The Once In A Lifetime Games News Report 12.15.08

Posted by John De Large on 12.15.2008

My name's John De Large and this is the news that's fit to print... or type. Whatever, come in and have a laugh.

ONCE IN A LIFETIME NEWS REPORT!

Greetings all, my name is John De Large! After helping Jordan Williams out, I tried out for a writing position here at 411Mania and now my new buddies Ashish and Ramon have me doing a news report! While this is a new experience to me, it's made especially challenging by the fact that I have finals looming over my head and lots of responsibilities pulling me in several directions. Still, I made time for the news site that I've been visiting since I was in high school (cue Family Matters "AWW!" soundbyte). Besides, no matter how new at this I am, it's not like the 411Mania audience is going to say anything negative or hurtful, right?



Oh, it's like that, eh? I guess I'll just talk about the news. Here's 5 things that I think everyone should be paying attention to.

Sony budget cut?
Sony is cutting 8000 jobs and is closing 10% of their manufacturing plants to save one billion dollars. I did the math, by the way, and it averages out to 8000 people losing $125,000 per year. This seems a little excessive to me, but with PS3's very clearly NOT getting sold and with the economy in the shape that it's in, it makes sense. It's only just now that I am personally getting a PS3 and I have to say, once I beat the one trick pony known as Metal Gear Solid 4, I can't really think of anything else to do, other than play Home and release my interior decorating side while talking in an accent similar to Edna Mode and calling everyone "dahling." A good friend of mine keeps suggesting Mirror's Edge and the demo wasn't bad, so maybe I'll get to that.

But JDL! Everyone knows that the PS3 is doing worse than the Max Payne movie, so why bring it up? Why am I slitting Sony down the back and throwing salt in the wound? Because everyone has their own relevant perspective on it and some are quite hilarious.

GIGAOM thinks Sony should disown the PS3 faster than a Republican couple can turn their back on their son after they catch him trying on his Mom's shoes.

CNN has dubbed the PS3 "the new Titanic." This would be the harshest reaction I've heard to the PS3 yet, but with it losing so much money, how can I disagree? As a friend would put it : "Dag yo, shit be OD dead."

My hero, mentor and lord of all that reigns supreme, Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw has always criticized the PS3 of being slow, sluggish and only knowing one or two songs and he's been saying this for a while, so while it's not news, it's relevant because he's right (and he usually is).

"Home" is home to sexual deviants?
When it rains, it pours! Only a few days into the release of PS3's "Home," we have people interacting with each other in a sexual way via the software.



While this isn't as bad as the time I played TF2 and heard an older player trying to solicit a younger player with promises of candy and van rides, this is bad enough. I recommend that PS3 owners stop this kind of behavior, lest they get a visit from these guys.



Hmm, let's check in with the PS3 to see how he feels about everything coming down on him at once:



There, there. Have a grape lolly, tomorrow will be better.

Nintendo (still) on top?
On the other side of the pommel horse, we have Nintendo who is probably laughing giddily at his success over Sony and Microsoft with the Nintendo DS and the Nintendo Wii, the best selling handheld system and 7th gen console respectively, if Wikipedia is to be believed. According to them, the score lines up like this:

Units sold as of 9/2008
PS3: 16.84
360: 22
Wii: 34.55
PSP: 41
DS: 84.33

And according to the NPD, November's sales look like this:

Nintendo Wii - 2,040,000
Nintendo DS - 1,570,000
Microsoft Xbox 360 - 836,000
Sony PSP - 421,000
Sony PlayStation 3 - 378,000
Sony PlayStation 2 - 206,000

I guess people just love touch screens and wagging remotes in front of TV's. Speaking of which, I should really play me some Nintendo. The Chrono Trigger remake has just been sitting on my shelf, unopened, despite it being a remake of one my favorite games ever (see Jordan's latest article). I've also got No More Heroes and Dragon Quest: Swords just sitting around unopened as well.

Wii Music...blah. I don't care who ends up endorsing it, I'd rather chug vodka and hot sauce while Chun Li kicks me in the testicles.

How ya holding' up PS3?



Fantastic.

Soulja Boy video game?!
Soulja Boy Tell 'Em (what does that even mean?), often shortened to just Soulja Boy, has announced that he will have his own video game come 2009. Mr. Boy has proclaimed himself invincible at Halo 3, COD 4, GTA 4 and Gears of War, none of which I am eager to play him in, or at all. Let him get good at Team Fortress 2 and then he can come see me. Anyway, this is what Mr. Boy had to say about the matter:



"Soulja Boy video game is coming for Xbox 360 in 2009. After I put the Xbox 360 challenge up on the Internet, it was over all these video game sites. And a couple video game companies hit me up on my email because I put the email on there too. And hit me up like, "Blah, blah, blah, blah." So I was like, "Oh snaps!" So I forwarded to my management, and they forwarded to my label. And now we're doing the video game."

Keep in mind that Soulja Boy is in part, responsible for this outburst:



Game developer locks himself in room?!
Bob's Game, is a home made game made over the course of 5 years through self learned means. Bob, the developer of the game, has locked himself in his room until Nintendo approves or denies his request for a DS dev kit. It normally takes 8 weeks at most to get approved/rejected but Bob is on week 16 without any "yea or nay" from Nintendo.

He has food delivered to him and he has means to sleep and wash, so he'll be OK as long as he's not fighting off a swarm of ninja bees.

I've taken a look at the game and the design looks REALLY similar to Earthbound. As a budding game developer myself, I hope things go well for this guy and I REALLY hope that Nintendo sends him some kind of confirmation soon before he gives himself and gamers and developers a bad name and image.

You can check out the game, some videos, a live feed on his confinement and more here.

OK, let's see..... we covered: perverts, crazy shut-ins, a moron getting his own game for no reason, interesting and SEXY sales figures and thousands of SONY employees are out of jobs.

All in all, this'll be the best Christmas ever.

I'm John De Large, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Have a Rockin' Ramadan and May Your Boxing Day Be A-OK.