make this game look good by comparison. Poor Sonic…



2-) Shadow the Hedgehog - This is exhibit A as to why Shadow should have stayed dead and buried at the end of Sonic Adventure 2. Shadow the Hedgehog is pretty much everything that's wrong with Sonic today wrapped up into a nice little package. What can you expect here? A horrible story, enemies that take multiple hits to kill, weapons and vehicles, and a horrible attempt to be deep, dark, and mature. I'm convinced that people who grew up playing games like this wouldn't know what to do if they played the older Sonic titles.

So, about the gameplay…it plays kind of similarly to Sonic Adventure and Sonic Adventure 2, except Shadow runs around a bit more loosely. It may just be me, but I felt moving Shadow around the levels felt pretty easy. Perhaps I would have enjoyed it more if Shadow's combat was like his combat in Adventure 2. What do you get instead? You get guns! You get vehicles! Look, Shadow's gunplay makes Tails and Robotnik's from Adventure 2 look fabulous. It's just a horrible little feature that has no place in the Sonic franchise. When I first saw Shadow blasting those guns, I knew it'd be a bad idea.

Are you telling me that it's too hard to create a straight-up platforming game as (in this case) Shadow? One with levels that are like straight out of Adventure 2? You give me 12 or so levels of that kind of gameplay and I will buy that game. I don't mind if the story is bad, I can just skip it. If I can have fun when I play…it doesn't even matter. The thing with this game though is that you can't even have fun with it. It tries too hard to appeal to the younger crowd. Yes Sega, we know damn well that shooters and vehicular shooters are the in thing right now. You DON'T need to turn Sonic into that though. No matter how decent Banjo-Kazooie Nuts and Bolts may be, we wanted another Banjo Platformer. At least that game is passable. THIS game. THIS game is shovelware.

I guess I should give a little bit of credit. The game has multiple branching paths. There are 23 different levels but depending on how you play. You only go through six at a time, so if you play the game differently, you'll get different paths. So basically, it's an open-ended Sonic game. How do you get these different areas? By completing different events in a level. Dark missions, hero missions, etc. You even had up to 11 different ending. To be honest, I think this is a pretty interesting idea and I'd like to see it revisited at a later date in a good game. Can you imagine having something like this in a 3D game that plays like the original Sonic Adventure (with just Sonic)? That'd be really neat and I think it could potentially bring Sonic back from the dead. Of course…that'll never happen.

Another problem with the game would be the slowdown on the PS2 version, which is the version I played. There was an inordinate amount of it there, and as has been mentioned, Sonic is all about speed. If you slow down the hedgehog, you don't HAVE the hedgehog. You have something else. I guess that makes sense, because in the end this doesn't feel like a Sonic title. It feels like a generic shovelware game that a company shoveled out to gain some extra cash. It feels un-inspired…it just feels bad.

Of course, this didn't stop people from buying it. In the 2005 Nintendo Power awards, Shadow the Hedgehog won Platformer Game of the Year FROM THE FANS. WHAT!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? There wasn't a single platformer released that year that was better than this piece of garbage!? Oh wait, there was. There were several. You know what it beat? Fucking Prince of Persia: The Two Thrones. That may not have been as good as Sands of Time, but it was still a pretty damn good game. Are you telling me the people who vote in these Nintendo Power polls seriously think Shadow the Hedgehog is the best platformer of that year!?

There's even a GameFAQ's list by user Cypher that lists it as one of the most under-rated installments of a popular franchise. Are you kidding me!? It plays like Adventure 3 he says? I don't know if you've played Sonic Adventure before, but I can tell you that the enemies don't have lifebars. Ugh.

Look, here's one of the biggest problems with Sonic. People still buy these shovelware titles. Until sales totally stop and people quit praising these horrendous games, they have no reason to change. None. If people actually APPRECIATE the shit Sonic Team churns out, they are hurting Sonic. Not helping him. That's right, I said it. Next to Sonic Team, the biggest problem the Sonic franchise faces is the fans. The horrible, horrible fans.

- I sure do hate how they tried to make him sound grown up by having him say "Damn". Are they trying to be edgy and hip or something? Ugh. Shadow should have stayed dead.

1-) Sonic the Hedgehog 2006 - Sonic the Hedgehog 2006 was greeted with such optimism when it was revealed. After all, it was given the ambiguous name Sonic the Hedgehog. There was no number there, it was just Sonic. Could the franchise be re-inventing itself? After all, that's exactly what the doctor ordered. Sonic had suffered through two abysmal games over this past generation. He was due for a shift in character. Sonic 2006 appeared to finally be worthy of the name. The trailers looked amazing, it looked like you just played as Sonic. Plainly, it looked fun.

Then…the shit hit the fan. It was revealed that you could play as three different characters. Sega doesn't realize that we just want to play as Sonic. (Of course, even when they make Sonic the only playable character they feel the need to alter the way he plays) The characters, of course, don't all play like Sonic but they each have their own unique style of play. Sonic is your plain-jane platforming, Silver is a slow-paced telepathy expert, and Shadow is basically the same as the Shadow the hedgehog game with slightly tighter controls. The first thing you may notice is that I mentioned Silver as slow. I feel the need to emphasize, yet again, that YOU DO NOT MAKE A SONIC GAME SLOW.

Even when the game hit and it got horrible reviews, I didn't want to believe it. The game had looked so good before its release…I actually thought that it would be the next big thing. I thought that this title could go mano a mano with whatever the hell Mario was gonna crank out next. If you compare this with Mario Galaxy it's a flat-out joke. The game is riddled with issues. For starters, let's start with a problem that's been there since Sonic Heroes. You guessed it, the enemies have life bars. You have to use your homing attack to hit them several times in a row. As Shadow this is particularly annoying as you have to jam the attack button over and over again to punch in mid-air. I don't know any other way to say this, so I'll put it in big bold letters for you Sonic Team. ONE. HIT. ONLY. If you're doing it multiple times it's repetitive. You're not doing anything different, you're just pressing the same button over and over again!

Of course, as if that wasn't enough, the homing is so irresponsive that sometimes it won't accurately home onto the target you want it to. I can't tell you how many times I fell to my death because my home didn't quite hit the target I was aiming for. I wish the title was a tad more receptive because it's amazingly hard to enjoy yourself when you die time and time again through literally no fault of your own.

Of course, they also decided to conveniently make the levels EXTRA long. So if you lose all of your lives fourteen minutes into a stage, you're just out of luck. You have to start all over again and there's nothing you can do about it. This is made extra tedious when you consider that Sonic has these high-speed area where if he comes into contact with ANYTHING he'll lose all of his rings. That's more realistic, but it's less fun. Speaking of less fun, even when you want the "no gimmicks" Sonic gameplay, you'll STILL have it broken up by the slower and more tedious Tails and Knuckles segments. These play like a joke. Of course, most everything I've mentioned so far is from the SONIC portion of the game. AND THAT'S THE BEST PART!

The Silver gameplay is good in theory but can get old real fast. You use your telepathy in various ways to complete various objectives. You can use blocks to fly, you can hurl stuff at your opponents, and you can fly a bit. It seems nice, but again…Silver is ludicrously slow. It makes you take a look at the horrid level design. It makes you stand perfectly still and fight baddies. Does Sonic Team not get it? Sonic is NOT about combat. Sonic should only have to hit an enemy more than once if he's a boss. Silver has to endure these segments so much, it's really not worth it.

As for Shadow? Read the Shadow the hedgehog section, subtract the bit about guns…and get back to me. It's pretty much the same thing, but believe it or not, a LITTLE better. I didn't hate playing as Shadow here as much as I did there. I guess that's because everything else about this game is so bad that even Shadow's segment looks better than it actually is.

The gameplay is insulting enough, but it also has the balls to send us to a hub world. Right, because that was everyone's favorite part of the original Sonic Adventure. We LOVE wondering around the city. In this hub, all you do is do lame missions for the generic NPCes. These portions of the game are not fun. They are not there for anything other than bolstering your play time. It's a colossal waste of time that is not any fun. I seriously cannot think of a good reason for them to include it.

Ugh, even with all of this said…this game feels like it wasn't even finished. A lot of the animations are awkward looking – especially when Sonic gets hit. The rings don't fly away and bounce around. They just fall to the ground and stay there. Okay. It just…it feels weird. Not to mention all the homing bugs and the horrendous load times. Unless this game was rushed by at least a year, Sonic Team should feel absolutely embarrassed with themselves. Sonic has been a joke for years, but this is just a punch to the stomach.

Sonic 2006 is a terrible game and if you like it, please stop playing Sonic the Hedgehog. For the love of God, take Sonic away from the hands of Sonic team because clearly they don't know what they're doing. Give it to Nintendo, give it to Capcom, give it to someone…because Sonic deserves better. If Sonic Unleashed is as bad as I hear it is – from reliable sources – I hope Sega never touches the hog again. Because they're not worthy of it.

Right now Sonic the Hedgehog is a shovelware franchise. Accept it or not, that's how it is.



Honorable Mentions: Sonic Fighters, Sonic Labyrinth

Well that's it for this week. As always, if you wish to give me some feedback simply leave a comment below or send me an e-mail at [e-mail]. I appreciate your feedback as I help it truly helps me get better at what I do.

Now, let's see what's going on around our game zone this week, shall we?

Drew writes Coming Attractions

Vincent Chiucchi writes The Hall of Shame.

Rod Oracheski writes Achievement Unlocked

I write B3yond the Report.

Chris Vicari writes PC Spotlight

Vincent Chiucchi also writes The Select and Start News Report

Joe Roche writes the Full Circle News Report

AJ and Mike Minotti are the voices of The Exploding Barrel Podcast

Well. That's it. I'm out.

'til the crossroads.