Games Only a Mother Could Love 12.25.08: Slam City with Scottie Pippen (Sega CD)
Posted by Mark Salmela on 12.25.2008
Here’s 5 dollars, go buy yourself some game…
Come one, come all… it's the world's greatest collection of video games. I am your host Mark Salmela, and I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas. Funny, I'm the only game's writer to have a column go live on Christmas Day 2 years straight *you can read my Christmas themed edition of the SIXAXIS Report from last year here, I personally consider it one of my best pieces of work*. For anyone wondering, the 2008 SIXAXIS Game of the Year award goes to Metal Gear Solid 4 *sorry, after reading that column again, I noticed I put a lot of work into last year's GOTY awards and wanted to keep the tradition up after Rainbow Six Vegas in 2006 and Super Mario Galaxy in 2007, sorry Derek*. While there aren't any sweet Christmas cards from around the industry like last year, there weren't any sweet columns discussing Slam City with Scottie Pippen like this year *huzzah*. I'm going to keep this column relatively short *hey, I was going to take the week off but you guys deserved better*, so I'm not going to post an edition of Games Only I can Love *nothing cool came out on XNA this week anyways*. So on with the show.
Slam City with Scottie Pippen (1995)
What you gonna get? Gonna get respect of course! When done right, basketball games can be some of my favorite games of all time. Hell, I still play NBA Jam on a regular basis. Why NBA Jam isn't on the XBLA or PSN by this point is way b3yond *pun* me, because NBA Jam online would easily be one of the best games of this generation. As long as they don't make it 3D like NBA Jam on the PS2 of course *that game was terrible*. But I'm not here to ramble on about NBA Jam, because there's a little known game that is almost as awesome as the announcer in NBA Jam, and that's Slam City with Scottie Pippen for the Sega CD.
Slam City is a full motion video basketball game *the only one of its kind to my knowledge, please correct me if I'm mistaken* that uses actual people for street basketball. The entire game is played from third person *over your shoulder*, and since its street basketball it's only half court with no rules *and I actually mean no rules other than traveling, just as it should be in a video game*.
How can you not dance to this phat tune?
Right from the opening intro *which Scottie Pippen himself sings* it is clear that this game is something special. From the thug-in and buggin street dancing to Mad Dog nearly getting curb stomped on a basketball court, I haven't even played the game yet and I feel as if Slam City was money well spent. Packed onto a massive 4 discs, my only big criticism of Slam City is the constant disc changing. Each of the 4 basketball opponents has their own disc *except the first disc which has 2 for the final 5th battle against Scotty Pippen* so be prepared to switch back and forth between discs quite frequently while playing the game *thank god games now days allow you to install onto hard drives*.
As far as I know you are playing as "Ace", although I always imagine myself as the main character *after all, the best games allow you to immerse yourself into the role*, and the 4 selectable opponents from the start are Fingers, Juice, Smash, and my personal favorite, Mad Dog. Mad Dog is the buffed out steroid user who has meltdowns on the basketball court if he starts losing *probably the steroids kicking in*.
This is seriously the only picture of actual gameplay I could find.
The gameplay of Slam City is nothing special, in fact it's rather confusing. You move your player to the left and right with the d-pad, so that's simple enough. When you're on offense the B button makes you pivot, which often can move you forward or back, the A button makes you shoot *press it twice to actually shoot*, and as far as I know the C button doesn't actually do anything. On defense the A button makes you raise your hands in the air *and shake them like you just don't care*, the B button makes you attempt to block the shot, and the C button makes you attempt to steal the ball *although if it fails the opponent always shoves you aside and makes a free layup or whacky dunk Globetrotters style*.
Slam City also has a respect meter that you're trying to build up, since basketball is all about earning mad cred. Making a shot, getting a rebound, and successfully defending your opponent all add hundreds of thousands of street cred points, but missing a shot, getting blocked, or giving up a shot makes you an Urkel and takes away your cred.
Doesn't your local basketball court have ghetto dancers?
Slam City is by no means an easy game. In fact, it's one of the hardest Sega CD games I own *and trust me, the Sega CD is full of brutally difficult games*. Maybe I lack the cred necessary to be able to hang with Fingers on the b-ball court, but I can barely manage to make the games competitive, much less actually win one. Scores are often 7-3 or 7-4 in favor of the opponents, so I've never actually gotten to play against Scotty himself *and lord knows he's got to be invincible, it's his game after all*.
But what keeps me coming back over and over again to Slam City is the absolutely hysterical dialogue. Now I've ranted about funny lines in games like NBA Jam *is it the shoes* and Corpse Killer before *the electro-posse* but Slam City blows them all away. Pretty much every time you start a game, make a basket, give up a basket, get rejected, lose a game, or win a game there's a cut scene that follows. For example every time you miss a shot there's a cut scene where your opponent smacks the ball right out of your hands and either looks at you disappointed or trash talks you with lines like "what did you think was going to happen?" Or in Mad Dog's case he flexes his muscles and smiles at you, probably foreshadowing what's going to happen in the shower after the game.
Mad Dog right before he dodges the curb stomp, making him better than everyone in Gears of War.
Now the best lines come from when you lose, as something hysterical always happens. I searched high and low for YouTube videos of Slam City to no luck *other than the intro which I already posted* so you're going to have to take my word for it. I'm not going to sit here explaining every Oscar-caliber losing cut scene to you but I will describe my favorite.
So you just lost to Fingers in an embarrassing defeat. Looking for sympathy, Mad Dog let's you know that you suck and have no game. So being the loser you are, you just want to get out of the spotlight and return to your girlfriend who probably thinks you're a loser as well. But not only do you get cut off and shoved away by Juice as she walks by, but Fingers than pulls the ultimate playa move and rips a giant weed out of the ground and hands it to your girlfriend as she looks on with "f*ck me" eyes. That's right, not only did you lose in basketball to Fingers, but he takes your girlfriend as well. But it's ok, she's obviously a whore if she's won over by a guy named Finger ripping a weed out of the ground and handing it to her.
Now that is the face of a true pimp… Or a true rapist. It's a judgment call.
Ok I know I promised only one scenario, but I have to describe another. After all I did say Mad Dog is my favorite. Right from the get go Mad Dog flexes his muscles at me proclaiming "your ball junior" which is poor sportsmanship if I've ever seen it *after all I'm just trying to earn respect*. After going down 2-1 Smash on the sidelines tells me I need a hardhat, which just confuses me *what does construction have to do with basketball?*. After getting a lucky shot, it's tied 2-2. Mad Dog throws up a bad shot, which brings up the rebound mini-game, which is especially awesome since it defies the laws of physics. Basically both players are standing there and jump into the air, and the player who moves in the air mid-jump towards the ball *usually pushing the other player also in the air to the side* gets the rebound, totally defying the laws of physics. I mean seriously, jump ball is basically two guys in the air fighting pushing each other to the side. I am not in the NBA, nor am I a professional on the subject, but I'm pretty sure I cannot change directions and move back and forth in the air at free will. It's totally awesome but highly unrealistic.
Thankfully I come down with the ball, but since I timed my jump shot wrong, Mad Dog smacked it back into my face before proclaiming "I think I like that". Apparently Mad Dog likes smacking my ball around *sorry, couldn't resist*. Mad Dog than tells me he shut me down before going on an absolute killing spree, winning the game 7-3. I guess he was right. But it's ok, as I'm treated to the losing cut scene.
Hmmm Juicy! I'd squeeze the freshness right out of that!
So the losing cut scene with Mad Dog starts off with 2 hot chicks laughing at me telling me I'm worthless *we're off to a morale-boosting good start*. Mad Dog than comes up and tells me "here's 5 dollars go buy yourself some game" and throws a 5 dollar bill at my face. If that didn't already make me pee my pants a pimp than comes up to me *and I'm talking the old-school 70's style dirty white pimp in a fedora* and tells me "tell your girlfriend the rent is $50 a month" before laughing at me exposing his old-school grill. Then it's back to the opening screen with Scottie Pippen rapping to me telling me to bring it on. Well I would Scottie except haven't purchased any "game" yet from the convenience store. Sadly the local 7-11 doesn't sell any of this so called "game".
Other quick but notable insults from Slam City: "He polished you like China", "You fell like an angel out of the sky", "Boy I'm going to drink you like milk", "I'll stuff it so far down your throat you'll look pregnant with twins", and "there's a pen and paper in my jock strap, start taking notes".
While I will admit Slam City doesn't offer much in terms of gameplay, the dialogue and cut scenes in Slam City are more than enough to warrant the $15 bucks I spent on E-bay for it 2 years ago. It's a shame there aren't more games like this. I would have loved to take on John Elway in football and his funky crew of characters such as Cleats, Destroy, Nourishment, and Unsure *$5 and 300,000 respect points to anyone who got that I love New York reference*.
Ron Stein really knows how to get the best view of the action.
Well, I would love to describe more of Slam City to all of you, but I'm simply out of time. After all, it's the holidays, so I think I can get away with short changing you all this week. If you're yearning for more Games Only a Mother Could Love feel free to check out last week's column on Corpse Killer and Pastry Wars which can be found here. I'll be back *hopefully* next week with the game that is synonymous with the Sega CD, and that's Night Trap. That's right, next week you're going to get caught in the night, Night Trap!
