The PC Spotlight 01.02.09: The Best PC Games to Play While Drunk
Posted by Chris Vicari on 01.02.2009
In a special New Years edition of the PC Spotlight, Chris Vicari highlights some of the best PC games to play while slammed.
New Year's Day is finally here and it's time to mix the drinks and prep the liver. Welcome back to another Thursday with the PC Spotlight and a Happy New Year to you all. By the time this column goes up, $5 million Times Square Ball dropped, and you should be around 10 beers or six shots in. If not, please continue consumption now. This week is a special New Year's Day edition of the PC Spotlight, and I'll be highlighting some of the best PC games to play when getting your drink on. Do some keg stands, funnel a few ice cold Keystone beers or whichever cheap brand you prefer and grab a couple intoxicated friends. It's time to get sloshed. 10. Medic!
Starting off at number 10 is the famous Half-Life mod Day of Defeat. Featuring some of the most tight-assed and arrogant bunch this side of the internet, the DoD community will insta-kick or ban anyone who doesn't play with a serious face. Any verbal outburst or misappropriation of simple squad tactics will meet with harsh criticism from grizzled veterans and hardened server admins. Due to this particular characteristic, DoD is a superb game to play when you really want to just mess around and annoy people. Most servers have all-talk enabled including friendly fire so an entire server, containing up to 31 other players, is fully aware of your haphazard antics. Just don't expect to be playing on one particular server for very long.
Specific activities to ensure maximum enjoyment:
1. Find an offensive image you find amusing and spray it in your team's respawn. Make sure nobody sees you doing it.
2. Drop from high places to lower your health and then wound a fellow teammate. Odds are when they shoot you back it'll kill you, allowing you to have all sorts of fun with the server's friendly fire add-ons.
3. Spam every voice command available.
4. "Accidentally" throw grenades at your teammates.
Drink of Choice: Kool-Aid!
9. God?
Coming in at number nine is Electronic Arts' super-successful life simulator The Sims 2. When chemically inconvenienced, it is not uncommon to experience delusions of grandeur or fantasies. While hooking up with the hottest girl at the party or engaging in a threesome may be just out of your reach, playing God oddly enough isn't. That's where The Sims 2 comes in. Since controlling other people is one of the most intriguing activities to perform while sober, that means it's at least ten times better when you're drunk. As God and supreme overlord of your Sims, you're guaranteed to have a blast making their lives absolutely miserable. Walling off the toilet, setting the house on fire, or forcing a Sim to have an eating disorder are just some of the simple things you can do. The Sims 2 sadly enough cannot be recommended for all drunk gamers. The game is far more suited for our female counterparts, the ones who enjoy accessorizing and shopping in particular.
An alternative to fulfilling one's God complex: Black & White 2
Drink of Choice: Liqueurs, because real men don't play Sims 2.
8. Grav me a beer please.
Heading to number eight is one of Valve's own modifications to its hit title Half-Life 2, succinctly named Half-Life 2 Deathmatch. HL2DM is simple deathmatch at its best, but the ability to use the game's Gravity Gun to toss various barf receptacles such as toilets, cars, and other household objects at your fellow man is as sure of a reason as any to play. Best played while pregaming or warming up for tougher or more strenuous games.
Drink of Choice: Something typically consumed while pregaming it.
7. Samuel Adams has entered the arena!
Moving on to number seven is iD Software's award-winning and immensely-popular deathmatch experience Quake III Arena. Featuring some of the most fast-paced action available, Q3 is best reserved for the more experienced gamers who can handle the alcohol. Dodging rockets, hitting targets, and simply surviving longer than four seconds becomes a challenge in and of itself. Don't be too upset if your rockets can't hit the broad side of a barn, chances are it would have gone straight if you were sober, unless you suck. Sadly, the game doesn't make for as much drunken fun as others out there because it lacks VoIP, disabling you from verbally taunting your opponents, but that's what Ventrillo and Teamspeak are for.
Drink of Choice: A drink mixed with lots of Red Bull or Gentleman's Jack/Single Barrel straight or with coke.
6. You stole my !#$@ing Cloudsong!
Rolling in at number six is MMO gaming, a source teeming with infinite hours of entertainment, little kids, and elitist jerks making for some excellent fodder for anyone's drunken binge. Get yourself a microphone, download ventrilo, and head onto your guild's server and just let loose. Some of the greatest experiences can be had messing with your fellow players over the airwaves. Large quantities of alcohol also make the boring and repetitive activities which plague all MMOs into enjoyable undertakings. Take instance running for example. By itself, it's as dull as watching molasses roll down a hill, but add some heavy drinking into the mix, and you've got a party worth going to. If grouping isn't your style, why not traverse the countryside stealing kills and spouting random babble to all you meet? There are plenty of opportunities here and they should not be overlooked. Running around in the nude certainly helps too.
Specific activities to ensure maximum enjoyment:
1. Pose an odd question in local chat. "What is the cost of a Wendy's Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger?" "Sprinkles or Jimmies?"
2. Start a flame war
3. Use /emotes at every conceivable opportunity
4. There is no such thing as being too immature
5. Pretend to be a girl and get free stuff. Just add smileys at the end of every sentence.
To cover my ass: The Cloudsong is from Dark Age of Camelot
Drink of Choice: Hard alcohol only. Whiskey. Gin. Anything.
5. Rum and Coke with a side of zombie please.
Consume alcohol and play normally, but performing the following actions:
1. Open console
2. Type: bind F3 "vocalize playerdeath"
3. Press F3 ad infinitum during play session
4. ???
5. Profit!
And that's it.
4. Enemy Beer Spotted!
Coming in at number 4 is EA's popular FPS/Strategy Battlefield 2 game. With massive battles of up to 64 players, tanks, planes, and helicopters, it's a paradise for the impaired. Ramming helicopters into people, sniping with tanks, or dropping dune buggies onto your teammates are things worth repeating over and over. If you get bored doing that, hop into a Harrier jet and perform some crazy stunts and if you proves too nauseas for you, pilot an AH1 Cobra and lay waste to the map. There's a lot of fun to be had here.
Drink of Choice: Thor's Hammer...ROAR!
3. The Anti-MADD
Almost done and now we're heading onward to number three with Grand Theft Auto IV, the ultra-popular game which has earned unanimous praise from critics, but a whole lot of criticism from parents since its releases last month. While critics praise the game in unison for its well-written story, likeable characters, and crisp graphics, this drinker thinks it's one of the most phenomenal games to play while wasted. Evading the cops, running people over, and even driving around drunk (In-game people!) are considered the most worthwhile activities to perform. With so much to do and so much to see in the expansive Liberty City, GTA IV is a grand choice for just about anyone. You'll just need a powerful machine to run it, but the trouble is that money should go to booze. You can also play online, if you manage to fix all the bugs, and take your drunkenness online and battle it out.
Specific activities to ensure maximum enjoyment:
1. Go on drinking dates with all your in-game friends, but don't call a cab.
2. Steal a cop car and go on the hunt
3. Hit the Liberty City beaches with a tank
4. Start a massive street brawl
Drink of Choice: It's your call.
2. Is someone keeping track of my beers pounded in!? BONK!
Moving on to number two is none other than Team Fortress 2. This team-based cooperative shooter brought to us by Valve, contains everything a drunk needs with all the trimmings. Excellent classes, funny character dialogue, and dominations coupled with VoIP and a fun community, makes TF2 one of the best games to play hammered. Since TF2 utilizes Capture the Flag and Payload game types which force players to work together, the game becomes serious business for those who aren't completely smashed. It is not uncommon for inebriated individuals to engage in VoIP shouting matches with their fellow man over the most trivial of topics. Whatever your poison may be, TF2 is a blast to play while intoxicated whether playing normally or just messing around. It's all good here.
Specific activities to ensure maximum enjoyment:
1. Talk constantly. About anything.
2. Play as a Scout only using a bat while spamming "Need a dispenser here!"
3. If playing as a medic, never heal anyone, and only use your Ubersaw.
Drink of Choice: Depends on your favorite class.
Heavy Vodka
Demoman Whiskey of course
Medic A good German beer. How bout a Pilsner?
Scout Jagerbombs and Heinekens
Spy Martinis
Engineer Southern Comfort or Moonshine, if you can handle the latter.
Sniper Victoria Bitter or a Carlton Draught. Definitely not Foster's.
Soldier Sam Adams
The #1 Multiplayer Shooter for Drunks
And finally at number one, the definitive "I am drunk and need to shoot people" game, one which has been a staple multiplayer game for years, is definitely Counter-Strike. With voice communication as potent of a weapon as the trusty AK-47, AWP, or Colt rifle, the endless pleasure of mindless trash talking, friendly fire, and "misplaced" flashbangs can provide hours of meaningless entertainment for any drunk. The Counter-Strike community is also one of the most easygoing bunch around, and fellow players will undoubtedly respond, react, or even help your crazy antics. For added pleasure, spam voice commands as much as humanly possible, especially "Get outta there it's gonna blow!"
Counter-Strike has been around for ages, starting back as a Half-Life mod released in 1999, but the game is still one of the best PC games around to play when you're a little sauced.
Specific activities to ensure maximum enjoyment:
1. Find an all-talk server and/or friendly fire server rant and shoot teammates often
2. Target players under the age of 15
3. Every time you get the bomb, throw it to some unreachable area.
4. Hit on female players, if they exist.
Drink of Choice: Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum or beer. Why not both!?
The PC Spotlight will resume normal schedule next week. Until then, stay safe!
