411 Movies Essentials: Evocator Manes - 'Spawn', 'Tombstone', 'Princess Bride', More
Posted by Evocator Manes on 07.26.2005
EM Commemorative Expanded Director's Cut Bonus Special Edition
Ah, what a royal mess this is. Taking the Essentials/"Desert Island" concept and applying it to the 411 Movie Zone or rather, said Zone appropriating the idea is, on the surface, not such a bad plan after all. However, turned over and delivered into the hands of madmen and miscreants, it can fast become a train wreck, which is more or less the disaster wrought down upon your head by yours truly.
I could go into a huge diatribe about some pet projects of mine in the movie field, though I love music videos much more, such as the movie I always wanted to see made of the Krokus Headhunter album, intermixed with segments of Judas Priest's Painkiller album, directed, written by and starring me, or I could talk about my aborted movie that I was going to film, finance and star in, which sadly got derailed after I had written the shooting script due to my car being stolen. Funny how life throws fucking money wrenches into all my plans, like the dirty rotten cocksucking outright thieving asinine little deviant bitch that it truly is.
Alas, I digress. I do that. A lot sometimes. Anyway, rolling back along to the subject of this, if I can ever find the nut again and get there, as I said, I could go into all that shit, but why bother now? Instead, I will make a few observations. First, there are 12 titles here instead of the proverbial 10 that such lists typically consist thereof. I could not bear to part with any of these, though some of the them I assuredly watch much less than others. There are a number of titles left off, such as Army Of Darkness or The Last Boy Scout, both of which, while infinitely cool to be sure, are just not that good of movies (sorry fuckers). Underworld, Monty Python & The Holy Grail, The Lion King, Aladdin and The Return Of The King, conversely, while very, very good movies, also did not make the cut. Second, I do not watch a great deal of movies as it is, at least not to the extent of some people. Most of my recent viewing, television or otherwise, tends to be of old Warner Bros. cartoon on a tiny LCD screen in the cabin of a Jet Blue Airbus A320 careening wildly back and forth across the country. I swear, if Bugs Bunny ever did a full-length feature film NOT called Space Jam, I'd be SO there...
Shit, there I go again. Weeeell, by now I have forced this sludgeheap into an excessively long introduction and I'm still not finished. So, with the length of the list of movies itself being longer than normal, the introduction being longer than normal and the disclaimer of sorts about my not watching a great deal of movies – in fact, I own very few of these titles. Most of the DVD/videos I have are from bands. Fortunately, my roommate is a HUGE movie buff and has tons of these and rents plenty more, always on a quest for...what? Something, I don't know exactly – I want to briefly touch on these movies. This may be the most eclectic collection of titles assembled, with new and old and touching nearly every genre there is, I think. This is unintentional, to be sure, but still kind of neat. I guess it also mirrors somewhat my taste in literature and music, which is also skewed in 5,000 directions. The reasons for choosing these movies should be revealed, if I am doing my job at all properly, in the text associated with the titles themselves. Ah fuck it, let's just get on with the getting on, shall we? Grab a cold one, kids, this could take a while. I suggest you read it on the installment plan. Regardless, bravely there go I (and you, hopefully). [Editor's Note: There is no specified order to these titles or no specified meaning to the order of these titles and none should be accorded the order, which itself is as meandering, random and scattered as the ridiculous preceding introduction]
A Bridge Too Far MGM/United Artists – 1977
Well, you're never going to see another one quite like this movie again. Possibly the most star-studded cast seen in quite some time, this movie, clocking in at nearly 3 hours, seems like it should have gone on much longer. I still can't quite reconcile myself with the ending, which I have seen a good 60+ times, but the show itself never seems like a 3 hour movie. The flow and pacing from the helm of the able hand of director Richard Attenborough and the stunning script written by William Goldman, hands down easily one of the best writers of this lifetime or any other, allowed this movie to be seamless in transition and never suffer from waning interest on the part of the audience. Even though I can anticipate everything by now and quote dialogue almost word for word when I watch it, I still eagerly look forward to what comes next. I could probably write an entire column on how great this fucking thing is, how Anthony Hopkins and Maximilian Schell just flat-out stole the movie (considering who was in it, no easy feat, to be sure) and their interplay with each other is a true marvel to see, how excellently the entire movie was filmed, how the prop department had to construct all of the gliders in the movie and several of the other vehicles as well, how perfect several of the details fit into the overall scheme, I could literally go on forever or at least very close to it. The subject line of the movie is from World War II, about an abortion of idea (Operation Market Garden) from the swelled head of Field Marshall Bernard Montgomery, who was in competition with General George Patton over who could get the greater share of glory and capture Berlin. Montgomery wanted that and the associated hero status so much his dick was hard and this "thrust" was designed to bring about that conclusion, while also having the nice direct effect on stealing resources from Patton's troops. Cornelius Ryan, shortly before he died, wrote the book, the third in his awesome series about World War II and the movie rather faithfully follows the book along, with only some minor appropriations. Those changes, though, upon reading the book and seeing the movie, are clearly necessary for film purposes. All in all, this is not only the best World War II movie I've seen, but also the best WAR movie I've ever seen. The human story is told well and the various ironies of war, as well as what Goldman calls, "futile courage" are also in heavy abundance. A must-see movie that stands up well nearly 30 years later.
Hero Miramax - 2002/2003
Holy shit, what a movie! This story predates Christianity by several hundred years, set in very old times when China existed as a collective of provinces, all of which were at war with each other. The two lands of Qin, which were the more successful aggressors and Zhao, which were among the recently conquered, are the two main areas dealt with in this story. It is not so much the story as the telling and the telling is nothing short of awe-inspiring here. Zhang Yimou took his time writing and perfecting the story, then filming and directing it and the result in just pure bliss. Tony Leung just pours it on and Jet Li continually improves as an actor, recovering nicely from such idiotic dreck such as The One. After this movie, a lot of eyes were opened to his potential and no longer can he be considered just another martial artist doing stunts for movies spectacularly and being wooden to the point of firewood at other times. There is plenty for fans of martial arts in the movie, with Donnie Yen and Jet Li putting on a showcase, but it is one of the sub-plots, the affair between Flying Snow (Maggie Cheung) and Broken Sword (Leung) that really steals this movie. In fact, I flew this DVD cross-country for the very reason of this sub-plot. Maybe it is that I relate very strongly to the Broken Sword character on a personal level and find many parallels and comparisons to my own lot in the portrayal of their story on the screen, but this is a movie I am watching a lot of lately, when I do watch movies (and not just because I am in the process of learning Mandarin). It also doesn't hurt that the very lovely Zhang Ziyi is also prominently featured in the movie and once again, as in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, she walks away with every scene she is in. I would happily watch any movie she is in, but her character this time draws much sympathy, as her fate is none too hot. Musically, this film is super-impressive as my main man Itzhak Perlman comes in and drops down a shred fest in the background, which works so flawlessly, so succinct, yes, I'll say it, just purely scintillating. I don't usually bother with extras, but it was sort of moderately amusing to watch Quentin Tarantino stumble his way through sucking Jet Li's dick "interviewing" Jet Li on the bonus section. I should also point out that Chen Dao Ming's turn as the Emporer is nothing short of fascinating. I think that there is a lot that people can relate to here and I can't imagine anyone not enjoying this tremendously.
The Matrix Warner Bros – 1999
Discounting for the moment the pending litigation between Sophia Stewart and the Wachowski/Warner Bros. juggernaut over who is responsible for The Matrix genesis, the fact remains that this is one barnburner of a movie that stands alone and, for my money, should have been left alone. The series completely crashed and burned after this film, though watching the guys fight in the "Mech" super-warriors in the final installment was sort of amusing and pathetic all at once. As for this movie, the concept of "the one", the big hero come to save us all is a fairly common one in science fiction, fantasy and in ecumenical literature. Of course, its enduring popularity as a concept probably has a great deal to do with the ability of everyone to relate to the idea and either believe or partially wish that they were that type of entity. Ahh yes, you are, after all, a unique individual...just like everyone else. To supercede that, to be a world hero, fuck, a world SAVIOR, has a much nicer ring to it than best weekend barbequer on the block, yes? Yes. Anyway, this movie was revolutionary in the use of its effects, but it was the story that really moved this thing along. Depending on who you believe, the first movie followed Stewart's original treatment, then moved away from that into a bevy of screenwriters who had no business touching a Selectric in a museum, let alone working on a cottage heavyweight motion picture industry and thus you got the shitrain that followed, or it was all by grand design that things shook out the way they did and the audience just "didn't get it". Decide as you will. This movie though works completely well by itself, particularly in the clever usage of color throughout the movie. The camera shots are excellent and there is little to dislike here. In many ways, it is a near-perfect movie. A funny story here, I first saw this movie with a blind date in a theatre and I was so entranced by the movie, I quite forgot about her completely. That was our first and last pairing as a couple, as it were, but what the fuck. A movie like this only comes along in a great, great while and blind dates (oh I can tell you stories) are everywhere.
Tombstone Hollywood Pictures – 1993
I think that American movie aficionados and even casual fans need to have a movie styele distinctly their own and no movie style is so American as much as the Western movie and indeed, this is the quintessential gunslinger Western movie. Drawing on the lore of Wyatt Earp and the shootout at the O.K. Corral and then going onward quite beyond that, this movie either re-creates or revises history, depending on your perspective. Either way, it is effective and compelling. With the exception of The Matrix, all of the movies mentioned so far (and on this list in general) have one star that is more stellar than others, that the movie winds up being a showcase for their acting skill tour de force. This movie is no different as Val Kilmer, playing a very convincing Doc Holliday, just blows everyone else in the water away, including Michael Biehn and Powers Boothe, both of whom are certainly great actors in their own right. Kurt Russell turned in easily the best effort of his career and really seemed to get off and get into the role, which he played well. This movie is a great deal of fun and is chock-full of one-liners. It is probably one of the most quotable movies ever to come along down the pipeline. The cast is very strong and if there are liberties taken with history, so fucking what? This a highly enjoyable movie and at the end of the day, that's ultimately what counts most.
Remember The Titans Disney – 2000
At times, I get obsessive about movies and feel a compelling, overwhelming urge to watch them about 20 million times. This was one such movie. I don't even know where to begin with this one. I should start, I guess, with the opening scene. The filmography is just stunningly gorgeous. The colors they managed to capture are vivid and arresting and from that great initial snare, the trap is sprung and about 2 hours later, the release will come. Aside from Denzel Washington and arguably Will Patton (playing the exact same character he has played in every single role he has ever gotten, though it works to great effect here), there are no real stars here, which allows a lot of previously unheralded talent an opportunity to shine. For many of the actors here, this will be the highlight of their careers and aside from Donald Faison, none of them has really gone on to greater heights. Indeed, the casting seemed to have been done intentionally from the viewpoint of sum > whole of the parts. At least that is how it works out. The story is awesome and once again, this one takes liberties with actual events, sometimes huge ones (particularly Coach Yost's family), but it is hard to tell a story and make as strong of a statement as one wishes to in a short two hours. Believe that, though, this IS a statement movie, even if it is cleverly disguised otherwise. In that way, it is much like Rocky IV, actually. It shares other similarities as well, but this is a movie of such endearing values as brotherhood and togetherness and common cause and love for one another and equality and its hard to find a logical argument against any of those. The pacing is very well-done here and even if the movie gets a bit simplistic at times, one has to remember that the movie makers are trying to cram 90 minutes and a whole civil rights struggle lasting much longer into a short 2 hours, so when they resort to a montage, one can overlook it, particularly as well-done as this one is. There is a great deal of humor and humanity in this movie and it is deeply rooted in Americana. It simply is one of the most skillfully executed, on every level, movies that has come down the pipeline in recent memory.
Mary Poppins Disney – 1964
Back a number of years ago, Disney used to rule the roost. Disney movie night was a big goddamn deal in many, many homes and for a while, their power knew no bounds. Ahhh, back during that time when the innocence of youth was fresh and happiness in simple things abounded. This is just such a movie, entrenched in happiness. It paints one of life's most sincerest lessons in that life itself is a drag and a relentless fucking bummer and you can never get what you want and people want to take your money for their own devious, underhanded purposes, but all you need is a magic nanny and your fucking troubles are over, bang-o! Unlike the pompous and overwrought The Sound Of Music, Julie Andrews comes through and kicks ass all over in this picture. Dick Van Dyke is her very able foil and together the two of them generate much madness and mayhem. Shit, this movie is just flat-out fun and you can't tell me you don't sit there, as I do, with an idiotic grin and if you do, I won't believe you, just as I won't believe me if you try to tell me you didn't and don't sing along with those damnably catchy tunes. This is still one of my all-time favorite movies and serves as a restoration to earlier, more carefree times. In fact, tell Ponce De Leon to quit looking; the fountain of youth is here, in this movie.
Everybody Says I Love You Miramax – 1996
Goddamn, I loves me some musicals. After watching one of the ultra-shitty "new" Star Wars films and seeing her exposed boobies on a beach somewhere, I too fell in love, albeit very briefly and nowhere near as deeply as with Zhang Ziyi, with the Israeli bombshell Natalie Portman. So, I decided to seek every movie she was in and watch with relish, as I was much impressed with her demeanor during the Star Wars junk. Imagine my joy when it became clear that she could act as well and act most excellently. Well shit, leave it to Woody Allen on this one. Let's just say we're making a musical about the agony, heartbreak and joy of love. Of course, we should immediately cast fucking Alan Alda, but amazingly, somehow, it works. Goldie Hawn, Drew Barrymore, what the fuck? Yet, that works, too. Just throw out all the damn rules here, none of them apply and when Portman finally does her singing bit, it is so endearing as to be heartbreaking and if you are the audience and happen to be me, you're slain forever after that interlude. Good Christ, this movie kicks ass. I could probably watch this a couple million times and never get sick of it and that is just on the basis of the performances alone. This is probably the most undersung movie on this entire list and it deserves so much more.
The Princess Bride MGM – 1987
When all is said and done, William Goldman remains both one of my favorite authors and premier influences as a writer, though I am certainly by no means his equal. Not only did he craft an exquisite book rooted in old-time fantasy and lore, but he added a sort of fairy-tale aspect to it, akin more to children's stories, then ran the whole thing sideways. As if that was not enough, he beat the fucker into submission and forced it to assume the shape of a screenplay, which, in the hands of Rob Reiner, was turned into one of the few exceptions of a movie exceeding the quality of the book. The story lends itself amazingly well to the visual format and the actors they got for this thing, Peter Falk, Fred Savage, Cary Elwes, Mandy Patinkin, Chris Sarandon (in his all-time best role), Andre The Giant, Wallace Shawn (show-stealer), Billy Crystal, have mercy, but this thing was stacked and loaded. All of Goldman's clever touches, from the humorous, kitschy fire swamp and Rodents Of Unusual Size, to naming two countries after the currency of one country, are intact and brilliant. Wallace Shawn's portrayal of the Sicilian Vizzini is remarkable and inspired and one of the highlights of the movie (and amazingly far off from the book as written, as was also the character Fezzik), yet when he dies, it seems so right that one does not regret him gone. That is the touch of a master's hand when you can get away with that. Patinkin's swordfight with the six-fingered man is combination roller-coaster and see-saw, with his perverse and incessant repetition of his greeting to the man who killed his father to the near heart-wrenching sinking feeling when he is seemingly mortally wounded with a stab wound early on in the fight. This movie is like the old classic Warner Bros. movies; it works well for any and every audience and is nearly without flaw of any kind.
Spawn New Line Cinema – 1997
Todd McFarlane used to be a big fucking deal, I mean a REALLY BIG FUCKING DEAL. I don't know if he is now anymore or not, as he took a shelling over this movie and did plenty of bitching about his loss of control over it. The story is a good one, guy loses his life in a fire trying to save a buddy. Devil restores his life and gives him some pretty serious superpowers and buddy takes guy's wife. Guy goes onto crime-fighting life, vowing to kill his killers, but is tormented by demonic clown along the way. It plays better than I describe it certainly and in fact, if you want to hear an excellent musical rendition of this story, head on over to your local record retailer (or online to The End Records or Amazon or Century Media or whatever) and get The Dark Saga record from Iced Earth, which, in addition to being an amazing piece of work, also features artwork from McFarlane. The band, sadly, did not show up in this movie, though. So, for this movie, martial art wiz Michael Jai White shows up and comes through with some nice bits of flair. While his acting chops are serviceable, he gets waylaid and is no comparison to John Leguizamo, who digs into his role with relish, serving as both White's guide and tormentor. The movie is one of those that is never going to make anyone clamor for it to be draped in awards, but is mesmerizing, particularly in how it creates its own world. Highly enjoyable and highly irritating that they didn't follow up on this as it had such promise and potential.
Monster Dog Continental Motion Pictures – 1984
The 1980s were a hard time for Alice, to be sure, until he started his comeback with Constrictor. This was probably a HUGE misstep for him, but Alice is never shy about being vocal when he needs money (see promos for Trash) and this was one of those times. Knowing that this would do no wonders for his reputation, but needing the money and loving horror movies, he could not resist this movie, which was never intended for the United States market and only made it over on video. Shot entirely in Madrid and intended for the Spanish/Brazilian market, it was only a matter of time before it would come here, Cooper's grand machinations and movie company protests to the contrary notwithstanding. Alice Cooper starring in a movie, fuck yeah! This movie was seemingly built around him as he plays a rock star, going to a haunted mansion, which happened to be his childhood home, with his band to make a video and madness, mayhem and shape-shifting, of course, ensues. Cooper comes from a long line of werewolves, it seems. Why he would leave to become a rock star and then presumably make enough money to shoot a music video and then take the band there to sacrifice them to the hounds of Hell is a bit of a mystery as it seems like career suicide, but even twists of logic such as those aside (butler disappears for good, leaving behind platter of sandwiches, rather thoughtfully), this is a movie that truly must be seen to be believed, from the old weird guy, who throws subtlety by the wayside during his screaming foreshadowing that the "master of the hounds has returned" and "you all shall die" in badly over-dubbed English, a trait he shares with nearly everyone but Alice, to the super-cool that Alice oozes at every turn. This one is almost that of "so bad it's good", but not quite. It is better than that and for being an unintentional entry into America, all things considered, is quite solid. Lots and lots of camp here and if that's your thing, jump on in. Fans of Alice, of course, should definitely take this thing for a spin.
Rawhead Rex Empire Pictures – 1986
I wish to God I knew a few things, such as what is wrong with the fucking English and why they're so obsessed with shit coming out of the ground, specifically demons. Whether it be from wells or gates or big holes in fields, there's always some nasty demon coming out because someone was a careless dumbass. From Ramsey Campbell to Clive Barker, it goes on and on in what passes for horror there and even to Neil Gaiman, those British fucks are obsessed with things being underground all the time. What gives, you bloody lot of wankers? Anyway, I also wish I knew what possessed me to rent this movie and why I liked it so much. I think it was the raw power, maybe. If I remember right, during one scene, Rex is busy tossing Volkswagen Beetles around and I loved that shit. It's been awhile. I probably should have re-watched this before commenting as my memory is a bit foggy now. Goddamn Brits. Anyway, Rawhead gets pulled up from the deep by a farmer and then spends the rest of the film wreaking havoc and smashing the shit out of stuff while one guy who does not stack up tries to find a method of stopping the demon somehow. Shitloads of fun, but a very, very dark film. This one is definitely one of those "so bad it's good" films, but I still get a kick out of it.
Flight Of Dragons ABC – 1982
I will follow my favorites anywhere and one of my favorite musicians, for a very long time now, has been Don McLean. It was back then, also, when this movie was first released, direct to video and direct to television, where I taped it, then watched it about 50 times until my stupid dumbfuck aunt taped over it with some Highway To Heaven bullshit. I swear, I fucking HATE HATE HATE people. And people wonder why I am the asshole I am today. Short answer, Einstein, because YOU FUCKERS MADE ME THAT WAY, GODDAMN YOU ALL. Oddly enough, this movie was released to theaters in 1986 and is now out on DVD, but that wretched cunt should not have fucked with my shit. Stupid bitch. Right, so then, as I was saying, Don McLean, follow favorites...he did the title song for this movie, which hooked me into it initially. It's funny how you first find out about stuff sometimes. After that, I found out Harry Morgan, who was much beloved because M*A*S*H* meant and means a great deal to me, was also doing the voices in it and John Ritter, who I found myself identifying with (or at least the portrayal of his characters) more than I probably should have been, was playing the lead voice of a writer who goes back in time to when there was magic. This movie is gorgeously done though and is filled with grandeur. It is an easy ride to go along on and even though it is done in cartoon-style, it is very much appealing to all sectors of the vast viewing audience. It is very imaginative and very smart, so smart that at times the fact that it is animated will not make much difference. This final movie on the list is possibly the most endearing in many ways and will easily captivate you. There is a warmth and originality to this movie that seems to have slipped by the wayside in these more modern days in the lust for supercool effects and the latest in CGI gadgetry. It is our loss and in that respect, at least, this movie was somewhat prophetic. I leave you with this then, a hidden gem, a diamond in the rough, beauty, grace and genius for those who would find it.
Wrap Up: I could go on and on I guess about movies I've enjoyed but I am already into my 8th page in WordPerfect and I am probably belaboring the point. Regardless, I am going to go on just a bit more, for it is a rare film indeed that I find endearing enough to either watch more than once or commit to memory. I think it is no coincidence that two films from William Goldman are on this list. I am a great fan of competence; nearly anything that is well-done I can appreciate from that respect, unless it is trite and trivial (Hi Britney). If something manages to combine quality with competence, I may just fall in love on the spot. Several of these movies combined those aspects wonderfully. Yet, that does not explain them all.
I am also a great fan of camp and kitsch; some of my favorite art ever is the stuff from the 1930s, 1940s, 1950s and 1960s era from the pulp book and magazine covers and associative artwork. I also am a great lover of the fantastical in art, particularly that of Ken Kelly, Jeff Easley and the like. My greatest response seems to come from passion. I can become quite easily involved and invest a good deal of emotion in anything that is passionate, comes from the heart and more importantly, makes me feel it, which the majority of these movies do. I don't relate to each and all of these on a deep level basis, but I identify in some way with the majority.
It is hard to gauge exactly why movies strike us. After reading this through, I still don't know that I adequately explained my understanding of why I like these particular movies above all others, maybe because I don't even know completely myself so much. I certainly enjoy other movies, sometimes briefly even more than these. I certainly can't explain why these are so particularly enduring; I just know that they are. It is my hope that you will find something to enjoy in these. I suppose a psychologist somewhere might tell you that one of the keys to personality can be found in someone's choice of movies they consider to be "theirs". That person might be right or full of shit, but I think there is something to that. Maybe someday, we can have a guest psychologist analyze this and the Music Essentials and see what they come up with. That's always fun, but for now, among the hours of enjoyment and art I offer you, there is also the chance for you to play amateur psychologist if you someday find yourself very, very bored. I thank you for staying with me this long and wish you much enjoyment as a result of looking at those pictures.
