Working Title 12.18.08: The 2nd Annual Workies: The Nominees

Posted by Jordan Williams on 12.18.2008

It's that time of the year again, it's time to hand out THE WORKIES. Who's nominated for the Award of Manliness this year? How about Die in a Fire? Only one way to find out.

Welcome back to the #1 Column in the WORLD to suck HORRIBLY at Gears of War 2...WORKING TITLE. While I was laid up in the hospital all I had to play was Gears of War 2...which is a pretty okay game. But dear LORD do I suck online. I'm bad. REALLY bad. The only mode I can do some decent damage in is Horde, and even then I can't get past wave 30. I found out the number 1 rule of online play is to call shotgun and never look back. I think I'll stick to a game that isn't cheap as fuck inline....

...The sad thing is that that is never going to happen.

But you know what is about to happen?

THE SECOND ANNUAL WORKIES! That's right boys and girl, its times for the second annual Year End Awards of Working Title. Now remember earlier this year I also did a Workies for the first half of the year, fear not, because the winners and some of those nominees will be returning for the awards this year.

Keep in mind that these are just the nominations thread. All Workies are voted on by the Workaholics, as well as a panel of myself and other 411mania(and some non-411mania) writers. But the actual Workaholic vote counts more than mine does, so MAKE SURE YOU VOTE.

SI SE PUEDE!

Yes, that was cheesy. No, I do not care.

So with no further ado, let's get this motherfucker on the road!

The 2nd Annual Workies Nominations Ballot

Now this is where it all comes down, like I said earlier the actual winners you have a say in, but the nominees are all chosen by me. Each category also has a Workaholics Choice, in which I'll take into consideration any one else you think should be nominated. Keep in mind these are just the NOMINATIONS and NOT the winners. Also keep in mind that a majority of this awards are for comedic value and I don't do any real console specific ones. So no need to get all fanboy-tastic on me. As per the rules of the Halftime Awards, the winners of those awards are automatically nominated for the Year End Awards.



King Leonidas Award for Manliness
Sure, the term is dated but if you can think of a better name for this award I'd like to hear it. The KLAM is the award for the most badass video game character of the year. Just because it says "Manly" in the name doesn't mean that the character HAS to be a man, it just means this character kicks so much damn ass that you can't help but think they'd sodomize you with or without a penis.

And the nominees are...

Sister Hammer - Fable II
See what I mean when I say the KLAM nominee doesn't have to be a man? Sister Hammer was a bit of an anomaly in Fable II; she was a female pacifist hero but was big as a fucking truck. Eventually during the course of the game she managed to ditch her pacifism and pick up her namesake to dish out the pain, but eventually she still returns to her normal ways. She's nominated for being manly because no only does the bitch have an awesome singing voice, she can somehow carry a 5 foot tall vase of water through a dark cave without skipping a beat AND still find time to beat you over the fucking head with a giant hammer. Hot.

Old Snake - MGS4
I better not get one of you douches who come in and go "ZOMG IT'S NOT OLD SNAKE IT'S SOLID SNAKE" or I will bite you on the nose. There really isn't anything else about Snake that I can say that hasn't already been said. The man is damn near geriatric and is still busting out the CQC. Combine that with the fact that he can still somehow hang with some of the freakiest goddamn enemies in ANY of the Metal Gear Solid games and you have a surefire choice for Manliness.



Carmine - Gears of War 2
Yes, you read that right. No Marcus, Dom, Baird, or even COLE TRAIN. Carmine is the manliest of the group. It takes a real man to be a giant pussy, and in that case Carmine is the biggest man out of the whole Gears crew. You don't see him trying to cover up his feelings like Fenix, or bitching about his lost wife like Dom. He doesn't have to cover up his shortcomings back yelling all the time and repeating his name or being a fucking steroid injected know it all. Carmine is human, Carmine is awesome, and above all Carmine managed to outlast his brother. Now THAT'S manliness.

Johnny Gat - Saints Row 2
The fuck you say? Gat isn't manly? You've got to be kidding me. In a game like Saints Row where it seems EVERYONE is a crazy motherfucker who loves weapons, it seems that Johnny Gat is just a tad crazier than everyone else. Couple that with the fact that he seems to be fucking indestructible is a plus. The man gets shot with a shotgun in the first game and this time he gets impaled with a fucking katana...and manages to pull said katana out and CONTINUE FIGHTING. Last time I checked surviving a ton of punishment is grounds for KLAM.

Packie McReary - GTAIV - HALFTIME WINNER
And of course we can't mention the Workies Halftime Award Winner Packie McReary. He is manly in the since that he alone managed to become more of an icon and better character that Niko Bellic and was in general just more fun to be around. GTAIV is still a pretty big name this year especially with some DLC coming out soon. But has Packie been lost in the shuffle in regards to his new set of nominees?


Game Mechanic/Character That Can Die in A Fire
Aaaah...wonderful fire. I really does cure everything. Zombie infections...annoying people...more zombie infections. It also is a good way to describe piece of shit characters and game mechanics. You want to see these motherfuckers DEAD in a fire and which is why they want to 'win' this award. Sadly there can only be one...but they are all equally deserving.

NXE - Xbox 360
While I have no personal problem with the New Xbox Experience, you would be surprise just how much of the 'hardcore' are just obscenely up in arms about this. From the new 'bubbly' look, to the Xbox Avatars and even the sometimes hard to maneuver menus it just irks a lot of people to no end. Once again I have no real problem with NXE but even then I really don't see what the problem was with the OLD Xbox Experience either...

Casual Games
OH NO. NOT CASUAL GAMES. The digital scapegoat of the 'death' of the gaming industry is once again the Casual Games market. Really, it's getting kind of old but as long as there is discussion about who did it and why they will always have a spot in the DiAF awards. I really just wish another scapegoat would come along already.

Maulers - Gears of War 2
These bastards are singlehandedly responsible for making Horde impossible for me and my cohorts online. We'd be on Wave 30 on River and we are holding out but like clockwork one of those big motherfuckers would waddle its way through our elaborate system of shields we've been building up for the last 29 waves and go "SMAAAASH" and WHAMMO all of us are dead. If one of us managed to survive we'd only last a few more minutes before we meet the same gruesome fate. Fuck Maulers; fuck them in their grub asses.

Lucario - Super Smash Brothers Brawl
You know what? Fuck you Lucario. I'm not even going to elaborate on why you're here. I still just don't fucking like you.

Nintendo Wi-Fi - Nintendo - HALFTIME WINNER
Of course there is the little engine that never did, Nintendo Wi-Fi. It won the award earlier in the year due to its super duper flawed online handling when it came to Super Smash Brothers Brawl and guess what? Since then it hasn't gotten any better. Nintendo really just needs to cut their losses and rework this system quick as they are already falling into deep obscurity that no amount of exclusive Dragon Quest titles will save them.


I told you "This Is Not Going to End Well" Award
This is actually a new award...but a twist on the Halftime version of it. The award was meant to go to games and things that we KNEW were just not going to end well. Of course all of these things have been released now and it's time to figure out which one really didn't end well this year. Was it Impact, The Nintendo Wii or Guitar Hero?

TNA Impact
On this site, you can never say enough bad things about TNA. Unfortunately people couldn't say enough bad things about TNA's first video game either. From the stale controls, bland story, and uninspired move sets it just seems that TNA Impact didn't make much of an Impact at all. We knew this wasn't going to end well, but did it have to turn out to be this mediocre?

Nintendo Wii
It seems like I bash the Wii a lot here...because I do. I still have nothing against Nintendo but if the Wii isn't one of the biggest wasted opportunities I've seen this year. It just annoys me at how lackluster the Wii has been all year...it had some great steam going into the year but after the summer it just seems like the Wii disappeared. Really, think of it this way...look at the stacked Holiday line up the Xbox 360 and the PS3 had...and then look at the Wii? Pretty bleak huh? I guess that's what resting YOUR ENTIRE YEAR on Animal Crossing does to you.

Guitar Hero Series - HALFTIME WINNER
The Halftime Winner was the Guitar Hero series, which I actually don't expect to win THIS time. Many though that Guitar Hero would suffer from jumping the shark as it now resembles Rockband in terms of gameplay now, but it happens to be the better game depending on who you talk to. Either way the whole "Music Instrument" game genre seems to be hitting the same wall that DDR did before it. I think it's just as matter of time before we stop seeing them altogether.

The Dorm Room Dominator Award
As the name states, this is the award for the game with the best multiplayer. Odds are if you walked into a college dorm room (or it's equal) this game would most likely be in the console of choice getting the shit played out of it. You are more than likely going to see this game at the top of the "most played online" lists among other things, and this award is for them.

Madden XX
It's almost like it's cheating to put a Madden game on the list, but if I didn't put one on there I'm pretty sure I'd catch major amounts of hell for it. It's pretty simple, everyone loves Madden. College kids love football. Therefore college kids love Madden.

Gears of War 2
Gears of War 2 came out this year, which meant that every other game on Xbox Live was now rendered obsolete and useless because you KNOW where everyone else is at. Despite my sucking HARD at Gears of War 2, I can't deny that this game is probably one of the best and biggest console multiplayer games to show up in recent memory, and there's no reason why this game shouldn't be nominated.


Ignore the douchebag with the Lancer. Seriously, it's the only way to win online.

Left 4 Dead
This game had an epic TON of hype going into this year and it delivered pretty damned well. Being one of the few Multiplayer/Teamwork oriented games on the line up, it really did find a home on the PC and Xbox 360. But will not startling the witch and cursing the Boomer be enough for L4D to take home a Workie?

Call of Duty: World at War
While I am not pleased with CoD going back to boring ground, there is no denying that the fans would love CoD no matter where it went. It being here this year to go up against a pretty stacked roster with Gears, Madden, and L4D means that gaming has once again been good for the shooting and sports fans out there. Speaking of stacked rosters...

SSBB - HALFTIME WINNER
This game managed to win the award earlier in the year, but I have my doubts for it this year. It really ran unopposed and didn't have anything else really standing in it's way...but when stacked up against everyone else in this category, it just looks a tad out of place. But maybe Mario and his tons of friends can pull this one out?


Not a Bang but a Whimper Award
This award wasn't in the Halftime Awards, but is a stable of the 1st Annual Workies. This award 'rewards' games that were super hyped before their release but somehow managed to not live up to the hype and actually ended up doing a lot worse than expected. It's a sad award to have to give out, but given how strong the hype machine is nowadays you just can't help but crumple under it sometimes.

Spore
This game was delayed so many times that many people didn't think it was EVER going to come out. Despite that doubt the game finally was released...with the huge mistake that is DRM and some underwhelming gameplay. Many people had fun with it, but Spore came nowhere near to the success that The Sims had, and Spore itself was set up to be a Sim killer. Instead it ended up being the most pirated game of the year.

LittleBigPlanet
Following on our trail of user-created content. We arrive at LBP which wowed the socks off of EVERYONE at E3 and continue to impress well into the year. But when it was finally released almost NO ONE BOUGHT IT. The game looks great, plays great, but the sheer complexity of it managed to turn off all gamers, casual and hardcore alike. Maybe the world just wasn't ready for something like LBP?

Star Wars: Force Unleashed
Being the first major Star Wars game to be released since Battlefront can often get you a lot of damn buzz, and that's exactly what happened for Force Unleashed. It ended up getting the rub from Soul Calibur 4 as well with the Apprentice (who barely missed being nominated for DIAF for his performance in SC4) and a ton of other crossover and hype promotions. But when the game launched all we were treated to was a very short experience and a very mediocre hack and slash game that was just set in the Star Wars universe. The hardcore fans didn't care much for the game and the casual players just compared it to a futuristic rip-off of Prince of Persia.

Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe
Mortal Komb--ahahaha. Who am I kidding? No one was hyped for this game and no one is surprised it didn't do too well. Moving on.

Too Human
When a game is in development for this long, there is just no excuse why it has to suck so hard. If Duke Nukem Forever ever comes out and it ends up being like Too Human in terms of quality then I hope the game never gets made. After almost a full decade in development all we got to show for our efforts was a great setting, but horrible controls, voice acting, gameplay, online play, and music. It seems like they spent so much time trying to work out a story and a world to play in that they just forgot everything else.




Workaholics Choice Game of the Year

And now it's all down to you all. This award will be done just like the Halftime Awards. This week you all will write in with your NOMINATIONS, and then they will be posted next week. The week after that you all and my panel will vote on the nominees and we will decide what the Workaholics Choice Game of the Year is.

So that pretty much makes this next part very simple...

Working Question

What is Game of the Year?


You can either leave your answers in the comments or shoot me an email. Shout out to JDL AND Toddo for joining the 411Mania Games Crew. Look at me? I ended up bring two people into the biz. If this keeps going I might get an ego and start forming some writers stable or something.

Until next time, I'm Jordan Williams...and Happy Christmahanakwanzaka to you!