411 Fantasy Baseball Movie Draft
Posted by Leonard Hayhurst on 08.03.2005
The best baseball players in film take the diamond for 411
The baseball season has just passed the halfway point and is heading for home. Baseball has been portrayed on film more than any other American sport. Even fictional players have developed legacies that rival that of real ones. Millions of baseball fans enjoy fantasy baseball every year and follow their make believe team more than their favorite real one. So, just imagine the type of fantasy team you could build from the best players the movies have to offer. Of course, some ground rules have to be laid out for this experiment.
1) Each person must select a player to fill each of the following slots: first base, second base, third base, short stop, catcher, left field, right field, center field, two utility players, two starting pitchers, two utility pitchers and a manager.
2) Each player selected must fill the position they are seen playing in the movie. If their position is ambiguous or unknown then they can be slotted into a position that seems close to what they play in the film (like you know a guy is an outfielder, but not sure which part of the outfield he plays). One player cannot fill more than one position.
3) Only fictional players are available for drafting. For instance, you can’t draft Shoeless Joe Jackson from Field of Dreams.
4) A player can only be drafted once, even if they appear in more than one movie and/or played by more than one person. If you could draft Shoeless Joe Jackson I couldn’t take him for Field of Dreams and Huckaby take him for Eight Man Out.
5) You get the player as they appear in the movie, not in their ‘prime.’ So if you wanted to draft Tom Hanks’ Jimmy Dugan from a League of Their Own as a player, you get him as a retired drunk not at the peak of his Hall of Fame career.
We flipped a can of Skoal and Michael Huckaby of 411 Sports won the right to go first. He will draft first in each round. A similar write up of our draft is also up in sports by Huckaby, but you know mine is better, much like our picks.
Rd. 1 - SP - Henry Rowengartner (Thomas Ian Nicholas) - Rookie of the Year
MH: Like you’re going to hit a 110mph fastball. Henry Rowengartner is the greatest baseball player in the history of baseball movies. However I will always hold it against Nicholas that he took Claudia Salinger’s virginity on Party of Five when I clearly loved her more. You stay away from me, I’ll stay away from you, and we’ll have no problems.
LH: It’s just like Huckaby to go after the 12-year-old boy. The kid throws a hundred and ten miles per hour, you can’t knock that. Yet, that’s all he can do. He’s a one trick pony. Learn a slurve or something. If a home run hitter catches one of his pitches, that thing is in another zip code. The movie also showed that he has a shelf life more limited than cottage cheese in Arizona. Those little tricks Gardenhoser employs won’t wash in a real game situation and he’s toast.
LH: This is a no brainer. He’s the Natural for crying out loud. He’s one of the best pure hitters to ever play the game. He can nail spectacular home runs and also hit for contact and move base runners along. Age and injury has limited his mobility in the field, but left field isn’t a taxing position. I toyed with the idea of drafting Hobbs as a pitcher from the beginning of the movie, but sentimentality got to me.
MH: Pshhh, he can’t hit Henry. I didn’t even put Hobbs on my list because I knew Hayhurst liked bad movies with bad baseball players. Hobbs was washed up and his career highlight is breaking a light. Henry can lead the Cubs to a World Series title... Roy broke a light. What is the bigger accomplishment?
Rd. 2-OF-Bobby Rayburn (Wesley Snipes)-The Fan
MH: Based roughly on Barry Bonds, Rayburn is a big time slugger and the greatest star in the league. He’ll nicely fill out my lineup against whatever sad pitcher you eventually take. He may be spoiled and Wesley Snipes may be a piece of garbage but with the game on the line I want Bobby up there winning the game for me.
LH: Great pick here. I had completely forgotten about this movie. Rayburn is based on Barry Bonds, so he’s a great power hitter and competent on the bases. Snipes as Rayburn probably has a bit more speed and agility than the real life Bonds too. Of course, having a psycho stalk you can’t be good for your mental makeup.
Rd. 2-CF-Willie Mays Hayes (Wesley Snipes)-Major League
LH: Probably the best lead off hitter and base stealer available. After taming his tendencies to hit long, Hays has become more comfortable with keeping the ball on the ground and legging them out. His intelligence on the base paths is also increasing. Let’s not even consider the other two Major League films, in the first movie, and that’s the guy I’m drafting, Hays showed nothing but potential in his rookie season. Plus, it’s Wesley Snipes ten years younger and less full of himself than what Huckaby got.
MH: You’re so predictable. Yeah, he’s fast... who’s gonna knock him in? Roy Hobbs? The only thing Hobbs ever knocked in was the outer casing of a light. My Wesley Snipes’ character is better than your Wesley Snipes’ character, you might as well step down and become the GM for the Los Angeles Clippers.
Rd. 3 - P - Steve Nebraska (Brendan Fraser) - The Scout
MH: You’re going to let me get the two best pitchers in baseball movie history? Okay, Steve might not be the most fit mentally but I’ll tell you what.... I have two pitchers that can handily break 100mph on the radar gun. I hope 93 year old Roy Hobbs and speed demon Wesley Snipes can get their bats around in time. I’m sensing you’ll be doing alot of bunting.
LH: This is about the only guy Huckaby stole from me as he was going to be my next pick before getting snatched up. He pitched a perfect game in his first major league start. That’s a hell of a lot to live up to, however. Nebraska was shown to be naïve and it’s questionable whether he has the makeup to survive an entire season under big pressure. He’s a great hitter too, but we’re using the designated hitter, so that’s a wash.
Rd. 3-1b-Jack Elliot (Tom Selleck)-Mr. Baseball
LH: I’ve got the Natural and Mr. Baseball, how can I lose? I probably drafted him too high, but I didn’t have a lot of prospects at first base. It’s true that Elliot’s best years are behind him, but going to Japan has revitalized him and given him a new work ethic. I think you can still get a couple quality seasons out of him. It’s also important to have a veteran glove at first base so as not to blow the easy plays. Plus, Tom Selleck’s mustache is sexy and intimidating.
MH: Another guy not on my list. Are we playing baseball or having a chest hair contest? Elliot went to Japan because he sucked... he wasn’t even good enough to play Major League Baseball and you’re taking him third? Note my pitchers are Henry and Brendan... not Hiroyoshi. Hell I could have been the star of Mr. Baseball and dominated the Japanese league.
Rd. 4 - DH - The Whammer (Joe Don Baker) - The Natural
MH: “A slugger of Ruthian proportions” will greatly add to my lineup which now features the two best pitchers and two best hitters in baseball movie history. Hayhurst will no doubt say “but Hobbs struck him out”... which is great except you have Hobbs playing the outfield. The Whammer will dominate my cleanup spot and take your pitchers all over the field. I hope Willie has added a Nightcrawler-like X-Men ability because he’s going to have to teleport through the outfield walls to catch these dingers.
LH: He’s based on Babe Ruth. Big deal. My number one pick owned him. Three pitched balls, three straight whiffs. Maybe Hobbs isn’t pitching, but if he can do it so can others. The Whammer is too cocky. I’m sure he has the talent to back it up, but there is always somebody better and when he smacks into that guy it’s lights out. Plus, who wants the star of Mitchell on their team?
Rd. 4-SP-Billy Chapel (Kevin Costner)-For the Love of the Game
LH: Over forty pitchers seem to be all the vogue these days. Chapel kind of reminds me of Kenny Rogers. He’s a solid, no frills pitchers that gets you the win and on any given night can still put on a hell of a performance. The guy has a perfect game under his belt. He might be a bit of a head case, but we have guys to slap him around and take care of that.
MH: Is that a ... pitcher? Noooo. Tom Selleck and Kevin Costner on the same team is a recipe for disaster. Your team is gonna tank faster than Waterworld.
Rd. 5 - OF - Pedro Cerrano (Dennis Haysbert) - Major League
MH: And the hitting simply never stops. Wesley Snipes (Fan version) is another sad Hollywood actor that thinks of himself too highly so I’ll hope he does a Scientology and adopts Cerrano’s religious beliefs. We’ll be a team full of harmony and love but only toward each other. Also not in a gay way.
LH: I had Cerrano on my draft board, because he’s a big time power hitter…if you feed him nothing but fast balls. I guess that fits Huckaby’s team though. A pitcher who can throw nothing but and a batter who can hit nothing but. He’d be better off putting Joe Boo in the outfield. Jesus Christ can too hit a curveball.
Rd.5-C-Crash Davis (Kevin Costner)-Bull Durham
LH: I just like the idea of Costner being his own battery. Could you get better pitcher and catcher communication? Crash wouldn’t need to signal pitches, Chapel would just know. A washed up catcher is the last guy you want on your team, but it seems that most movie baseball catchers are washed up. At least Crash appears to have better knees than Jake Taylor from Major League. Crash knows how to call a game and a thousand little tricks to psyche out hitters.
MH: Didn’t he give a hitter the kind of pitch that was coming resulting in a homerun? Yeah, great choice at catcher.. you got a great character there. I know you love your Costner/Costner battery but I’d rather have AA ... because my team is full of drunks.
Rd. 6 - 3rd - Juan Primo (Benicio Del Toro) - The Fan
MH: Honestly I don’t even remember what position he played but I need a third baseman. All I remember was his intense rivalry with Bobby Rayburn. This pick fills out the middle of my order and you won’t get a 1-2-3 inning to save your life.
LH: Another solid pick as Primo was portrayed as Rayburn’s main rival in the film. He seemed to be a good all a rounder. And I guess one of us has to have a Hispanic on the team somewhere. Too bad DeNiro ices him in the movie. Oh, did I ruin the film for you? Go cry in your fruit loops.
Rd. 6-SS-Roger Dorn (Corbin Bernsen)-Major League
LH: I told myself I didn’t want any high priced talent on the team, but Dorn is only high priced. I also had to resist the urge to just draft the entire Indians club from Major League. Dorn has to be properly motivated to play well, but just as I have guys to slap around Chapel, I have guys to ‘motivate’ Dorn. At his best, Dorn is a solid defensive short stop and a good gap hitter. Not too speedy, he has good instincts on the bases and a real edge when riled up. It’s just hard to keep the man going at 100% effectiveness.
MH: Man, your old washed up guys keep getting older and more washed up. Would you like to sign Strom Thurmond? How about George Burns? Bob Hope? I can’t even fathom all of the Ben Gay in your locker room.
Rd. 7 - 2nd - Ed (A Monkey) – Ed
MH: Okay... I never saw the movie Ed. But I figure a monkey has to be pretty damn good at baseball if it can make it out on the field with the coach’s confidence. Plus, you know, he can play pretty much any position out there on the field. Because as everyone knows monkeys are ... flexible. That was bad.
LH: This is perhaps the most brilliant pick ever in the history of fantasy sports. He can field with his feet. That’s talent. Although I shouldn’t rag on him taking a primate. If we were doing some sort of ultimate fighting team I would take Clyde from Every Which But Loose in a heartbeat. Now my question is, with Ed do you get Matt LeBlanc as part of the packaged deal? I still believe I hold the edge in the chest hair category with Selleck, but not by much.
Rd. 7-SP-Bingo Long (Billy D. Williams)-Bingo Long Traveling All Stars and Motor Kings
LH: You can’t go wrong with a pitcher so good he has his own traveling road show. For those who haven’t seen the film, Long is the head of an all star team of black players who break loose from the Negro Leagues in 1939 and go about the country challenging white teams. Grit, determination, moxie; all the intangibles you want in a pitcher is shown within that. It’s admittedly been a few years since I’ve seen the film, but if memory serves, Long showcased a dazzlingly fastball and a wicked curve along with the ability to never get ruffled by a batter. And Billy D. Williams is a pimp master.
MH: Me: “Going to the negro leagues now?” Hayhurst: “Hey, they can play too.” Did they have baseball back then? I don’t think gloves were invented until the mid-70s and they won’t be able to see without their eye black.
Rd. 8 - OF - Alejandro Heddo (Tom Milanovich) - Rookie of the Year
MH: I like going a little indepth when making my super fantasy drafts. Heddo was the big guy that kept dominating Henry until the end... I figured I might as well take him so Henry could throw perfect games every single time out.
LH: For all his talk on how Goldeschlager is unhittable, Huckaby brings up a guy who could hit him at will. As he said, it’s good logic to put them on the same team, but if this punk could him so can my guys. I would just like to mention that Milanovich got his ass handed to him by Don Ameche and Tom Selleck in the 1992 comedy Folks! Sometimes I even scare myself.
LH: I have to confess that I’ve never seen the movie, nor am I sure that Palmer plays third base. However, I didn’t have a lot of prospects at third, so if I say he plays third, the man plays third. Here’s what I do know:
Michael O’Keefe played Danny Noonan in Caddyshack. He’s a two sport superstar.
In the film Palmer breaks Roger Maris’ then home run record
Palmer plays for the Atlanta Braves
Palmer gets to bang Rebecca DeMornay repeatedly
He’s ok in my book.
MH: Alllllright. Good luck with him.
Rd. 9 - 1st - Lou Collins (Timothy Busfield) - Little Big League
MH: I needed a first baseman and it was either him or Rudi from Bad News Bears. While Rudi was probably smarter and could help me on the coaching front I felt I needed someone to bat over .024 to secure a superior lineup. Collins was a Chicago Cub and as we know Cubs simply refuse to lose. Oh and before I get emails I’d like to state I was kidding.... my sarcasm flies over many an emailers head.
LH: I don’t think Huckaby has any room to talk about my picks after drafting Timothy Busfield. I’m in better shape than Timothy Busfield and I’m built like a cross between Arn Anderson and Louie Anderson. I think this guy does well to tie his shoes in the morning. Sure I might have a bunch of washed up drunks on my team, but nobody was in the cast of “Thirtysomething.” I know I’m commenting more on the actor than the player, but it’s Timothy Fuckin’ Busfield here. Seriously, do you want the guy who wanted to tear down the stadium in Field of Dreams on your baseball team?
Rd.9-DH-Clue Heywood (Peter Vuckovich)-Major League
LH: He’s the only guy on either team with real major league experience as Vuchovich was a real life MLB pitcher. Although in the movie he plays a tobacco spitting Indians killer of a slugger. He won the triple crown and leads the league in starting bench clearing brawls. Meet my chief motivator and Chapel slapper.
MH: Oh, I’m sorry. I thought this was a baseball movie draft and not a picking and choosing fest from the movie Major League. I’ll remember this in my future picks.
Rd. 10 - SS - Benny Rodriguez (Mike Vitar) - The Sandlot
MH: I’ll take young Benny from most 20-year-olds favorite baseball film The Sandlot. I know he’s young and inexperienced but we’re all hoping that one day he improves his skill and can become a Los Angeles Dodger. One day baby, one day.
LH: Huckaby’s love for little boys continue. At least you got a two sports superstar with Vitar having been in the Mighty Ducks too. Although I can like any film that has a direct quote from Cool Hand Luke in it. However, I don’t think any of my players would be intimidated by a snarling dog.
Rd.10-2b-Dennis Ryan (Frank Sinatra)-Take Me Out to the Ballgame
LH: Only I would have the Chairman of the Board on second. If a pitcher beamed him, he wouldn’t charge the mound. He would just have some buddies ice him. In the musical co-starring Gene Kelly as the shortstop, Ryan is the linchpin of one of the greatest triple play combinations in baseball at the turn of the 20th century. Sure we might have to catch him up to speed on a few things, but talent is talent.
MH: I hope you’re serving liquor in the dugout. Hell, I LOVE Dean Martin but I’m not about to pick him to play second base for what I considered to be a serious contest. You’re making me sick to my stomach Hayhurst... SICK... to my stomach. Sick. My stomach. *Pointing*
MH: Oh calm down, she’s not gonna play. I just need an assistant coach to sit on my lap while I coach. What? She’s what we in the industry call an “underaged dandy” (c) Stapes. You’ll also see no Kelly Leak on my team as I don’t want him taking her out to play air hockey or some such nonsense and stealing her away from the team. When we get married (remember she’s still 13 or 14) she’s the only women I’d let hyphenate her last name. Amanda Whurlitzer-Huckaby. That’s a sweet ass name right there.
LH: Your two ace pitchers are a boy and girl in the throws of puberty. Good move there, Huckaby. I can see Cerrano now passing notes between them in the dug out. Think if they have a fight and break up. Lawnmower is going to be balking all over the place due to teen angst. And your tween girl pitcher is tougher than your tween guy pitcher.
Rd.11-P-Chet “the Rocket” Steadman (Gary Busey)-Rookie of the Year
LH: I basically took him because I figure it would mess Huckaby up. He’s from Rookie of the Year and he’s Gary Busey. While the Rocket might not have the mustard as a starter anymore, I think he has the right makeup to be converted into a closer. As his fastball has lost its juice Steadman has mastered other pitches and is learning to rely on his veteran experience.
MH: I won’t argue about any pick of a fake Chicago Cub. You now have Tom Selleck, Frank Sinatra, Wesley Snipes, Kevin Costner, and Gary Busey on your team. If you can go two weeks without a huge drunken brawl I’ll give you guys a cookie. I won’t lie though, I’d love to go to a bar and drink it up with Selleck, Sinatra, and Busey. There’d be enough stories to finally fill lonely Hayhurst’s little black book.
Rd. 12 - C - Engelberg (Gary Lee Cavagnaro) - Bad News Bears
MH: Fine, I needed a catcher. Hayhurst asked me why I didn’t go Major League but I didn’t want to steal any more members of his ML/Drunks combo team. Engelberg was a strong catcher... he’ll bat ninth and I don’t know that he’d live through a home plate collision against Wesley Snipes or Gary Busey but he’s worth the risk. As the NBA draft guys always say, “tremendous upside.”
LH: If we’re comparing our picks to real life players I would see this is mini-John Kruk. At least you have a tank at home for those collision plays at the plate. However, I seriously doubt Engelberg’s ability to call a game. Then again, Amanda is used to him behind the plate and your other pitchers can only throw fast balls, so I guess it doesn’t really matter.
Rd.12-utility-Dottie Hinson (Geena Davis)-A League of Their Own
LH: I think any team could use a touch of femininity, but this is a gal who can hang with the guys on and off the field. It takes a tough chick to play catcher, but I think she has the right tools to be a utility infielder and a solid pinch hitter. Remember, there is no crying in baseball.
MH: After his pick I laughed and said he took a girl. His response? “you have 4 kids and a monkey on your team.” Touche Hayhurst, touche.
Rd. 13 - SP - Sammy Bodeen (Jeff Corbett) - Talent for the Game
MH: I needed another strong starting pitcher to help fill in my rotation and Bodeen was the perfect guy. Super strong arm, good head on his shoulders, and a standup member of society. Your team is already begging for a draw Hayhurst... can we call a ten run rule?
LH: I had him on my draft board too. Much like Nebraska, he has raw talent, but is still largely unproven. He is not going to be able to function with Engleberg as his catcher. Did he call for a curve or was he getting the attention of the hot dog man. Yet, if Edward James Olmos vouches for him who am I to say no.
Rd.13-P-Henry “Author” Wiggins (Michael Moriarty)-Bang the Drum Slowly
LH: How cool of a nickname is author for a pitcher? In the film, Wiggin is the star pitcher on a baseball team whose simple minded, yet kind catcher (Robert DeNiro) is dying and playing through his last season. While more of a disease of the week styled drama, you still get obligatory baseball scenes and Wiggin comes off as a solid pitcher with control and grit on his side. Not flashy, I think he would make a good middle reliever.
MH: When was this made, 1843? My guys have grown up with coaches and training, your guys had to take time out of their preparations to fight in the Civil War.
MH: Once again a guy that won’t play, but I needed a well spoken spark-plug on my team. Say what you will about your team being fighting machines Hayhurst but I’d take Tanner Boyle over any man you pick to battle it out with him. Tanner was feisty... you can’t train feisty. I genuinely think as an adult he’d cut your throat for stepping on his boot. God I love Tanner.
LH: I could predict this one for Huckaby. He’s a little boy that scratches and bites. He likes fight in his men. At least Tanner will be good for morale when he points out the ‘racial diversity’ of the team and the fact that Nebraska is a “booger eatin’ moron.” Cerrano will put a vodoo hex on him. I’m surprised you didn’t draft Lupus for the name value alone. Huckaby is ragging on me for drafting half the Indians from Major League and here he’s drafted half the Bad News Bears. Which team won a pennant, huh?
Rd.14-RF-Ben Williams (Matthew McConaughey)-Angels in the Outfield
LH: A great pick this late. Williams is a young, emerging hitter and glove. Having an angel rig your games doesn’t hurt, but Williams just needed a little burst to bring out his natural talents. And don’t think I didn’t have Tony Danza on my draft board from the movie. Who’s your boss?
MH: Disney? I hear Air Bud is available... Seventh Inning Fetch I believe was the title. Weren’t the Angels the worst team ever in that movie? He needed an angel to make him good... pick after pick you continue to insult this fake competition and I’m growing irritated.
MH: Another good young pitcher only continues to add to my dominance of your sissy nancy-boys.
LH: Great pick this late. The only reason I didn’t go for him is that he and Crash don’t get along the best. Again, you have a pitcher who shows a lot of potential, but he needs a better catcher behind the plate and time to mature. I just think the big difference is that I built a team for right now and Huckaby is building a team for the future. A future where the team has worn out their first razor.
Rd.15-RF-Charlie Snow (Richard Pryor)-Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars and Motor Kings
LH: The wiry and energetic Snow I think could find a place anywhere in the outfield. He’s a crafty smartass and a good contact hitter, so I like him for a pinch hitter late in games in order to push the team forward. Having a cut up in the dugout is important for morale. Well, it is in baseball movies.
MH: Fine, okay, I’ll give it to you. Your team has much cooler actors than mine does. It’s just too bad having kick ass actors on your team won’t translate into runs. I’d rather have Thomas Ian Nicholas tossing 110mph heat than have Richard Pryor running around with his big gay mustache snagging cans of corn.
Rd. 16 - Manager - Al (Christopher Lloyd) - Angels in the Outfield
MH: WOOOO, steal of the draft. Fine, he wasn’t a manager.... I don’t care. Can you even imagine Henry tossing his 110mph heat with a FRIGGIN’ ANGEL adding spin to it? Oh my god, you’re dead. You’re simply dead. If you can possibly argue that your team is better than mine you should be in some type of home for people that don’t think right.
LH: Ah, now it’s all clear to me. The only way Huckaby was going to win was to have an angel in his outfield. For all his swagger, he knows he’ll have to pray for wins. It’s interesting to note that Huckaby has a Christian angel and a highly evolved monkey on his team. Something there doesn’t mesh.
LH: I want a manager as hard drinking and shifty as the rest of my team. The standard for movie baseball managers are old, crusty types gnashing on a cigar and cussing players out. That’s Buttermaker to a T and he was a little league coach.
MH: I’m not going to argue with Buttermaker... he’s a horrible coach but even the greatest manager of all-time wouldn’t help you win. Atleast Buttermaker had fire and beer, two things you need to win anything in life.
Rd. 17 - #1 Fan - Gil Renard (Robert De Niro) - The Fan
MH: My miscellaneous pick goes to ol’ Gil who’s more than happy to kill on behalf of his team. If Sinatra starts going yard he won’t make it past the 4th inning.
LH: This is how desperate Huckaby is. Just in case God doesn’t do it, he’s got the devil backing him up. He’s got double divine intervention going on and would still lose by 6 runs to the Devil Rays. Look at my team. You don’t think Gary Busey could take a bullet. It would be three weeks before he even knew he was shot. He might take out Sinatra, but then his buddies would give him a room next to Jimmy Hoffa. Tom Selleck? That chest hair is like a coarse bullet proof vest. Wiggin would take one look at him and remember him as his retarded catcher.
Rd. 17-announcer-Harry Doyle (Bob Uecker)-Major League
LH: Screw it, I want an announcer as hard drinking and shifty as the rest of my team. Even though he’s isn’t on the field, Eucker was not only a real life baseball player, but a real life announcer too working with the Milwaukee Brewers. Just look at all the success they’ve had. Uh…maybe not. Doyle is no nonsense and tells it like it is.
MH: You win the announcers battle, I’ll give you that. I’ll love him saying “just a bit outside” every 2nd pitch when your horrible team fails miserably.
HAYHURST’S BATTING ORDER
Manager: Morris Buttermaker
Announcer: Harry Doyle
1) Willie Mays Hays-CF
2) Jack Elliot-1B
3) Roy Hobbs-LF
4) Clue Heywood-DH
5) Darryl Palmer-3B
6) Ben Williams-RF
7) Roger Dorn-SS
8) Dennis Ryan-2B
9) Crash Davis-C
(utility-Charlie Snow, Dottie Hinson)
Ace pitcher-Bingo Long
Closer-Chet Steadman
(other pitchers-Billy Chapel, Henry Wiggins)
Synopsis: Check out the power in the middle of the lineup. The two through six batters can all get you 40+ homers in a year. I put Heywood at cleanup, because Hobbs is a more intelligent base runner and patient at the plate. Heywood just clubs balls to the fences. Hays is a great lead off hitter thanks to his speed and base stealing abilities. The bottom of the order is a little iffy, but they’re veterans. If I have a big weakness it’s that I have an older team. Most of those guys have only about five years left in them at the most. Although I think that’s better than Huckaby’s team who hasn’t worn out their first razor yet, except the monkey. My team can drink Huckaby’s under the table and that is the most important thing.
HUCKABY’S BATTING ORDER
Manager: Al the Angel (Angels in the Outfield)
Bench Coach: Tanner Boyle (Bad News Bears)
Lap Coach: Amanda Whurlitzer (Bad News Bears)
#1 Fan: Gil Renard (The Fan)
2B 1. Ed the Monkey (Ed)
SS 2. Benny Rodriguez (Sandlot)
CF 3. Bobby Rayburn (The Fan)
3B 4. Alejandro Heddo (Rookie of the Year)
LF 5. Juan Primo (The Fan)
DH 6. The Whammer (The Natural)
RF 7. Pedro Cerrano (Major League)
1B 8. Lou Collins (Little Big League)
C 9. Engelberg (Bad News Bears)
SP - Henry Rowengartner (Rookie of the Year)
MRP - Sammy Bodeen (Talent for the Game)
SET - Nuke LaLoosh (Bull Durham)
CLO - Steve Nebraska (The Scout)
SNYOPSIS: What’s there to say? I got every single guy I wanted. Hayhurst can spin and spin like a good politician but just look above.... look at it. Those 3-7 spots in the lineup are automatic runs and everyone else is a great roleplayer. My pitching? Flawless. Rowengartner will get the ball to go 6 or 7 and then it’s time for a bullpen that would shut the door on the great teams of the 20th century. I really don’t know what I’m supposed to say, it’s like writing a ten page thesis paper on why breathing is good. It’s too obvious to make any sense and it just comes across as filler.
